Leave this trainer. Riding is hard enough, you do not need this crap form someone you are paying to help you.
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And about being a friend… yeah, been there. It’s like loaning money to relatives - it’s never a really good idea. That said, my trainer and I were friends before she became my trainer, so we knew each other’s quirks and issues. On the other hand, I had a trainer I THOUGHT we were friends - until we werent and other clients took precedence in lessons etc as I was frustrating her ability as a teacher (great trainer tho). … that did not end well (altho fences have been somewhat mended).
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You trainer clearly has some sort of mental illness… or at least, she’s not so well emotionally.
She is showing her own incapacities and taking your « lack of improvment » personaly… This is beyond ridiculous.
Do not take lesson from this person ever again, or at least until she apologized profusely and only if she never does that again.
You progress at YOUR rhythm.
This is suppose to be FUN and this is no fun.
Even if I train and ride with competition goals,
I’ve never tolerated being yelled at or belittled - I’ve always been very serious about my riding (+30yrs) and I still want it to be fun, and I still make mistakes.
Last time a trainer yelled at me?
I yelled FU back (I was like20yrs old). ahahaha
He got fired and I have no regrets.
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She flat out TOLD you that she can’t teach you. Now she did blame you for that, but that’s actually her failure as a teacher NOT yours as a student.
Sure she helped you get as far as you have, but we progress and outgrow instructors/coaches and have to move on. Sometimes that’s because the old coach “knows” your weaknesses and doesn’t see past them to be able to help with newer issues (that may be preventing you from finally getting past your known weakness).
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It’s likely time for a new instructor. Someone who just yells or tells you that you are doing things wrong isn’t teaching you anything. The mistakes you describe are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things and don’t deserve the response that was received. A good trainer would be giving you advice on what to change or how to ride differently in order to correct the issue, then having you do the exercise again until you are successful.
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OP, get the heck out of this situation. Stop taking “lessons” from her (um, this is not a lesson if you are not learning). If you can get another trainer at your barn, great. If not, move. I would not be tolerant of this situation. Until you go into a different situation, you will have no idea how much this is draining you. Go to another discipline if you have to: move to an eventing barn, dressage barn, … to get away from this negative situation. Good luck to you.
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I’m in a similar position to @Foxglove - this pandemic has connected me with a trainer virtually and the result is I’ve made more progress in 2 months than I have the prior 18 months of owning my mare. And I was working with very reputable and highly accomplished trainers in person, but when you find a trainer that clicks the difference can be incredible.
And what clicks at one point isn’t necessarily what continues to click down the line. I thought my progress with my mare was normal young horse progress and that she just needed time to build strength and balance. When COVID hit and nobody local was able to train I started doing Zoom lessons with a trainer abroad who was offering them. The result has been that my horse and I are now where I thought we’d be next spring - her walk and trot work is training level competition ready and her canter work is nearly there (and competition ready to actually be competitive…not just “respectable”). Thanks to the pandemic I was forced to re-evaluate my lessoning options and ended up “fixing” a situation I hadn’t even realized was broken.
OP - you are very clearly in a broken training situation so I’d be proactive about fixing it. I don’t think you need a break from lessons - I think you need a break from lessons with THIS trainer. As you’ve said, you’ve made progress since last year, don’t let a trainer who you no longer click with scare you off from continuing to make progress with someone else. Take some time to shop around with other trainers until you find one who leaves you beaming after lessons (not because of nice things they say, but because of things you accomplish in the lesson).
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I had a trainer like this and she shattered my confidence. I personally would switch.
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I would never let it get this far. No one that I pay money to is going to talk to me that way. I would of nipped it in the bud the first time she made a snide comment. Personal attacks are never appropriate in any situation . Riding, like any sport, takes time to get proficient especially if you are an adult. I would leave this trainer, but I would tell her why in person.
1, everyone has some things that they do over and over. Sometimes it is because of a real limitation, like being out of shape, sometimes it is just habit. Even the best riders and horses. The biggest thing is how you handle it, if you can find ways to effectively practice and improve AND techniques for reducing the impact of your weak areas. For example,
2, If your horse has a shorter stride, that’s fine because for 95% of the horse world stride count does not matter, at all. Stride count only matters in the hunter show ring, and even then not so much at smaller/local shows. (You know, where the normal people who don’t have a 6-figure horse go.) People get confused because adjustability and impulsion are important, but both of those things can still happen with a naturally shorter stride. (Impulsion is important for your horse to get off of the ground and adjustability is important if a jump is not an integer number of strides away for your horse…but that doesn’t always mean loose a stride, if adding will result in a better jump then add!!)
3, Your trainer sounds very burnt out and also kind of limited in her view of what riding is. You should take a break from her. If you find someone else to work with in the meantime, you should start with a discussion of your goals. If your main goal is just to have a pleasant hobby where you can improve over time, then say that. Then your (new) instructor can give you exercises that relate to your goal.
4, Take the part you want to work on away from everything else. If you want to work on adjustability, use ground poles and practice getting more and fewer strides in between. If you want to work on impulsion, flat work with single jumps thrown in. To work on courses, lots of bending lines and corners, combinations set closer to your horses natural stride and longer lines that are more flexible. Also did I mention flat work?
5, Don’t forget to work on the parts that you’re good at, too. If your horse has a consistent pace and flows through the corners, then figure out how to show that off. If your horse will carry you anywhere then get out of the ring sometimes. Maybe you find that your horse’s calm disposition makes him better at natural obstacles. What parts of your horse’s previous training can you apply to your goals?
6, Did I mention flat work?
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It is really too bad that someone wasn’t taking a video of the lessons. She may not even realize what she is doing in singling you out and being so harsh to you.
Showing her proof of it might have opened her eyes and changed things. No matter, I think taking a break from lessons is a great idea and maybe when the other trainer returns you can pick up with them again.
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