DM’s rambling prose lacks clarity in a serious way. I’m concerned that it would be even scarier if he wrote more clearly.
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Restorative justice requires the offender to take responsibility for the harm he has caused and somehow make amends.
DM wants the feel good outcome of restorative justice, which ends with the reintegration of the offender into the community, forgiven by the people harmed, but at the same time DM can’t really wrap his mind around the element of taking responsibility for the harm (“So what’s wrong with anal rape of minors; don’t be so prudish”).
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I don’t see how slitting the throat of a goat achieves vengeance or justice for the sexual abuse of children, let alone any other wrongdoing. I may be in the minority here, but to me, it just doesn’t make sense to involve livestock in these matters. This Duncan fella has some odd ideas.
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He was referring to the concept of “scapegoating.” It has ancient biblical roots in society, but is also used in a modern psychiatric sense. He has essentially declared RG and GM have been “scapegoated.”
He is mis-applying the concept of scapegoating though. Just like he’s mis-applying the concept of restorative justice.
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I think lex was joking :lol: because Duncan sounds that crazy
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I am so stunned by his comments, I’m sort of unable to understand what is going on or figure out subtlty 
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oh I completely understand. This situation has left.me feeling much the same when the crazies get on a roll.
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“Digital penetration” and “sodomy” as used in SafeSport investigative reports is "criminal language, yes. Because - wait for it -
When the subject is an adult male digitally penetrating and/or sodomizing a MINOR, it’s CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR!!!
See how that works?
ETA: Duncan’s postings on the subject sound disturbingly like he’s trying out material for a speech to NAMBLA. (Don’t Google that acronym - if you don’t know it, ask someone you know well).
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If you don’t want to Google there is a South Park episode…
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Yup. I know what that one is… wish I didn’t.
Honestly… I’m a parent. Of kids who are young as well, and one of whom is a similar age to his. I just can’t fathom how ANY parent of kids at these young ages, who also has a wife who coaches young kids could feel like it is acceptable to actually speak this way.
I know plenty of progressive people and have plenty of gay friends - and family. No one I know thinks the situations this guy has described are ok. It’s child abuse. No adults - gay or straight - that I know and consider friends or loved ones think this behavior is ok.
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I’ve been trying to type a response, but I got nothin’. This is why Safe Sport is needed, because repulsive dumbasses like this somehow thinks an 11 year old is capable of consent.
Jesus wept.
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This DM should be reported and have his child removed. I feel physically sick that he has a child. And there is nothing funny about this.
Anyone who supports GM supports his behavior. I have had my eyes opened by people who stand with him. There appears to be no ethics or morals in this part of the horse world.
Time for change.
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I know. Those words. Just unbelievable. That’s a sick SOB.
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He is a disgusting human being who obviously can’t see what anyone who has suffered those acts might feel. I’m sorry for his family and hope they get away from him. That’s one of the worst cases of victim blaming I’ve seen. I wonder what the conversations with his wife about her ordeal were like. Did he blame her, and if so, why is she still with this creep?
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I need a shower after reading that. Truly disgusting.
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I won’t speak for Duncan’s wife, but one of the (sad and disturbing) phenomenon that we see with some abuse victims is that they (consciously or unconsciously) seek out partners - either long-term or short-term - who are similar or identical in many ways to their abuser, using that person to act as a placeholder (or replacement) for their abuser. I’ve seen it firsthand, with a few women I’ve met over the years who were abused or exploited, either as children or adults and openly admitted to being abused or exploited. Perhaps that is what happened with her.
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This is a cycle that I think a lot of people don’t realize. For decades the criminal justice system has had a singular focus. The rights of the accused. It’s only been in recent times where the system has considered the rights of the victims.
I hope all those who criticize how Safe Sport reaches their conclusions think about what if it was their kid? What if your kid was a victim and reported a BNT? Would your view be the same? Would you be okay if the police didn’t have enough to prosecute? Would you force your child to take the stand even though they didn’t want to out of fear? Would you tell them that BNT couldn’t have possibly done such a thing because you never saw it? Would you condemn them for not having the strength and knowledge as a child to come forward when they finally muster the courage as an adult?
People honestly need to educate themselves on rape and sexual assault. They need to educate themselves about how it impacts victims, especially children. People need to stop hiding behind their interpretation of the law and actually see the damage these crimes do. That damage doesn’t begin and end with the victim. It spreads.
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@LexInVA I hear what you are saying, but it’s important to tread lightly as these issues are incredibly complicated.
I will state with respect to my own personal experience… being molested as a child, and then having my own parents pressure me to essentially recant my accusation against another family member, go to counseling and then confirm to my parents and the counselor that I was “fine” and had no need to talk about anything ever again because it probably was just a minor misunderstanding… and completely bury the experience and carry on with life as a minor living in a household while still in close contact with the person who did actually molest me… it did SERIOUS damage to my self esteem.
When a child gets the message that bad things, and deeply inappropriate sexual things that cross fundamental boundaries can happen in relationships with family or trusted adults, and they need to try and handle it and keep quiet in order for people (like their parents, siblings, coaches, and close friends) to continue accepting them and maintain a loving, caring and close connection…
It’s a dangerous lesson that gets carried forward into adulthood.
I personally went through 2 seriously sexually and physically abusive relationships in my late teens and very early twenties. The two people were nothing like the person who abused me as a child. Nor were they anything like the adults involved in covering up/encouraging me to stay quiet about my childhood abuse. But my damaged self esteem did lead me into these relationships. And my tendency to accept unacceptable behavior, and cover it up/smooth it over and get incredibly anxious about being abandoned by anyone who theoretically “loved” me?
All of those issues caused me to stay in those relationships much longer than makes ANY sense to me now, given that I have gone through years and years of therapy, and been in a healthy, non abusive marriage for many years.
There is a REAL danger to children to give them the message that when people unilaterally violate their physical and sexual boundaries… people who are much older and in a position of power… people the children have no interest in sexually… because they are CHILDREN… that acting like it’s no big deal and just brushing it on under the rug is a healthy, viable choice the child can and should make.
In particular, when a parent conveys to their own child that just accepting this boundary violation and moving forward like it’s no big deal is something the parent hopes the child DOES choose? And some parents do, understandably, just want the issue of their child having spoken up and claimed to have been molested to just disappear… trust me… that is a sad but true fact of how some flawed human beings are wired…
It’s a really sad thing. It can lead to unintended consequences for years on end down the road.
Children are not capable of giving consent to certain activities. This is something the legal world, and field of pediatrics and psychology agree on. DMs repeated assertion that they actually CAN sometimes consent? Well… that’s wrong and dangerous. Children who are taught this can indeed grow up to be adults who convince themselves that they have “sort of” consented to all sorts of abuse. Or given someone a “mixed message”… thus justifying the abusive and boundary violating way they were treated. An adult who is unclear on their own boundaries, unsure about speaking up, and has low self esteem from experiencing childhood abuse and repeated toxic relationships from childhood forward into their teens and young adult years?
Its a really sad thing and they often end up in multiple abusive relationships over the course of a lifetime.
Addressing these issues early on, in a correct way and giving children a healthy message about boundaries can dramatically impact the direction of their entire life.^ This is a very very very complicated dynamic. I hear what you are saying,
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Animal sacrifices to god or the gods were common in ancient history. Perhaps he is saying, especially in light of the suicide, that we as a society are vengefully sacrificing people, rather than telling their victims to accept their apologies and bringing them back into society. Not that I’ve heard any apologies or expressions of remorse or responsibility.
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Virginia Horse Mom, thank you so much for sharing, I really enjoy reading your post and learn so much every time! I am also very sorry for what you have been through, although I know you’re not looking for sympathy, it’s very clear you are strong, I really admire you!
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