Dog Park Etiquette

[Jeb]

OK, I have a real problem. I just moved into a new neighborhood and found a new dog park just down the street. Around 6pm, all the neighbors bring their dogs out, with beverages in hand…it’s really a social gathering type thing.

So, my dog Loulou (a 7 year old brindle English Boxer) runs out to play with the other dogs and the owners all grab the their pets like she is the Creature from the Black Lagoon. One lady shreiks: “boy or girl?” to which I calmly reply: “umm…I’m a boy, she’s a girl.” Then, she relays to the others, “its okay, she’s a girl!” Wassup with all that? Then, this other lady says to her dog, “it’s okay, you are STILL alpha female, Shirley.” I wanted to bust out laughing at these morons!

This clique appears to be quite important, right up there with the Trilateral Commission, the Junior League, or The Masons. They won’t let Loulou play with their dogs, and when she ran after a tennis ball thrown for another dog, an audible gasp was evident from the gallery.

I’m afraid poor Loulou will suffer some psychological setbacks from these Mini-Van driving, chardonnay sipping, Sam’s Club shopping social climbers and their little dogs, too!

I’ve tried to give Loulou the best upbringing, sent her to the best schools (Hockaday, Bryn Mawr, and her junior year abroad), a wonderful debutante season (she wowed them in Charleston with her perfectly executed Texas Dip!), etc. My hope is that she will meet a nice King Charles Spaniel with a good dot-com portfolio.

Whatever should I do?? Your help will be greatly appreciated. I’d like to inform these yahoos that my board bill is higher than their mortgages, but that wouldn’t be very nice, huh?

[Heidi]

Attendants (all swarthy and male, BTW) at my side, I am aswoon that you’d unleash such vitriol, Mr. Robby, soon-to-be-my-Elton.

Leash-free parks - I have a most splendid one across from my house where the glorious Lake Ontario sprawls before me, the CN Tower visible, sailboats dotting the lake; where men with small penises like to preen with their untrained, incorrigible, and utterly vicious dogs.

At heart, I’m a Jack Russell - small and frenetic, but with a vicious bite. I’m starting to feel like the Chyna of leash-free parks.

[Inverness]

I shudder to think what would happen if I brought my favorite mutt to this soiree.

[DMK]

Oh Jeb, I don’t want to horrify you with the awful plight of the poor baby quiches… I had NO idea you were a quiche rights activist.

I’m not sure I personally can contemplate the horrors of a crowd that does not recognize a good bottle of KJ, unless of course, it is because they prefer Cakebread or Toasted Head. On the other hand, if they are not the KJ or better yet, Cakebread crowd, I can recommend several brands of “Wine in a Box” that may appeal to them…

Also, if they are also quiche rights activists, maybe you can buy several boxes from Sams and in an act of kindness, let them free on the levee, whilst you sip your tumblers of boxed wine?

[Anyplace_Farm]

DMK - you are just so well read on so many things, aren’t you? Let’s see, I have gone to you on advice on my OTTB and now, when I throw my little fete for the girls, I can give you a call for ideas for the wine list. I love this board!

[Trooper]

Did you know that the '80’s slogan “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche” was an early front for the Quiche Protection movement?

One must wonder if all those who claim that terrorizing poor little quiches in the name of “interesting hors d’oeuvres” or “fabulous finger food” have any idea of the devastating effect such early removal from one’s parents really has on such a young morsel.

For heavens sake, lets put a stop to such a horror - write your Congressman, get the Junior League to take them out of their cook-books - do they even understand the terror they propogate with such things?

[Jeb]

Gyyahhhh! Now the lemons! This board is such a downer…everyday, more bad news. Please don’t tell me about raisins, carrot juice, beet pulp, bran mash, portabello mushrooms (the veal of the vegetable world), etc.

I’m going to start eating 350 Flinstones Vitamins a day…and that’s all.

[elghund]

The proper way to eat an easter bunny is to remove the eyes, so they can’t identify you. Then you eat the ears so that they can’t you comming. Then you eat their feet so they can’t run away.

As far as marshmellow chicks are concerned…

[ClemsonGraduateRider]

Well Duffy this all depends on what kind of prestige you want your dog park to carry. We could offer a club section and then possible some luxury suites and then of course we must offer a locker room with the utmost ammenities (after all who wants their little doggies going home all sweaty and unshowered, and we all know that a good post-workout stretch is essential!!)

If we choose to offer the highest quality of dog-park you can assure that we may charge membership fees and in that case accept only the most cultured dogs.

We can invite the initial gathering and then work on a referral (with interview of course) from the initial invitees!!

Ooh I’m getting all worked up thinking about it!! (and we would have to decide of course where our procedes would go . . . to the Save the Baby Quiches campaign or the Save the Peeps campaign!!)

[Regalmeans]

Thanks for bringing this back up - I think I missed it the first time around!

Sarah * AKA “Regal’s Person”

[DMK]

sly dog, eh? no pun intended, I am quite sure

[Jeb]

DMK - box-o-wine, probably right on the money there.

As for activism…here’s my battle cry:

“What do we want?” QUICHE RIGHTS!!
“When do we want it?” AFTER BRUNCH!!

[Portia]

Jeb, I applaude you for what I believe may well be the first mention of the Trilateral Commission on this BB.

If only Loulou were male and had gone to Yale, he might have had the honor of being in Skull & Bones. However, I believe her status as a Kappa sister (or was she perhaps a Theta or Tri-Delt?), with it’s virtual guarantee of eventual full membership in the Junior League, should be enough to give her entree to the correct places. Perhaps she just needs to do some fashionable charity work – maybe throw a Tea to raise awareness of the need for new landscaping at the Civic Center?

[This message has been edited by Portia (edited 10-12-2000).]

[sprite]

We have a newly opened dog park in out area…went there ( for the 3rd time) on Monday, and was confronted with a lady with a strange haircut and mustache who asked everyone that came in “Is this your first time ?” hmmmnnnn…first time doing WHAT? exactly, lol. Then this other woman says, with fear in her voice, “Oh, is that a Doberman?” ummmm, no, its a german shorthair, and they look NOTHING alike. i wish somebody WOULD bring the Kendall- Jackson, although with the hangover i got from chardonnay on friday maybe thats not such a good idea

[DMK]

OK, but I guess we won’t go into the little known plight of the endangered vitamins, which are hunted down by rare vitamin-sniffing goats?

And the machine that presses them into Barney Rubbles? gasp (I’ve heard the Wilma one is more humane)

[rescuemom]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Portia:
[B]Does it make it better that we give the fruits and vegetables plenty of poo to eat while they’re growing?[B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

But of course it does! That means we’re using recycling, or manure management, or whatever the politically correct phrase du jour is.
Mama’s little vegetables love horse poo, horse poo
Mama’s little veggies love equine doo

I love my Peeps soft and squishy, but I’ll be glad to send ya all the ones that get crusty before I get to them!

[This message has been edited by rescuemom (edited 10-13-2000).]

[Portia]

Massage therapy, Clemson, don’t forget the massage therapy!

[Tosca]

A couple years ago my family had this huge bad as$ looking Doberman. People would cross the street to avoid walking by us. But the truth was that Desmo was one of the most sweetest, playful and harmful dogs ever. It gave us all a big kick seeing other people’s reactions. Anyways we went to visit my aunt who lived in a very elite neighborhood, complete with dog park. She suggested we take Desmo there for a run and a swim. Well we take him there, let him off the leash and all hell breaks loose. He runs up to a dog, tail wagging as friendly as you please and some horrified looking woman runs up and scoops up her dog, yelling at poor Desmo to leave her little baby alone. So he goes to play with another dog-same reaction, this time people all over are scooping up their dogs, tut-tutting, and sending us dirty looks muttering things like “the nerve…” and “the things they let in this place now…” Next this Jack Russel escapes from his owner’s clutches and comes bounding up to Desmo, barking his head off. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Desmo just stares. The Jack Russel proceeds to hurl himself upon Desmo’s neck and hang on with his teeth. Desmo goes iy iying around the lake with the little &^%* still hanging off of him. Finally the dog lets go and Desmo runs up to us with his tail between his legs, cowering. We promptly left after a few choice word’s to the JR’s owner. It was a terrible, if slightly humourous experience but I will never go to a dog park again!

[B.G.M_heidi]

Better yet, take your non-Jack Russell (in our case a Lab puppy) to an ‘A’ show and watch the expression of horror and pity spread across people’s faces, as they’re bitten in the ankle by their lovely critters.

My favourite contemplation has been to muse, “you see that Hannovarian who just won the high prelim class, he costs more than your house.”

[DMK]

Jeb… first… ROTFLMAO… second… I strongly recommend the Piggly Wiggly box brand