Does your significant other need to be into horses for the relationship/marriage to work?

[aGoodHoss23]

I’ve heard other horse people say that it will never work unless your significant other is just as into horses as you are. But I know there are plenty of those who are married to someone who isn’t into it, but they somehow make it work. That being said, note that I am not necessarily only referring to amateurs in this context. I’m moreso referring to professionals, and I think that’s what the person who said that was referring to as well. If you’re working in the industry as a pro, can you realistically maintain a relationship with someone who isn’t that into horses?

What are your thoughts?

[trakehners]

I’m a single Pringle so can’t really speak to it from personal experience, but: my trainer is married to a non-horse person. The boarders at my barn who are married/in serious relationships are all involved with non-horse people. So far the common denominator appears to be that all of those people also have their own thing that takes up time so they can understand and appreciate the dedication required (and can take advantage of barn time to go do that thing).

Really I think the trick is just that you (general) have to find someone who is a whole person with their own identity outside of the relationship, such that you can be intentional with your time together but not begrudge each other the time to do what matters to you personally either.

[RMJacobs]

Not a professional, but I’ll respond anyway. My DH likes horses well enough, but not enough to want to do all the work. However, he knew I was passionate about them, so he suggested we buy acreage, get some horses, and he would do all the care. That is love! I worked crazy hours, I’m disabled, and would never have been able to have horses at home without him doing it all. He was a stay at home dad, and said he could take care of them. He did a great job, and the horses worshipped him.

Rebecca

[atr]

What really helps is to have a self-sufficient partner who has their own passion. And to be prepared to support them and their passion as much as you expect them to support you in yours.

Make time for your loved ones and be interested in their lives.

[RemarkableOwl21]

I’ve been married 15 years to a non-horsey guy. Sure, I wish he was into horses a bit more, but he supports me doing my horse thing and that is enough. He doesn’t get too annoyed when I’m at the barn for 3 hours multiple times per week and he is looking after our child solo. He listens to my horse stories and horse-related trials and tribulations. He asks how the horse is doing. He doesn’t complain about the horse bills. He DOES complain about my horse stuff stinking up the car and me tracking dirt into the car, but I will settle for a mostly-supportive non-horsey partner.

[walktrot]

Single, so I can’t speak from experience. 25 years ago you had your had your engagement photo printed on the social page in the local paper. Mom sent me one of a woman, her appy geldlng,and her fiance. Horse was in the middle, of course. Her note said “he doesn’t know what kind of trouble he was in.” She and the horse were cheek to cheek and she had a huge grin on her face. That gave her away.

[Syrynx]

I’m the only one at my barn with a DH who rides pretty seriously (not a pro but it is basically our lifestyle). There is a mother and adult daughter whom I’ve known for 5+ years and I have never met their spouses even at the many shows we’ve been to together. And then there are others who SO’s come up from time to time, or all the time.

Like everything in this world, it depends on the person or in forum terms, YMMV.

[Foxglove]

DH has his cars, I have my horses. We support each other’s hobbies. Currently there is only one fox hunting couple at my hunt club --husband and wife. Otherwise, they have supportive non-horse involved spouses like mine. DH is helpful when I need him to be --feeds for me when I am short on time or in the winter when it is really cold and I want to get the barn chores done in 1/2 the time. I attend car shows with him and use my little hands to polish the chrome on his intricate wheels before said car show. I prefer he NOT attend Mounted Archery venues --I need to concentrate on what I am doing and while well-meaning, he seems to ask questions [where’s the water? did you bring sunscreen?] or offer advice [you are shooting too high, raise your elbow] when I would really prefer to be in the “zone” and shooting. He does love the social life of the hunt club though --always willing to attend the parties!!

We have been married and had cars/horses for 48 years.

[GraceLikeRain]

DH is actively not a horse person and actively a me person. If it matters to me it matters to him. I’m never going to get him on a horse but he’s going to help with trailering, wiring cameras, etc.

For a pro especially, the hours can be onerous and off of a typical 8-5. I think it’s important to find someone who is self sufficient, has their own hobbies, and wants to see you happy. They also need to have really strong communication skills because friction is inevitable and needs to be addressed quickly because it’s not just your hobby but your livelihood.

Most pros I know don’t have a husband that rides but the happiest ones have ag-friendly types who enjoy farm life or are so exceedingly wealthy that they are happy to outsource everything.

[Bogey2]

Not if he plays golf LOL

[sophie]

Married for 34 years.
DH isn’t into horses.
Before getting married I told him I would rather get a horse than an engagement ring ( more accurately, I told him If you get me a ring I will sell it to buy a horse), so he definitely knew what he was getting into, haha.
DH is amazing. He put up with me all these years when I was showing and he had the kids…I love him.

[findeight]

Having known many horse gals married to non horse guys and those married to horse guys? Seems, IME, the non horsey spouse ends up being more supportive, especially if they have their own serious hobbies.

You know the saying “Horse people, two people, three opinions”. Squeeze that into a marriage.

[luvmyhackney]

This. My significant other is into golf, he spends copious amounts of time on the course and supports me on my horse journey. We each have our own hobbies and independent activities but share kid responsibilities.

The most my husband does is share a beer with the horses or take his friends out to feed some carrots. He can somewhat put a halter on. He is interested in learning to ride, but riding lessons happen to be at the same time as golf lessons, so guess which one wins?

[Sabino]

About 2 years into our marriage, we had moved out to a rural area and I would ride with our neighbors pretty frequently. He knew I really, really, really wanted a horse. So he bought 2 with the thought that it’d be something we would do together. A 2 year old unbroke mare and her 3 year old full sister…(that’s a whole 'nother story). After riding a LOT together, maybe 6 or 7 years in, his horse had to be retired (lameness that was never figured out) so we just kept my mare. Farah made it to 22 before I had to euth her for pretty severe arthritis in her knees. But for all those years, it was just me riding. He fishes, he hunts, he golfs, he has a life of his own. I bought another mare a year after Farah died and Faith and I have spent the last 2 years riding without the husband and we are all very happy with the arrangement.

[Knubbsy]

@trakehners

Really I think the trick is just that you (general) have to find someone who is a whole person with their own identity outside of the relationship, such that you can be intentional with your time together but not begrudge each other the time to do what matters to you personally either.

/\ This.
My spouse of 13 years doesn’t ride (last time they were in the saddle was a trail ride on our honeymoon) but they played sports seriously when they were younger and are very invested in their hobbies AND they appreciate that I have something I’m passionate about and am still invested in despite my job, my volunteer obligations, etc. Some “training” was needed about what kind of support I like (do ask about how my lesson went; it’s okay to have an opinion about how much bling is on my helmet when asked, don’t offer unsolicited advice on equid medical issues, etc) but every relationship needs to establish expectations of each other.

My trainer is married to another professional. My takeaway from seeing that relationship from the outside is that the most significant potential conflict in a horse-person-to-horse-person marriage is that you’re going to have two strong opinions on everything, especially horses (show me a horse professional who doesn’t have strong opinions/strong personalities, even the “she’s the nicest person ever” professionals).

[MsM]

The biggest problems I have seen are when the woman becomes a rerider after marriage. If SO wasnt prepared for what horses can mean in terms of time and cost, it can cause real friction.

[jonquil]

Not at all. My husband’s main take on horses is “They’re so big!”. He will come to the barn with me when I need him, but mainly I have my sport and he has his, and it works very well.

[HorseLover65]

I just left a 10 year relationship because he could not wrap his head around how important horses were to me. He has many hobbies - hunting, fishing, motorcycling, etc. I have one hobby. He appreciated the fact I supported (and encouraged) his hobbies. However, he was jealous of the time I spent at the barn riding. I didn’t need him to be a horse lover or want to spend all his time with me at the barn. I just needed his to support/encourage my hobby. For reference, I was riding two days per week and both of our sons are grown and out of the house. I wasn’t dodging other responsibilities when I went to the barn.

[Cowboy_Girl]

If you are both into horses its actually harder. Spouse is a pro, I work full time and am a dedicated ammy.
Everything is horses 24-7, all free time and almost all disposable income gets poured back into the barn, farm maintenance, trucks, trailers, suppliers and service providers. Its almost impossible to have a together vacation that’s longer than 48 hours (despite round bale feeders and 300 gal water tanks.) Your home is purposefully smaller so that there is less to maintain and clean. A new saddle comes before a new (used) sofa. You can’t imagine the quantity of boots in my house!
And I wouldn’t change a thing.

[Incantation]

My DH is a beginner rider who hasn’t wanted to ride in years. We own a farm and he has helped with some projects - fencing, clearing brush, and such.
Since I only have 2 equines ATM, he horse sits the one that is left behind when I go off the property. He does a lot of yard work where the horse can see him, and feeds lunch.
When I ride a young/green horse here, he will come out to the arena and hang out in case I need any help. If I get my filly competing next year, he will come to the shows and be a groom (my critters consider his official title to be “treat boy” ).
Would it be nice if he was more into riding - absolutely, but I wouldn’t trade him.