hello!
Recently i started riding with my old trainer but at a new facility, it’s been great! i even found myself half-leasing a horse named Oakley! i’ve been doing great, and i love him so much! but the past week his owner had moved barns with her other horse,—leaving Oakley with me and my trainer—so now i thought that i would finally be able to prove that i can own my own horse, riding 6 days a week, taking care of him, buying him the stuff he needs, etc. but my trainer is now leasing his other half, and using him in lessons—i don’t think his owners know this—
which her using him in lessons takes up my ‘prove myself’ i also with his owner leaving wanted to build trust with him. Now i’m incredibly scared that he might end up liking someone else’s riding, and liking someone else more then me. I know it’s selfish. another thing is, now every time i open my trunk i can tell he was ridden cause my grooming supplies are everywhere, today Oakley’s earplugs were all over the place, Oakley’s boots were totally scrambled and the day before they were with two different pairs—his black boots and maroon boots— so i’m incredibly upset with that. another thing i’m upset with is every time he’s been ridden he has bit marks—he gets these little marks almost like he was drooling, which we are finding a new bit for him— and his saddle/girth mark is still there, which means they didn’t take very good care in putting him away. To help with all this mess and to hopefully stop the lessons on him, my grandparents have been paying my trainer more to help with his other half until we can fully lease him. Does anyone have any tips? i know it’s selfish to want him to myself but i have already had some people leave me in my life, and i don’t need a horse leaving me. I think it’s really just the anxiety that he might —again— enjoy someone else other then me. Thank You!! 
p.s.-i’m sorry if i didn’t spell something correctly!
I can appreciate what you are going through.
However the only way you will get to ride this horse full time is if you or your grandparents sign a full time lease with the owners which will be at least double the current cost and probably a whole lot more if it’s is a lease fee plus boarding and care costs. If you want to ride full time you need to have a conversatiin first with your grandparents.
Oakley is at a stage in his life where he needs to earn his keep and the owner is getting revenue from both you and the trainer. No one is going to let you ride for free on a quality horse to prove yourself. You need to pay your way. That’s life.
As far as the rest. I get that an animal can be a big comfort to a young person who is anxious and lonely. But he is still an animal. And in this case an animal that does not belong to you. You are setting yourself up for misery by cultivating and investing excessive emotion in the horse.
The thing about horses is they dont get to choose who they prefer and they don’t get to leave the people they don’t like. Also most horses whinny loudest for the person who does feeding. So basically you canhave as much of his time as you pay for, and he doesn’t have a choice.
It’s hard to disinvest misplaced emotion, but it’s a really important life skill. If you let yourself get jealous of the other people who are also paying to ride this horse you are setting yourself up for misery.
Instead think about how genuinely wonderful it is that you and Oakley have found each other in a community that supports many people having positive relationships with a good solid horse who is no longer his owners number one ride. His owner cares about him enough to find a good lease situation rather than sell him or stick him in a field. Repay her generosity by being generous yourself. Oakley has a whole network of people that appreciate him. The trainer will look after his needs. He has an interesting and varied life.
You will move on from Oakley as he ages and your riding improves. You will be able to do so knowing he has owner and trainer with his best interests at heart.
But you will just poison the whole experience if you indulge in drama and kick up a bunch of jealous resentment about everyone else in his life.
I’ve watched kids and adults get overly possessive of lease horses. It never ends well. It usually ends with them having to give up the lease for one reason or another.
Unfortunately, he is not your horse. Until you can buy your own, horses may come and go, and that’s just a fact of life. But for every special horse that leaves, there’s another nice one waiting around the corner to be discovered. I’m 40 years old and have never owned a horse. But I have ridden over 100 different horses. Some only once, some for years. Some were ridden only by me at the time and others had many riders. What they all had in common was that they were owned by somebody else, and that person called the shots on things like selling the horse or leasing it to a different person. Even if you get a full lease on Oakley, you need to be prepared that his owner may decide to take him back or sell him or do something else with him that doesn’t include you.
Now, on the issue of the tack trunk being all messed up, if those are your personal belongings (as opposed to stuff that came with him or belongs to the barn) then lesson people shouldn’t be using them. If that is the case I would tell your trainer that your stuff is off limits and lock your trunk when you aren’t around.
OP, horses have a great big heart that allows them to have many people equally into their life
Over the years we have had Many local youngsters who like you would befriend one or more of our horses.
All of these girls thought this horse was Theirs and the horse took care of each one as though they were the only girl in her life
The tack is yours, it should be under lock and key
As someone whose never owned a horse, and I’m on my second lease horse, I understand your feelings. Others have already given excellent advise so all I can add is appreciate him for the good horse he is and enjoy your time with him. But remember he isn’t yours- his owner is sharing him with you, and with other people. (Yes you’re paying for that share and paying for the time/ use of the horse). As much as you love him, other people who ride him may feel the same. Horses have big hearts with room for many people. The only way to be the only person who rides is to fully lease him (and even then owner can end the lease etc) or to own the horse yourself. Then you call all the shots along with paying all the bills. As for the grooming supplies, if you own as others said, lock em up. Hope you can work through this OP.
I’ve half leased a number of horses over a long time, some for years. Each of those I had relationships with, and so did their owners. They were sometimes different with each rider but not lesser if that makes sense. I do sometimes want to have a horse to myself but it’s also great to have someone else who also really likes this particular horse. The longer leases have lead to friendships with the horse’s owners.
