Grieving for a missing horse

[dontskipthecafe]

I keep having dreams about a pony that I never owned. He was the first horse I ever had a real hand in training, and he was the first to make me understand the term “heart horse”.

Aladdin was a 5-year-old ConnemaraxQH cross who had been under saddle for about a month when I met him in 2009. I took him over his first jump course and to his first schooling show. He never made it to a real off-farm show - he was too nervous, too sensitive and scared.

I loved that pony more than I had ever loved anything until I got my mare. He had precisely none of my ideal criteria - he was a gelding, only 14.2hh, not a TB, etc - but he was perfect. My instructor called him mine. Everyone called him mine. She told me that I could buy him for $3000. I was saving up when he vanished without a trace while I was away at college. My instructor had the gall to say she didn’t know I wanted him, and never would have sold him to me because he was never going to be a show pony.

I’ve been looking for years. The last time I saw him - the last time anyone saw him, for all I’ve been able to find - was in October of 2011. I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if I’ll ever know where he is. But I have never gotten over losing that little horse.

So my question is this: how do I cope with losing something I never had?

[SillyHorse]

I don’t have an answer for you, but I’m sorry you’ve suffered this loss.

[peedin]

You didn’t own him legally but you owned him in your heart. You grieve him as if it were own horse that went away. Grief is grief, no matter ownership. I’m sorry Aladdin disappeared. Maybe post in the Horses Missing forum here.

[redalter]

I am so so sorry. I don’t have any words to make this less painful for you, but hugs to you.

[Zu_Zu]

Aladdin was ‘yours’ ``` of course you grieve his disappearance ~

[B]
Aladdin was ‘yours’ so you 'grieve his disappearance like other horse losses ~ ((hugs))

that said …

2011 isn’t that long ago … I would ask the vet clinic, farrier and others if they remember him and if they ever knew where he landed ~

While I don’t wish to offer ‘false hope’ … I think a reopening of your search might help discover his whereabouts and /or help with ‘closure’ ~

[/B]Wishing Good Luck ~

[oldernewbie]

Even though I hate the word, I think you need closure and to move on. So I would suggest that you think of something positive that you can do in his name. Contribute to a reputable rescue? Help a therapeutic riding program? Buy a brick for some fundraising effort and put his name on it? Pick something that has real meaning to you, make a big deal about making the contribution (time or money) in his name. And then hold those precious feelings in your heart, but look to the future.

Hugs!

[Cindyg]

I don’t think it would be that difficult to track him down. Not saying you could have him, but maybe you could track him down to say goodbye.

[HealingHeart]

Seek to find … Post in missing

[QUOTE=peedin;8063086]
You didn’t own him legally but you owned him in your heart. You grieve him as if it were own horse that went away. Grief is grief, no matter ownership. I’m sorry Aladdin disappeared. Maybe post in the Horses Missing forum here.[/QUOTE]

[Nootka]

[QUOTE=HealingHeart;8063557]
Seek to find … Post in missing[/QUOTE]

I posted a pic and info on my gelding Wellintanz and someone PMed me his whereabouts I now have no idea where he is but I think Ocala.

I still need to find Dashin Spot of Cash (Kodi) I have no idea where this little Paint gelding is.

Best thing is to post the horse’s name and pic in this thread. Then, post in the missing horses his name, info and pic

[kasjordan]

There’s hope of finding him.
I bought a little pre weanling filly way back when, raised her up but had to sell her as a long two year old. TWELVE years later, after actively keeping an eye out for any ads for arab mix mares…I found her two hours away and bought her for my daughter as her first horse :yes: She didn’t work out for that but she’s close by and well homed. It does happen!!!

[red_mares]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8062317]

So my question is this: how do I cope with losing something I never had?[/QUOTE]

Keep reminding yourself that you never owned the horse.

Say it over & over. It was never your horse. Lots of people & kids have had horses or ponies sold out from under them. It happens when you ride other people’s horses.

I’m sorry your trainer said “it’s your pony,” but it never was. I’ve had trainers tell me multiple times to get “my horse” out the field, stall, whatever, just referring to the horse I was going to ride but didn’t own. You were in high school when you rode this pony- maybe you were reading too much into the “your pony” line?

Think of your high school boyfriend -I’m sure you were madly in love at some point, but you both moved on to other people later in life.

[shayaalliard]

Mine’s name was Denny. School horse sold at auction when the lesson program closed. I didn’t have the money. It’s been 14 years, and he would be 24-25 now, but I still think of that little appy. No advice, except it does get a bit easier with time.

[dontskipthecafe]

I did post him in the Missing Horses section, but no one has responded. This is what he looks like, though: , .

I should probably clarify. My priority is just to know that he is okay, or to fix it if he’s not. If I found him in a situation with someone who loves him to death and is taking wonderful care of him, I wouldn’t say “That’s my pony” and try to take him away. But I know that most ponies’ homes are not “forever”, and I don’t want him to slip through the cracks.

[HealingHeart]

Add these pictures to the missing post…it would help

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8065424]
I did post him in the Missing Horses section, but no one has responded. This is what he looks like, though: , .

I should probably clarify. My priority is just to know that he is okay, or to fix it if he’s not. If I found him in a situation with someone who loves him to death and is taking wonderful care of him, I wouldn’t say “That’s my pony” and try to take him away. But I know that most ponies’ homes are not “forever”, and I don’t want him to slip through the cracks.[/QUOTE]

[Cindyg]

Pretty distinctive face!

Did the trainer who sold him when you knew him not tell you who she sold him to? If so, have you contacted them?

Is the horse registered?

[Cindyg]

Is this your website? Because it’s the same picture. Dated 2013 and states that he’s “been found.”

http://wilderstorm.deviantart.com/art/Aladdin-1-347409534

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=Cindyg;8066402]
Is this your website? Because it’s the same picture. Dated 2013 and states that he’s “been found.”

http://wilderstorm.deviantart.com/art/Aladdin-1-347409534[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that’s a page I used to use. I had a “friend” whose mother claimed to have found him. She was lying. I realized that she was lying when she also claimed that my instructor was being investigated by the CIA for stealing him. This person is obviously no longer my friend.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=Cindyg;8066401]
Pretty distinctive face!

Did the trainer who sold him when you knew him not tell you who she sold him to? If so, have you contacted them?

Is the horse registered?[/QUOTE]

She refused to tell me who she sold him to. I understand confidentiality, but all I wanted was for her to give them my information so they could contact me if they ever didn’t want him anymore. She said no and that I had to give up because he wasn’t mine. She also threatened me when I posted an ad looking for him on Craigslist and she said I needed to stop lying about her farm (I said nothing that was untrue, just what I’ve said here).

He’s not registered, unfortunately. Social networking found my mare, but she’s a registered TB who was at Suffolk Downs in race training. She wasn’t hard to find. Little grade ponies who are never going to be calm enough to show are a lot harder to find, I’ve discovered. I just got a message from someone who wanted to buy him around the same time he vanished, but she didn’t end up buying him and she doesn’t know where he went either.