Forcing child to ride horses for "work ethic"

[Lunabear1988]

It is very very clear that the grandma chose riding because she wishes she was a rider and because my daughter and I ride. I don’t feel it’s the most practical physical activity that could have picked.

This isn’t even the first time she’s had her in riding lessons. They did it when she was younger because they did take Grandma and granddaughter lessons. She told me the girl was not into it back then and kind of scared. Maybe it’ll all play itself out in a few months.

I know we could not afford to pay for something that my daughter just straight up did not enjoy. And I know they are not rich by any means either so it’s just mind-boggling for me. I personally really believe down in my heart that the grandmother should be the one taking the lessons because she’s really interested in it. But she won’t

[Lunabear1988]

Ehh I don’t know. My daughter will happily volunteer to muck and sweep, do laundry, help walk the dogs around the neighborhood. But she absolutely is not the hiking type and hates it. We can go on small hikes but honestly some things are just better planned without your child sometimes. I don’t know if it’s a personality thing or if she’s just not old enough to appreciate the beauty of a hike but is not her jam. But clearly she likes doing other things that take effort.

[jonem004]

Right? There has to be some activity that’ll piss her off without driving all the way out to a barn. Just seems impractical!

[Bluey]

As an instructor decades ago, we were taught to discourage any parent that wanted to push riding on a kid that didn’t want to ride, much less a parent that wanted to force kid.
The reason was, being around horses and riding was a more involved and serious activity, not like pushing a foot dragging kid to practice their piano lessons.

Now, some times we had kids that were interested, but for some reason didn’t want to and those we worked so they could have the horse experience in a way that worked for them, like a very shy or scared kid.

If this kid is uninterested and just goes politely along because Grandma requires she does, doing her best to please her, that is different, but seems like a waste of everyone’s time more than helping the kid learn any other than obeying, doing what told.

[trubandloki]

To answer your question - I have no children so I realize my opinion means squat.

As I have already said, I am not a fan of forcing a kid do to something that is expensive and dangerous when the kid is not paying attention.

I am all for teaching kids commitment, I am all for having kids do things they do not want to do, I am all for well rounded kids.
But why start a kid on an expensive and dangerous hobby that they have no interest in doing at any level. This is not a kid who begged for lessons and then when they started them realized they were work and they now want to quit. This is a kid who was never interested in this hobby.

Why not find a way to combine this child’s love for art with some outdoor thing. Like the fun rock painting thing that seems to be happening all about now. She can make some fancy rocks and then take long hikes to leave them on trails and then hike back later to see if anyone found them.

Not everyone does sports. Not everyone has to like doing sports.

[chestnutmarebeware]

Let me count the ways I was “tortured” as a child with lessons I hated: ballet, gymnastics, swimming, tennis, sailing, oh, and being sent away to summer camp every summer. I moaned and whined to no avail. . My pony was the only thing I loved.

The upside? I’m a strong swimmer with less chance of drowning, am more flexible even now, years later, have better hand-eye coordination and basic skill with “social” activities that always serve me well.

Bottom line, even activities that we dislike can have positive outcomes in the long run. Trying new things doesn’t have a downside.

[Scribbler]

As a child I was an artistic daydreamy kid but also obsessed with horses and loved the outdoors. I didn’t have great time management or organizational skills. By the time I got my horse in self board though I was 14 and was super responsible and committed to the horse, more than anything else. I feel like the horse brought out a developing focus and responsibility but didn’t teach it.

I know as a preteen I could sit there knowing I should get off my ads and clean the bird cage or something but just not be able to do it. I dont however remember whining about school or piano lessons. I didn’t practice enough but I dutifully went.

By and large children did not whine back then. Temper tantrums yes. But not whining.

[B_and_B]

Not everyone wants to be involved with horses, and that is ok! Growing up, my brother and I went in very different directions: I worked with and rode horses, and starting at age 13 worked at the barn to pay for my lessons. My brother loved classical ballet, seven days a week immediately after school into the evening and then all day on the weekend. He ended up retiring in his thirties as a soloist for Canada’s premier ballet company. Very different directions. I hated ballet with a passion (mostly a body image thing, teenage girls are beyond savage); he appreciates horses from a very far distance.
To be honest, his work ethic is far better than mine. Horses are not the be all and end all. It sounds like a lot of projection on Grandma’s part.

[FjordBCRF]

No kids here, but I was a kid that was put in every lesson under the sun OTHER than horses when I was young, knowing I wanted to ride, and hated them all. My parents would make me finished out the season or whatever they paid for and if I didn’t want to continue, I didn’t have to. Finally in about second grade they gave into the horse lessons and 30 years later I am still going strong haha.

I did have a natural proclivity for flute, and stuck with those lessons but it coming so easy and all the praise I got, I think I liked. I was talking with SO this weekend about this actually! I had qualified to play in a youth orchestra in high school that was hard to get into and would have looked great on applications if I would have pursued music in college. Practice was on Saturdays and over an hour away though. I ultimately chose not to do it, because at that time, I had my first horse and wanted to spend my free time at the barn. I know my mom would have taken the time out of her day to take me there and back, but I think she was relieved when I chose not to do it because it would have killed most of the day haha. It was my choice though, and my parents helped me weigh pros and cons.

I know a LOT of parents that do the same in regards to putting their kids into a variety of different activities, but often will push the kid past the first session even if they don’t want to, for reasons mentioned in other comments. I think that is a waste of money and not worth the hassle. Its definitely good to find something a kid enjoys and become involved with, for many, if they don’t have something constructive, they will find something destructive. Pushing too hard though I think can also be destructive too; I’m thankful I had some say in the activities I wanted to do, and for how long I had to do them.

[S1969]

@jonem004

Right? There has to be some activity that’ll piss her off without driving all the way out to a barn. Just seems impractical!

LOL honestly, driving to one riding lesson/week and sitting in your car reading a book while your child rides? That’s heaven compared to some of the schedules for things like soccer, Girl Scouts, swim teams, etc.

Sure, riding can be dangerous when you are jumping and/or working with unknown horses, but the average up-down lesson horse is pretty safe. 30 minutes of walk trot work in a circle isn’t incredibly dangerous. The sport most likely to result in injuries at that age (in my opinion/experience with friends) - soccer.

As a parent, I would dislike hearing my child complain about something all week far more than I would mind the one lesson/week. So, it’s possible that in this situation, the child isn’t as disinterested and/or traumatized by their one lesson a week as it sounds. All little girls don’t need to go to sleep in riding boots in order to make riding lessons useful - they teach balance and strength, also compassion and teamwork.

She doesn’t have to love it.

If she were truly afraid - that’s a different story. My younger daughter was never super brave (about anything) but after a riding fall she really became afraid. I did not make her ride after that. We have a mini and our trainer taught her to ground drive. That was a great match.

[clanter]

If she were truly afraid - that’s a different story. My younger daughter was never super brave (about anything) but after a riding fall she really became afraid.

a mid teen girl who was afraid of her shadow attended a summer riding camp my daughter ran only because she was forced to because her sister was the standard head over heels about horses girl who wanted to attend and their parents made both go since one wanted to attend.

This girl was truly the only kid that ever attended my daughters horse camps that was scared to death around horses.

With considerable attention she slowly overcame her fears as our horses were really kid friendly.

She did OK, not a great or even a very good rider but became confident in other ways after she saw she could do something that she was scared of doing.

Much to my amazement I found out that after high school she joined the US Marine Corps

[js]

Enlighten Grandma that if the girl falls in love with riding she will want her own horse, then hand her a list of the expenses of owning, boarding, farrier, vet and lessons; problem solved.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

I wish the grandmother would find a stable where she could take lessons appropriate for someone her age, finances, and ability! It seems like so many barns are just geared to start little kids in the saddle.

In my experience, kids who were genuinely forced to ride don’t come to love it and have a great work ethic. They become the people at work who corner you with their scary and unpleasant riding experiences and get in your head before you leave for the barn.

If the child has any affection for horses and an urge to ride but whines about the lessons, that’s a bit different. Sometimes a different situation can be helpful, like private lessons at a less competitive barn for a kid who loves animals but isn’t terribly athletic and is outpaced by others her age in group lessons.

Also, being outdoors is important, even for indoorsy kids who like to read and do art all day (I say as a big book nerd). But with horseback riding, there isn’t just the kid involved, there’s also the horse, and it’s not fair to the pony to put a kid on his back who is doing her best to communicate she doesn’t want to be there.

[Lunabear1988]

Hmmm actually you are on to something there. Years ago, grandma took lessons herself. She said she loves horses but realized she only wanted to be outside and trail ride. And that it there was no way she could afford to own a horse or do anything more than a weekly lesson. Absolutely could never own.

So now I’m wondering if that is actually one reason that grandma is okay taking her, even though she doesn’t like it. There will be no begging for a pony one there is no passion.

[S1969]

@clanter

This girl was truly the only kid that ever attended my daughters horse camps that was scared to death around horses.

With considerable attention she slowly overcame her fears as our horses were really kid friendly.

Well there is a huge difference between kids who are afraid of horses but want to ride anyway, versus kids who are afraid and don’t want to ride because of their fear.

My guess is that this teenage rider wanted to overcome her own fear - and was not being “forced” to ride despite her fear. That’s totally ok.

[clanter]

she had no desire to even touch a horse, her interests were elsewhere

[Equkelly]

IMO it’s not that the riding lessons itself will traumatize a kid, but repeatedly ignoring kids absolutely will. It’s a great way to make a kid feel isolated and unheard. Anytime you don’t listen to people about the little stuff how can you expect them to confide in you about the big stuff?

[S1969]

@Equkelly

IMO it’s not that the riding lessons itself will traumatize a kid, but repeatedly ignoring kids absolutely will. It’s a great way to make a kid feel isolated and unheard. Anytime you don’t listen to people about the little stuff how can you expect them to confide in you about the big stuff?

It’s impossible for anyone outside of this family to comment on whether or not the child is “being ignored.”

Having to take a lesson you don’t love is not really traumatic. As was posted above, it’s kind of being a kid.

It’s very likely that the child had asked for riding lessons at one time. Or was given a choice between riding or soccer. Or has requested 33 different clubs/activities over the last 3 years and then quit…etc. etc. etc.

My kids were forced to take piano lessons as well. They lived to tell the tale.
And 4-H.
And Russian.

They didn’t love them all, but I don’t believe they need counseling as a result of not getting their way when they wanted to quit.

[candyappy]

Sports of every kind are filled with kids who are there for no other reason than their parent/ guardian/ grandparent has forced them to be there. I have never seen the value of forcing your kids to do something that you like to do ( wished you excelled at etc ).

It won’t kill the child to take a lesson once a week. Life is full of having to do things we wish we didn’t have to.

Hopefully grandma will listen to her soon or the instructor will advise that riding isn’t her interest and they will move onto something that she likes to do.

[clanter]

It won’t kill the child to take a lesson once a week.

that is Hopefully …when I was a regional youth director for a breed association, in my area there were six children killed in riding accidents (none were related to the breed I worked with) … admittedly I do not believe any of those deaths occurred during riding lesion but there have been kids killed in lesion programs

PLUMSTEAD TOWNSHIP ** GIRL, 16, DIES FROM INJURIES AFTER FALLING OFF HORSE