PS: When you contact her again to set up a lesson, do not make any mention of the ‘pregnancy’ question. Pretend it never happened. You will only be compounding things if you apologize.
[QUOTE=Lord Helpus;8711303]
PS: When you contact her again to set up a lesson, do not make any mention of the ‘pregnancy’ question. Pretend it never happened. You will only be compounding things if you apologize.[/QUOTE]
Thank you, this is th advice I need at this point. I realize I made a mistake! I can’t undo it. At this point I’m not even sure I should try to contact her again because I feel like I’ve already ruined any prospects of a good professional relationship based on what everyone has said… We’ll see I guess.
[QUOTE=arlosmine;8711222]
I think your anxiety about the mare’s potential prgnancy has polluted your budding relationship with the trainer. Take a deep breath and prioritize.
Do not ask the trainer about questions pertaining to the mare’s health. You are putting her in a very precarious place in terms of feeling liable for any problems that could occur if you follow her advise and it doesn’t “work”. She barely knows you, and does not know enough about the history of the mare to give good advise.
You are already making problems for yourself by listening to your also-anxious friend’s advise. Call the nearest repro specialist and ask for a phone consult immediately. Pay for it. Follow directions. Get her there if you have to. STOP asking questions to anyone who is not a vet.
This all needs to happen before you think about scheduling more riding lessons. Maybe you could schedule a groundwork lesson if you need it. At some point soon I’d get in touch (text or phone) with trainer and say you enjoyed the lesson with her, and would like to have a meeting to discuss going forward in a program with the mare…AFTER you have cleared up whether or not there is a prgnancy.
Separate these two issues, both in your mind and in reality/time.[/QUOTE]
Deep breaths being taken. Thank you for this good advice. I am waiting to get results from the test I’ve already had taken. Should have waited to involve anyone else, I made a mistake, not a lot I can do about it at this point.
The plan had been to lesson on her horse till I get my horse to training, so it’s more just getting timing for training squared away. But who knows, she might not want to work with me anymore. I can’t undo what I’ve done though. I had wanted to schedule ground work lessons with my mare, was not able, did not bring up at lesson because I thought it was stupid…
Either way, issues separated, just waiting to see what happens…
Will be moving the horse from anxious lady’s pasture soon as long as she’s not in foal. I care for my friend but it’s clearly not productive to have the horse there and I need a better setting for horse care support, clearly.
The other thing that stood out to me was that you’re saying the farm you’re boarding at isn’t set up for a good work environment and you’re unsure how the mare would react, being a rescue mare. Asking her to hop on your mare in that environment and then attempt to evaluate her without any groundwork or knowledge of the mare first puts her at risk and she may not want to continue with these lessons. I’d personally put the mare (assuming she’s not pregnant) into her barn, in her program, with her work schedule and a solid safe work environment and let the trainer figure her out. I think you’re asking her to put herself at risk and should instead go take a look at her barn and watch her work one of her green horses. If you like what you see, move the mare in and let the trainer do her thing. I can relate to you being a worrier, I can be one too, but sometimes you’ve got to let a professional make the decisions on when to ride, how much to ride, when to stick with groundwork, etc and then take over when you feel ready.
[QUOTE=Candle;8711388]
The other thing that stood out to me was that you’re saying the farm you’re boarding at isn’t set up for a good work environment and you’re unsure how the mare would react, being a rescue mare. Asking her to hop on your mare in that environment and then attempt to evaluate her without any groundwork or knowledge of the mare first puts her at risk and she may not want to continue with these lessons. I’d personally put the mare (assuming she’s not pregnant) into her barn, in her program, with her work schedule and a solid safe work environment and let the trainer figure her out. I think you’re asking her to put herself at risk and should instead go take a look at her barn and watch her work one of her green horses. If you like what you see, move the mare in and let the trainer do her thing. I can relate to you being a worrier, I can be one too, but sometimes you’ve got to let a professional make the decisions on when to ride, how much to ride, when to stick with groundwork, etc and then take over when you feel ready.[/QUOTE]
Legit, I guess I kinda casually mentioned that, didn’t explain my thinking… Just wanted her to assess (I expect to pay for this), do groundwork, make a bit of progress before I moved her to her farm. Help me feel like I can work her a little on the ground before she goes to training. Definitely agree that it’s up to a pro to make a decision about how to move forward with a horse. I definitely want to move her to the place she’ll be trained because I want someone to tell me what to do with her and for a pro to feel comfortable working with her. I feel like I’ve made a lot of mistakes (not with the horse directly, she’s fine were just not doing much besides manners) and I really want to get her into the hands of a pro ASAP so I can feel confident that I’m doing right by the horse. All this anxiety I have is helping no one in the meantime…
[QUOTE=ernkinz;8711381]
this point I’m not even sure I should try to contact her again because I feel like I’ve already ruined any prospects of a good professional relationship based on what everyone has said… We’ll see I guess.[/QUOTE]
Let’s not be dramatic.
Wait on contacting trainer again until you determine mare’s status RE: pregnancy. Once this has been clarified, find a suitable home for mare with facilities conducive to her training under saddle if she’s not in foal (proceed accordingly if she is). THEN contact trainer.
If she gets back to you within a few days, proceed. If not, chalk it up as a loss, and ask around for the name of another trainer who might be suitable. This really doesn’t need to be drenched in anxiety. She’s not going to pot if you take some time teaching her ground manners and the under saddle work comes later. One thing at a time.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, OP 
It sounds like you are a little overwhelmed right now, and were simply looking for some clear guidance and feedback from someone experienced and trustworthy.
Obviously if the mare is in foal, this will/could change things up for you (and her), so it’s perfectly legitimate to be worried about this, and to want to know what you’re dealing with ASAP.
As the other posters mentioned, the/a trainer is probably not the right person to assuage your worries or offer guidance with this particular issue, but it sounds like the vet will be able to determine her pregnancy status soonish, and once you know you can “go from there.”
Do you have a Barn Manager who might know of someone who would be able to haul your mare to the clinic, if that’s necessary?
Determining whether she “is or isn’t” should be your first order of business, THEN think about moving forward with her training (and yours.)
She won’t languish during this short waiting period 
I am a trainer myself, though I do it P/T and am a “traveling coach”; I go to my students’ facilities to teach them and coach them at competitions, but don’t have my own barn or school horses. I will hop on their horses from time to time “as needed” for tune-ups or demos, but I don’t train the horse for them, per se; I work on improving their riding skills (as well as their groundwork skills), so that the horse can benefit and make progress - no matter what the level or goals. My students range in age and experience (though are not beginners) and I make it a point to be flexible and accommodating.
Since I don’t have a large number of students, I am able to provide each of them with a very personalized service, which means I am available via text and e-mail and phone (though I try ONLY to talk on the phone while I’m on the road: multi-tasking!), and I do a lot of extra stuff for my students above and beyond, and behind the scenes.
I am very much in the minority, since this is NO way to make money! 
(I am also a dog trainer and am the head trainer at a Petsmart store, so have another source of income.)
If you feel like you need someone who is a little more “full-service” (as well as a good, competent, experienced trainer who will help you and your mare), you might want to look around a bit more and see whether you can find someone through a referral (which is how I get all of my students) who might be more of a “niche trainer”, as opposed to one with a larger commercial operation. Most ambitious young trainers are trying to build a business and a name, and are not going to want to jump through extra hoops (or offer behind the scenes support) for individual students since it’s A) time consuming, and B) not worth it, financially.
I don’t think texting her a couple of times was excessive, just the one contact asking about the pregnancy - that was a bit out of left field and I can understand why she wouldn’t want to respond.
All of that said, there is (IMHO) NO excuse for being unprofessional, or for not getting back to paying clients OR potential clients; I have seen this in action (and experienced it a few times), and it’s really $hitty behavior.
Your reputation is GOLD in this business, no matter who you are.
I believe that there is no such thing as “too small a client”, though there are trainers who think that way…
If she isn’t interested enough in your business to respond to your queries about lessons or help, then she is probably trying to tell you something; she is “too busy” to take you on a F/T client, or maybe doesn’t want the hassle of doing a bit more for you than she normally does for students - especially since she doesn’t know you well.
If you continue to get no response, I would move on to someone more, well, “responsive.” Nothing wrong with wanting a bit more from a trainer ;), but they can’t all provide this. It might just not be a good fit, IOW.
Good luck! Try to take a breath, regroup, and stop beating yourself up for being worried, you are entitled to a little worry. It’s horses!
Things will all be okay.
[QUOTE=ernkinz;8711381]
Thank you, this is th advice I need at this point. I realize I made a mistake! I can’t undo it. At this point I’m not even sure I should try to contact her again because I feel like I’ve already ruined any prospects of a good professional relationship based on what everyone has said… We’ll see I guess.[/QUOTE]
You won’t schedule a lesson and do business with her because you asked for too much already? I think most professionals are happy to work… for money. Pay her for her services and all will be fine.
Know, too, that you often can ask a trainer for various recommendations of other professionals or about horse care issues. But that’s only after you have a standing relationship and have proven yourself to be a good client. After all, you’d pay a vet or farrier for his expertise and opinion. Why expect a horse trainer to give you hers for free?
[QUOTE=Lord Helpus;8711303]
PS: When you contact her again to set up a lesson, do not make any mention of the ‘pregnancy’ question. Pretend it never happened. You will only be compounding things if you apologize.[/QUOTE]
It would be irresponsible to “pretend it never happened.”
Your mare is either pregnant or not, and you need to determine which, before you proceed with scheduling another lesson.
Frankly, it sounds as if you might be in a bit over your head.
Rescues can be complicated–lots of people think it’s all birds singing and sweet smelling flowers, and it’s just not, ever.
A pregnant rescue is not all that uncommon, sadly. Did you get this rescue checked out by a vet prior to taking it on? Even a gift horse needs a PPE.
