Finding your place as an equestrian

[gooselake]

Long time lurker, first time poster here. Just wanted to get perspectives from other folks and maybe vent a little bit. To make a long story short, I had a whirlwind first horse experience last year. Went from lesson horses to a lease and then was convinced by my trainers at the time to buy a green horse that was wrong for me in all sorts of ways all within a year. Lots of falling off, feeling clueless, just plain not having fun at the barn anymore and finally made the decision to leave when it became clear that my trainers didn’t really seem to care or have any experience working with young horses. They made their money from me and that was that. They are currently trying to do it again to other friends who have reached out after I left.

Currently in the process of getting the horse restarted with an actual professional and not just amateurs running a backyard lesson program and will be finding a new situation for said horse over the next few months. So, I’ll be back to being horseless again. In my area it feels like in order to actually participate in the horse community you have to own OR you can join one of the few lesson programs which unfortunately for me did not have their students best interest in mind. Now I know better, but where do I go from here? It’s hard to go from being at the barn multiple days per week back to being a lesson kid. But I’m also spooked by the horse world now. I really don’t want to go through this whole thing again and don’t feel like I’m in a place financially to buy again due to training costs and the loss from buying this horse. Any tips for not getting fleeced next time? Or if anyone else has backed off from their levels of commitment to the horse world and managed to find their place?

[trubandloki]

@gooselake

Long time lurker, first time poster here. Just wanted to get perspectives from other folks and maybe vent a little bit. To make a long story short, I had a whirlwind first horse experience last year. Went from lesson horses to a lease and then was convinced by my trainers at the time to buy a green horse that was wrong for me in all sorts of ways all within a year. Lots of falling off, feeling clueless, just plain not having fun at the barn anymore and finally made the decision to leave when it became clear that my trainers didn’t really seem to care or have any experience working with young horses. They made their money from me and that was that. They are currently trying to do it again to other friends who have reached out after I left.

Currently in the process of getting the horse restarted with an actual professional and not just amateurs running a backyard lesson program and will be finding a new situation for said horse over the next few months. So, I’ll be back to being horseless again. In my area it feels like in order to actually participate in the horse community you have to own OR you can join one of the few lesson programs which unfortunately for me did not have their students best interest in mind. Now I know better, but where do I go from here? It’s hard to go from being at the barn multiple days per week back to being a lesson kid. But I’m also spooked by the horse world now. I really don’t want to go through this whole thing again and don’t feel like I’m in a place financially to buy again due to training costs and the loss from buying this horse. Any tips for not getting fleeced next time? Or if anyone else has backed off from their levels of commitment to the horse world and managed to find their place?

Part of life that will suck always, anywhere…trying to figure who you can trust and who you can not trust.

I am sorry that you have had this bad experience. Thank you for doing what is best for the horse (finding a good trainer and then finding it a home that works for it).

Does the trainer that is working with your horse know of any lesson programs that they would recommend? Does your vet or farrier know of any lesson programs that they would recommend?

Or maybe they might know of someone who is looking to do a partial lease on a saintly packer?

[2DogsFarm]

@trubandloki

Part of life that will suck always, anywhere…trying to figure who you can trust and who you can not trust.

THIS!
X1,000

At least you figured this part out pretty quick.
Are you working with the Pro restarting your horse with an eye to keeping the horse or moving on?
If you’re wanting to keep the horse, can you work with this trainer where - after they install the basics - you ride?
At least until you feel confident.
If not, then ask trainer for suggestions.
Go to some local lowkey schooling shows & observe.
How do the Pros there treat their clients?
Is there respect both ways?
Are the rides effective, pleasant to watch?
Not just those taking the blues, but where both horse & rider are nice to watch.
How’s the coaching from the sidelines?
If possible, arrange to take a lesson or three with a trainer whose style seems like a fit.
If that works out, see if there’s a possible lease in that barn.
More like a shared lease (we used to call it shareboard) where you’re not paying full freight & can back out if it proves a poor fit.
Bright Side:
You know what you don’t want in a program.
Good Luck & pls report back here.
LOTS of us have BTDT & can try to help with h the future scenario

[dmveventer]

I’m sorry, that’s a rough situation to find yourself in. No shame in taking some time off to let your mind and finances recover if that’s what you want, but I hope you won’t let one bad experience turn you off the horse world for good. There are plenty of good, honest trainers out there!

Your priority should be finding a trainer/program that you trust who can help you rebuild your confidence and figure out your next moves. You’ll definitely have more options as a boarder than as a lesson student, so can you use current horse to get your foot in the door with a better program and see if they have something you can half-lease or lesson on in the meantime? It’s a lot easier to be horseless as an established client than it is to try coming in cold, and having access to a competent pro with a good network will make everything else so much easier. Half-leasing sounds like it’d be ideal for you right now. You get more saddle time and more access to the barn community than a lesson student, but with more flexibility to make a change if things don’t work out for some reason. The best leases tend to stay internal so that’s another area where finding a program first will give you more options.

[NancyM]

There is good advice here for you already. All I can add is “Trust NO ONE” absolutely, and before they have EARNED your trust. Perhaps you have learned this lesson already!

I’ve been involved in the equine industry for a number of decades, getting to be a fairly large number of decades LOL. I’ve ridden with a number of different coaches and trainers, in a variety of equine disciplines. You can learn “something” from everyone, even if what you learn is what you do NOT want to do. You have learned something already, and are wiser now.
Hopefully you can find a “true” horseman, who can guide you and advise you competently and honestly. I think that there are fewer “true” horsemen around these days, and more charletons and pretenders. And when you are green yourself, it’s hard to discern who is what. Good luck!

[tabula_rashah]

Well, where do you want to be in the equestrian community? Do you have a particular discipline you want to do ? Do you want to show? Do you want to trail ride? Do you want to just hang out with horse folks?
Maybe try looking at doing some stuff like volunteering or auditing clinics, maybe a part time stall cleaning job- those are the type of things that can get your foot in the door so to speak without having to actually own a horse.

[Pico_Banana]

You could also post where you are located and see if anyone here has suggestions for good options.

It is increasingly hard these days to find a good situation that is more than just taking lessons but less than owning. Usually those situations are found by word of mouth, which is tricky when you’re just starting out in the sport. I would start by discussing this with the pro who is training your horse.

It would be really great if you found that your horse could be a good fit for you with the new trainer on board and a willingness on your part to go slowly, i.e., at the horse’s pace relative to your skill level. (Not throwing shade here - green horses are not for the faint of heart!)

[hoopoe]

You dont specifically mention what your experience level was before last year. Are you a re-rider or a novice?

Does your current trainer also teach riders on their own horses or are they strictly a horse trainer. If so do they have a resource in mind for finding you the good been there done that horse you can progress on? Have you discussed the time line to where this horse is ready for a sale?

Most solid trainers have a network of peer where they can have the inside scoop on what horse may be available either for lease or sale. Same way they can let a peer know that they have a horse for sale. Many deals happen this way with the horse never advertised.

If you are comfortable with this trainer, talk honestly with them about the short and long term. So many folks involved with horses forget that having conversations, even hard ones, is vital. What time line does trainer give for having this horse ready for a sale. Is it reasonable to rush that time line

Has this horse had a solid vet work up to make sure the issue at hand is not a physical one which will make the horse unsuitable for anyone?

[NoSuchPerson]

If you have horse shows in the area where you live, going as a spectator can often be a great way to identify farms you might want to check out. Watch and listen. (Edited to clarify that I mean “watch and listen” while you’re at the horse show. After I reread it, it sounded like some weird admonishment to pay attention to what I was posting.)

How are the farm’s students turned out? How do they behave? How do they treat their horses? What are the horses like? How do trainer(s) and grooms interact with their students and the horses? Do you see any riders in your age group? Are they having fun?

If you see any adult competitors who are riding at your level and seem to have their stuff together and you think, “I would like to be like that,” walk up to them when they aren’t busy and just say something like, “I love your horse and you seem to be having a great time, can I ask what farm you ride with? I’m looking for a barn home to get back into riding.” Most of them will be happy to talk with you and if they are rude/snobby, well then, now you know that might not be the best place for you.

Edited to suggest that during this phase, you might want to be open to multiple disciplines. At this point in my life, I could be happy, at the right facility, riding in any of several different disciplines.

[Scribbler]

@gooselake

Long time lurker, first time poster here. Just wanted to get perspectives from other folks and maybe vent a little bit. To make a long story short, I had a whirlwind first horse experience last year. Went from lesson horses to a lease and then was convinced by my trainers at the time to buy a green horse that was wrong for me in all sorts of ways all within a year. Lots of falling off, feeling clueless, just plain not having fun at the barn anymore and finally made the decision to leave when it became clear that my trainers didn’t really seem to care or have any experience working with young horses. They made their money from me and that was that. They are currently trying to do it again to other friends who have reached out after I left.

Currently in the process of getting the horse restarted with an actual professional and not just amateurs running a backyard lesson program and will be finding a new situation for said horse over the next few months. So, I’ll be back to being horseless again. In my area it feels like in order to actually participate in the horse community you have to own OR you can join one of the few lesson programs which unfortunately for me did not have their students best interest in mind. Now I know better, but where do I go from here? It’s hard to go from being at the barn multiple days per week back to being a lesson kid. But I’m also spooked by the horse world now. I really don’t want to go through this whole thing again and don’t feel like I’m in a place financially to buy again due to training costs and the loss from buying this horse. Any tips for not getting fleeced next time? Or if anyone else has backed off from their levels of commitment to the horse world and managed to find their place?

Commitment comes at many different levels.

You can be completely committed to owning a trail horse, perfecting your horsemanship and horse care, learning everything about hooves and nutrition. Indeed you can be completely committed to a retired horse you take for handwalks in the park every day and groom for hours.

Or at the other end of the spectrum you can be completely committed to riding as a sport and skill set, and advance through multiple horses you either don’t own or you buy and sell. Or even be a trainer who is riding clients horses.

My best advice for newbie owners is to buy a horse you can do everything on right now, but keep in mind that you will still create problems in even the best trained horse. I’ve watched newbie owners with old dude string horses and former lesson horses end up in the same kind of unrideable and unmanageable mess as people who bought OTTB. Less extreme mess but still problematic outcomes

So you need a reliable skilled coach and mentor too

Trouble is a newbie can’t really evaluate the training on a horse because if you are at the stage where the lesson horses escape your aids, you may find a green horse feels “normal” because no horse is easy for you

So now you’ve learned an expensive lesson.

Why can’t you go to the barn every day, groom and handwalk your horse, watch the trainer ride and then start taking lessons when horse is more manageable? Watching trainers ride is an education in itself.

[FjordBCRF]

@gooselake - I’d like to hear more about your horse. Breed, age, sex? What were your goals when you bought him/her? HOW green is the horse? What does the Pro think about everything?

@Scribbler

Why can’t you go to the barn every day, groom and handwalk your horse, watch the trainer ride and then start taking lessons when horse is more manageable? Watching trainers ride is an education in itself.

I would like to know the answers to Scribblers questions too. This could be a great learning opportunity for you right now. Is there any chance of wanting to keep the horse once the Pro has made some progress?

[pony_grandma]

Volunteer at horse events, meet people. Listen watch and learn. Audit if there are local clinics or as said watch trainers ride.

Watch correct riding - often times it’s a tank of gas and free or low cost. You will mentally absorb it.

Ride bareback and learn feel.

I and my girls learned Western reining by day tripping 3hrs ea way to a Western venue that had NRHA shows. We sat and watched that all day over and over. By gosh those kids knew what those patterns should look like. And I bought the videos.

Good luck. Just showing up should help open some doors.

[gooselake]

Thank you for all of these responses and for giving me things to think about. I feel like I’m just stuck in this mess and it’s nice to have outside perspectives.

The trainer my horse is with currently specializes in starting young horses or working with “problem” situations. I go out a few times per week to watch her work with him and have learned a lot just from observing the training sessions. She is hopeful that we will find him a great new partner if it ends up that it’s not me. We’re still figuring out what kind of a job he would enjoy. I just don’t think taking this horse on as a project was ever a good idea and I overestimated my abilities. Previously I only had experience riding older, seasoned horses mostly in lessons. I blame myself as much as the trainers. No one forced me to buy this horse.

I think my next steps are to really sit with myself and dig deep to figure out what it is I truly want.

[Scribbler]

@gooselake

Thank you for all of these responses and for giving me things to think about. I feel like I’m just stuck in this mess and it’s nice to have outside perspectives.

The trainer my horse is with currently specializes in starting young horses or working with “problem” situations. I go out a few times per week to watch her work with him and have learned a lot just from observing the training sessions. She is hopeful that we will find him a great new partner if it ends up that it’s not me. We’re still figuring out what kind of a job he would enjoy. I just don’t think taking this horse on as a project was ever a good idea and I overestimated my abilities. Previously I only had experience riding older, seasoned horses mostly in lessons. I blame myself as much as the trainers. No one forced me to buy this horse.

I think my next steps are to really sit with myself and dig deep to figure out what it is I truly want.

Novice riders sometimes over estimate their ability or the speed of progress now or in future. They also have no idea how much trouble a green horse can cause because they have only experienced well broke horses.

However it takes years to learn to ride well and part of moving on from being a beginner is learning how to train and school horses, to change how they behave. This also takes a long time.

I would say shadowing the problem horse trainer right now is a huge and wonderful learning experience that you would not otherwise have access to. Go watch her every day if you can. Maybe offer to fetch and carry at her barn. You won’t come out of this a trainer but you will get to learn so much about horse behavior including how to recognize problems.

Most lesson programs focus on the basic skills of riding, going w t c and maybe jump cross rails, balance and basic aids. There isn’t room to also do horsemanship, problem solving etc

Right now you have the opportunity to learn a whole lot about problem solving which will be very useful going forward, including the kinds of problems you will never feel comfortable taking on. It’s a divergence away from whatever lesson trajectory you were on, but it’s where you landed and what you need to know now.

Because even when you go buy the dead broke school master, you will create problems just by being a novice rider and you will need to solve those. Easiest to solve if you see them coming rather than don’t recognize brewing problems. I do speak from experience.

[Edre]

I’m sorry for your experience. That is a rough first go around, and I absolutely can imagine being “once bitten, twice shy”.

My suggestion to you as an answer for two of your questions - “Where do I go from here?” and “Any tips for not getting fleeced next time?” - are the same. You need to find a program that actually supports you. There are a couple of ways of going about this and more than one of them will be right. What I’d recommend to you are finding lesson programs/barns in your area and trying them out. You are looking for a few things:

• Are they good at instruction, and do you learn/progress with their style of teaching (just because someone is a good instructor doesn’t mean they’re a good instructor for you)
• Look at their students: do they have students that are successful doing what you want to do (Example: you want event/dressage/be a trail or pleasure rider? find a trainer who has students doing those things)
• Look at what type of “students” they have - do they seem to have a constantly revolving door for students, or do they have some long-term ones that have stayed with them? I’m not saying trainers who have students move on is inherently a red flag (some programs are great at starting students on the basics but they need to go elsewhere for different goals) but if students have an expiration date with an instructor it could be a sign something else is wrong
• Look at their track record with matching students/horses. Some people “have” a gift for this, and they are unusually capable at finding horses that pair well with their clients. Other people either aren’t great at it, or outright crooked (“I want the commission on this horse” “I want to ride the fancy horse, I don’t care if my client can’t ride it”)

You had a really, really rotten experience. I can imagine it’s really disheartening, and really hard to trust yourself going forward.
It is OK to take time off. It is OK to reduce your riding commitment (long term, temporarily, or for good). But it’s also OK to take a step back, reassess, and then with the lessons you learned from this experience, go forward and try to make more informed choices the next time around.

It takes a lot to admit that you overestimated your skills - but it’s good that you can own up to it, now. Being realistic about your own capabilities, in conjunction with what you actually want, is so important. Ask yourself what you want out of riding.
I have a really lovely, really talented young horse. Everyone is always pushing me to show. I don’t care for showing. I am not competitive. I am, so to speak, the professional student - I take satisfaction in bringing a young horse along and training all the things and learning more as I train her. Some people would find this frustrating because they want a horse that “knows stuff”, some people would find this frustrating because they want to “go do things” - but for me, I am so happy teaching her and learning as I go. That’s my niche. Once you find the niche that you’re happiest in, things tend to fall into place.

[punchy]

@Scribbler

@gooselake

Thank you for all of these responses and for giving me things to think about. I feel like I’m just stuck in this mess and it’s nice to have outside perspectives.

The trainer my horse is with currently specializes in starting young horses or working with “problem” situations. I go out a few times per week to watch her work with him and have learned a lot just from observing the training sessions. She is hopeful that we will find him a great new partner if it ends up that it’s not me. We’re still figuring out what kind of a job he would enjoy. I just don’t think taking this horse on as a project was ever a good idea and I overestimated my abilities. Previously I only had experience riding older, seasoned horses mostly in lessons. I blame myself as much as the trainers. No one forced me to buy this horse.

I think my next steps are to really sit with myself and dig deep to figure out what it is I truly want.

Novice riders sometimes over estimate their ability or the speed of progress now or in future. They also have no idea how much trouble a green horse can cause because they have only experienced well broke horses.

However it takes years to learn to ride well and part of moving on from being a beginner is learning how to train and school horses, to change how they behave. This also takes a long time.

I would say shadowing the problem horse trainer right now is a huge and wonderful learning experience that you would not otherwise have access to. Go watch her every day if you can. Maybe offer to fetch and carry at her barn. You won’t come out of this a trainer but you will get to learn so much about horse behavior including how to recognize problems.

Most lesson programs focus on the basic skills of riding, going w t c and maybe jump cross rails, balance and basic aids. There isn’t room to also do horsemanship, problem solving etc

Right now you have the opportunity to learn a whole lot about problem solving which will be very useful going forward, including the kinds of problems you will never feel comfortable taking on. It’s a divergence away from whatever lesson trajectory you were on, but it’s where you landed and what you need to know now.

Because even when you go buy the dead broke school master, you will create problems just by being a novice rider and you will need to solve those. Easiest to solve if you see them coming rather than don’t recognize brewing problems. I do speak from experience.

This is great advice. While you didn’t want to be in this situation, there is value in it that you can learn a lot from, and that you may not appreciate given your totally understandable disappointment. But do try to see past that and soak up all that this experience can teach you and in other ways reward you.

Your horse is green for riding, but not worthless to you. Spend as much time with him as you can—geek out on grooming tools, try your hand at braiding, learn Masterson massage techniques. Clean his tack, take him for walks, hand graze. Practice bandaging. Use him as a confirmation lesson, ask the farrier questions, learn his feed program. Learn how to clean a sheath! Buy carrots! You own a horse! This is all part of being an equestrian.

[rulex]

@gooselake

The trainer my horse is with currently specializes in starting young horses

Does this trainer have any horses you could do lessons with? Or would they be able to give you ground work lessons with your own horse?

[RedHorses]

Another option is to find two or three new lesson barns, each one in a different discipline. Take time to volunteer at local competitions of every kind and see if something attracts you.

A lot of people get stuck in whatever discipline they happened to start lessons in. There are dozens of us on this board who have spent periods of time in various disciplines. I started in Hunters, trail rode my first horse, did Dressage with my second horse, then Hunters again, tried Eventing, went back to Dressage, back to Eventing, always trail rode every horse, intended to climb the Dressage levels with my fourth horse (who also did trails), got interested in Working Equitation, found Endurance and here I am now. Trail riding my senior in a western saddle and hackamore, and bringing along a lease horse with an eye to Endurance, along with a dabble in Working Equitation.

Before I started riding I wanted to Event. After I’d been doing the basic Hunter type lessons for a couple of years I was interested in trying Endurance, but didn’t know how to find it (pre internet days). It turned out that I love Dressage - the training of it, not necessarily showing - which I never guessed until I got into it as a low key introduction to showing for my young, green second horse.

My point is to take this as an opportunity to try things and see what really interests you now, before diving back into a lease or ownership commitment.

[tabula_rashah]

Another thought might be to just post something similar to what you wrote here on a local horse group FB page. Because there are definitely those of us out there with too many horses and not enough time lol

I’ve tried several times to find people to just come ride and learn with me- zero charge other than maybe once or twice a month feed for me (which takes like 30 mins at most). I have horses for the dead beginner up on up, direct access to thousands of acres of trails, and I’m willing to take them with me to competitions and let them use my horse if it gets to that point. I have no problem teaching someone either. I’ve literally only had two people take me up on this offer for real (both of those worked out amazingly but one moved and got his own property/ horses and the other had some major life circumstance changes). The last time I posted looking for someone, I had tons of people answer and exactly 1 show up for a trial ride. She told me she’d taken lessons as a kid and therefore knew everything and didn’t need to me to show her anything, oh and when can she start cantering (um what?lol).

[FjordBCRF]

@tabula_rashah

Another thought might be to just post something similar to what you wrote here on a local horse group FB page. Because there are definitely those of us out there with too many horses and not enough time lol

This is great advice. I happened to find one of these people when I was riding in college. She was looking for one of the Eq students to help her keep her horses in shape and emailed the college to see if anyone was interested. When I met her, she had a 2-3 yo daughter as well so her time was limited.

I reached out to the email (I think I was the ONLY one) and I rode with her from 2004 until 2020 when I bought my gelding. It was an AMAZING opportunity; I basically had open invites to shows and hunter paces and it kept me in the horse world while not letting my skills and muscle memory deteriorate. She had/has nice horses too which was icing on the cake. Had I not met her, there is no way I would have been able to afford as much riding as I got to do all those years and probably would have had a very different trajectory in my life.