Grieving Equines (especially donkeys)

[CosMonster]

I’ve mentioned in other posts that I lost my young mule very suddenly this weekend to a ruptured intestine. The mule was a more-or-less feral little guy I picked up to keep him from being run through a kill sale. I’d been slowly making friends with him, and to do that I was keeping him in a small pen with my donkey, Donovan, for company.

Donovan seems heartbroken. The mule died overnight and that morning I heard Donny making these awful sounds, like a constant low bray without any whistling or anything. I’ve never heard anything like it, and as soon as I did I knew something was really wrong. When I went out to check, I found him nuzzling the body of his friend in between making those noises.

He stopped once I moved him away from the body of his friend, but he was braying at least 5-6 times an hour for most of the day, and he sounded really frantic. When I took him in I had planned to buy another donk to keep him company, but he bonded so strongly with my old gelding that it seemed unnecessary (even according to a friend who runs a donkey sanctuary). I had separated them to let Donny babysit the mule, but I thought I could put them in together again to help. No dice. Donny wanted nothing to do with Piano, the old gelding. They’re still in together, but mostly ignoring each other.

The only time he seems happy anymore is when I’m in there. He follows me around obsessively and as soon as I leave he starts trotting around and braying. When I watch him from the house (so he can’t see me) he’s just standing with his head down in a corner. Piano will even come up and try to get him to interact, nuzzling him or swishing flies, but Donny doesn’t even acknowledge him. He does eat more or less normally–he’s eating the normal amount and gets defensive if Piano tries to move in on his feed, but he is noticeably less enthusiastic about the whole process.

I’m trying to figure out what to do. I’m giving him as much attention as I can but it has been 4 days and he isn’t getting better. Has anyone else had experience with this? I’m considering taking another donkey on trial from the sanctuary I mentioned, but I’m not sure if that will help or just cause trouble.

Over the years I have seen many horses die (actually not many considering, but I’ve been involved with rescue and run large boarding and breeding farms so…) and I’ve never seen even a close buddy or a mother mare with a dead foal act like this. I just don’t know what to do in this situation.

[classicsporthorses]

Hey Cos, I am so sorry for your loss. About 7 years ago we had a gelding go through mourning when his favorite girl (mare) died. She was given to us as a yearling. Her leg had been broken badly as a baby, put back together and we got her as a broodmare prospect.

In the fall of 2004, as a 3 year old, her leg just stattered again. It just gave way, no trauma, nothing. She was in the pasture with said gelding (Andy) and another gelding. He adored her. Followed her around, shared his feed and hay you name it.

As we waited for the vet he kept coming up to her, she was standing as it was her front leg. He kept touching her with his nose. We euthanized her right in the field. As soon, and I have witnesses, as her body hit the ground he went nuts! He galloped and galloped up and down that pasture screaming his head off. This from a horse where it took a lot of leg to get him to trot. This went on for more than 1/2 hour. For the next week he would trot the pastures and scream, stop, listen and start again. There are those who may say animals don’t mourn, I say they do. I have raised way too many horses, dogs and cats to not notice the changes in their behavior when their friend dies.

Give it time. Just like with humans, time does heal all wounds.

[CosMonster]

Thanks CSH…to be honest, I’m in mourning too. He was just starting to really trust me and he was a lovely little guy–only about 12 hands but really well-built and smart as a whip with as charming a personality as you ever saw. Since he’s a mule and I know has been abused (let’s just say I know his previous owners well and they told me plenty of stories about how they treated him before he got through their fences and went wild) I was going extremely slowly–I work with an expert mule trainer and she advised me that mules have even longer memories than horses and are less inclined to trust. But it kills me that when he got really sick, I mostly noticed it because he whinnied at me when he saw me step out of the house and trotted to the gate. I knew something was wrong. Then when I was doing energy work on him while waiting for the vet, he leaned his head against me and nickered in content even though he was still hurting. It hurts that I only really realized how much he trusted me when he got sick.

Anyway, I appreciate that story. I’ve seen horses mourn a little, but usually IME they move on really quickly, like within a day. It’s good to know that isn’t always the case.

I’m a little worried because he is the only donkey here. I always hear that donks need another long-ear buddy because they relate differently than horses (which IME is true, though my Piano horse seems to be the exception).

Sorry for the rambling, too. I’m feeling a bit emotional today. It’s the first day I’ve spent just working at home and relatively not busy, so I’m really feeling his absence. For example, usually I’d be out typing on my laptop in his pen so we could just hang out together, and he’d be standing right behind me nibbling on my hair (but if I looked at him he’d run away). I’m really feeling the loss today.

[smokygirl]

I’m very sorry you lost your mule

I’ve heard that donkeys bond much much more to each other than most equines do. Is it possible to find another friend for him? Obviously you’d need to be cautious, but unlike horses, bonded pair donkeys are not uncommon from what I’ve been told (my ex barn owner had donks and they came in pairs always. Ted and Jute (dont ask), Cherry and Apple (mother/daughter), Agatha and Christie, Eeyore and Piglet (minis)… most were bought at auctions, and sold in pairs. There is one trio he has as well, and if one is removed the other two will spend all day looking for him). Interestingly, the pairs/trios are usually same sex as well. I used to have bonded mare/gelding pair… but usually in horses, it seems mare/gelding pairs happen more.

[CosMonster]

smoky, thank you for your advice. I am definitely thinking about that, I just want to make sure I’m not rushing into it. To be honest, I’ve had 2 horses abandoned on my farm in the last few months so I’m a bit over limit. Those horses are in the process of being legally claimed and sold so hopefully that will change soon, but that is a factor in my hesitancy to get another donk.

I can afford it if I have to, though. Donny came to be here because he was rescued by the donkey sanctuary I work with, but they thought he was gelded. When they realized he was a jack, he came to live with me as a “foster”… yeah right. :lol: He has been gelded but he’s still pretty studdy, and the other donks that were rescued with him (and he was bonded with) were jennies so I don’t think the best companions for him. It would be introducing a totally new donk at his point, which may or may not work…I honestly don’t know.

Donny is my first donk. I’ve worked with quite a few through the sanctuary but it’s different when you’re just casually helping out (I was there primarily to train some boarded horses, and just lent a hand when I happened to be out there and they needed someone extra) and owning them yourself, so I honestly don’t know what I’m doing in this situation.

[MyssMyst]

I’m another one on the “I don’t care what they say, animals do grieve” boat. We had a pointer once that had to euthanize, and her buddy refused to eat or drink (this is the dog that would come up to you anytime you had a plate) anything.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have experience with donkeys, but jingles heading his way.

[Chief2]

When our donkey’s girl friend left for another barn, we ended up having to ace him to keep him from stressing himself into a colic. Once he settled down he was kind of a lost soul around the farm, not bonding much with the horses. They tried to play with him to bring back the spunk, but it didn’t really pan out. However, a friend took him for guard work at her farm, and there he bonded beautifully with the ponies in the herd. If you have the money for it, I would try him with a pony and see how it goes. Maybe someone has a few for free lease that you could try so you wouldn’t have to commit to this unless it worked out. Over-sized minis and small ponies seemed to be the best fit for him. Either gender worked just fine.

[rosijet]

I work part time at a donkey rescue. We have seen bonded donkeys grieve deeply when they’ve lost their partner. And we frequently get calls from people that lost one donkey and the remaining one is just lost and needs a new partner.

Can you take him to the donkey sanctuary near you to let him pick out a new friend? We’ve done that many times and it seems to work well.

I’m very sorry for the loss of your mule. Thank you for trying to help him.

[GoForAGallop]

My heart hurts for you, reading your post. Those poor long ears are particularly sensitive souls. My mule never experienced a death, but his buddy left for a week and he just moped around the whole time, despite having another buddy that he was equally bonded with.

I like the idea of bringing him to the sanctuary and letting him pick out a friend. :lol:

[Tamara_in_TN]

The only time I have seen what looked like concern for a dead partner (not counting a mare/foal bond) was my pair of burros.

When the jenny laid down and died at 27, the jack (then 28) followed me out of the Big Meadow w/o halter or lead rope.

But he stopped about four times up the side of the bowl during the climb to look back at her body,as if he expected her to follow.

He is 32 this year.

Tamara

[SmartAlex]

[QUOTE=CosMonster;5752748]
I’m a little worried because he is the only donkey here. I always hear that donks need another long-ear buddy because they relate differently than horses (which IME is true, though my Piano horse seems to be the exception).[/QUOTE]

We had a mule who was ostracised by our horses, so he bonded with the neighbor’s herd of heifers. Could you get him a bovine companion?

[Jumpin_Horses]

I cant imagine how horrible it would be for my 2 burros to be separated. they are really the most “sensitive of souls”

Im SO sorry for the loss of your Long-Ear. that has to be the hardest equine loss… (HUGS)

[bayou_bengal]

I do believe horses and other equines grieve when they lose a pasture pal or a working partner. I have heard lots of stories about driving or farming horses and mules who go into a depression when they lose their regular partner.

I know a couple of farmers who insist in selling their horse or mule teams as teams only. They don’t want to split them up. A friend who had two gelding pasture pals told me that even though these two had just known each other for a year, they were inseparable.

When one gelding suffered a stroke and had to be euthanized, the other stayed near him the whole time, and refused to move out of the way of the backhoe that was brought in to bury his pal. He had to be haltered and was led away but this usually docile animal “protested” as he was led away.

When he was returned to the pasture later, he went straight to the grave and refused to leave it day and night- not even for feed for about a week. The owner had to bring food and water to the grieving gelding, who was “was off his feed” as well. The vet ws called in and could find nothing wrong with this horse. He said the gelding was grieving for his friend, and said he would eventually “get over it.”

That gelding eventually did start coming up for his feed, but he grazed very near the grave, and was seen to lie down near it for several months afterward.
Eventually he formed an attachment to another draft horse in that pasture. She was also a big black horse as the dead gelding had been. Little by little, the grieving gelding spent more time following his new friend and less time at his old friend’s grave.

We had a mare that lost a pasture pal and seemed to grieve - mopey and off her feed-, but not as badly as that gelding. But it did happen that we were given a pet goat very soon after our mare’s friend had died, and she seemed to quickly transfer her affections to that goat.

Maybe a goat would help that donky grieve less. Goats are not as expensive to keep as another horse or mule would be.

[Personal_Champ]

I had a pair of mini donks that were introduced at 4 months old. Both got very sick when I moved to a new facility (first time being stalled, vet speculates the dustier environment got to them) and one (Donkey) ended up dying overnight. They were stalled together, so the other one (Dominick) definitely knew/saw. They were just over a year old.

My guy moved on ok. He was sad, but took to the two mini horses at the farm really well. The two donks and two minis were turned out together before Donkey died.

When I left that facility and brought him home, Dominick was an only donkey for several months. We then decided to get a donk from a rescue. Marvel was a bit over a year old, and a touch bigger than Dominick, but they fast took to each other and are still inseperable, a year later.

Hope this helps, sorry for your loss.

[CosMonster]

Thank you all for the kind wishes, stories, and advice. It really does help. Thanks too to those who PM’d me if you’re reading this…I’ll respond to you later this evening when I have a bit more time (am just in for a quick lunch now).

I was talking to the donkey sanctuary and I think we are going to get Donny another long-ear buddy. Honestly, I would have anyway I think (though I really would have liked to sell a horse or two first), but because he is so sad I want to do it sooner. We actually do have goats and cows around but he doesn’t care for them much at all–when my goats wander too close to him he gives them the ugliest look you’ve ever seen, and he used to chase the cows at the sanctuary away from the fences.

He is doing a bit better, I saw him and Piano grooming each other today which is good, but he’s still really depressed. I hope another donk will help cheer him up.

[Tutt]

So sorry for your loss.
I agree a new friend quickly should help.
My Angel donkey lost her BFF horse friend in January.
The other three horses didn’t care about her.
She didn’t show overt signs of loss for a few days…though she watched him be euthanized, I don’t think it registered.
But four days later, I drove the horse van up to the gate. She brayed and brayed (she normally never makes a sound) because she thought her buddy was coming home.
I got her a new TB friend a week later. I swear I found the only gelding in America who desperately needed her. He can be more of a bothersome little brother than the beloved big brother she had. But she has a job again–caring for him. They are inseparable. She even comes out of the barn in the hot sun to be where he can see her while I ride.
All these stories of deep feeling donkeys are fascinating.

[juleslhoward]

Any chance of an update?

Hi CosMonster, so sorry for you loss a few years ago. This became a lovely thread and I’ve enjoyed reading your combined opinions just now about how some donkeys respond to loss of a loved one.

I’m currently writing a piece on whether, and to what degree, animals mourn. Any chance of an update on Donny?

Thanks, Jules Howard

[walkinthewalk]

I am also so very sorry for your hurt Nd your donkey’s.

If it’s possible, I agree with the poster who suggested taking your donkey to the sanctuary and let him find a new friend.

I have just gone thru this with my horses. I laid my 27 yr old alpha horse to rest last November. He had strangulating lipomas, went into a major colic and was gone in two hours — one hour from when the vet got here.

He and two other of my horses had been buds for 22 years and 18 years. I moved them cross country twice together. At times, they were all on the trails together.

My 21 yr old TWH hollered for three days. He would come and stand over Dukes grave, every day for two weeks and just stare into the distance. He was visibly depressed for a month.

I am still struggling to keep my 29 yr old Arab going. He and the horse I lost were comical BFFs for 22 years. He stopped eating and lost so much weight over the winter, that he will never completely recover at his age. With the help of my vet, who is really attached to the little guy, I can probably get him thru the summer. Keeping him going was tough enough but, it has become a lot tougher since his best friend passed.

I wish you the very best in this healing process. It took two of my three surviving horses 31 days to find some semblance of normalcy – it hasn’t helped that the horse who passed was the strong alpha leader.

The horse he groomed for leadership tries his best but it isn’t the glamorous job he thought it would be, without Duke to guide him.

I try to help him, especially on days we have severe thunderstorms, as Duke had an uncanny ability of knowing where to gather the others, according to where the storm was coming from.

I am another, whose heart hurts for you and your donkey. I hope getting him a new friend will help and that passage of time will also let him heal.

[Clair2014]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart hurts for you! I had this happen once when I lost my old pony two years ago. He and my gelding had been together since we moved to my farm almost 9 years ago and had been on the same farm for several years prior. I traveled a lot with my gelding so they were regularly separated and there were other horses on my farm but when the pony died my gelding fell apart. He became very depressed and was clearly experiencing some sort of grieving process. It was heartbreaking. After two weeks I couldn’t bear to watch it anymore and I looked for another pony for him. I found a spunky little devil of a pony that I thought could hold his own with my gelding and brought him home and it made all the difference. I swear my gelding looked at me like ‘THANKS MOM!’ when I put them out together. It took a while for my gelding to come back to 100%, but he has mostly been okay since. Based on my experience, I’m optimistic that finding a new buddy for your guy may be helpful! It’s heartbreaking to watch them like that. Best wishes!

[SMF11]

This is an old thread, and Cosmonster is not active on COTH any more, fyi.