Horse ownership disagreement - join in!

[oldernewbie]

My husband has put up with my obsession for the entire 44 years we have been married. He’s gone to sooo many horse shows with me and listens patiently to barn drama stories, training, stories etc. So when he got back into ham radio, it only seemed fair that I get my ham radio license as a show of support. I have only talked on the radio a few times but go to emergency preparedness meetings with him and ham radio flea markets all over the midwest. As a comparison, he knows gray horse, brown horse black horse. I know old radio junk, newer radio junk, and antennas. Good enough!

Oldernewbie aka KD8UYY

[Spudsmyguy]

Ex husband while not objecting too much to the one horse I had at the time was also not supportive. He is very self-absorbed and felt that all attention should be on how I can make his life better and not have outside interests. He never actually came out and said it but it was there. Before we moved to the west coast I sold my mare that I had brought along from a just raced 3 year old to a decent training level eventer. He couldn’t understand why I was sad to sell her and never see her again. Same thing when I had to have my dog PTS that I had since I was 14. He didn’t even go with me to the vet to have it done. There’s something missing in someone who has so little empathy for someone they profess to love.

[happilyretired]

I think its fairly common for horsewomen to find that their husband/SO/boyfriend objects to the time and money spent on horses. First word of advice … if you are into horses make sure your partner/potential partners “gets” this and is willing to either be supportive or at least tolerate it with a minimum of fuss/complaining. I got back in to horses when my children were old enough for me to have a time consuming hobby. At that time (with my late husband) I was the primary earner in the family and so there was really no basis for any financial objection. My late husband was passionate about golf and I had NO interest in golf. So we both pursued our hobbies – he was happy he didn’t have to pretend to like horses (he was actually allergic) and I didn’t have to pretend to like golf. It worked for us (we were married for 36 years). After he died I was on my own for a few years … but happily met a widower whose late wife was also a horsewoman and we are now happily married. So current husband has “been there done that” with a horse loving spouse and is happily supportive (and also has horse experience and skills which is great).

[phosics]

I am very fortunate to have a partner who understands and appreciates what horses mean to me, and does not give me a hard time about the commitments I make financially and time-wise to make it happen.

He has a similarly demanding hobby - competitive powerlifting. So that means he is at the gym every evening during the week, quite late. He is also the primary cook in the relationship (I’m lucky, right?) so when he is prepping for a meet and has to cut weight, we make simpler, leaner meals at home and don’t really eat out as much.

Calories to him are like $$ for me when it comes to the horses. I rein in our eating out to save some money here and there so I can make it to a show or for a piece of tack that needs replacing. Same for his meet prep, we make the sacrifices (even if they are small) together with the other person so we can enjoy and be successful in our hobbies. The days that I am home, he may have to be at the gym, and the days that he is home I may have to be at the barn. We don’t put each other down for it or get grumpy about it. I am very thankful that we are able to work it out this way!

[TheBigEasy]

Ouch. Just want to say I’m sorry. Glad you moved on. Lack of empathy…is just too much.

[TheBigEasy]

When my DH and I decided I would cease working a j-o-b I was pet-less. I told him if I was going to cease working I MUST have either a dog or a horse.

He said “get the horse”.

He’s never griped one second about my time, expense, or gushing about horses. He’s mildly engaged and gets interested when it comes to the economics of boarding barn business models, or how thoroughbred racing works.

I wish he would come to watch a lesson or two, or be more interested in the mechanics of dressage, or my over-fence lead change, but he’s just. Not. And that’s ok. Cause I have all the financial and time support to do horses.
I feel very fortunate to have a partner that encourages my horse hobby, even if he doesn’t engage in it much.

[Baybear]

Maybe the husband is smart enough to realize once wife gets a horse, then child is next and that’s when the expenses start to chalk up… especially at a show barn. I’m not quite ready to throw the guy out the window yet as we don’t know what their situation is. Wife wants a horse, hubby doesn’t seem quite ready for the commitment and he may feel completely left out since it’s mom/child bonding time.

[OverandOnward]

That’s my take.

Somehow he may also think that he is losing his wife’s interest in the marriage. If she has the horse, the barn time, and the daughter’s fascination, where does he fit in? Maybe.