Is it so bad to take a break from riding or going to the barn even if I have a horse?
I’m just gonna leave it at that. I don’t know what else to say, but riding stresses me out and it isn’t enjoyable anymore. Just wondering what other people’s experiences have been.
It’s not bad at all, but it will help if you can pinpoint the reason it’s not enjoyable anymore.
If it’s your horse/trainer/barn, you can (relatively) easily change the situation (sell the horse, find a new trainer/barn, etc.) Life is too short to be spending massive amounts of money on a horse, trainer or barn you don’t enjoy. Selling a horse or changing trainers/barns can often feel like one of those huge, life changing decisions and many people are too intimidated to make it happen. But the people who go through with it nearly unanimously agree that it was less of a huge, terrible thing they anticipated and they feel like totally different people once the weight is off their shoulders.
If it’s nothing as specific as that, maybe you just need a break. Are there some juniors at your barn who can hack your horse for you? Would you consider leasing him/her out for a few months? Maybe a little time off will give you time to evaluate if you’re in the right situation, discipline, even sport.
As long as your horse is getting cared for and exercised you don’t have anything at all to feel guilty about.
Not sure of your age but a lot of the adults I have ridden with over the years took time off - mostly around winter when it’s miserable out or occasionally in the summer if they were traveling for long vacations etc. I think it’s fairly common. My trainer would always comment that they came back “better than ever” so the breaks must have been good for them.
As for the horse - as long as he’s either given time off completely/brought back slowly or left in a program with someone else riding for a bit to keep him fit - they don’t seem to mind either 
I think the biggest thing is money. I’m in college and my parents care for the horse financially which I am grateful for, but I feel like it is a waste if I don’t enjoy it. All I can think about when riding is how expensive it is and how I’m never going to be able to afford it on my own. I expressed these feeling when I was home from break, which made my dad incredibly angry because we had already arranged the horse to be moved to school out of state with me. What I enjoyed most about riding were the friends I had (who then ditched me) and competing (which I don’t have the money for). It’s hard for me to see through social media those friends competing and having fun with their horses while I’m crying at the thought of going to the barn.
I would love to lease my horse out. I actually really like the barn I’m at now but I don’t know the trainer. I’ve had this horse for close to 7 years and there’s been many times when I’ve wanted to sell him. I just don’t know if I could go through with it. My dad said he would “retire” the horse if I didn’t want him after college, but he’ll only be 13 so I feel like it would be a waste, plus it makes me feel like a failure to be relying on my parents for money.
I am an adult trying to enjoy my 2 horses and just seem to not be able to. Not sure why. You are not alone. I have barely been at the barn all winter. I really just go once a week or two and pull blankets off to check their weights, then switch blankets if needed, give them kisses and treats and head on out. I also have not been to tack store in forever. < this is most telling that there seems to be an issue!!! LOL
I pay for everything myself. I am single without any prospects on the horizon so one would think that with no prior engagements I would be there all the time!
I’m also not sure what has caused this but I am taking advantage of the crappy winter to take a break, give the boys a chance to be just horses and will revisit my feeling in the spring.
I also love my barn, the people there and my boys are the happiest they have ever been.
I feel the same as you when I am flipping through all the pictures on FB that my friends post. Maybe it is because I don’t have access to an indoor or a trailer. I don’t know.
But for now I am chalking it up to winter depression and hope it will turn around in the summer.
You are not alone that is for sure!!
It sounds like you are at a bit of cross-roads and, unfortunately, there is probably not a quick and easy solution.
Depending on your horse, I agree that 13 is probably too young to retire unless there is some mental/physical reason. And you probably need to discuss this more with your father.
That said, to be honest, I don’t think you want to give up riding. I think you miss your friends that you said have ditched you. Do not get rid of your horse for this reason. You will make more friends and what you feel now will likely pass. If you want to take a break, give your horse a month or two off. Go out and visit him and see if you can recapture some of the reasons why you wanted a horse all those years ago. If you still feel the same at the end of the school year, I would talk to your parents and point out that you don’t want to continue to spend their money by supporting something you don’t enjoy anymore. Listen to what they say and proceed accordingly.
Good luck and know that this is one of those situations where time is going to help you sort it out.
[QUOTE=superD;7395845]
…
I also love my barn, the people there and my boys are the happiest they have ever been.
I feel the same as you when I am flipping through all the pictures on FB that my friends post … But for now I am chalking it up to winter depression and hope it will turn around in the summer.
You are not alone that is for sure!![/QUOTE]
And this is exactly what I go through most years around this time when the weather turns really cold. I give my horse 6 to 8 weeks on a reduced work schedule (1 to 2 times a week) which may include a couple of weeks off. It makes both of us infinitely happier come March when the weather turns better and the show season starts. As it turns out, I’m lucky that this is also my busy season at work so a break from the barn lets me focus on my career, which makes me feel less guilty about taking a break.
I’m selling my horse due to money problems also. I just dont enjoy riding anymore and rather go to the movies or shopping or something.
I took several breaks in the last 40+ years. Money was one of several reasons in each instance. I took my last break 3 years ago and couldn’t be happier. I love having the extra money, and more importantly the extra time as well as the lack of commitment to a specific animal. I still enjoy keeping in the loop about horsey activities and going to the occasional show or clinic to spectate or audit but I’m not in any hurry to go back to riding. Don’t feel guilty about not wanting to ride.
Tox, is it just the thought of going to the barn that makes you sad? Do you have a good time once you get there or does being at the barn make you sad too? Are you anxious about going other places or is it just the barn that causes this reaction?
Have you thought about trying something new with your horse, giving yourself some new challenges? Try a new discipline or two, get out on the trails, sometimes a change is as good as a break…
I have done it twice
after college took a short break then started back. I rode for about 10 years then was off 10 years.
a few years ago I hung it up for good. I am at a point that looking at retirement means shoving as much money into 401k as I can. I could no longer justify the money output when I was facing a future of self support
I have ridden hunters and Dressage and don’t regret my decision. I have had excellent adventures since selling my horse and have managed to put away a nice nest egg.
I will always consider myself a horsewoman and I think I could find myself with a little horse that needs an upgrade to pasture puff paradise in the future.
there are many ways to fill the horsy void without actually having or riding a horse. For me it was scribing at dressage shows. I sat with many wonderful judges from around the world. I developed a very close friendship with Victor Hugo Vidal which I shall always treasure. I learned a ton.
OP - I totally understand. I’m a bit at a similar place for different reasons…
If I were you, I’d get to know the trainer at current barn. Ask him/her to help you find a lease arrangement (of which there are a bunch of permutations) and go from there. Personally I’d think about something close to a full lease, (ie they pay all expenses) but maybe keep the term to 6 months, so that you can change your mind a little sooner if you want. That way you’d also get the cost burden off your parents for a time. Good luck w/ your decision.
It sounds to me like you are overthinking this a little. I don’t see any reason you shouldn’t enjoy your horse without worrying about what is going to happen in the future or mourning your old friendships which maybe weren’t the greatest if those “friends” ended up ditching you.
I guess the question is, do you enjoy riding for the sheer fun of it and the enjoyment of the company of your horse? Or was it a part of something else and now that that something else is gone it no longer interests you? If you do truly enjoy horses and riding, then I would try to find a way to accept that your life has changed and that your riding experience is going to be different too. Try to get to know some of the other folks at the barn. Go out for a trail ride.
If you find you just aren’t interested any more, then by all means lease out the horse and don’t feel guilty about it. Horses are a hugely expensive undertaking and it probably is lucky to not be obsessed with them.
I was afraid of missing riding in college. I joined the IHSA team, but we leased out my horse and I had to leave my barn at home that I LOVED. But when the opportunity came for me to take on a project, I realized I didn’t want the horse. I don’t want any pressure to ride however many days a week, I don’t want midnight colic phone calls. I want to take my IHSA lesson with my college friends, put the horse away, and go home. That was a very weird realization for me because I was extremely dedicated in high school. If I decide I can’t live without horses? I’ll work with them. But that’s not where I’m headed.
Lease your horse out, see what it’s like to be horseless, since you haven’t been horseless for long time (maybe ever?). No harm done if your horse is leased.
[QUOTE=canadianbacon;7395969]
Tox, is it just the thought of going to the barn that makes you sad? Do you have a good time once you get there or does being at the barn make you sad too? Are you anxious about going other places or is it just the barn that causes this reaction?
Have you thought about trying something new with your horse, giving yourself some new challenges? Try a new discipline or two, get out on the trails, sometimes a change is as good as a break…[/QUOTE]
I feel guilty that I don’t want to deal with my horse, hence the crying.
It depends on the day whether or not being at the barn is a positive or negative experience. My horse lost a shoe Friday before a three day weekend which pissed me off, but when he finally got it put back on, we had a fantastic ride. Then this Friday I tried going on a trail ride but had to cross a creek to get to the trail I haven’t been on yet and he had a massive hissy fit about it and never made it to the other side. All I could think was, “why do I own such a dumb animal…”
Also, he’s on and off NQR in the hind end, and this has been going on for years, $1000s in diagnostics and treatments that have never worked, so I’m in constant fear that he’s going to break down at any moment. I check his legs everyday but I don’t know what to do about anything I find. I feel so helpless and that I’m crippling him with every ride…and all I do is walk around the farm because of my crap riding skills.
Actually, I’m thinking about trying eventing because my school has an eventing club where members get discounts to clinics. I know a girl that has trailer and would be willing to haul my horse for these sorts of things but I can’t spend money on fun stuff without an income. Maybe in the fall.
Don’t be the friend that does the ditching, especially on a 13 year old animal in this economy and in the middle of winter. Just about everyone who has been at this for a while occasionally needs a break, so take one now. 21+ years of horse ownership, and only one year of it in a full board situation, talking to you here. I bought my first horse while I was in college, as well as my second one and I footed the bill for them both while out on my own. Even if it means the horse moves out of state with you and you don’t ride him, take him along anyway. Your parents are adults, let them do the worrying about their financials. You take the break, keep an eye on making sure he is cared for, and give it awhile before you revisit the idea of enjoying him again.
Not bad to take a break from riding, but bad to neglect your horse.
Enjoy going to the barn a few times a week, giving your horse a snack and a groom then say goodnight.
Your horse will be there for you if you decide that you want to ride again
[QUOTE=toxicity;7395785]
…What I enjoyed most about riding were the friends I had (who then ditched me) and competing (which I don’t have the money for). It’s hard for me to see through social media those friends competing and having fun with their horses while I’m crying at the thought of going to the barn. .[/QUOTE]
dont ditch the horse. ditch social media. or at least un-friend and delete as needed.
its ok to take a break, and see if you miss it…
Sounds like you need to take a break and you know it. It is OK to do so. I’ve taken 2 breaks in my life. Once when I was 14, discovered boys, leased my horse out for a year, discovered boys weren’t that great after all, got my horse back and rocked the rest of my junior year. Second time was when I was a sophomore in college. I took my horse with me but felt VERY guilty about my parents footing the bill (they were also supporting my retired mare back home). I had little time to ride juggling school and a job and getting to the barn started to seem like a chore. I sold the horse. I was horseless until I finished college. Once I started working I got back in to it. Now I ride multiple horses 5-6 x a week and LOVE it.
Lease the horse out. See if it makes you happier to take a step back. If you miss him, you get him back at the end of the lease.
Are you starting to focus on the other aspects of college besides your horse? That’s ok, but if so, it’s time to make some decisions. If you were just riding for the friends and the showing (which is also ok) you might need to re-evaluate if you still want to pursue it. If you don’t truly love it, it’s not fair to you or your horse to stick with it. Maybe, instead of keeping your horse with you at your parents’ expense, you could send him home and just take lessons at your barn.
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