I hope you’ll update us to tell us about the horse you end up leasing, and how your riding is going.
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Awesome news. So glad COTH could help point the way to fulfilling your dreams.
I do hope you’ll pop in sometimes with updates! In a new thread or in this one. Cheering you on toward a fulfilling junior riding career! 
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What a fabulous update! Cheers to you and your future endeavors.
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This is a great decision. Enjoy every minute!
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Echoing everyone else’s replies on great news, good decision, and keep us updated with how it’s going.
Good luck and as SillyHorse said above, ENJOY IT.
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OP, if you are still on here? Please understand that we expect updates after spending time sharing our thoughts with you. 
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Yes! I hope you have a fantastic two years and a lifetime of happy horse ownership after college!
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I am planning to tell my lesson barn trainer that I would like to move barns. I will tell her in person, as it is more polite, but I need a plan before I start.
Can anyone help me formulate a plan on what to say? I don’t want to seem mean or un-grateful. This would be what I would say to my trainer.
“Hi! I really love this horse riding program and community, I feel like I have grown so much not just as a rider but also as a person over the course of these years. This community has been so kind to me, and I have made so many bonds with the horses and people here. As I am nearing the end of my junior years, I have a burning passion to show more frequently and lease a horse before I go to college. In order to achieve my goals of regularly showing at A shows and leasing a nice horse, I unfortunately need to go to a show program at another barn. I am really grateful and appreciative of everything you have taught me, every lesson was super fun and made me more and more passionate about riding. Thank you for everything you have done for me, I really appreciate everything.”
If anyone has any tips on how to improve, please respond!! Thank you!
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That reads like you have been reading threads here on advice requests from people asking how to tell their trainer they are moving to another farm to advance in their riding skills. I can’t think of a single thing I would change.
Good luck!
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I’m running out to work ATM but I have a couple thoughts I’ll share later. Overall it is really good and you could send it now and it would be a great message. I would just tweak like one maybe two things. Sorry it’s the start of our day here, but I’ll circle back at lunch and share thoughts - any and all of which you should accept or reject at will!
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All but one word looks good to me.
Scratch the word ‘unfortunately’. First, it’s not true that it is unfortunate, second, the current trainer may misinterpret it as an invitation to make a counter-offer to get you to stay.
It would be good to deliver the message with fewer words, if you can cut it down. It is easier to write it out, than it is to say it. It will feel like a fairly long speech. She may be anxiously waiting for you to get to the point.
Try speaking your message out loud. Not to rehearse it so much (some of that, too), but to get a feel for how it sounds and how you can convey it verbally with fewer words.
Expecting you will get some good editing suggestions in this thread! 
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However you phrase it … your tone and overall demeanor will be as important in this message as your words. So is the time and place (of course in private).
The one thing that needs to be absolutely clear in your words, tone, and cheerful but firm attitude: You are not asking for any suggestions or counter-offers from your current trainer to help you stay.
But you need to be prepared for a discussion to follow, and in a way that you may not have expected. She may be unhappy with what she is hearing. She may want to change your mind – and your riding direction.
You have to be prepared to politely manage this. Don’t get into a back-and-forth discussion. Don’t try to justify why this is better than staying at this barn. Just politely mention the great memories and appreciation for her help.
And most especially, don’t give details about the new program. I made that mistake once, with a BO I was leaving that I considered a friend. She took it as direct criticism of what she had to offer and was seriously offended. Which took me by total surprise … anyway, avoid details.
“I understand. My parents and I have decided on this new direction, and I’m looking forward to it. I really look forward to seeing everyone from [this barn] at [wherever you will run into them].”
Choose a time when you only have about 10 minutes before you must go, and will go. This will forestall any protracted counter-offers to stay, or disagreement with your direction, etc.
Be prepared to stay calm, positive and upbeat, even if she is unhappy. While being clear and firm in a positive way.
You are not asking her permission. Or asking for her input or suggestions. But she may act as if you are. She may feel that she’s invested in you, and she may be disappointed.
Your overall demeanor and tone should help communicate that you have made a decision and are ready to move on to your new journey. Treasuring the memories and all of her teaching to date are appropriate, but they are the end point of this stage of your journey.
With your body language, you need to stand and sit straight. With your voice and delivery you need to be mature and calm, communicating your (and your parent’s) decision in an adult way. And not as if you are asking an adult for permission.
And of course, this conversation will be an experience that adds to your own maturity.
The desired outcome is an amicable shift in your relationship with this trainer. You are going from being a student and mentee, to being a junior friend. And if this friendship continues, it won’t be that long before you will be an adult friend in a community that you share. Even if it is when you are returning from college away to visit.
If all goes well you and she finish the conversation with mutual respect and friendship. If she’s upset and isn’t as accepting as you would wish, then you finish the conversation as politely as you can and move on with your life.
I have no doubts that you can do it!
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I agree. Otherwise it’s good. Possibly more than you really need to say, but it’s sincere and should cushion the blow to the lesson barn trainer.
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In order to achieve my goals of regularly showing at A shows and leasing a nice horse, I unfortunately need to go to a show program at another barn.
Two things: I echo people with the use of unfortunately; I would also rephrase “leasing a nice horse” - there are plenty of nice horses out there, and this trainer probably has access to many, but they’re not ones that suit your needs.
Reworded to however you would say it; but I would revise to something like “In order to achieve my goals of attending A shows and leasing a horse that can compete at the A level, I need to enter a show program at another barn.”
(“Nice” is subjective, so remove it from the equation - state exactly what it is you need that she cannot provide; in this case, an A-level horse.)
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Perfect. And well considered.
It is a very good point that when delivering a “no” message, it is critical not to phrase anything in a softer way such that it seems to open a door to negotiation, or disagreement/dispute – from the point of view of the other person.
It can be hard to put ourselves in that person’s head when we are focusing so hard on the point that we want to make. And on our attempts to soften and be polite. But that can be misunderstood by someone who would like to work toward a different outcome.
And that words and phrases that are a subjective assessment of something might lead to a disagreement – even a strong disagreement. Based on implications that we didn’t intend, such as that current trainer does not have a ‘nice’ horse, something she probably doesn’t agree with, and you didn’t intend to say.
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Unfortunately was the thing I would definitely change and many others have covered that brilliantly above.
As others have mentioned, I would change the 4th sentence to something more like:
I have assessed my goals, done my research, and consulted with my parents. In order to achieve my goals of showing regularly at A shows and leasing a horse that can compete at the A level, I need to enter a show program at another barn.
I don’t think it’s too long at all. I think this is the time to be friendly and honour that connection you’ve found there to a barn family, not just a riding programme.
If there is a possibility and a desire to still ride at this barn once in awhile or once a month or something, see if that would be okay. Don’t be afraid to ask.
You did really well with that message and I hope you feel confident to speak up, share your goals, express your gratitude, and leave on a high note!
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I didn’t read through all the posts, but I wonder about how WBs are viewed here. Maybe those types of horses are very expensive in the US or the basic riding skills are much lower, but some posts gave me the impression, that WBs are difficult, hot and not easy to handle and quite expensive as well.
Where I’m from WBs are the absolute standard horse breed. We have way more WBs than any other breed. They are the most recommended breed for anyone, who wants to do a little dressage, jumping or eventing. Maybe this is really different in the US. But the easiest breed to handle, care and ride are WBs in my opinion. Around here nobody would recommend any “western” type of horse for showjumping. Some use their QH or PH for jumping, but that’s like 1 in 1000.
Next to WBs german riding ponys are the next most used breed for such purposes. TBs come way later, due to being a lot hotter than any standard WB. But our breeding clubs tend to use a lot of TB blood mainly for the eventing lines of the WBs, so you always get some amount of TB in any WB you buy. Unless you buy a very “old fashioned” WB where there’s not much of TB in it. After WBs, TBs and german riding ponys the Haflinger is used quite a lot for “low level” showing.
Are WBs that expensive in the US? I read budgets about 40 to 60k? This is insane. Only very high end WBs cost this much over here. Most “amateur” WBs are around 10 - 20k. Even very good ones placed high in shows about 4’2 are found inside this range.
So as somebody who mainly rides WBs (Hanoverians, Holsteins, Trakehners etc.) I can recommend them for the purposes of the OP and I think she should part with the trainer, who recommends very unsuitable breeds.
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OP I think this message is the right sentiment and would have been fine before you’d started to talk about buying a horse, but doesn’t totally make sense now since your trainer was already starting to shop (or at least plan for shopping) on your behalf. You’ll want to directly address why that plan has changed to a lease when you were previously set on buying. She may have already put some effort into the search, and was probably counting on a commission and/or having another boarder soon. From what you’ve said about your relationship with this trainer I don’t expect she’ll be upset, but the professional thing to do is be direct with her.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done so far in helping with my horse shop. My parents and I have talked about my goals and what makes the most sense for our budget and we’ve decided to lease something in a show program so I can focus on competing for the next few years before college. I’ve gained so much from your program and I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I’m going to miss everyone here but this is the right next step for me.”
Your trainer will almost certainly understand, I guarantee you aren’t the first student who has moved on to a higher-level program. It sounds like you two have a good relationship so while she may be a little disappointed she’ll most likely be supportive of your goals. This is a business relationship, and your trainer is a professional. I doubt she’ll say much more beyond “I’m sorry to see you go but I wish you the best of luck with your next steps!” If it helps, remember that you would have left this barn in a few years anyway when you left for college. Clients and trainers come and go for all kinds of reasons, it’s a totally normal part of the business.
Keep the conversation short and sweet, don’t feel like you have to justify your decisions to her if she pushes back at all, and avoid saying anything that implies her program isn’t good enough or her horses aren’t nice enough. Her program no longer fits your goals, that’s the end of the story.
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There are several factors that play into this dynamic which have been addressed extensively in other threads, but to give a few non-comprehensive points:
- US breeding programs aren’t as robust as overseas so many of our warmbloods are imported, increasing their price
- The hunters are a major discipline here and require a specific type of horse, which can get very expensive if you want to be competitive
- The overall cost of horse-keeping is generally much higher so sales prices are higher to partially account for how much trainers put into the horse while in their care
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I echo what @dmveventer said and also:
…overwhelmingly, Western-oriented sport is much bigger than English-oriented sport, especially in the wide open places in the US where horsekeeping is not limited to the very wealthy. As such, nationally our “default” horse is the Quarter Horse.
There’s technically nothing stopping someone from building a foundation warmblood herd out in, say, Iowa and offering cheaper horses for English sports. It wont happen because those horses still go for $$$ so why would anyone dilute their own market? Anything remotely warmblood is still going for low 5s. Esp if it’s got a brand on it, it will sell…old, lame, unsafe, whatever.
Our other popular horse sport is racing, although that is obviously a spectator sport, but it means the other available breed is the thoroughbred.
I personally believe our thoroughbreds suffer a lot of bias and are very underutilized. This is beginning to change, but they are an exception at the top levels of “polished” pursuits, where the form is as, important as the effort, even if they are more widely seen in sports like eventing where raw athleticism is much more important.
Think the debate in figure skating, where “artistry” is a very subjective and amorphous quality, but vital to winning.
“Hunters” has always been oriented towards a pursuit by and for the wealthy, even though all but the most downhill-bred QH can athletically handle popping over a 2’6” course. Which is what 90%+ of what anyone is actually doing.
Any suitably built horse, thoroughbred, appendix, warmblood or otherwise, that can jump the required height could hypothetically do what the OP seeks to do but the degree of polish that is the barrier to entry in this universe is way above the baseline ability to safely get over the jumps.
And that is because of the coastal money that props up English sports, and the aesthetic culture that sprung up around the money, as well as our unique history as a “cowboy nation” in the rest of the States.
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