Horse and rider mismatch

[Alexsmom128]

Hi everyone,

Long time reader, first time poster because I could use some support. I am an adult ammy, bit of a re-rider in that I rode competitively in my teenage years then took a long break. I then owned for a bunch of years but never really progressed with that horse as he had soundness issues. A lease horse opportunity presented itself to me over the summer and the horse had a good record and we seemed like a good match. This horse was capable of getting me back in the show ring at 1.0 and I was excited. I had fun for a few months working on basics, until I didn’t. Turns out, when jumping, horse is quirky, sometimes stops for reasons I can’t explain (and I have lost trust in him) and has bucked me off on the backside multiple times. I had to purchase air vest cartridges in multiples. Trainer, vet, and I wonder if horse has something making it NQR (we did typical pre-lease vet but horse was somewhat out of shape) causing the reactivity. In any event, I am too old to be scared, to get hurt, and to push myself through the rest of the lease so I am sending him back early. I’ll lose some money, but my confidence has taken a hit. Trainer and barn mates are supportive. Other stronger riders do better on him, but we are not a match. I’m proud of my adult self for recognizing this and preserving what’s left of my confidence. I’m a decent rider and am finding that I need to remind myself that there are a lot of horses that do not buck their riders off after a small jump. Or stop at a 2’ jump for no reason.

I’d appreciate words of wisdom and support from the hive mind especially since I may be horseless for a bit while looking for something else.

[CBoylen]

@Alexsmom128

we did typical pre-lease vet but horse was somewhat out of shape

For the future, assume if the horse is not out there doing the job intended, there is a reason not an excuse.

[OverandOnward]

IMO, you absolutely did the right thing(s). For the right reasons. You seem to be quite sensible in your decisions.

Among the things you did right was to lease, not buy. There is no promise that any match will click and you can get out from under if it isn’t working out, as you did.

It can be damaging to anyone’s confidence to have the difficulties that you did with a horse. But all it means is that this was not a match.

It might help if you and your instructor/trainer can come up with a list of why you think it went wrong. Things from your side, and things from the horse’s side. That may help you feel more confident while looking for your next ride that you are making a good selection. And of course, give you some specifics to work on.

All the best for next horse that you lease! One that is lots of fun!

[paw]

Any pairing is a crapshoot. You’re fortunate in that this was a lease and you can just give it back (even if that costs you money). Finding out that a horse you* bought* isn’t a good fit is more difficult…

That said, there could be plenty of reasons why the horse is stopping. Only you can decide whether you have the right coach to help you work through this problem, or whether you should move on. There is absolutely no reason that you should put money into someone else’s horse when you’re not having fun. Let me repeat that: you should be having fun (or at least feel as though you’re making progress).

Too many of us amatuers get sucked into the world where it’s all about the Horse Show, and the Next Big Thing. Take a minute to think about what you want from this expensive hobby. Hint: it might not be what you’re doing right now.

[GigiBecker]

I’m so proud of your adult wisdom as well. it seems as though there is some problem with this horse given his history, Have you had a vet check him out? Have you explained this to his farrier? Have you tried free-jumping him to see if he can do it on his own or if there’s a problem with a rider (not necessarily you, but added weight? Or maybe you???)

Hell yeah! You are right on. You need a horse who doesn"t stop at low fences and there are bunches of them out there. Plenty of really nice horses just aren’t into jumping, plenty of really nice horses love jumping. If a horse stops at a low fence I think they are physically uncomfortable.

No, a sound and willing horse jumps 2’ without any problem, Two foot is a walk in the park for the vast majority of horses. To double-check, have another confident rider ride the horse. If they feel the same sucked-back feeling, move onto another horse that is happy to jump small jumps.

[Alterrain]

@GigiBecker

Have you had a vet check him out? Have you explained this to his farrier? Have you tried free-jumping him to see if he can do it on his own or if there’s a problem with a rider (not necessarily you, but added weight? Or maybe you???)

They have already returned the horse, which, IMO, was a good choice.

[ParadoxFarm]

I also think you made the right decision. Rest assured that most of us would have done the same thing. This is supposed to be fun. Losing confidence on a horse is not fun. It causes us to ride defensively, and that can make things spiral. I hope you can find a confidence-boosting horse. They ARE out there.

[Arelle]

I have absolutely no qualms admitting that I no longer find shitty horses fun.

I tried the last two years to get back over fences - one barn has a mean girl barn manager who regularly took chances with my safety (jumping the one eyed, green broke mare or not lunging the jumper who had been sitting for six months and forgetting to mention that to me). The other barn is short on horses and has a few that have some bad habits - like grabbing the bit two strides out, or bolting on the back side of a fence.

I’m too old for it. I pay a lot of money to, at a bare minimum, be on a horse that is safe under reasonable circumstances. If I put them in a bad spot, or just absolutely hail mary on their mouth, then I deserve what comes my way. But if I’m riding reasonably well and they’re still being jerks? Hard pass. I will get off mid ride and turn the reins over to a pro.

You 100% made the right decision. Better horses exist, and they cost the same to keep as bad ones. And while the “bad” may be man made through poor training, or health related issues - just like with men and dating, it doesn’t mean that you need to be their savior.

Wait for the right horse and be picky. If it’s not a “hell yes”, it’s a “hell no”.

[Indy]

This should be fun, full stop. As an adult when life gives you enough stress and chaos, the barn should be your happy place and riding should be enjoyable. There’s nothing wrong with throwing in the towel when things aren’t working well, are scary, or potentially dangerous. Sometimes partnerships take some time to iron out the kinks, and sometimes it never happens. It sounds like you made the right decisions with that horse. It’s also great that you have a supportive trainer and barn friends too. The right one will come along, even if it takes a little bit of patience.

[ParadoxFarm]

I was listening to a Zoom interview of Ingrid Klimke a couple weeks ago. When asked about fear, she said that she no longer will ride horses that (purposely) rear. She said as she gets older, she doesn’t want to take that risk. Can she handle it? MOST likely! But why should she? No one wants to get hurt. If Ingrid can turn down horses, we should feel like we’re in mighty good company when we do it.

[NancyM]

Just not a good match for you. Perhaps some issue with the horse that has not, or can not be diagnosed. Perhaps the horse can feel a bit of “unsure” in your ride… if you are “unsure” about the jumps, that can make the horse unsure about continuing with jumping. You need a horse who wants to take you to the jumps, and in doing so, increases your confidence in yourself. Cast about again, look for another mount for yourself. With a little luck, you may find what you are looking for.
But keep in mind that YOU need to WANT to jump the jumps. You need to feel that NEED firmly in your head. Confidence in yourself is important, and most horses can feel any indecision on your part. You need to feel that NEED so hard that you can taste it. The intensity of desire needs to be a fire that burns inside you. I hope this little pep talk helps LOL.

[akhunterrider]

I am 37 and I have told many people (probably ad nauseum at this point), that I do this for fun and I have nothing to prove. Just because I can ride something, doesn’t mean that I want to or that I will. I do this for me and no one else. Kudos to you for drawing that hard line and deciding this horse was not the right fit. In my experience, that can be a tough pill to swallow because on some level I feel like I’m failing.

[RAyers]

One thing that may be lacking here is your own fitness, strength, and balance. Are you talking that this horse bucks like a bronc or bucks once or twice and you are gone? I find that my physical fitness affects my confidence immensely. The stronger I am in my leg and core, and the better my cardio fitness, the more confident I am to handle when things go sideways. It enables me to trust my horse to do their job without me worrying about it.

I understand how age and mindset also affects things here. I don’t know what your goals are in riding. I would not advocate staying with a horse if all you want to do is ride around, learn a bit, and have fun, which it reads that you did. If your goals require you to step outside your comfort zone, that is a different story. Done correctly, difficult horses create great riders and trainers.

In your horseless time, I recommend increasing weight and cardio training to maintain or increase your fitness. For example, in my case I have a recumbent bike to ride and watch TV. I do a ton of physical work around the farm for strength (even when I could use equipment). Find what works for you and your life. Then when you ride it will be much easier to come back.

In your off time, I will also advocate for riding school horses, if possible, friend’s horses, hobby horses, supermarket horses,…anything you can hop on (even if just for a walk), just to keep your feet wet and your reflexes present. Nothing keep you in shape for riding more than riding.

[Madison]

1000% percent moving on is the right decision - I owned a horse for 6 months that was the wrong horse for me, and even just that short amount of time damaged my confidence and created bad defensive riding habits that I’m still trying to completely get rid of over a year later. There is no better feeling than swinging your leg over one you trust, especially after riding one that gave you good reason not to trust them. The match matters, a lot, and a good match makes it fun again!

[NoSuchPerson]

@Madison

1000% percent moving on is the right decision - I owned a horse for 6 months that was the wrong horse for me, and even just that short amount of time damaged my confidence and created bad defensive riding habits that I’m still trying to completely get rid of over a year later. There is no better feeling than swinging your leg over one you trust, especially after riding one that gave you good reason not to trust them. The match matters, a lot, and a good match makes it fun again!

1000% this. I will probably never fully recover the confidence that was wiped out by the wrong horse 4 years ago. I joke that the reason I tend to lean forward too much at the canter is that my subconscious is trying to put me in the fetal position just in case.

I am having fun again, though, on a much more suitable horse.

[blondewithchrome]

Adding another tally in that bucket - I have still not mentally recovered from confidence and trust issues from a horse years ago. The wrong horse with a stop at a crossrail or 2’ jump can set you back EONs, no matter how strong of a rider you are!
OP: you did the right thing. This is a HOBBY for most of us and you should feel safe, comfortable, and full of joy when you do this. There may be moments of learning and times that you have to experience tough lessons, but fear of falling off and bucks on the backside should not be a regular part of your experience as an amateur at a not-insane height of jumping. Finding the right partner who is SAFE and fun to ride is important. Trust you made the right choice and you will be SO much happier with the right fit.

[GigiBecker]

I am very proud of you for recognizing this mis-match. So many riders think the problem is “them” and continue to ride unsafe horses. Since you don’t own this horse, it is unreasonable for you to pay for diagnostics. It seems like further diagnostics are in this horse’s future, because stopping or bucking isn’t normal for a horse. Wait, it is normal for horses who don’t want to work and test riders, and in that case, too, it’s best that this horse is in your rear-view mirror. You are the rare self-possessed adult amie who realize that the horse you had didn’t work for you and you sent him back. SO MANY try and try and try to work with a horse that is not right for them. I bow down in your direction and you are so smart about this. Hell, we are climbing on the backs of prey species. What could go wrong?

[ParadoxFarm]

GigiBecker, While I in general agree with you, not all folks with horses that are not a perfect match are in an easy situation to make a change. The OP is leasing, so it’s an easy out. Most folks own, so they have to either try to work it out because they are more invested, or try to sell, in that case maybe take a hit on the price. Not all people can take a big hit by selling a horse with issues when they can only afford one horse. So they try to work it out hoping to either get over the issue and fix it or make the horse more sellable. So, it’s complicated.