Dressage is Dumb

[Nous]

I like this

By Stephen Forbes:

Dressage is absolutely, unequivocally dumb.
We spend decades and life savings trying to convince a horse, an animal that would rather nap or fart in a field, to perform controlled interpretive dance… while we wear white stretchy pants and pretend we’re not crying inside.
We argue online about nosebands and neck lengths.
We watch slow-motion trot videos like they’re Oscar-nominated films.
We talk about “feel” like it’s a sixth sense, and nod solemnly when someone says, “He wasn’t truly through in the right rein.”
Nobody knows what that means. We just say it so we don’t feel alone.
“Needs more schwung.”
Schwung???
Apparently it’s German for “make it fancy and pray”.
We all pretend to know, then throw money at a new saddle pad hoping it comes with free schwung.
Special this month: Every new Solo bridle now ships with 3 ounces of authentic German schwung. Use responsibly.
And we obsess over the perfect halt.
THE. PERFECT. HALT.
As if a square halt will heal our childhood wounds.
We film our rides. Watch them back. Cry a little.
Zoom in. Rewind. Cry again.
“Why is my left leg doing that?!?”
We whisper sweet nothings to an animal that just tried to murder us because the wind changed direction.
We spend fortunes, literal fortunes, so a stranger in a box can frown at us and say: “Tension throughout.”
(You mean me or the horse?)
And speaking of showing.
There’s you, before your class, sitting in the front seat of your Subaru, white breeches slightly transparent in the wrong places, eating a granola bar, listening to whale sounds to calm your nerves, and somehow believing this will help you nail that medium trot.
(It won’t. But you keep listening.)
And the wildest part? We take this seriously.
Like Olympic-level seriously.
Like, cry-in-the-stall-because-your-horse-has-a-poo-stain seriously.
But here’s the twist:
There’s something addictively beautiful about devoting your life to something this ridiculous.
To whispering with your body.
To the micro-conversations.
To trying to talk to your horse in French… with your seatbones.
It’s composing a symphony using only your spine, breath, and unresolved anxiety.
But that’s just it, the best parts of life are kind of dumb.
Love is dumb.
Poetry is dumb.
Art is dumb.
Pursuing perfection you’ll never reach? Extra dumb.
But that’s what makes it holy.
So yeah, dressage is dumb.

[Horsecrazy3]

Thanks for my morning cackle.

[jvanrens]

That was funny! I don’t ride dressage, but almost every discipline has the same type of issues, but not with the German thrown in.

[2bayboys]

“Trying to talk to your horse in French…with your seat bones.”

[SillyHorse]

I love this!

I once read that dressage is just like ice dancing, except your partner weighs 1200 pounds and speaks an obscure foreign language.

[Pehsness]

“As if a square halt will heal our childhood wounds”

“Crying in a stall because your horse has a poo stain”

This was gold!

[Salty]

I have a seat cover in my truck that says, “Got Schwung?”. Why, no. No, I don’t!

Thanks for the laugh.

[merrygoround]

[RhythmNCruise]

Love it!

Kind of reminds me of that cartoon that I run across on FB periodically with the horse lying on the therapist’s couch lamenting how his rider insists on endless circles, “And they’re never freaking round enough!”

LOL!

[Horsecrazy3]

Have that one hanging on my fridge.

[Salty]

Ooh! Ooh! I lied. I saw my trainer ride my horse today and she definitely has schwung. Just not with me.

[fivestrideline]

warning: not silly post to follow - skip if you aren’t interested in personal musings

Anyway, not to be a downer but:

It’s funny, I used to laugh at these posts (and I still do!)… but reading this really threw into focus the EXACT issues and background thoughts I’ve been having about riding. Not just dressage, but riding in general.

If I was really committed and having fun, I think this would make me laugh. I don’t think I realized how much of a drain the horses have been recently until this went clanging around in my head like alarm bells… I hadn’t realized how many times I’ve thought these things seriously recently.

Better to realize it on a random Tuesday morning than later I guess, but I think I need to sit down and reevaluate goals again. Or go to the beach.

(On a lighter note: it’s funny how something will randomly hit you WAY harder than the OP initially intended. Or like when a lightbulb goes off with a different instructor and suddenly you CAN sit the canter or whatever)

[ParadoxFarm]

I love his emails. I was reading this aloud to my husband as we were sitting in KY for the K3DE. We both got a good chuckle.

[GigiBecker]

I loved this and emailed him to tell him how much I loved this. I look at it as we sit on a large prey animal and want it to do what we want. Every time I’m not bucked off I thank the horse.

[paw]

If your (presumed) hobby is a drain, yes, you need to reassess. And maybe take a break - if not from horses as a whole, than from having Goals.

We all need mental health days (sometimes, weeks). Horses do, too. One thing I’ve learned - horses don’t forget training. They may (over a long time) lose fitness and not be able to execute until they’re fit again, but once they learn something, it’s there. They may have to be convinced that you want it (and not 75%), but it’s there. So, a couple of days (or weeks) off isn’t really that big a deal.

And if it’s just All Too Much for you in your life right now, that’s ok, too.

[Syrynx]

I am laugh-choking on the apple I was eating while reading that.

[skydy]

Hope you’ll go easy on yourself and try to slow down a little.

[Pehsness]

The first time I read this i was in no mood. And I took it poorly.

The second time I laughed.

Maybe try it again after a good ride day

[CanteringCarrot]

I mean, there’s always truth in satire.

[Pehsness]

For sure. The crying in the stall at a show… more than a ring of truth, lol.