Funny Sheath Cleaning Song written by a COTH'er!

[californianinkansas]

I came across this in one of the (truly inspired) comments on the Snarky Rider fan page.
UPDATE: The first song was written by our very own COTH’er, Amwrider.

Sheath cleaning songs:

To the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it”…

If it’s hanging and you see it lube your hands
If it’s hanging and you see it lube your hands
If it’s hanging and you see it
Grab it quick it’s time to clean it
If it’s hanging and you see it lube your hands.

If it’s peely and it’s crusty pick it off
If it’s peely and it’s crusty pick it off
If it’s peely and it’s crusty
and the smell is kind of musty
If it’s peely and it’s crusy pick it off

If his weenie has a beanie dig it out
If his weeny has a beanie dig it out
If his weiner has a beaner
Pull it out and he’ll be cleaner
If his weenie has a beenie dig it out

Now he’s happy and you know it wash your hands
Now he’s happy and you know it wash your hands
It’s a job that’s kind of kinky
And now your hands are really stinky
But he’s happy and you know it wash your hands.

The Sheath Cleaning Song #2
Author
Unknown

Sing it to the tune of “Hello Mother, Hello Father”
from camp song

How’s it hangin’?
So much cleaner.
Aren’t you glad I
washed your wiener?

I’ll admit it’s
kinda creepy
that I had to stick my arm up in your pee-pee.

It was sticky.
It was gunky.
It felt icky.
It smelled funky.

It was cruddy,
it was crusty–
when you stuck it out, it creaked like it was rusty.

After half an
hour of toilin’
and of squirtin’
baby oil in,
you’re as fresh there
as a daisy.

Either this means I love you or else I’m crazy!!!

And one for Mares …

Sung to the
tune of " Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda " :

Is it clean now
Near your udder?
Is it smooth now
Smooth as butter?
It’s a chore that
I’m not keen on
I’m either something to be kicked
Or else to lean on

There’s much crust there
'Tween your teatsies
More disgusting
Than your feetsies
I’ll admit it’s kinda scarey
To be reaching under you where it’s not hairy.

It is black and kinda peely
Sometimes chunky, but ideally
It’s a good thing, all in all
So you don’t rub your tail raw upon the stall
wall.

Now the mare folks
Have their own diddy
About cleaning their mare’s titty
Hope you’ve had some slight enjoyment
As for me I might be facing unemployment!

[sorrelfilly721]

OMG - love these! I think my fave is “teatsies more disgusting than your feetsies” hee hee hee hee hee

[Amwrider]

I actually wrote the first one (Happy and you know it) and it first appeared here on COTH in 2003 or 2004 if I recall correctly. The udder cleaning song was also written by a COTHer.

[Philippi]

Thank you for writing this brilliant piece of music, it shall stay in my favorites file for years to come and will be shared with all my teenage students.

[californianinkansas]

[QUOTE=Amwrider;7725092]
I actually wrote the first one (Happy and you know it) and it first appeared here on COTH in 2003 or 2004 if I recall correctly. The udder cleaning song was also written by a COTHer.[/QUOTE]

Amwrider,
I’ve updated the title of the thread and my original post to cite you as the author of this brilliant and hilarious song. bows respectfully

[regalace]

I am pretty sure the second one was written by a member of the Equine-L listserv named Pat Harris, many years ago. She also wrote a good, and funny, set of directions for sheath cleaning that are still floating around the internet.

[Goforward]

I just sang each one out loud to my husband (who has finally come to grips with having to clean his own horses sheath). I now have tears of laughter streaming down my face!

[regalace]

Also, can I just say, my mother is never allowed to own a gelding again. She has one now, after several mares, and will not clean its sheath. (Nor will my dad do it for her.) I have to do it every time I go home to visit, and that boy gets disgusting! Also rubs his beautiful palomino tail right out when he’s due for a cleaning.

[Amwrider]

Song #2 has been around for a while. The made song was also written by a COTHer but would have to go back quite a ways to see who it was. She was writing it at work, hence the ending.

[Mukluk]

I have a mare, huge improvement over a gelding in terms of cleaning. But Mr. Mukluk has a gelding- and it’s getting to be “time.” I have this feeling I will be doing it.

[littlebaypony]

Laugh out loud funny but at the same time, truly gross