Does your significant other need to be into horses for the relationship/marriage to work?

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

I’m an amateur and DH and I have a small farm. He has his own all consuming career (aviation) that is also a major part of his identity, and I have supported that throughout our marriage. It’s part of his DNA. Hard to explain. But I think that’s a major reason he supports the horses so much. He understands having a “thing” that is bigger than just a hobby.

One thing that really helps with farm life is how much he loves doing outdoor projects and maintenance when he’s home and not traveling. He’s just like that. He enjoys tasks and projects… he’s not really into fancy vacations, etc. Neither am I. So we do a lot of maintenance together, and that works for us. It’s nice to accomplish something major, and then sit in the yard and enjoy a cold beer together. Or share a cup of coffee in the morning while bringing horses in for breakfast.

So I don’t think someone necessarily needs to be into riding, but they have to be a good fit for the lifestyle. DH likes the owning aspect of our farm. He loves owning land and doing all our own mowing. We’ve had a great pro showing a young horse for us this year, and he’s really enjoyed that as well. We can be at the show together then, and I can talk to him in detail about things as we watch the horse go, and that’s its own sort of shared fun. Our daughter is also showing more this year, and it’s wonderful to watch her together, and share in that.

[NancyM]

My DH went to farrier school, and became a competent farrier. But he was not raised with horses, and never really got into riding them (though he did try it for a while). He is no longer a farrier. But now he is a mountain bike rider. This is something he is passionate about now. And I try to be as supportive as possible. I have no wish to ride mountain bikes. He has no wish to ride horses. Occasionally, I can ask him for advice about horse’s feet. And he can tell me about mountain bike trail building, and rocketing off the top of burm jumps at speed. It works.

[cattywampus]

I hope not! My husband is not into horses (he doesn’t enjoy moving animals and heavy objects around at early hours), but he’s stuck around for 15 years and he’ll feed the old age pensioners when I go out of town with the ponies.

He doesn’t want to GO to events with me, but he’s driven 8 hours with a tool box when my truck broke down, and he’ll do the annual maintenance on the carriages.

Early in our marriage, he learned to ride and we got him a horse, did some hunter paces and a lot trail rides. He even took dressage lessons. When we had to euthanize his horse his involvement stopped --he doesn’t like horses in general. He just liked Vern.

[2DogsFarm]

@trakehners

Really I think the trick is just that you (general) have to find someone who is a whole person with their own identity outside of the relationship

THIS X 1ZILLION
DH never begrudged me any time I spent outside of being a couple.
He eventually took up riding & even when we showed together, still had separate interests outside of the horses.
The only thing he might not have gone along with was moving to acreage where we could have horses at home.
He had his own business, established long before we met, in the city we lived in.
Asking him to relocate at least an hour away from there would have been too great an Ask, so I didn’t.
I’ll never know if he’d have made the sacrifice, as he died & 2yrs later I made the move.

[SillyHorse]

@GraceLikeRain

Most pros I know don’t have a husband that rides but the happiest ones have ag-friendly types who enjoy farm life or are so exceedingly wealthy that they are happy to outsource everything.

This is my trainer. Her SO is a pilot and away for periods of time, sometimes a few days, sometimes a few weeks, or anything in between. He doesn’t ride, but he’s handy and enjoys being at the farm (they live there) when he’s not flying, helping out where and how he can.

[Words_of_Wisdom]

This is absolutely the key, in my experience.
My husband has his passion, I have mine.
We both agreed early on that neither was negotiable, and that it was important to us that we are supportive of each other’s passions.

[GraceLikeRain]

@cattywampus

Early in our marriage, he learned to ride and we got him a horse, did some hunter paces and a lot trail rides. He even took dressage lessons. When we had to euthanize his horse his involvement stopped --he doesn’t like horses in general. He just liked Vern.

Oh that got me in the feels. Bless the good horses that open doors for seasons of life.

[aGoodHoss23]

What’s DH and YMMV?

[aGoodHoss23]

What is a DH?

[StarPattern]

When I met my now-husband, he wasn’t really “into” horses. He liked them, he rode a little as a kid, but that was the extent of his experience with them. Once he got involved with me, he started learning about them because I was always around them and he wanted to learn about the things that made me happy. He liked being around them, it reminded him of being a kid and riding around and he was happy to be able to get back to it - his ex wife would never allow him to do stuff like that; her entire priority of his life was to make sure he worked 80-100 hours a week to afford family vacations. He wasn’t allowed to have hobbies of his own, really, unless she approved of them.

Long story short, he now owns three horses of his own and spends just as much time with them as I do. We have a regular “date” to the local horse auctions every month and we’ve built our lives around the horses.

However, liking horses doesn’t make or break the relationship. I’d still be with him if he didn’t like horses, all I ask is a partner supports my hobbies and lets me be excited about them, even if they aren’t.

[StarPattern]

Dear Husband, if you’re using the term while in a good mood.

Dead Husband if you’re really upset. LOL.

[findeight]

YMMV literally Your mileage may vary as displayed with fuel mileage per gallon.

We use to mean your experience/results may differ from whatever is described in the thread. We also use IMO in my opinion and IME in my experience.

[BeeHoney]

A good marriage is based on things other than whether or not both spouses share the same profession or hobby. Things like communication, fairness, having a mutual mindset, and being sensitive and considerate to each other.

I will say, though, that if things aren’t going well in a marriage, an equine hobby or profession is an easy target to blame. Also, if things aren’t going well in a marriage, retreating into an equine hobby or profession can be a way to avoid the issues.

[LCDR]

We were together 20 years before we both started riding. It’s been another 38 years since then. It helps having a common horse passion, but there is way more to a long life with a partner than that.

Now, I will admit that during the pandemic lockdown it was nice to live on a horse farm. Each of us always had a separate building allowing for alone time .

[islgrl]

Not a pro but very deeply involved in horses. My husband has ZERO interest in horses. However, we are both fairly independent people so the fact that I’m at the barn for hours every day doesn’t seem to phase him a bit. I occasionally talk to him about the horses but I can assure you he isn’t listening although he does grunt in response now and then. He never comes to shows or clinics. I don’t think he could pick my horse out of a line up. He has come up, when I’ve needed help at the barn putting in a fence or something and can’t find a barn mate to help. It works fine…

[aregard]

Not a pro, but I was very involved in Pony Club organizing for several years, and thus my extra time was spent largely on the horse world.

In addition, I’m wildly allergic – to hays, to dust, to animals. I am completely miserable to live with much of the pollen-producing year, and virtually any time I spend around animals. My man has put up with a lot!!

35 mumble mumble years together?

We had two kids in Pony Club, and my DH was an absolute champ. He did the feeding, he did most of the mucking (supposedly in the company of our daughters who were supposed to participate, but often not.) He stacked hay. He’d tack up for the girls and take their horses down to the school for the just-after-school lesson timing. He felt Pony Club was a very good discipline and experience for them.

He had his own rather time-intensive pursuits, and I think he looked upon the horse time/activity as exercise. At one point, he rode a bit, played cowboy polo, but got tired of falling off and having to buy rounds of beer. Promised when we retired he’d go trail riding with me, but a couple rides before he got his hip replaced convinced him golf was a better choice. He’s got a new hip now, and his excuse is he doesn’t want to fall on it. But that’s about the only promise he’s broken.

I don’t know if he ever resented this arrangement: he certainly has never said, nor has he complained. He lived in a household with kids and pets and livestock, and did most of the heavy lifting. But he has said if I were not into animals (dogs, cats, chickens, geese, horses), he would never have a pet. Ever. So he would be happy if I quit acquiring live things.

He’s 73 this year. He had no idea at all, those XX years ago, that horses would be a lifelong involvement.

[Demerara_Stables]

I’m a pro with a non horsey DH, together for 12 years, married for 6. I agree with what others have said - if they have their own friends/hobbies/busy job then they are less likely to be perturbed by your long hours at the barn. I actively encourage DH to go to poker nights, work dinners, and drinks with friends because I know I’m always working late (or early) and I want him to not get bitter about that (I have no friends to have drinks or dinner with except clients ).

He is incredibly supportive of me and my business, financially supporting me getting off the ground with “investments” (not in the money returning sense, as we all know) in horse flesh, real estate, and equipment. He also enjoys dragging the ring, figuring out random problems I don’t have time to solve, and feeding the crew when I travel. He’s become a hell of a horse show groom, too.

Before I went back to training from a corporate job, his job was 80 hour weeks and I supported him the best I could at that point. In any relationship, it’s give and take and never just 50/50.

His dream now is for my business to get big enough to pay the bills so he can retire early and just feed carrots all day. Hope I can do that for him!