Trainer: “Stop worrying, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
Me: “I could fall off and die.”
Trainer: “Okay, nevermind. Don’t think, just ride!”
And another one once said:
“Ooh, that EMT is cute. You should fall off so I can meet him.”
Sorry I just had to bump it so that they keep coming! This thread is SO funny!
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers -Joseph Blosephina
PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)
http://www.dhtmlnirvana.com
Old trainer as I failed (again) to wake up my horse and keep him from stumbling “Have a nice trip, I’ll see you in the fall”
“I am not going to move the jumps! I promise! So LOOK UP!”
“Yellowhorse good” “He gets dinner tonight!” (always kidding)
“You ask nice once and then you break his ribs!” (or “and then you kill him!”)
“Wake him up, wake him up, crop, kick! See he wasn’t awake…were you awake?” (going to and after a crappy fence)
“He looks good…do you feel ok?”
*
“I’ve this creeping
suspicion that things here are not as they seem…”
ever so slightly…bumb…bump
Ahhh…there we go 
Andrea and Dreamer
“Where will judging and showing go from here?–not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We’ll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he’ll always tell us…if we were born to listen.” - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)
when I take my horsey over to the mounting block and lead him so he’s right next to it, my trainer says “Step right up!” and after lessons she says “Quarter’s up!”
~MP
Everybody needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll go ride my horse
(When I kept breaking from canter to trot on my tank Hanoverian on small circle) "Ok, so you pressed the ‘Whoa G’Dammit’ button when you wanted the ‘Whoa’ button…Don’t press the 'Whoa G’dammit!!
(When my chicken horse started galloping courses for once instead of stopping) “His name’s Dragoon, isn’t it?? Then DRAG-ON, Baby!! .”
(after a particularly difficult jumping lesson)
Gretchen: Where’s your crop?
Me: In the barn…
Gretchen: Well that’s a helpful place for it. Is it keeping the cross ties from misbehaving?
When I innocently ask for a break on anything, she innocently replies: “Why, you’re not dead yet.”
“Ok, let’s try that again and jump the jump this time…”
“Try that again…Try that again…Try that again…OK, enough trying, DO that again.”
“Ok, so what did we learn from this pleasant experience??”
(after chipping a fence) “How’d those flowers taste?”
(Me doing my hour lesson without stirrups) “Keep going, you’re doing great. I’ll let you know if you’re dying.”
Other Trainer Quotes:
(to a group of beginner girls) “Your two point is just like peeing in the woods…unless your a guy, then it’s totally different. But none of you girls are guys…I think…”
“Do you pee in the woods like that!? You must not be a hiker…”
“Good horse. Bad rider.”
[I]- “Don’t look at your horse…I’ll tell you if you fall off.”
- “The base of the jump is your friend and the way you ride you can never have enough friends.”
[/I]
I’m so sorry, my trainer never says anything really funny. I bet tomorrow, after I have said this, she will say something funny!
Member and co-founder Thread Killers Anonymous.
Self proclaimed fashion police.
Poindexter, may he rest in peace.
President of the Late Nite Posters
“TUCK THAT BUTT IN!” (my butt tends to stick out like a getto butt cause of my slight curve in my back.
“SHOULDERS BACK!!!”
"LEG, LEG, LEG!!! )(when I’m on a slow horse)
“WOAH, WOAH, SIT TROT TO THE FENCE!”(when I’m on a hot horse)
“Get my hat and chaps!” When hot horsey is being a jerk.
“MAKE HIM JUMP THAT FENCE!!!” When bad horsey stops in front if it.
I love my trainer. She taught me not to be scared of stoppers and naughty horses.
http://www.dmtc.com/dmtc98/Pedigree/
I’m a Microbiologist!
I was on my way to a show with my old trainer and we were talking about this green bean that he was having another girl at the barn show for him. He told me all about how “last time I brought that psycho here she almost killed me by rearing up on the edge of a steep hill.” then proceeds to tell the girl the next day that “oh this one’s a saint! she won’t do a THING to you! wouldn’t hurt a fly!” AAAHHH
~MP
Donut girl strikes again: ‘my bro’s bday is tomorrow and instead of cake we’re having DONUTS!!!’
Co Founder: Children’s Jumper Clique!!! Member of the GA clique
My eyes are bleeding. - first dressage test schooling. 
Andrea and Dreamer
“Where will judging and showing go from here?–not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We’ll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he’ll always tell us…if we were born to listen.” - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)
Said at back gate of A/A hunter ring:
(referring to the horse) “Alrighty then, he’s out there all alone today.”
my trainer has endless Blaze rhymes, my fave is:
Blaze Blaze hes our man
if Katy sits up he knows he can!!!
there is also:
Blaze Blaze hes our man
if he can’t jump it no one can!!!
~Blaze~
never send a horse to do a pony’s job
member of the PC clique
“It’s Butt Appreciation Day!!”
When I round my back.
http://www.mistyvalley.com/thehorseroom
~Gitter Clique~Willem Fan Club~Thoroughbred Clique~Do-It-YOURSELF Clique
My trainer once was counting for me and I was on a pony for about the 2nd time in 3 months.
What she said: “Three…”
What I heard: “Leave…”
And I always get yelled at for the “wingy” distance- this one I got a “KKKRRRIIISSSTTTAAA!”
Or “Add a bazillion!” (I leave long but I coulda left longer) “THATS NOT ADDING!”
This is not a true story
Dressage lesson-
“Do you have hemorroids?”
“no”
“Then get your @ss in the saddle”
Asking what horse to ride-
“Just ride Idiot Features”
“Which one is Idiot Features?”
“Does it matter?”
“Sit up, sit up, leg, leg, LEG, BLOODY LEG!!”
ahh the good ones
“If your trying to ride the course by brail, IT’S NOT WORKING!”
“Isn’t there supposed to be a NECK that is in between the head to shoulders? RELAX”
“Please, step into my office” (C.Bessett)
“I run this freak show here”
“theres no crying in baseball.
me- this isn’t baseball
trainer- exactly, now GO”
This ISN’T the merry-go-round/circus so PLEASE lengthen your stride!
No matter how good the horse looks, somewhere someone is tyred of cleaning up after it!
When I switched to eventing my (at that point) new trainer wrote a list of things I needed to get. On the list was
-Whip. A real whip. I dont mean one of those hunter princess fly swatters.
-Spurs. Real Spurs. On XC, we don’t “tickle”, we “jab”.
And below that she wrote in very large capital letters “NEVER GO TO WAR (xc) WITHOUT YOUR WEAPONS”.
-Amanda
There is a fine line between dreams and reality, it’s up to you to draw it. ~B. Quilliam
In my eq lesson today…
“Yes I know he’s a big horse and these are easy for him, but a little legging might make him get over the jump instead of sitting on them!”
-5 minutes later
“That jump is a stepover, SIT THERE and do nothing!”
the best- she looks at my big ole 17.3 “pony” after he was clunking the rails and says very sweetly
“Hunny, PLEASE, I just painted these rails, and I’d rather you not use the brail method of going around the course!”
I almost fell off laughing
This is not a true story
yet another one:
“STOP doing that or i am going to START swearing at you!!!”
during a dressage lesson:
“your arms are like dead pieces of meat” then “i know you think it is disgusting” (i am a vegatarian) “but it is true!!!”
~Blaze~
never send a horse to do a pony’s job
member of the PC clique
How about this one:
“Thank you for finally riding your horse”
^-^
Don’t ask me, I’m just the mom!
~Proud member of the Thoroughbred Clique~
If Dressage is Symphony, and Eventing is Rock 'n Roll, then Hunters must be R & B
