Have to pick "THE" day for my cat :(

[FourFaults]

Hello fellow pet lovers,

I come here seeking solace and help re: acceptance with my decision as I find myself in a situation I’ve been fortunate to not have been in until now. I’m sure a lot of you have been so any advice or kind words would be appreciated.

My 12 year old cat, Bert, was diagnosed with diabetes this past September. It has been a struggle to stabilize him on a consistent basis - both for him and for us. He’s the kind of cat who could graze on his kibble throughout the day and not overdo it. Before his diagnosis, he was on 3 feedings of his favourite UI kibble and was somewhat okay with it. Now, he’s on two wet feedings (Purina DM) a day at 8 am and 8 pm and he hates it. I wish I could tell him why this is the way it is, but obviously I cannot and he’s so unhappy about it. Hungry all the time, hates the wet food and won’t consistently eat it. Which makes giving him his insulin a daily challenge. He’s starting to growl at us when it’s time and it now takes two of us to do it. One to hold, one to shoot. We have tried SO MANY things to make this easier for all of us.

He also has a grade 4 heart murmur, herpes (so his eyes are becoming red rimmed and very leaky lately), obsessively licks and pulls his fur out, and now has blood in his stool. We’ve treated him for anxiety, got him a ThunderShirt thinking it might help, tried atopic for the licking/scratching (he won’t eat it in his food and he doesn’t eat consistently enough to get a full dose anyway)…you name it, we’ve likely tried it. And, he’s not gaining enough of the weight back that he lost (3 lbs) that led us to take him to the vet in September.

Personality wise, he’s either sleeping, begging for food (that I cannot give him), acting tweaked out (probably b/c his sugars are out or maybe inside he feels sicker than we even know), or growling at the other cats if they even walk near him. His happy place used to be outside, but it’s not so much now. He’ll go out for 5 min and run back in.

Reading all this, it does make me realize he’s a sick boy who is not going to become cured. It’s just those moments where I see a bit of who he was that makes this heart and gut wrenching and I doubt myself. Like this morning, he ate his breakfast and then purred as I kissed him goodbye. So hard.

I’m also going to be super honest and say, it has been wearing on me mentally. It’s been a really challenging cat year or so. Last August, we suddenly lost our Lexie to pancreatic cancer. In January, our other cat Joey, was diagnosed with super infectious pneumonia and our vet didn’t think he’d make it. 2 weeks of meds and quarantine and around the clock care by me, plus him being a huge fighter, and he’s still with us. Unfortunately, he was also diagnosed with having Pseudomonas Aeruginosa so is on the only antibiotic that showed a small bit of resistance. He’s rallying, but one day the bug will win. And, in April, we took our normally blue eyed kitten to the vet to find out she had uveitis. From horses, I knew to treat it fast and right so happy to report she’s fine and being a goofy, floofy 13 month old now.

But, all this has left me so tired and the anxiety and the constant daily worrying is doing me in. So, part of me feels like am I really doing this for Bert? Am I letting him down? Doing it for convenience? My head knows no, but my heart…

My vet has been awesome with all of this. We had a good chat last night. He did his best with giving his honest opinion with Bert, but yet still leaving the decision to me. So hubby and I talked about it last night and agreed PTS is the best option for Bert. He’s not happy and not going to get better. It’s up to me to pick the day now. I’m thinking early next week - give us one more weekend to spoil him and love him and say goodbye. And, I’ll have to try and ignore any “good moments” as they won’t last. I don’t want him to waste away or suffer by waiting either…gah, now I’m just rambling so I’m gonna end it here.

If you made it this far, thank you. Gotta go wipe my eyes…thanks again COTH friends…

Jenn

[emipou]

Hi Jenn,
So sorry you, your kitty, and family are going through this.

I posted a similar question to this group back in October and something notable that a few people brought up was when I am asking, it is probably time.

I would take a few things into account - his quality of life; his ability to get better; what he is saying to you.

It sounds like you know it’s time. The only thing I would suggest is not to assume you have as much time as you might assume. I thought I was making the decision in advance for my kitty, giving us another day or so with him, but those last 12 hours went downhill so fast, that we wound up rushing him in hours in advance.

So, part of me feels like am I really doing this for Bert? Am I letting him down? Doing it for convenience?

I think the only way to let him down, or that would be selfish would be to try to keep him longer than he wants to be around.

It f-n sucks saying good bye to kitties. Sending you hugs and e-love through these times.

[shiloh]

Poor Bert. He is clearly not a happy kitty. Yes, it does sound like you know what to do. Poor kitty. Poor you.

If people think there is no such thing as caretaker burn-out from caring for sick pets they are wrong and crazy. I am going thru what you are going thru right now with my own sick kitty. She is not nearly as bad as Bert but she is wearing me out. It seems like all I have done for the last 6 years is run hospice for cats. I’m lucky to have a therapist who is pet mad like me and gets it. See if you can find someone to talk to - try one of those pet loss hotlines - even if it is just to talk to someone just once. And you have us her. We get it - we really get it. ((())) to you and I’m so sorry.

[Zu_Zu]

I understand ~ having been where you are ~

Thinking back on the last time …

I would say just

try to wrap Bert up in ‘home love’ …

cherish each day …

and let him tell you when he is ready ~

He will tell you ~ you will know

and

you will find the strength to make that call

and

gently help

your beloved Bert cross over the bridge ~

How lucky you two were to have shared your lives for so many happy years ~

I’m sorry for your heartbreak ~

Yes, we worry ‘when’…
we hope we won’t have to
and
then we ‘know’ the time has come ~ :sadsmile:

Bless you for loving Bert so very much … enough
to help him cross gently … ((hugs))

[Angela_Freda]

The only thing I would throw out there is that DM is not a great food for a diabetic cat though it’s not the worst, but feeding q 12 hours is a bad plan.
My diabetic cat ate about 15-20 oz a day of wet food, free fed [IOW left out so he could eat all day/night] with 1;1 added water to help flush.
Diabetics are starving as the free floating glucose is not going into the tissue… they need more frequent meals and may need way more food than you would think until their BG is controlled so that their tissue is getting fed.
His aggressiveness, hair pulling and other symptoms very well could be because of the uncontrolled Blood Glucose.
Do you do testing before dosing?
What insulin are you using?

I only throw that out there because IME it looks like there may still be things you can do to improve the QOL for Bert.

But that’s your choice and PTS is not the worst alternative.

.

[Feliz]

I am sorry that your Bert is so sick & unhappy and that you have had such a tough animal time lately

It’s ok to let go. It’s ok to decide that while there might be this thing or that thing that you could try that you are going to chose not to.

There’s never a good time but we chose to do it on a Monday, after having a weekend with her on a high dose painkiller.

I wish you and Bert peace and comfort in this hard time

[FourFaults]

Hi all,

My hubby and I discussed it, spoke more with our vet and we have now picked the day for our Bertie Bot. This coming Tuesday at 2 pm. Gives us time to spoil him, love him, do his favourite things (if he wants to) and say goodbye over the weekend. I’ll have one more weekend of him coming upstairs after breakfast and “asking” to sleep under the covers with me. One more weekend of head bonks. Just one more weekend of Bert love. Still surreal to write this. The good news is our vet will come to our place so we don’t have to get him in his carrier and drive 20 min. He’ll be in the comfort of his own home with his blanket, us, and his other cat friends.

@emipou - Thank you for the really kind words and hugs. You got it right. It sure does f-n suck. So much.

@shiloh - Caretaker burnout. YES. I didn’t know that was a thing until my sister told me. I’m there and it is taking up so much space in my head. I feel for you even more! 6 years is a long time. Make sure you take care of you and if you ever need to chat, I am here as well. Hugs.

@Zuzu - Wow. All I can say to you is that your words were beautiful and brought tears to my eyes with how wonderfully expressed your sentiments were. I’ve been blessed from the first moment Bert jumped into my arms at 8 weeks old and wouldn’t get down. He wasn’t “for sale,” but I wasn’t leaving without him from that second. He’s brought so much joy, smiles, and laughter to me and my family. Thank you.

@Angela Freda - Other foods have been tried. More feedings during the day were tried - unsuccessful b/c we have two other cats with different needs and work during the day. Plus, trying to get Bert to eat when he “needs” to has proved just too difficult. If it were only the diabetes we were fighting, maybe there would be more options to consider. But, with the worsening heart murmur, his bloody stool and, as of last night, his disinterest in doing a few of his favourite things (like going outside and sleeping on the ottoman while I watch TV or read), tells me it’s just too much to tackle and he’s done fighting. Thank you for the options though.

@Feliz - Thank you for that - ok to let go and to choose no more. That is a struggle. My family have all told me we’ve done so much to try all the options and my head knows this, but my heart is like…but…but…but…so it’s almost like I need to give myself permission to accept this is ok.

Our vet said to give him whatever he wants (but to keep an eye on him so he doesn’t go to either end of the diabetes spectrum) over the next few days so we will. And, we can call him if anything gets urgent between now and Tuesday. Bert will be buried with Lexie in his apple orchard. But not “touching” her. She didn’t touch the other cats. “You may lay near me, but you may not touch me.” Queen.

I think by Tuesday I will have full acceptance, but this is still so sad and heartbreaking. I’m glad I took so many pictures of him over the years so I can remember him when he was a lean, mean, running, sun napping machine. :love-struck:

Thanks again everyone. Hugs to all the pet lovers here.
Jenn

[shiloh]

I’m sorry to hear about Bertie. But I’m glad that you will be able to spend some quality time with him and spoil him rotten. He sounds like a pretty cool cat. You’ve mad the right decision but it still doesn’t make it any easier. Hugs to you and give Bertie a treat for me and a hug. (((())))

[Angela_Freda]

Jennifer, care taking is tough, and the decision to PTS is not any easier, while it’s a final kindness.
I’m sorry for your loss, Godspeed Bertie.

[Zu_Zu]

FourFaults ~ sending for today and tomorrow and onward:

Thoughts and prayers and ((hugs)) laced with extra strength and comfort for everyone who loves Bert ~

RIP ~ Beloved Bert ~ knowing you will always be loved and remembered ~

Jingles for a peaceful crossing over the RAINBOW Bridge ~

All the Wonderful Memories of your life with Bert will be locked in your heart forever ~

((hugs))

[Zu_Zu]

Cool Bert ! very cool indeed ! Thanks for sharing his pics ~

((hugs)) for the family he left behind ~ bless you for loving him enough to help him cross ~

[khall]

So sorry for your loss. Godspeed Bert.

[rubygirl1968]

Bert was a very handsome guy!!

I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he had a very nice day and a peaceful passing.

[Lah0808]

Oh FourFaults your post about Bert’s last day has left me in tears, I lost two very special kitties earlier this year, one to lymphoma and one to kidney disease and it is so hard. Hugs to you and your husband and as I said to my girls, this is only goodbye for now, we’ll meet again someday, I am sure of it.

[CanadianTrotter]

So sorry for your loss…rest easy Bert.

Thank you for giving Bert so many wonderfully happy years and a loving and peaceful passing.

[FourFaults]

Thank you for the kind words everyone. Really helping to read them. @Lah0808 sorry to make you tear up, and hugs to you for your loss. We love them so much, but they really can be heartbreakers. @rubygirl1968 he really was handsome wasn’t he?

I was at the barn last night and I had a “omg what time is it, I have to get home and feed/insulin!” Then, oh. No, I don’t. Then I felt this odd combination of sad and relief. In retrospect, maybe being able to plan when your sick or ailing pet leaves you is “easier” to deal with than going to the vet and not coming home with your cat like we experienced with Lexie. Just knowing he’s at peace now is such a good feeling. Seeing him want to come out of his skin was tearing my heart apart. I still blow him a kiss when I leave in the morning though. Seems right for now. :love-struck:

[shiloh]

@FourFaults - It sounds like Bertie had a wonderful last day. RIP Supervisor Bert. ((()))

@Brown Derby - feel free to tell anyone who is so UTTERLY an insensitive boob to STFU. Or you could just ask “Oh, are you a vet? Really,no? Then what qualifies you to give ME any opinion on this matter?” and then either stare them down or walk off. They can also talk to the hand. Some people…wtf? And bless you for helping that poor little soul.

[Brown_Derby]

Thanks Shiloh–I really should have known better than to mention Halo. I mean seriously, I do not even mention my own health issues around her. I’m surprised she hasn’t put Kaiser out of business.

Sending you a PM.

[FourFaults]

@Brown Derby

FourFaults and others who have had to pick the day - your input really helped me relieve Halo of her pain. Plain ol tabby who for some Lord only knows reason was in my backyard on Nov. 17. I thought she was a monkey for a nanosecond. So covered in motor oil and burrs that her tail dragged on the ground. She was, we think, a geriatric cat, at least 14 yo. And of course no chip. Sweetest thing ever. I named her Halo because when room service knocked (me), I’d say 'Hay-lo kitty." I cleaned her up, gave her Covenia for her abscesses, and gave her fluids and anything she would eat. Last weekend she went downhill like a sled. She peacefully passed Tuesday evening with me and two others attending.

It never gets easier and it takes so long to remove the doubt. I dread seeing That Person tomorrow, the one who insists that more fluids and force feeding and why did you give up yada yada…So thank you all in advance for the strength to get past this person’s judgement…

Hi @BrownDerby,

I’m so glad my experience has helped you with your own decision with Halo. How lucky she was to have found you and how lovely of you to give her the love and care she deserved, including having the decision of when and to have you with her at that moment. I echo what @shiloh said in her post. It’s ultimately a very personal decision that differs with every person and every pet and every situation that causes us to even ask the question of when in the first place. All that is difficult enough to process much less having anyone like That Person squeaking in your ear.

I was on a diabetes forum when Bert was first diagnosed. Some of the info was very helpful, but I eventually left it b/c I felt some of the posters were going just too far. If a cat can’t eat on their own, is being poked and prodded every day, being taken to the ER every weekend with no “cure” or relief in sight, who is happy in that situation?

My BFF had a 17 year old cat with cancer. Her vet recommended a 3K blood transfusion! It would “perk him up for 2-3 weeks.” Then what? “Oh, he’ll need another.” My friend was so ticked…in her mind that wasn’t even an option. It totally felt like a money grab. And, this was from a vet. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that just like with our own health and those we love, we alone are our kitty’s advocates.

I’m completely at peace with my decision now that it’s been a week. I picked up his ashes today - they are in a lovely cedar box in his favourite window sill until the summer. I certainly miss him, but he’s in a better place. I truly believe that.

Hugs to you…as someone told me - it takes more strength to let go than to hold on.

Jenn

p.s. I love how you named her.