Today I had my oldest horse euthanized. She was almost 21. Originally, she was my daughter’s horse, but she quickly became mine after college and the reality of horse ownership set in.
She’s always been a very high strung mare. No amount of riding or training had fundamentally changed that over the 18 years we owned her.
Four months ago, I retired her from riding because I didn’t want to hurt myself, and I wanted to focus on my other horses. Since then, she has lost some weight, and her anxiety only got worse. My older mare had a long history of spooking, spinning, and other such unnerving behaviours. We tried everything with her, nothing worked for very long.
Her teeth were floated once a year, fecal samples were analyzed three or four times a year, and anything else that was a concern was always addressed by equine vets where no expense was spared.
She did fracture her shoulder six years ago from a collision with another horse that I witnessed, and the vet indicated a high probability of arthritis developing later in life. She never showed symptoms of lameness or pain, although she developed Sweeney from resulting nerve damage.
Unfortunately, I had to move my horses more than I would have liked in the last nine years (4 times) because of property sales, bad fits, and barn owners getting seriously injured. She would get incredibly stressed from the moves. Not my other horses though. I’ve had three other horses to compare her to, and she is absolutely very high strung compared to them, even with same environment and handling…
I’ve been raised to believe that issues are always the rider, never the horse, and to suck it up. Looking back, I think that honestly, this horse just had mental health/brain chemistry issues. I’ve known her for her whole life, My daughter backed her when she was 3 and a half after 4 months of ground work. So I’m pretty convinced her issues are not related to trauma she may have suffered…
This mare was healthy in a physical sense, but her anxiety was becoming much harder to manage. I’m not sure if she had dementia per se, but she seemed to have had some type of neurological issue (as far as I can tell). She started to pick fights with one of my horses who she was turned out with. I started to worry about serious injury to either one of them. I say that because when she would get anxious, she could lose it to the point where it seemed that “no one was home” up there, just crickets.
So last week, I separated them, and today, she was euthanized. It went well. No undue trauma from what I could tell. She is buried on the property, and finally resting in peace.
I am feeling incredibly guilty. I’m wondering if others have experience with euthanizing an older horse because of mental health issues.
I came across one blog piece that brought up important points that really resonated with my recent experience. Specially, I was worried about rehoming her. I didn’t want to pass the buck, possibly harming her, other people, or animals. I also worried about how she would handle the stress of another move. I’m not impressed with the few “retirement” facilities I’ve seen. Lastly, I was worried about leaving the decision for too long, and serious injury being the result…
I’m feeling incredibly guilty. Euthanasia is never easy. I’m wondering about other peoples experiences with older horses, with what I can only describe, as having mental health issues that have gotten more serious with age.
Thank you in advance. To clarify, I don’t regret my decision, but being convinced that it was the right thing to do doesn’t make it any easier. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.
