del
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That’s right. Thanks. So one more town over from Wellington.
Was just thinking about how some parents think “ the talk’ is don’t get into a plain white creeper van to see the puppies if they are under 12 and STDs, condoms and pills for 15 and 16 year olds and patting them on the back.
The Casting Couch is rarely,if ever, discussed and guessing never outside of girls the entertainment industry.
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He didn’t. Seemed to be Phelps Media’s list.
Regarding see something/say something. I left a barn because of inappropriate behavior between a pair of adult men and young girls. I up and moved my entire operation from my “home” of 15 years because it was made obvious to me that management didn’t care and wasn’t going to “get involved”. So I figured it was up to me to keep these girls safe and I moved. I took a huge financial hit in doing so as this barn was prime located in a highly competitive demographic with tons of traffic. Frankly, I’m still trying to recover 10 years later. I never wonder if I did the right thing but I do miss the business that place generated.
There were a pair of obscenely wealthy mid 50’s men who brought their horses in and who were way too “friendly” with the young girls. The comments, the looks, they were one thing, but when I caught one of them asking a 13 year old to “help” him zip up his half chaps in a quiet corner of the barn aisle I lost my shit. It’s hard to describe on the surface but the look of absolute leerish pleasure that dirty old rich man had on his face when the 13yo awkwardly went to comply made me want to take a 1000 showers. Yes I intervened, yes I went straight to management, yes I said it’s them or me. Well it was me that had to go because in my opinion, that is not ok and I do not want to do business in an establishment that protects and gives shelter to child predators. The barn wasn’t interested in displeasing their new outrageously rich and well connected clients. The rich can do as they please in this world.
On the flip side, I can’t say a damn word about this GM thing (other then here) because I work with these people. To speak up against GM would be career suicide or very near akin to it. These people rule the h/j world and that’s all there is to it. It’s like a snake pit and you have to be very careful how you navigate in it.
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This is what bothers me…nearby there is a registered sex offender that runs a boarding/training barn and lesson program. He’s very well known in the horse community around here. And yet…parents happily hand over their money and drop their daughters off to train/lesson with this guy. Most of the parents don’t even bother to stick around; you can get run over by the minivans that barely slow down while tossing their kids out in the courtyard. And they leave them there all day, unsupervised. Do they think he’s harmless because he’s married?
I’ve heard him at shows making comments about various girls…not comments any 40 something adult male should be thinking, let alone saying out loud.
Don’t parents thoroughly check out these people first? With the internet, it’s pretty darn easy to do. Why do parents just turn their children over to anybody claiming to be a coach?
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If you (generic) can’t stand up alone against a huge wrong, then you are part of the problem. There are two reasons to stand up alone, as wretchedly difficult as that might be. One, you might be the first step to ending the problem. And two, you will be able to respect yourself.
I’ve never been able to understand how people can respect themselves, live with themselves, if they know about a huge problem and look away. Looking away is giving approval.
The wonderful thing is that if you stand up alone, you will usually find that there are people who will follow you. They were just waiting for a leader to come along. Then you are not alone.
Of course, you may not succeed in your endeavor. In that case, you may suffer consequences. But you will be able to respect yourself and that is the key to all happiness.
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You are not alone. I remember when the Catholic church stuff hit the fan. I knew men who, 40 years on, were confronting those painful chapters of their past. They absolutely faced local blowback for their decision to go public (to any extent) about what happened to them. In other words, I think you can find many moments (and not only in the 20th century, LOL), when the Catholic church was just as gloriously “aloft” above reality and the kind of accountability that lesser people and institutions faced. The equine world isn’t more elite than the Catholic church!
From my point of view, it’s only the slow, painful and honest additions of stories like yours that add up like little grains of sand on one side of the scales of justice before things change. Do not “take your grain of sand off those scales” by minimizing your experience. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t do that for other people who need to know what they don’t want to know. You are not required to STFU so that other people can remain blissfully clueless.
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I’d like to know. I work with horse killers and insurance fraudsters, people who cheat and lie and steal, everyone knows and no one cares. These names are all over the internet and parents just pick the closest barn with the cheapest lessons and do as you stated; drop kiddos off and never think twice about it.
Meanwhile, there’s a few people like me out there–teaching a high quality lesson with appropriate and well trained school horses for a fair price, always above board in ethics and customer service and I’m constantly financially anxious. Why? Because I’m nobody from nowhere and never had my name associated with a big medal win or a big money horse. My parents weren’t rich, I didn’t show in the Junior ring, I didn’t even own a horse. I started as a groom and a stall mucker and a pony ride leader and a livery guide and somehow got a foot in the door but that’s all so here I am.
It kills me. Honest to god. It doesn’t matter the quality of your teaching and coaching and training, all that matters is the money you come from and who you associate with. That’s the truth.
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Question for those in the multitude of professions/fields outside of horses: What are some of the other professions etc, that institute SS/MAAPP like policies? I would be interested in a list, to pass this info onto others in explaining the value of SS and MAAPP. So far, I’ve come up with: Education, Health care, Law (“the Bar”). What else? Does 4H and FFA have them? I would hope so!. Thank you.
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Even if the abuse and molestation is not happening to YOU as a child, you can still be damaged from it. I speak from personal experience. It is very hard to write about. I had this sort of thing happening around me in my junior high and high school years. I did not have a vocabulary for it. I just knew I felt endangered. I went from a happy, carefree child to one that woke up nearly every night with screaming nightmares. Somehow I knew my newly developing body made me prey. And unsafe. I became too thin through a devotion to long distance running-- no one remarked on a child who became so thin her periods stopped. They all put it down to the effects of long distance running. It was not deliberate, or not concious, but looking back, I did it to try to keep my body from making me unsafe. I kept puberty at bay for a couple of years-- my development into a woman stopped in its tracks because of how thin I was. I was nervous, jittery, unhappy. No one understood it and no one put a name to the abuse and molestation in my school environment.
I went away as an exchange student. It seemed like the only way to get away when I was fifteen or sixteen. In that new environment, free from sexual predators, I regained my sense of self, regained the weight I should have had, quit seeing my body as my enemy, no longer had screaming nightmares, got my periods back.
Then I had to go back, and I had one long semester of high school left in that horrible environment. I still had no vocabulary for what I felt, for what was going on around me. But I did know how to stand my ground, with the confidence and healing I had in a year away from that place. This is not, by the way, victim blaming. But having healed somewhat from the horrors, I was able to stay in a healthy place. Even if it meant teachers and others saying how changed I was, how wild, how the thin, compliant, shy girl had become so boldly outspoken and brazen. I quit long distance running. And I counted the days until I was free of that horrible place. Forever.
Now I can look back and understand. Now I can look back, and have the words and the vocabulary to name the things that were going on, and to know that they were wrong. That adults preyed on the children who had every right to trust them. That no one wanted to know about it. That no one wanted to admit, years later, what was going on.
I never went back for a high school reunion or a home coming. I nearly did-- once-- and then I just stopped in my tracks and gave myself permission to not go. I had no desire to do anything that would bring back the memory of those times. I had left it behind me as best I could and it was going to stay there.
I was not abused or molested. I can only imagine how much worse it was for those who were. There is great damage done simply by putting a child in that environment. A child will have a strong instinct of being in danger. The stress of having to live with that on a daily basis, of having people act like the environment was normal and nothing was wrong, of having to internalize all that fear… of not being able to trust the people who you should have been able to… it leaves a life long mark.
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Regarding complaints to USEF - I believe a non-member can make a complaint now, but was that always the case? I’m not in the US so not terribly familiar with USEF rules.
In the years prior to Safe Sport, could a non-member mom make a formal complaint about something she saw at a USEF sanctioned event? Something that didn’t rise to a “call the cops” situation…
I haven’t read GM’s book that has been referenced here several times. It seems that he may have started off breaking some “rules”, and then was emboldened by getting away with it. I may be way off with that, just my take.
You are exactly the sort of trainer I would love to have. Exactly. I’m afraid I’d never make your name though. Waaaay too old and in it for fun. :lol:
So much of the world works the way you talk about, and it always has. Not just the horse business.
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No worries, I have no interest in a “name”. That sort of thing requires that you associate with these people more then I already have to, one way or another. You’re the type of student I adore. You’re also tricky to find.
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Why do you keep referring back to the Court system ?
GM is appealing the SafeSport ban within the SafeSport parameters.
Do you mean protesting SafeSports makeup and procedures to the Federal Senate that passed the bill ??
I can’t even imagine that he’s going to spearhead a #METOO movement for pedophiles
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Another question, for a horse professional wanting to create and institute a policy to cover the MAAPP guidelines and distribute to parents and clients, are there any resources available to help develop such a document for their business? This especially pertains to those trying to avoid the $$$ of a lawyer, or in the case of being in a rural area with no relevant legal expertise available for hundreds of miles (think out west in some of the rather limited populated areas). I recognize, that the first place to access, of course, is the MAAPP policy itself. Any other suggestions?
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Across the street from Target. So you have a landmark.
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All of this needs to change. It should not cost you a 10 year climb back to do the right thing. Nor should you be forced now to look the other way. Again, I put the onus on the source of the money in this industry-- the rich people who have the option of buying the kind of service and ethics that are important to them. Too bad something like SafeSport has to pry open their eyes. But if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes.
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Thank you for explaining just how damaging “collateral” damage is!
And imagine the grown-up version of the people who grew up in “that different time” who, too, may not have ever acquired the vocabulary or tools or sense of self it takes to call a spade a spade when it comes to recognizing predatory behavior and being the kind of adult who stands up to it.
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The thing is: parent’s don’t want to needlessly instill general fears of mankind in their children. I’m sure there must be some books about how to conduct such conversations. Maybe USEF needs to produce a what-to-do-if-your-trainer pamphlet.
In the barn I worked at as pre-teen/teen (more like volunteered at - for love of the horse), there was a warning amongst us girls; don’t go into a straight stall unless you knew where X was.
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