Something something… horse to water… something… can’t make them drink.
Those are the people that I just have taught myself to scroll on by…
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Right! You can’t fix stupid.
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I was there and myself and everyone in my barn scratched immediately. As did most other people there. I was personally disgusted that the show continued. There was one parent in my barn that was annoyed that their kid couldn’t compete that day and we all got super extremely angry at her, but she’s always been a miserable selfish egomaniac and I assume she will continue to be.
The kids from my barn and I who were there were all extremely sad and traumatized and getting them and myself back on the horse this week has been extremely emotional and scary. Today is the first time I rode without crying before or after but I’m still extremely nervous.
I’m really really extremely sad and I can’t see any possible way that anyone who is not a sociopath can want to keep showing that day.
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Then clearly you are not able to see that not everyone deals with the stress of death the same way you do. One does not have to be a sociopath to have a different way of dealing with something horrible like this.
When my father died I had a coworker almost mad at me that I was at work that day.
That same coworker took almost two weeks off after his father died.
For me it was easier to be busy and since all his arrangements had long been made and he (and his wife) lived a several hour flight away, going on with my normal life seemed reasonable to me.
We are all different, and different is not always bad.
I am glad you were able to deal with this the way you thought was best for you.
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I appreciate your sentiment, however you clearly have not been reading this thread.
If you choose to brand me a sociopath, so be it. It is YOUR choice just like it is my choice to continue. We each have our own ways to confront death in a blood sport, which, ironically you also participate. This is a sport where there are lethal consequences for an even innocuous step. The ability to recognize such helps drive safety innovation as well as improved rider training.
I find it rather hypocritical that some riders dismiss safety after an eventer is killed (“they are crazy;” “bad riders,”…) and yet cover themselves in sack cloth and ashes if it happens in their discipline. Death happens in all disciplines. It is finally being recognized by the governing agencies and others that things can be learned from one instance that makes the entirety of the sport safer for all.
But make no mistake, this sport is lethal even if you are hacking in a groomed arena at home on a sunny day.
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Really?
That’s a pretty harsh label to paste on people who process death differently than you.
Nice example of Crowd Mentality as well.
See above posts.
Grief is different for everyone.
I still rode in a lesson the morning I got the call that my Mom had passed, 2K miles from me.
You do You.
But allow the rest of the world to do the same.
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Everyone is sad about this tragic loss of life. But if someone dies in an auto accident, do you then label as a “sociopath” anyone who elects to get in a car that day? If someone drowns at the beach, do you label as a “sociopath” anyone who decides to go in the water that day? If someone dies in an airplane crash, do you label as a “sociopath” anyone who gets in an airplane that day?
I am sorry this incident affected you so strongly but It is quite unfair and actually a bit melodramatic to label folks as “sociopaths” that have a different way of processing things than you do. From what I have read, this child loved horseback riding with a passion. I wonder if she would have wanted others to put their own riding passion on hold for a day.
One of the things about becoming an adult is that you start to realize that life is for the living. Yes, we mourn those who are lost, but we have to get on with life otherwise our grief becomes a huge, gnawing hole inside us. And that is not a fun thing (having witnessed it happen to a family member).
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Nope. You don’t get to gatekeep how people grieve and process trauma. I’m not usually one to pile on, but this bears repeating from anyone who is willing to say it.
You sound young, so I’m willing to give you a bit of a pass here. But it’s never too early to internalize the lesson that death - and a person’s reaction to it - is the most personal human experience that exists in this world. Not one single person processes it the same way as another. Having the awareness and grace to let people grieve in their own way will serve you well in life.
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Very much this. I work in an inherently dangerous profession (aviation) and have had more trauma, grief, and the worst that this world has to offer on my aircraft. One of the best ways, for me, to keep my head in the game is to continue to play the game. Too much down time allows for too many things to rattle around in my head. And in a dangerous profession, there is no room for such things. I too am one who deals with grief by continuing to stay busy; I guess like a sociopath. But not everyone processes grief and trauma the same.
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Yes everyone who continued to ride that day was doing it to help them process their grief… give me a break.
Almost everyone scratched.
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Eeesh. You are either young, or callous and scarily unempathetic.
People grieve in as many different ways as people exist, and its not for anyone else to judge. You can have your opinion, but perhaps of it’s this ugly, you should keep it a little bit more to yourself.
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Give me a break with your sneering judgement and condemnation, @Farosh. Perhaps such comments are best kept to yourself so you can pat yourself on the back for how amazing and sympathetic you are as opposed to using a tragedy to condemn others…
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To me, it is apparent you have never confronted death that involves horses.
Actually, I suspect you have never confronted death directly. To genuinely watch a horse or human die is completely altering in one’s choices and approach to life. It neither dismisses nor diminishes the lives of those who died. I come about my philosophy from plenty of experience.
I have had friends and horses killed during competition. I have watched people die on the operating table. I have stood and talked to people I know will die due to a disease when they didn’t know it.
Death, is part of life. We all will die trying to figure out life. There are those like me who choose to live and celebrate lives through being a better rider, better scientist, better person. There are those who choose to withdraw and approach things from a more personal/introspective approach. Perhaps you, @Farosh, are such a person? But to call me a sociopath because I choose to approach life from a different perspective is, frankly, kind of sociopathic.
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It’s always a judgement call what will help children, and adults too, process trauma in the most useful way. It does not sound like leaving the show was necessarily the best for the kids at your barn.
There is grief and then there is trauma in the sense of the event really over impacts observers. I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing to have children crying and afraid to ride a week after an accident that they didn’t witness and that happened to someone they didn’t know. That’s not grief or respect.
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The feeling of shock and being rocked to the core is of course a valid reaction to an unexpected death, of anyone, personally known or not, and especially of one so young.
Yes, that’s grief and respect from those who experience that trauma. Regardless if they knew the person or not.
I understand that people who have that reaction are likely to feel a total disconnect with those who can soldier on, even with the grief. It’s ok to feel disconnected. Just please don’t pass judgment and disparage other people. That is disrespectful.
As has been pointed out here, there are a lot of people who have already been around that mulberry bush multiple times in their life. Or who just see the future strongly. They can feel sadness and grief and still carry on. That’s ok, too.
Neither approach needs to judge the other. Just let them be to get on with what they need to do, whatever that is.
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This morning I learned of the expected passing of a family member who is very dear to me, and I to them. I went on with my day and even enjoyed it. I know him will enough to know that he would enjoy and expect that I did that.
If I ever meet my final end at a horse competition, those who need to withdraw are of course respectfully able to do that. But for those of you who intend to carry on, that’s what I want for you: Get back in that saddle and go do the ride you came to do. 
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Yes. But it’s an interesting question how we manage children to have positive outcome for their resilience. Children can get really upset and feed on group emotions. They very often don’t have either the emotional or the social independence to make choices other than the ones adults in their lives make for them.
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I am not going to comment on whether what everyone is posting is appropriate or not ( I am sure there are some things that people will find questionable). I was just addressing the question of how the parents felt about it.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
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You care more about defending people who kept showing than about those (aka almost everyone there) who were too traumatized to even breathe that day.
And people approach me everyday callously asking me questions about what I saw. Talking about it like it was nothing, making horrible comments I won’t even say. Even here where I don’t really care what people think.
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