Haven’t heard from trainer in 2 1/2 weeks. Feeling a bit awkward about going to the barn.

[alternate_universe]

I’ve been with this trainer ~10 months. They have been very kind and generous. They live on the property with their family.

I have not heard from them in two and a half weeks. The last contact I received was a text cancelling a lesson. They have not responded to any texts since, including when I said I was going to start lessoning with a new trainer (this change has been something I’ve been contemplating for a couple months now, not a direct result of the recent lack of communication). I stated in that text that I planned on continuing to hack a horse at the barn that belongs to a boarder. This arrangement has been in place for a couple months.

Now I am starting to feel a bit awkward about going to hack the horse since I will literally be in their backyard. I am totally baffled as to why Trainer is not responding. This has not been their previous pattern. They have always been kind to me in person.

Before anyone asks, they have been active on social media so I know they are alive and well!

Should I hold my chin up and just continue with the hacking? My original plan was to continue for the rest of the summer and then fully leave that barn. Or should I interpret the silence as passive aggression/a frank statement regarding how much I mean to her and just gather my toys and leave now? I am only a lesson client, not a boarder.

[findeight]

Assuming you do not own and board a horse with this trainer…

You do what’s best for you and do it without fear of what non communicative trainer might or might not say. Go hack that horse you have had an arrangement to hack for some time. Don’t understand why trainer not texting you should keep you from hacking that horse or taking lessons from another trainer. You shouldn’t need her permission as long as the owner of the horse says you can hack it, the BO allows it and other trainer agrees to give you a lesson.

There are a number of good reasons why trainer has not contacted you.

True she should have texted her apologies ffor cancelling by now but she doesn’t really have to explain why. Perhaps there is a personal or medical problem going on with her or family members which she prefers to keep private and not plaster all over social media? Perhaps she has nothing available for you to lesson on? Perhaps there’s nothing she needs to say to you? Perhaps it’s a hint you should take lessons from that other trainer in your barn. It happens, particularly with non owning lesson clients who represent a very small amount of income compared with boarders in training programs. If time is a problem due to workload or personal/family or medical issues, trainers have to reduce the workload.

Whatever, don’t let her lack of contact keep you from taking lessons from somebody else. Remember, trainer is not your friend, it’s a business relationship.

[Scribbler]

Go ride your horse. If you let this level of minimal social awkwardness derail your riding, then you are never going to get anywhere in horses :).

I don’t know why trainer is not responding, you don’t know why trainer is not responding, and guess what: it is nor your fault or your job to figure out why they aren’t responding. Odds are it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. People can be active on social media but have all kinds of things happening in private life, including ill health, substance abuse problems, family problems, or mental health issues.

I would not take it as passive aggressive, I would not take it as a personal insult, I would not take it as anything except “huh.” Go ride your horse, since it’s clear you can do this without trainer input, correct?

How big a relationship did you have with this trainer? Are you just a once a week lesson student? Honestly, that’s a minimal level of client relationship and while kind and generous people tend to be kind and generous all around, it doesn’t mean they think you are special. That’s just how they approach everyone.

It sounds like you have not actually tried to schedule a lesson after the cancellation by the trainer? in that case, your business relationship is over and there is in fact no need to contact them again.

Anyhow, you have a free horse to ride, correct? That should trump any social anxiety on your part. When you see trainer, just smile and say “Hi, how’s it going, nice day, eh?” or whatever.

Get over yourself, go ride your horse, and grow a thicker skin. This kind of stuff happens all the time in horses, and if you let yourself be put off by social anxiety on your part (which is what this is), then you are going to lose lots of riding opportunities.

[c0608524]

Meh, I think you’re maybe reading into it too much. A response acknowledging your text that you were no longer going to be taking lessons would have been more appropriate than radio silence, yes, but oh well.

If you feel awkward, don’t go hack the horse. It truly is that simple.

And regarding the “how you mean to her” portion of your post… I would like to point out that you were a client. You are no longer a client. I don’t see a lot of passive aggression here aside from not responding to a text.

Chin up. I’d rather a no-response to a text message than an upset response from a coach.

[alternate_universe]

@findeight

Assuming you do not own and board a horse with this trainer…

You do what’s best for you and do it without fear of what non communicative trainer might or might not say. Go hack that horse you have had an arrangement to hack for some time. Don’t understand why trainer not texting you should keep you from hacking that horse or taking lessons from another trainer. You shouldn’t need her permission as long as the owner of the horse says you can hack it, the BO allows it and other trainer agrees to give you a lesson.

There are a number of good reasons why trainer has not contacted you.

True she should have texted her apologies ffor cancelling by now but she doesn’t really have to explain why. Perhaps there is a personal or medical problem going on with her or family members which she prefers to keep private and not plaster all over social media? Perhaps she has nothing available for you to lesson on? Perhaps there’s nothing she needs to say to you? Perhaps it’s a hint you should take lessons from that other trainer in your barn. It happens, particularly with non owning lesson clients.

Whatever, don’t let her lack of contact keep you from taking lessons from somebody else. Remember, trainer is not your friend, it’s a business relationship.

The new trainer is at a different barn, for the record.

Yes, I have considered that something happened/is happening that is causing the radio silence. I just would think professional etiquette would be to tell a client “Hey, family emergency is happening, I will be unavailable for awhile.”

Part of me thinks she is just trying to get me to move on to someone else… which I am, but I wish she would have then responded to me telling her that I would be changing trainers.

[alternate_universe]

@c0608524

And regarding the “how you mean to her” portion of your post… I would like to point out that you were a client. You are no longer a client. I don’t see a lot of passive aggression here aside from not responding to a text.

I think my feeling of “not meaning much” comes from the history over the past year of repeated last minute cancellations that were not accompanied by dates/times she could reschedule to.

[c0608524]

@alternate_universe

The new trainer is at a different barn, for the record.

Yes, I have considered that something happened/is happening that is causing the radio silence. I just would think professional etiquette would be to tell a client “Hey, family emergency is happening, I will be unavailable for awhile.”

Part of me thinks she is just trying to get me to move on to someone else… which I am, but I wish she would have then responded to me telling her that I would be changing trainers.

If you think her not responding to you quitting lessons is her way of trying to get rid of you, I think you’re searching for a reason to be upset. Sorry.

Riding life gets better when you can treat your coach relationship as what it is - a business relationship.

[evilc123]

I feel like part of the story is missing. Based on what you wrote, I don’t understand why you’d be expecting to hear from her. Do you guys text regularly? There are always threads debating how communicative trainers and barn owners should be, but the reality is that they often are super busy and have lots of clients and little emergencies pop up that distract them from their phones on an hourly basis. If you feel uncomfortable I’d just text and say “here there. Just wanted to give you a heads up that I’m coming to hack [horse]. Haven’t heard from you since the lesson cancelation. Hope everything is ok!” And then just go hack the horse.

[findeight]

Perhaps she did to her major clients or perhaps she’s stayed in contact with those that represent the larger part of her business.

We don’t know. Doesn’t matter, go ride the one horse and take lessons from the other trainer. Don’t take this so personally. My guess is she wants to focus on others who have been with her longer then you and might even no longer have a sound and suitable horse for you to lesson on and doesn’t want to try to explain her business decisions. It’s not personal just business.

Move on with your life. It’s not the only time something like this is going to happen to you.

[alternate_universe]

@evilc123

I feel like part of the story is missing. Based on what you wrote, I don’t understand why you’d be expecting to hear from her. Do you guys text regularly? There are always threads debating how communicative trainers and barn owners should be, but the reality is that they often are super busy and have lots of clients and little emergencies pop up that distract them from their phones on an hourly basis. If you feel uncomfortable I’d just text and say “here there. Just wanted to give you a heads up that I’m coming to hack [horse]. Haven’t heard from you since the lesson cancelation. Hope everything is ok!” And then just go hack the horse.

We would text probably weekly. I was riding a young horse of hers on an as-needed basis and she would text me with updates/instructions for him. She also normally responded when I would say I was coming up at a different time than usual. Just an acknowledgement that she received it.

[Madison]

You seem to want some kind of validation or acknowledgement from this trainer that is not likely to be forthcoming. You say she cancelled on you repeatedly even before now, and now you have told her you are moving on to lesson with someone else instead of her, so I can’t really see why her communication would suddenly improve. The polite thing to do would have been to respond and wish you well, of course, but I wouldn’t let this stop me from going to hack the horse if you enjoy hacking the horse. But if you are expecting anything more from the trainer, you are likely going to be disappointed based on what you describe. You are now a former client, not a lesson client. But, I would be friendly and act normal when you see her, particularly if you don’t know if you might want to take lessons from her again in spite of the past unreliability.

[trubandloki]

@alternate_universe

I’ve been with this trainer ~10 months. They have been very kind and generous. They live on the property with their family.

I have not heard from them in two and a half weeks. The last contact I received was a text cancelling a lesson. They have not responded to any texts since, including when I said I was going to start lessoning with a new trainer (this change has been something I’ve been contemplating for a couple months now, not a direct result of the recent lack of communication). I stated in that text that I planned on continuing to hack a horse at the barn that belongs to a boarder. This arrangement has been in place for a couple months.

Now I am starting to feel a bit awkward about going to hack the horse since I will literally be in their backyard. I am totally baffled as to why Trainer is not responding. This has not been their previous pattern. They have always been kind to me in person.

Before anyone asks, they have been active on social media so I know they are alive and well!

Should I hold my chin up and just continue with the hacking? My original plan was to continue for the rest of the summer and then fully leave that barn. Or should I interpret the silence as passive aggression/a frank statement regarding how much I mean to her and just gather my toys and leave now? I am only a lesson client, not a boarder.

So your now X-trainer cancelled a lesson two and a half weeks ago and then you turned around and said that you are now going to ride with a different trainer and you are wondering why your now X-trainer has not been texting you?

[alternate_universe]

@findeight

might even no longer have a sound and suitable horse for you to lesson on and doesn’t want to try to explain her business decisions. It’s not personal just business.

This is actually most the rationale behind my trainer change. I am sure she has been aware that this has been an issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming her or angry at her for not being able to provide the service I’m looking for. I am aware that this is all just business.

I guess I am just a bit confused and concerned about the sudden silence. I don’t want to damage this relationship. I guess I was just very lucky with my previous trainer who was very supportive and helpful with finding a new place to ride when suitable horses were no longer available. She did not clam up when she realized things weren’t working for me and I really appreciated it.

[alternate_universe]

@trubandloki

So your now X-trainer cancelled a lesson two and a half weeks ago and then you turned around and said that you are now going to ride with a different trainer and you are wondering why your now X-trainer has not been texting you?

I texted her and was at the barn between the cancellation and the text about a new trainer.

[findeight]

Not sure that two weeks is a great gulf of time if she was texting you once a week or so and then only about barn specifics, Perhaps there’s no barn specific items to text you about and she can’t (due to no lesson horses or personal issues) or doesn’t want to continue teaching you and doesn’t want to argue with you over why.

You are sort of arguing here and wanting us to tell you why. We don’t know, There’s no need to know. Move on. Lesson learned that as a non owning weekly lesson rider on their horse, you are at the bottom of the totem pole when things change. On the plus side it’s way easier to move, so just move.

[alternate_universe]

@findeight

Not sure that two weeks is a great gulf of time if she was texting you once a week or so and then only about barn specifics, Perhaps there’s no barn specific items to text you about and she can’t (due to no lesson horses or personal issues) or doesn’t want to continue teaching you and doesn’t want to argue with you over why.

You are sort of arguing here and wanting us to tell you why. We don’t know, There’s no need to know. Move on. Lesson learned that as a non owning weekly lesson rider on their horse, you are at the bottom of the totem pole when things change. On the plus side it’s way easier to move, so just move.

Sorry if this somehow seems argumentative. I certainly wasn’t trying to convey that. I have not said anything to confront her, and if anything I have been more concerned about her well-being. Last week when I was at the barn and I got a chance to ask one of the employees if they had seen her recently or if she was riding.

I made this post out of concern that I would be going against some kind of etiquette by going to the barn to hack after telling her I would be taking lessons elsewhere. I was concerned that her silence was indicative of anger and that I shouldn’t just waltz onto her property to continue hacking the other horse.

[trubandloki]

Is the horse you are hacking hers? Or does it belong to one of the boarders?

[alternate_universe]

@trubandloki

Is the horse you are hacking hers? Or does it belong to one of the boarders?

Boarder’s.

[PoochPaddock]

@alternate_universe

Boarder’s.

Are the boarder who owns the horse and that particular horse in the aforementioned trainer’s program? I could see it being awkward if that is the case.

[findeight]

If the boarder still wants you to, shouldn’t be a problem. However…you may not be welcome to if you are not currently participating in the barns lesson program. That might be a sticky situation if the barns policy is no guest riders that aren’t active clients.

Did you arrange these rides with the horses owner? In which case you communicate with the owner. If it has to go through the trainer, you might be out of luck.in which case you move on. Her barn, her business.