Sending you huge, huge, huge hugs, as a 24 year old with a young horse who has been in this position just this last spring.
I rescued an OTTB from a bad situation, having been told only that he was 17hh, 4yo, grey, raced once, and “angry.” He had been taken off the track by a so-called rescue that tried to retrain and resell him, and when that failed, largely neglected him after completely frying his brain. A rescue friend of mine who was trying to help the neglected horses knew I was looking for a dressage prospect, said he was fancy but needed time and love, and I took a chance. I didn’t find out until after I owned him and was doing research that he had retired due to a bowed tendon in his first race. I had the vet out promptly to do a basic work up, and the big glaring issue was his feet, which were absolutely atrocious (terrible wall separation all four and coffin bone rotation in rf) and the tendon–which had not been properly rehabbed, and had gone from being a small bow in spring of 2016 to a largely unhealed, 70% involvement of about 8 cm of SDFT by fall 2017. He also had a rearing problem, a biting problem, had learned to strike out at people, and was just largely a bit cracked. Angry was the perfect description for him.
I tried stall rest for about 3 days–he monkey-crawled over 6’ panels and largely tried to kill himself and was a hazard to handle. I decided okay, I’ll give him as much time as he needs in turnout and hope. Over the course of a year, we grew out better feet, handled him extensively, and taught him that humans aren’t evil–he became a funny, loving, personality-rich horse. However, he was always a bit cautious–it didn’t take much for him to go into fight mode, and there was always a rear or a strike one wrong step away. He was not ever a horse I would be comfortable allowing people who aren’t very familiar with hot, big, reactive horses. By winter 2019, the bow was looking wonderful and he was cleared to start trotting in hand/in a roundpen. I thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But as work increased to 10 mins of trot a day, it became increasingly obvious that something was wrong up high behind–very, very wrong. It was hard to tell what was behavioral and what was soundness, so I had my general vet look at him, and clear him to be sent to a friend and mentor of mine for a training assessment. I had my suspicions that this was not a horse who would come sound, but I was hoping desperately she could find the key.
She called me the first day she worked him and said this horse is broken, both mentally and physically–mostly physically. She wanted me to image his S/I and pelvis, so I had a lameness specialist out and did just that. It was horrifying–tremendous damage to all of the soft tissue, and evidence of poorly healed pelvic fractures. Our best guess is that the people I rescued him from flipped him over multiple times. He would not ever be a riding horse, and we didn’t think he would ever be comfortable just standing around. Things that I thought may have been residual issues, or due to lack of musculature, such as the constant resting of a hind foot and swapping which foot was resting, were in fact evidence of chronic pain. We tried three weeks of previcox, to no noticeable change in comfort. And this was still a 5yo, 17hh, high-energy horse with dangerous habits. I decided to euthanize, despite the protests of my normal vet and some friends that I needed to give him more time. I was financially and emotionally tapped out, and knew deep down that there was no fixing this, and that he was hurting.
I gave him another week on the previcox while arrangements were made. I was very lucky, in that my friend who had him was able to bury him on her property. A vet who I have worked with in the past was willing to perform the euthanasia, thankfully. I am not opposed to using a gun, and had that option open to me by an experienced horse friend, but wouldn’t have been able to be there for that with one of my own horses–I have been present with other horses, it is not awful, but not the last thing you want to remember, either. He was heavily sedated before the procedure, and simply laid down. I stayed with him, but understand other owners who cannot. He was buried a week before his sixth birthday.
It is a hard, horrible decision to have to make, but it is one of the biggest gifts we can give our horses. I will never regret my decision.
