Maybe that’s their way of trying to come to terms with it.
Like your way was to scratch and go home, and somebody else’s way was to stay busy and ride.
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And both are equally valid.
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If it is still too raw and emotional to deal with the opinions of strangers, it is ok to avoid the strangers and stick with the people who are on your same track. There will be a lot more comfort there.
At the same time, there is a lot of anger, sometimes suppressed, when something this senseless and pointless happens. Finding a release is a small step forward.
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Exactly.
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I am sorry this tragedy is causing you (and your barn friends) so much distress. Have you considered a grief counselor? They might have some helpful tools for you (and your barn friends).
What you are missing here is that no one finds it wrong that you are grieving this way, that you and your barn packed up and left, that you are all still reacting to a truly tragic accident.
You are the one calling everyone else names for not doing the things that you are doing.
No style of mourning should include ridicule of others who mourn differently.
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I haven’t seen a single post that says you were wrong in the way you processed your grief. Their only issue was with the way you described people who continued to ride.
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Perhaps Farosh is experiencing the anger phase of grief right now. Fear also makes people aggressive or fiercely outspoken; deep seated fear, “oh god, what is coming next”.
I suspect their interaction with the angry mum has also lead them to have a different view of the day. I know I would, I’d have gone from “how did they ride” to “how dare they ride!” if someone had been more concerned about their kid getting a ribbon than someone else’s kid dying; that’s pretty callous. Ride on, yes, but have some respect for those affected.
I hope Farosh does talk to a professional. What they witnessed sounds devastating, and I will give them space to vent for that.
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Good point - I had actually come to that conclusion while thinking about it some more this morning. I do think though that her anger is misdirected at those who chose to ride and the mother who wanted her daughter to be able to show. I am thinking that what Farosh is really angry about is that she has suddenly realized how risky this sport is and she is experiencing some level of angst regarding her own involvement with horses - and she is subconsciously processing those worries by lashing out at others. I do hope she talks to a mental health professional or counselor who can help her work through her anxieties so she can find peace again.
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You might want to consider speaking with a counselor to help
You work through this
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Let’s not judge people who want to continue to ride for a ribbon. It may not be just a piece of satin.
A placing could be a qualification for something important that they have been working toward for a very long time. And it could be that there won’t be more chances for that qualification, or not many.
And some people may need to ride as their way of processing.
Their life has the right to go onward. Whatever their reasons.
I will say that whatever individuals decide to do for themselves, it would be good if they express themselves with tact and sensitivity to the feelings of others around them. Not everything going through someone’s mind needs a broad public airing.
Although people do tend to be less aware if they are rattled. And we need to be ready to forgive that, as we will do the same at some point.
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Sorry, no one gets to judge how others process through their emotions, whether that’s grief or overall sadness. All are valid and ok.
To the one that is, please go see a therapist to help you work through this difficult experience. Everyone processes differently and it’s not fair to try to put people in a box. People are more complicated than that.
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Even if it is, that is still their decision to make. Not anyone else’s.
Just as someone else can decide to scratch and go home if that suits them better.
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You do not care what other people think. Fine.
You do not care how others process tragedy and grief. Gotcha.
You do not care about any feelings other than your own. Understood.
Maybe you should.
A bit of understanding and humility would serve you well.
I was not “defending” people who kept showing as much as I was saying everyone handles things their own way - but omniscient you knows better and feels free to judge and condemn. That says far more about you than about those who chose to keep showing. You have ZERO idea what others may have been through and the tragedies they may have had to endure… yet you judge.
If I seem a bit annoyed this morning - well, I have spent a sleepless night with a colicking pony mare who had colic surgery 4 years ago… and is not a candidate for more surgery. But as long as she wants to fight, I will fight for her and with her. So please excuse me if some petulant, entitled pouting has pushed my weary buttons…
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I hope your mare feels better soon.
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Good luck with the pony. I hope she’s much better now. I so understand the weary buttons.
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I hope your mare is doing better please let us know
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She seems to be doing better - thanks, all. Producing some cowpies at last. She just had a very small mush of senior feed and slurped up all six mouthfuls or so.
Last night when she had blown through another load of painkillers and was on her back, I was fairly sure that she was not going to make it. But sometimes - they surprise you. Last night was apparently not her time. Hopefully this rally continues…
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I really appreciate your take on this matter, and on this poster. You put into words how I ( and maybe many more )have been feeling). Accepting the fact that a talented rider, on an appropriate horse died in a freak accident is so hard. It definitely brings up this idea of if it can happen to someone like Hannah then it can happen to me and that’s scary. I think people often look for outside reasons for the accident because it’s much easier to do that then to accept the fact that it was just a fluke thing, and that fluke things can happen to anyone.
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I agree.
Realistically, you can also slip and fall in the bathtub, or get in a car accident on your way to the barn before you ever get near your horse.
As soon as you get out of bed every day you’re taking your chances to some degree. That’s just a fact of life.
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This is a great post. But speaking to the NFL and linking it back to a horse show. People should get paid for the day if all the competitors (NFL players) decide not to participate.
I don’t think anyone begrudged the teams and no one I spoke even cared about the playoffs or the Super Bowl in that moment. I would hope show management would feel the same if people decided to call it off by not showing.
We all know the show would not refund anyone.
While it does cause a disruption, sometimes it’s worth it.
I’m not saying people were wrong to continue to show, just that if they decided not to, management should still pay all those involved as if it had continued.
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