Family members and their (lack of) dog training

[skip99]

Short novel ahead…

SO and I had an early Thanksgiving dinner at his parents’ house yesterday. SO’s brother and SIL also came up.

They have a miniature poodle puppy which they bought a few months ago because SIL really wanted a puppy. As far as I know she has little to no experience with dogs.

Puppy was pretty well behaved at a family gathering in September but I noticed it growling at children who were trying to take food away from it. Being that it is not my dog, I simply told the children to leave him alone and let the SIL know what happened.

Fast forward to yesterday and now the puppy is jumping on everyone and regularly resource guarding pretty much anything it has in it’s mouth with pretty assertive growls. I mention that they may find it useful to get something of higher value to replace the whatever they want to take from him with. They say it will get replaced with a foot up his ass if he doesn’t give whatever it is up.

SIL seems to think it is cute to pick the puppy up and put it in everyone’s face… while they are eating.

If puppy doesn’t eat his food, they leave it out and periodically add fun food through the day, such as gravy, to encourage him to eat.

SIL also finds it funny that he is humping her or his toys (not yet neutered). I asked her about when he was getting neutered and she said “He will be getting drained soon!” (what?!) I explain that neutering actually involves surgical removal of his testes and she thought that was horrible and “how would he go to the bathroom??” A very basic anatomy lesson ensued (I swear she is an educated person…)

She has bought a coat for him to wear and expressed disappointment that he tries to bite it. So what’s the logical thing to do? Take off the jacket and wave it in his face and encourage him to bite it of course! Let’s also throw the coat on top of people to encourage the dog to run around and jump them.

Let’s not get started on the baby talk. If she was talking to or about the puppy (90% of the 6 hours we were there) it was this awful, constant, excessive baby talk. Even if she was “punishing him” - “Oooooooo, you’re such a badddddddd puppyyyyyy”.

I tried to offer some knowledge and was very careful about not saying “You should do X”. I just threw out tidbits where maybe she could put 2+2 together, but most everything was shot down or met with a blank stare.

To top it off SO’s sister has down syndrome and is not a fan of the dog to begin with (has a legitimate fears of animals). SIL says “Aw, Sister won’t you just pet himmmmm?” while pushing the puppy at her and did so no less than 6 times through the evening.

Although this was mostly a vent, my current plan is to simply limit my interaction with SO’s brother and SIL where the dog is present. I know myself too well and can see myself overstepping when the dog’s resource guarding starts to escalate further or getting fed up of having toys thrown on top of me and therefore having the dog leap on top of me.

SO and I are mostly on the same page thankfully, but he’s not as experienced with animals as I am, so he doesn’t think it is as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be.

I feel like limiting my interactions will be seen as a rude position to take, so I’m wondering how everyone else functions with family members or friends who encourage bad behavior in their animals.

Do you just ignore the animals when you are around them? Do you ask them not to encourage that behavior around you, specifically putting the animal in your face while eating or encouraging the animal to jump on you?

On a side note - I typically do not care what people think of what I say, but try to be cordial and MMOB around SO’s family. I provide my family with feedback or ideas frequently and they do not take it personally. SO’s family members do. SO does not, he also limits what he tells his own family.

[glitterless]

I have a similar situation with my brother and his dogs. I treat them the way that I would treat my own dog. It doesn’t really have any effect, however, because the consistency isn’t there, but it shows my brother and his girlfriend that the dogs’ behaviour is not okay and will not be tolerated. They’ve stopped bringing the dogs over to mine and my parents homes, so I think they may have gotten the point.

And yes, any potentially dangerous behaviour would be stopped. It really is difficult to get through to brother and his girlfriend, but I’m not risking a bite to myself or my daughter.

[Marshfield]

Can you gift them with this class for Christmas?

http://www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com/index.php/courses/10525

[cnigh]

My husband has this problem with his friends dog.

Only it’s a intact King Shepard. He has since taught the dog to sit, stay and heal despite his friends lack of care
.

And it gets better. Friend wanted to breed his out of control dog to my 2 yr old mutt. Um hell no! He was upset when we spayed her a couple of weeks ago.

[Nezzy]

idiots should not own animals.

[Incantation]

Be thankful they bought a mini poodle and not a large breed dog.

It doesn’t matter what you do or say. If they don’t think it is a problem, they will not listen/change anything.

I have a relative with a hunting bred Chesapeake Bay retriever. Dog is incredibly soft for the breed. He gets almost no regular exercise, crate is used as punishment, and yelling is the discipline of choice. Relative sent dog to a trainer to teach him to hunt, and trainer used an e-collar on this very soft dog, who is now submissive pee’ing and terrified of everything.

I made a couple of suggestions when they first got him (gee, wouldn’t it be great if you could get a treadmill to exercise the dog since you are unable to walk him…), but they fell on deaf ears.

[luvmyhackney]

My BIL has a pit that he claims is half lab,not, he’s full blooded. He runs on top of you growls, resource guards, doesn’t know basic obedience. I had to instill rules that the dog has to follow to be around my kids and myself. He’s very sweet and quite smart, just hard headed and doesn’t have boundaries. Took me 2 visits to get a consistent, sit and stay, lay Down and drop it off hand signals. It’s funny, my family makes me go in the house first, I get the dog situated and then kids and hubby come in, so they don’t get jumped on. My husbands family doesn’t understand and thinks its funny he jumps and play bites. Drives me flippin Cray Cray. My husbands family has always had poorly trained/behaving animals.

They don’t understand why my dog is so well behaved and gets along with every other dog or person. Helps she’s a chocolate, but I can walk her any where no leash, recalls off hand signs and chirp, she’s been well socialized and great basic obedience.

[vacation1]

[QUOTE=skip99;8945629]
I feel like limiting my interactions will be seen as a rude position to take, so I’m wondering how everyone else functions with family members or friends who encourage bad behavior in their animals. Do you just ignore the animals when you are around them? Do you ask them not to encourage that behavior around you, specifically putting the animal in your face while eating or encouraging the animal to jump on you?[/QUOTE]

Lethargy and despair will eventually destroy your interest in intervening. I spent two years working very hard to get sister motivated to train her current small dog. Sis is just indolent - she refuses to do any work at all with the dog. It makes me want to beat my head against a wall. But she’s one of those people who seems very mild and agreeable and will easily admit to anything you say - and will never, ever, ever do anything she doesn’t 110% want to do. I take dog for walks sometimes, just to get him out of the house and show him the world he’s missing while she curls on the couch reading her phone, but that’s about it. I spent 2 years forcing her to hire trainers, and then spent my spare time - which should have been focused on my old dog - badgering her to do the training in between trainer visits. She just uses passive resistance to avoid doing anything. Now she wants me to babysit him on Thanksgiving because she doesn’t want to leave him alone all day and the friend she’s visiting probably won’t be too thrilled that he’s completely unhousebroken and, due to his diabetes, pees every 12 seconds. She’s gotta be kidding.

[Angela_Freda]

vacation1, are we related?

My sister Chihuahua is horrible… he finally got himself attacked by a bigger dog when he went bezerk on the leash one too many times to the wrong dog, who accepted his invitation to ‘bring it’.
I imagine it’s not considered polite to say ‘I told you so’… but oh did I tell her. Over and over.
I even worked with the dog while he stayed here when she was traveling.
He went to the bus stop and never made so much as a rude face to the kids.
He will act in a way you expect him to, you just have to expect it of him.

She’s too lazy/indifferent to do it.

.

[Sabino]

[QUOTE=Incantation;8946174]
I have a relative with a hunting bred Chesapeake Bay retriever. Dog is incredibly soft for the breed. He gets almost no regular exercise, crate is used as punishment, and yelling is the discipline of choice. Relative sent dog to a trainer to teach him to hunt, and trainer used an e-collar on this very soft dog, who is now submissive pee’ing and terrified of everything.

I made a couple of suggestions when they first got him (gee, wouldn’t it be great if you could get a treadmill to exercise the dog since you are unable to walk him…), but they fell on deaf ears.[/QUOTE]

That makes me sad. I’m on my 3rd Chessie and know the breed well. This dog is more than likely going to turn mean and hurt someone. They are definitely NOT a breed for everyone. And one who’s not get enough exercise is a destructive Chessie…

[RJC]

Oddly, all my siblings have at least moderately trained their dogs. It’s the kids’ behavior that makes me have to bite my tongue…

[Sparrowette]

There’s not much you can do, but I expect you could try for a while, anyway. If your local humane society has information about animal behavior, your might give them some of the information. Or maybe a gift of a dog training class for christmas. There are many dog training clubs around the country. In Phoenix, we have the Phoenix Field and Obeidence club.

https://www.pfoc.club/classes-1.html

I’ve worked with professional trainers, and I’ve worked with the clubs, and the clubs win out by a landslide. You might find one in your area for them.

My dogs have always minded their manners, and “Ted the Wonder Dog” would work independently, at distance off many hand signals. I had spent a ton of time training him from a book by Rud Weatherwax called “The Story of Lassie”.

Once when Ted was alive, my next door neighbors got a dog and just left it in the yard, did not train it, or interact with it much. Then one evening, I heard the husband through the hedge talk to the dog: “Why aren’t you like Ted?” and he went on to the dog in that vein. I knew the reason. My dog was family, was educated like family and expected to behave, like family. Heck, we even let him in the house! :eek:

He thought his dog was a yard ornament, so it never learned anything. They don’t come automatically knowing what you want…

[Bicoastal]

Holidays and Dogs

I think these threads come up every year. I practice “doggie zen” :winkgrin:. If my dog can learn to ignore his ball on the floor and work with me for lame kibble, I can learn to ignore SIL’s rude poodle and make polite conversation.

I’ve found it’s easier, in the long run, to ignore. Bite tongue. Turn cheek. Deep breath. Ignore some more.

My family knows my dogs are accomplished. Some have seen the ribbons, plaques, and certificates. All enjoy watching the repertoire of tricks. Several comment in amazement that I can ‘make’ my dog lie down during a family meal while their dog jumps around, begs, and grabs at plates.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Until then, doggie zen.

[Sweetums_Mom]

[QUOTE=Bicoastal;8946929]
I’ve found it’s easier, in the long run, to ignore. Bite tongue. Turn cheek. Deep breath. Ignore some more.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Until then, doggie zen.[/QUOTE]

I think this is probably your best course of action AND limit how much time you spend with them.

My DH’s sister and husband have two dogs that are not well mannered although not dangerous. When they stand up at the dinner table near me begging for food, I just simply push them away and say no quietly. I am pleasant and will pet them (away from the table) but won’t indulge them by letting them jump on me, etc.

[skyon]

I had to pause on this because I realized many people I know, all my family , including in laws, are not dog people. Maybe a few outliers with cats, dogs, but when it came to holidays and visits - the pets are not seen. There would be serious culture clash dealing with someone who had dog in their face and I’m pretty sure it would be said front and center.

They are out there more than realized and maybe that is what is needed, someone to seriously take someone to task for thinking it is OK to have a pet really misbehave when you have guests.