Long story but here goes…for as long as I can remember horses have been my identity and my passion. I was the kid wishing for a horse at every Christmas and squealing when we passed horses in a field on a car ride. I bought my first horse when I was in high school, and was able to move him home, I eventually sold him when school and other priorities took over. After graduating and meeting my now husband, I bought another horse who became my heart horse. We’ve done tons together. He’s also my problem child. An extremely hard keeper his whole life. He will be 23 and a couple years ago he developed a seizure condition. My husband and I just went through a home buying process and bought a cute country home, leaving our first house we lived in for 9 years, so I could have my horse at home…because after several boarding stables i decided I never wanted another horse unless I could have them at home. We bought everything for him. Fence, shelter, feed, lighting, and even a mini pony for his companion. I’m not exactly sure what changed but that feeling I used to have as a child just isn’t there about horses anymore. Maybe it’s because this house isn’t what i exactly pictured for having horses at home (just enough land to keep him but not ride, next to a loud highway), or maybe I’ve simply lost interest, but I can’t help but feel after my horse is gone, I just want to “give back” the pony to his former owner (who said she’d take him back in a heartbeat), and take a break or get out of horses. I’ve been through a lot with my current horse, and I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. I’ve worked SO hard to get my dream, but it doesn’t feel right. And I feel horrible because so many people helped me get my dream. Has anyone else ever been through the same?
I think a lot of people have been there. I’ve taken small breaks from horses, but it helps that I don’t own one and it’s very easy for me to cut back or get more involved as I feel like it and as life allows. The nice thing is that horses will always be there. You can take time off and if you then realize you do want a horse after all… you already have the property and supplies, so you can pretty easily acquire another. Or maybe you’ll discover in the future that you’re happier just taking lessons or leasing, where you can still be involved without some of the burdens that come along with ownership. Or maybe you’ll realize that you are ok without horses and have time to pursue some new or different interests.
I’d consider whether some of your feelings are related to bringing your horse home. Even though for many people that is the dream, I’ve also seen where people find that the reality is more like being overwhelmed or worn out. Now you have to do all the care and property maintenance and be constantly present. It often doesn’t leave as much time to ride or just enjoy your horse. Boarding certainly has its downsides and compromises, but also can be beneficial if you don’t want horse ownership taking over your entire life.
Just because something has been a big part of your identity, that doesn’t mean things can’t change. I have friends who have had all of the same hobbies and interests for decades, and others who seem to change activities every few years as new things look more appealing. Neither of these things is wrong.
Truth is, you’ll never “get out” of horses - they’re there, inside you, even if you can’t reach out and touch one.
But give yourself some grace - having a horse with a seizure disorder is hard. Love him while you can, but give yourself permission to take a break (and give the mini back) when he’s gone. You have a new house, and a new property - make it work for you. The right horse will find you again when you’re ready.
My daughter was in horses her whole life and about 15 years ago gave it up completely. But for many reasons . . .she grew up in our home which was a farm, and the horses were in the backyard. In college she was introduced to 3-Day. I told her if she kept up her studies, I’d buy her a 3 Day horse, pay for board, one lesson a week, and one show a year. Sadly, I may have fed an addiction. Nothing was ever enough (re horses) after that. She finished college and she and the horse came home. But the gravy train stopped (I pay for nothing for the kids after they graduate from college). She could no longer run with the big dogs. She tried. She lived on nothing and put all her money into a fancy boarding barn, clinics, and shows. She slept in her truck at venues etc. Like all ammys she only got so far.
Then the horse developed arthritis and was no longer suitable for jumping. I think it broke her heart. She had beautiful scrapbooks of him, pictures all over her tiny apartment --he was “her guy” --she didn’t date or hang with anyone but people at the barn.
She sold him to a non jumping home (I offered him a spot here but she said no). About a month later, she asked if she could bring all her stuff here (trailer included) and I would sell it for her --everything. Every. Single. Thing.
I did so and I sent her the $$$. My husband (CPA) estimated her “after college” horse life had cost her in the ball bark of $75-$100K --over the 6 or 7 years she pursued it. She had $ from grandparents’ wills --and all of that went to the horse. She had a good job, but every dime went to the horse life.
Gradually she rebuilt her life --made more non-horse friends, took up other hobbies, married, divorced, bought a house (she and husband were relatively pleasant about parting ways and he was more than generous when they parted).
I think she’s happy now, maybe happier? She has a great fellow, a pretty house, a good dog and a wonderful job. Once a year she meets me in a state park and we ride together. She always says she wants to do it more --but she never does.
So, yeah, people leave the horse world.
Over 20 years ago, I took a break from horses when I could no longer ride due to health issues. I had been actively competing in Junior equitation and had a lovely thoroughbred but my father decided to sell him as I got older, and when I couldn’t ride, that confirmed his decision.
In all honesty, as much as I missed my horse, with my health issues at the time, I had difficulty being there for him.
So, yes as someone else mentioned- some people board, which I did then and I currently do.
Also, health issues, whether they are your horses health issues or your issues can be challenging and expensive. Personally my rescue mare has severe arthritis and she is on a lot of medication and supplements. She’s about to get a very expensive injection for her knee.
I personally don’t mind doing what I can for her but for some people, that would be overwhelming. I know of an individual who rescued a horse with medical issues and was frustrated. That’s definitely not always easy and it’s important to ask yourself what your goals are.
For me, personally, I didn’t rescue and adopt my horse so I could ride her, I understood her knee issues in advance. Some people wouldn’t want to spend the time or money because of not being able to ride her, but we have found other things to do aside from riding.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
As a horse Mom with a horse with medical issues, I know it isn’t easy. Hugs.
There with you!!! Wanted lessons at 6, dad secretly bought me my $1500 love of my life mare when I was 7. Mom kept her after dad passed when I was 11, I had a kid at 16, mom passed when I was 19. Moved 700 miles away for college with son and mare. God I struggled, wrote checks knowing they would bounce and I would have a higher fee on things just to keep the lights on and her board paid. Worked weekends at the barn with my son in tow, just to afford her board and special feed the last few yrs of her life. Sacrificed everything including my own happiness many times, for her, and gave everything I could to her till the day she passed when I was 33.
She died a week before we closed on our farm, I have her 15yr old special needsish son here at home. I love this pony but I am already thinking what direction I want my life to go if he passes. Where he is at home with me, honestly…there are days where I have to force myself to go outside to feed because I am so worried about what state he may be in, and what vet I will have to call, will I be missing work again, how can I juggle bills this time around? The stress and anxiety is crippling to the point of paralyzing my brain sometimes.
Alot of other issues personally that I won’t get into without having an alter name, but yes, I have thought about it. How different my life would be if I could let go of the horse farm life and my childhood dreams, and do I really want to keep trying if he goes? Idk that my heart could still be in it. He is the last link I have to my parents who bought me his mom, my hearthorse, so many yrs ago.
Sometimes we all hit a point where we feel the need to put ourselves first for awhile to get back in ‘our zen’ for lack of better terms. Then decide if we want to go back to the horse life, and to what extent that will be. I know if I had no horses, could just pony around at my friends farm hacking hers once in awhile. I could still get my ‘fix’, but without the cost and worry. Sounds selfish I know but I honestly think that is all I would want or could handle if I lose this last one.
It is fine and normal to need a break, especially if your dh is not horsey or fully supportive, and he may be, but if you need a break after this, then take it. You don’t need anyones blessing or approval but your own. You of course have ours and the support from our little “Hive” on here no matter what though. 
Hugs! I could have written this myself, OP. I literally just went through this. I felt so much guilt about wanting to get out of horses, having lost that feeling, after spending so much money and having such wonderful support. I am currently without a horse and it was the best decision for me. I don’t regret it at all. The brand new horse facilities I have are waiting for me to decide on horses again. For me, I determined it was lack of time, so until I have that time, my barn will remain empty.
I am trying to prepare for that day. I have had at least one horse since I was 15. I am now 67. Horse will be 21 this year. I have said that when horse is gone, I am done…at least with ownership but probably riding too.
I love training something so hopefully can get a dog maybe? I just know that day is coming.
Susan
Given how you say you’re feeling, that sounds like a good plan and a natural, low-commitment time to take a break. Maybe after a few months of having an empty barn you’ll want to fill it. Maybe you’ll feel relief and discover other passions. Either way is okay! We only have one life to live and shouldn’t spend it pouring good money/time into something that has become more stress than joy. Especially not just because you’ve invested a lot in it already (per the “sunk cost fallacy”). That time/money is gone and all you can do is look forward.
It could be this horse. Last year, there were a lot of issues with my gelding who has never been an easy horse in the 11 years I’ve had him. Never. Lots of heart, but his brain and now his body were never quite right, so I basically haven’t shown or cliniced or done the things I want to keep him happy. Last year he got seriously injured and I got so depressed, pouring money into him that I started to resent and feeling like a failure doing everything I could for this horse often at the expense of the other horses and him getting injured anyway. I was going through the motions, I didn’t even ride my pony and considered selling her, and I didn’t work with the baby horse all that much, basically just the daily chores. And then he injured himself again this fall, same thing but different leg, while still on stall rest. I’ve decided to put him down as soon as the weather is better so he can be buried here, which while awful actually has given me a sense of peace and I’m more “into” planning this season than I have been.
So it might be this horse is just taking more than his share out of your emotional bank account. It happens. You might be happier with a different horse, or a couple minis or something, and lesson somewhere?
It’s not necessarily the horse(s) that ruin it for me. It can be the boarding situation, the people, the trainer(s), the facilities, or a string of bad luck. Not really the actual horse, per say.
I’d feel pretty uninspired if I had my horse at home but no place to ride at home. It’s also a normal time of year to just feel fed up with it all. Horse keeping in the cold, dark, and muddy seasons is rough. Never mind when snow and ice get involved too! Usually springtime renews things a bit.
I haven’t gotten out of horses, but am sort of taking a break in away, and really enjoying it. I think I fried myself between clinics, lessons, and competitions…and just taking it too seriously at times. I really miss our solo hacks though.
Plus, I lost my horse in a way when I couldn’t move him with me due to him being Piroplasmosis positive (a whole import debacle of sorts), and just felt rather deflated about it all. Even though he’s with a lovely person at her wonderful barn where he was boarded previously, and I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome in this situation, it still just hit me rather hard because I guess he was my “heart horse” after all.
So I bought a yearling last year, and am having a nice relaxed time with him doing groundwork while he lives a pretty low key lifestyle on pasture board, essentially. It’s been a nice break, and I do have other horses (that I don’t own) to ride should I choose to. I do have enough money to afford a second horse, so I could own my own ridden horse again, but I actually like where I’m at right now. So I haven’t gotten totally out of it, and I am still “in” it just in a different way. I’m excited for his future, and I’ve always wanted to raise a horse from a very young age, so there’s that. His breeder is wonderful, and I’ve considered buying a half or full sibling in the future too.
So sometimes it’s not the horses, it’s just what we’re doing or how we’re doing it. Even if it is the horse(s), you can always leave and come back to horses should you wish to return. Life is short, if a hobby causes more stress and dispair than it does enjoyment, it’s fine to leave it. I know this is more complicated with this hobby, mainly due to the animals involved, but sometimes there are solutions for them too.
While I have never gotten out of horses I can tell you that I am not as enthusiastic about things now that I am older. I ride when the weather is good but long gone are the days when I just had to ride every day.
I love having horses and love the care involved in keeping them at home, even when things are not going quite right or a horse may be going through an issue. I just can’t imagine not having a horse in my life even if I never rode again.
We are all different and horses play a different role for all of us. Sometimes we take different paths in life as we mature and add a spouse and kids and more responsibilities and that is ok. Having a less than ideal place when keeping them at home can make things less exciting!
Horses are something you can always come back to and there is no need to feel guilty if you want to take a break and focus your time, money and energy on a new interest.
You wrote that post exactly as I would have
In my dotage, I’ve become a Fairweather Rider/Driver.
Last drive was in October.
Last ride in July.
All 3 horses in good health.
& Now Im headed out to feed, herd last seen lined up on the Wall of Shame < visible from the house 
Is it ideal weather?
No.
Will I curse at having to put on layers, then take them off?
Yes.
Would I trade for boarding?
Not on my Life!
This, we were born addicted, we will die addicted, but through our lives the joy waxes and wanes.
I found living the dream of having horses at home was sometimes great, but often lonely, frustrating and I missed the facilities, like a decent arena. I REALLY missed being able to bounce ideas off others, and that comes from someone who isn’t really that social
I got out of horses for several years. I had the horse from hell, finally unloaded and the witch even managed to screw me over AFTER I sold her. (Turns out she was in foal, probably would have brought ~10K at auction instead of the $500 I was thrilled to get). Several years of major ankle issues didn’t help.
I got back in it the summer of 2019, when I started driving again. I showed for the first time in 2020, despite COVID. I leased a horse since then. To paraphrase Dustin Hoffman, I found out I’m a good driver. I bought a road pony yesterday!
My dad also got out of horses. He worked as a pro back in the 50s & 60s, and part time in the 70s & 80s. Arab owners were the final nail in the coffin of his horse dreams. They only thought about money. By then he had 2 little kids found other interests. He sailed and had a boat on Lake Erie. He still loved the horses though.
I was a similar horse-crazy child. Breyer models first, finally got to take riding lessons at 13, and got my first horse at 14. I haven’t been horseless since then, and I turn 49 in March. However, I wound up getting my own farm at one point and had it for 20 years. I probably rode LESS in those 20 years than I did prior to getting my own place and since selling it three and a half years ago. I had room, but the footing wasn’t very good and I didn’t have the resources ($$$ or ability) to fix it. The farm became the priority, and the horses that I kept there were basically big family pets. I loved them and promised that as long as they needed a place to live they had one. They were “show horses” but two of them eventually retired and then were laid to rest on the farm. With one remaining, I knew exactly what I needed to do if I was going to continue to be “in horses.” I sold the farm, moved my remaining gelding to a boarding barn, bought a nice little house in town, and said goodbye to the 24/7 job of keeping up a horse farm. For a while I boarded at a full-service facility, but eventually I found that my ideal situation is self-care on someone else’s farm. That’s what I have now, and truthfully, it’s ideal. I care for my horse and a friend’s retired mare who is my guy’s buddy. They have a nice little barn where they can come and go as they please and a little over an acre of good pasture with safe fences. The barn manager drags the pasture frequently to keep manure broken up. The barn owner also owns a construction business and has the ability to build nice barns/run-ins as well as unlimited abilities with heavy equipment, dirt, sand, and rock. Oh, and he’s carving out nice trails for us in the wooded areas of the property.
If I still had my farm and one or two horses, I doubt I’d be riding at all. I hadn’t ridden my current gelding for three YEARS when I finally sold the farm. I ride him as much as possible now…several times a week if I can manage it and the weather permits.
I do think he’ll be my last though. I love him and I love riding him but I don’t really think I have it in me to buy another horse. I don’t know. I might change my mind but I’m hoping my current dude stays around a long time (he’s only 14) and by the time he’s laid to rest, I’ll be ready to hang up my spurs and spend time doing other things.
There’s nothing wrong with deciding the time has come to move on.
Similar. I’m almost 65, I’ve had a horse since I was 7. My girls are in their mid 20’s now and I think they will be the last I own. I’m a fair-weather rider and no longer have an indoor. I can hardly imagine looking out the window and not seeing a horse, but then again, I have a house in town I will likely move to when that day is upon me.
I expect I’ll travel excessively and extensively when that day arrives as well.
Still, I figure it’s ten years away.
When you make a singular hobby your self-proclaimed entire identity, you’re setting yourself up for failure when things dont go perfectly. It’s ok to take a break from horses. Find other passions and hobbies and give yourself a chance to miss being around horses. Don’t make them your entire personality again, though. I was kind of that way in my 20s, got burnt out and never came back (in my 30s now. )
I had health problems that kept me from doing horses, or much of anything else, really, for years. Now I’ve basically recovered, but my health is still poor, as is my bank account. There are many other things that take priority over horses in my life now; if I ever get them under control, I might get another horse. For now, the (cheap on eBay) saddle in the closet is the total extent of my horse activity. And that’s as it should be, given the circumstances.
