Dressage is Dumb

[sorrelfilly721]

@Nous

We whisper sweet nothings to an animal that just tried to murder us because the wind changed direction.
We spend fortunes, literal fortunes, so a stranger in a box can frown at us and say: “Tension throughout.”

My two favorite lines LOL

[Annie10]

I kind of think if you’re crying in your stall at a horse show or having anxiety in your car in the parking lot you need to take a V long look at what you’re doing. It’s ok for it to be challenging but it’s also supposed be fun. Or at least somewhat pleasant.

[SillyHorse]

Oh, please. There can be legitimate reasons for crying in your stall. Your horse went lame in the middle of a test. Your horse atypically lost its marbles and you were excused from the test that was your last chance to get to regionals. It’s your first show and you fell off. Or your horse has a poo-poo stain.

Have some empathy.

[xQHDQ]

This piece hits the nail on the head for me because… Riding/horses/dressage is my identity. Not my job. Not my family (don’t have kids). Not my friends (even my horse ones) Not any other hobby I have (the few). That doesn’t mean these other things are not important - I would take a bullet for my family, my friends, heck, even my dog. But when I look at myself, I’m an equestrian. I’m a dressage rider. That’s why I cried in my stall after a bad ride - it felt like I let myself down, my horse down, my trainer and my friends who have followed me on this journey down. It felt like all the monetary and time and emotional sacrifices were wasted because I screwed up (it’s never the horse - yes, he’s the one who spooked but it was me who couldn’t give him the confidence he needed in the ring).

An essay such as this tells me I’m not alone, and that’s both comforting and encouraging. On paper, I have no idea why we all love a sport where our teammate can kill us if they wanted to but also is as delicate as a flower, that costs a fortune, that takes so much time. But that feeling, that special feeling when it all comes together is so worth it. The sound of a nicker directed at me, the soft breath as he rests his chin on my shoulder, his relaxed eyes when I’m brushing him, are all so worth it.

[RedFox5]

@xQHDQ

(it’s never the horse - yes, he’s the one who spooked but it was me who couldn’t give him the confidence he needed in the ring).

I really hate this mentality we’ve developed as horse people of it ALWAYS having to be our fault something went wrong or happened. I’m a strong believer in it can be my fault, the horses fault, everyone’s fault and no one’s fault cause life is unpredictable. Animals have their own thoughts, feelings and ability to make choices. They absolutely can be at fault but that does not mean they are “bad” or should be punished for it. Just like if it’s our fault that does not inherently make us bad or deserving of punishment because sometimes we make bad judgment calls. Sometimes our horses make a bad judgment call, sometimes it’s a god awful chain of events that everyone just kinda fucked up and sometimes things just happen. Being at fault can just be met with “okay we learned something. What can be done differently?” Another reason I hate it is because we often times end up beating ourselves up purely because a faultless situation happened and we’ve either learned or been taught that someone has to be blamed in every situation and so we ruin our love of this sport trying to assign fault and blame. It also leads to people fearful of being at fault so they blame everything else and end up extremely reactionary to the smallest of things for fear of being blamed. It can ruin our love of horses at best and a vicious toxic cycle that results in abuse at worst

:sorry for the tangent I just really hate people beating themselves up over something that sounds like it really doesn’t have anyone to blame it just simply was something that went wrong and happened. Give yourself the same grace you would give your horse. You deserve to be kind to yourself too.

[Annie10]

If the horse makes a mistake it’s my fault for either not teaching him what he needed to know to answer my question or not preparing him properly or not asking him correctly.
I don’t beat myself up about it all. I recognize the hole in my horse and fix it.

[RedFox5]

But why does it always have to be someone’s fault? Why does it always have to be our fault when sometimes things just happen. Are we seriously at fault cause a turkey vulture flies out of the bush we’re next to and spooks the horse and us? Something’s can’t be taught or prepared for

[Annie10]

@RedFox5

But why does it always have to be someone’s fault? Why does it always have to be our fault when sometimes things just happen. Are we seriously at fault cause a turkey vulture flies out of the bush we’re next to and spooks the horse and us? Something’s can’t be taught or prepared for

True. And as we all know the only absolute with horses is there are no absolutes. Barring an act of God or a turkey vulture falling out of the sky I take responsibility for my horse’s shortcomings and learn and build on and try to correct them. He doesn’t know what I didn’t teach him.

[KBC]

So many of those hit home, and it made me giggle, not every ride, every show, but if it’s important to us, we overreact sometimes.

[RedFox5]

I still think it’s unhealthy to think you have that much responsibility for a living creature that will absolutely spook at its own farts. I can’t ever reasonably expect my horse to be that perfect or myself to be for that matter. Owning a pony I’ve learned very quickly to forget the notion I have that much say over what his opinions are or what he reacts to. I’ve also watched him in his field with his buddies to know that the amount of bites he ends up with are 1000% his fault and he earns each one rough housing with horses half his age like he’s a spring chicken lol

[Annie10]

Ok