It does exist?! I asked trainer #1 bc the barn is closer to my house so I can ride closer to home but still take lessons at show barn. I haven’t talked to trainer #2 yet about buying a horse because I dont plan to board my horse there!
I dont understand why you are being so adamant that I am lying.
its simple! I need to talk to trainer #1 to get our goals aligned because we never really had that conversation.
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Because I’ve been at that barn for a long time and I have a community there and don’t want to leave. I have many friends and am comfortable with my trainer there. I dont know how to leave without ruining my connections with the people there.
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If she is pushing a stock horse there is no reason to continue to have the conversation with non-show barn trainer
why don’t you plan to board at the barn that gets you to your Big Eq goals / A level jumper goals? Cost? Why do those connections matter - they’re not useful to you anymore. Just like middle school you graduate and go to highschool and maybe you don’t have the same teachers anymore because you’re growing…
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Like I said, cost is not an issue. Its just far to board there because its a long drive and I have lots of AP classes, a job, and extracurriculars after school. I would love to board there but I want to be close incase something happens (like an emergency or something similar).
I understand about the connections, it is just hard to move on.
Do you think I should lease at the show barn instead of buying and keeping it in my lesson barn?
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100% - move to show barn.
That is what everyone is saying to you.
Growing up and moving on with some level of trade off for greater goals shouldn’t be an entirely foreign concept to a 16 year old taking AP classes.
Don’t you have friends in the regular Chem classes - you didn’t not take the AP because youll miss your (less intelligent in Chem) friends… you see how your logic is faulty and that is why people don’t think you’re actually 16?
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I agree with the lease, but I think you are being unreasonable.
I am only 16, not a 35 year old. I am young. Of course I will miss my connections and my lesson barn because I am 16 and not as mature as an adult. I understand the analogy but its different when you have been at a barn for many years and have made lots of friends and formed a community. It is hard to leave and say goodbye. This is not because of immaturity but rather because of the bonds I have formed. I 100% understand why I should move! Its harder though than just moving, because of the emotional attachment.
Heart VS Mind.
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Express that - don’t make internet people play 21 questions
And I am not being that hard on you - I interact with a LOT of teenagers for a early 30s person - and I had really absent parents so I felt my teenage years super hard and remember how many decisions and emotions I had to deal with.
I am in a major coastal city so perhaps there is a maturity difference from the 16 year olds I ride with 3x a week - one of which is able to articulate their feelings of having to sell their horse due to their parent losing their job and her last year of junior A level shows were completely obliterated. I believe the words were “My parents sacrificed a lot to let me do this for so long - one year of missing out is super hard and sad and I feel slighted only because my peers have so much more money than we do - this is why I am majoring in Pysch to go into private practice medicine so I can afford this sport as an adult”
^ she is 17 as of last week
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Ok? Thank you for telling me I am not as mature as her?
I am also in a major coastal city.
My feelings are that I know now that I need to move barns to accomplish my goals but am having conflicting feelings about leaving because I have many friends there. It is hard for me to watch my friends at the show barn ride every day and go to shows often which is why I want to move barns to only my show barn.
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Giving you explanation as to why people felt like you were trolling or not actually 16.
your communication style was giving the impression that you were much much younger.
at 16 and having a decade of riding experience and exposure to the status heirarchy of equestrian sports - one would imagine you would have SOME understanding of trade-offs between experiences
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ride every day and be limited to a certain cow pony level / IEA stuff
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ride 3x a week and compete in A shows
immature, entitled, or not particularly articulate in this specific forum - unclear.
but I think we all just about unanimously answered your question
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I understand why people think I am trolling. I understand the trade offs and have made MANY tough decisions. I 100% understand the tradeoffs.
This is my first EVER post on a forum, you can not expect me to know how to properly make a post my first time. It is very new to me.
thank you for answering my question.
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It is mostly the same as IG or Facebook …
tiktok has that damn character limit but seesh people still articulate novels in those damn comments
communication practice is great! Hope you learned something about your feelings of community vs goals
be sure to thank your parents for the 60k future horse, training board bills AND the 3 hour round trips if they drive you to the barn!
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Not to interject in this back and forth - but OP, this brings to mind another thing to consider in your “negotiable” “non negotiable” or “strongly prefer, but maybe?”
Realistically, if you do this all through the show barn you will have a much higher likelihood of your boxes being checked. An analogy for this would be that you go to farm n fleet to buy triple crown senior, not wild birds unlimited (hoping you can find something identical or if not, then at least very close).
However, if the community and connections at your primary barn weigh more in your consideration than some of the horse factors like breed or type of show or height of fence, then that is something to consider.
Not saying that these are exact replicas of your two choices but in situation A you might commit to show barn program, get the WB horse that is exactly what you want, but you can only ride 2-3 days a week because the barn is so far away but you get to do shows exactly as you wish but you don’t get to hang out/have barn friends; vs situation B where you can ride way more often but you don’t have the WB horse and maybe you’re jumping a little smaller but you can still show, albeit maybe not move up to As, but you still have your core barn friend group.
Remember, in your research around horse buying, not all of it will be the horse. There’s all the “other stuff” that comes into play too. It’s one thing to say that we’re aware of that but when someone points out that all the things we say we want, would be attainable if we “just do X”, but we don’t necessarily want to do X because we’d have to sacrifice or compromise things that are important to us, it can be quite difficult to sit down and reason through.
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Thank you. Yes, I dont even bother commenting on instagram anymore!
I will work on my communication, it’s definitely something I need to work on in person as well to be more direct with trainers.
Thank you for the help!
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Thank you so much! I didn’t realize before starting this discussion post that there would be so many decisions to make that don’t involve the horse itself to buy.
Yes, it is difficult to reason when both decisions are hard. I 100% agree!
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I would just like to say that I commend you for saying “thank you” in every single reply that you have given and not getting combative, that does not feel troll-y to me. Serious discussions need to be had (both with your trainer AND your parents to make sure they fully understand that $60K for this horse is FAR from the only expenses if you are planning to board that far away and show regularly), and hopefully you have gotten some good starting points from all of the opinions here, good luck!
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Just jumping in to add… the purchase price is only the start. Are your folks already affording you the board/training/upkeep on the horses you’ve leased? Shows, too, can be expensive. It might be wiser for you (at 16 and planning to go to college) to either buy a “fun” horse to keep locally that you can maybe move up to showing the 3’ on or look at what a lease at the show barn would cost.
You sound like you’re happily busy at this point in your life - what are you thinking you’ll give up to have the time to invest in a more committed relationship with your own horse and showing?
Sorry it’s so complex.
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This is indeed a hard thing that we need to do at many stages in our life. Move away from our current friends family town comfort zone, into a new place, in order to reach goals in life. We do it when we go to college, when we leave college for a job, when we relocate for a better job. It’s hard. And you don’t know in advance if it will be worth it. But on the other hand you know for sure you won’t reach the goal staying where you are. I don’t know if you will be overall happier staying with your friends at cow pony barn or going to try out show barn.
What is the boarding budget? Putting your relatively expensive WB in full training at show barn will help get you to your goal, but it is likely double what it would cost to keep a QH at cow pony barn.
Finally, if you want to excel at anything you do need to start focusing. If you’re going to pay $60k for a horse and $8k for a saddle and $2k+ a month board then you’re going to need to make this your Big Full Time Activity and let some other things drop. And have you priced A shows? It’s about $5k a show all told I think. Are your parents ready for all of this?
Finally ask both Show Barn Trainer and Cow Pony Trainer the questions someone else have you about “how to get there from here.” My guess is Cow Pony Barn doesn’t have a clear path for you. But Show Trainer might also feel you aren’t ready to be showing 3 foot 3 either. Listen to what they say.
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Thank you for chiming in! I didn’t realize the complexities of buying a horse and keeping the horse. I knew of the extra fees of boarding and medical etc but this made me realize how many factors are involved in purchasing! One day I’ll do it hopefully sooner than later.
Also good point with the activities. I would have to drop a lot of them which I would be willing to do, as Horseriding is my passion, but I don’t think my parents would be thrilled to hear that haha.
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There is a parallel conversation going on with an adult poster that is having the same challenge about leaving her barn and long term community for the safety and care of her horse. All that to say, I wouldn’t be surprised at 16 years old, this is one of those first tough life experiences…and there will be MANY more for you!
More of life advice than this specific situation - we can’t do it all. And if we try, things will bend and break down somewhere else. I’d encourage you to really start to think about what matters the most to you going through a potential barn switch.
Not completely the same thing, but when I was your age, I had been naturally talented at the flute from a very young age (and could pick up and figure out other instruments by ear). I easily won first chair up until that point with ease and was invited to participate in my cities youth orchestra which the invitation in and if itself is an honor. Anyways. When I got to high school, marching band was a requirement to be in the symphonic band. Marching band had a huge summer commitment for practice, band camp, and then of course all the practices/games in the fall. That interfered with my horse, my show schedule, and quite frankly it wasn’t something I had ANY interest in doing.
My parents helped guide me through this decision, and ultimately let me make it myself. We did talk to the band director about seeing if we could work out an arrangement that would still let me be as active with my horse, but they didn’t want to make exceptions. They also didn’t want to lose me, but their offer of one less day of practice a week didn’t cut it. So I quit! And I disappointed my band director and some friends…the second chair flute was THRILLED 
. It felt like a hard decision to make at the time, but I felt better after making it. And making it for MYself.
To this day, anything I take on I make very deliberate choices based on how it will impact my horse time. That’s what matters most to me as a 40 year old.
There’s been a lot of good advice on this thread. I agree with those encouraging you to lease a higher caliber horse at the show barn. That is an opportunity that not everyone has, and to not maximize it and your show potential would be doing yourself a disservice EVEN if it means you only get out a few days a week because it’s further away. Finding the horse you’re looking for could take a lot more time than getting into a lease and immediately starting to get to work towards your goals.
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I think - even at 16 this is too big for you to be making these decisions. I would talk to your parents and let them know what your goals and dreams are. Tell them the sacrifices and commitments you’re ready to make. Then it’s up to them to request meetings and have the conversations with both of the trainers and make the decision.
When my daughter started getting serious and talking about “the big eq dream” I asked our trainer if we could schedule a parent/trainer conference.
We asked how realistic is this goal? What will it require show-wise - what would that cost? What extra training will be required- what will that cost? Our trainer broke everything down for us - the options available and budget required for each path. (Your parents will also need to ask each trainer about their previous experience getting riders to your goal level successfully.)
At the meeting my husband and I were able to say, we can afford this much showing/training so lets go with this goal/option and build a plan.
Some great things came out of that meeting- all of us are on the same page. Bills aren’t upsetting and we don’t feel pressured as parents to do more than we can. Our daughter is thriving and having a wonderful experience bc she is being challenged but not given unrealistic expectations.
Bc here’s the reality:
Your parents may say yes we can spend 50-60k on a horse. But then be unable to spend:
Board at show barn - 1-3k/mo vs maybe $750/mo at lesson barn
10 A shows a year at $3,000 each vs 5 local shows at $500 each with lesson barn
Additional vet services such as injections/chiro/etc - possibly 3-6k/year
Possibly more expensive farrier - from maybe $150 every 6-8 weeks at lesson barn increases to $350/4-5 weeks
Or they may say, gee we can do that - go for your dream!
These aren’t decisions you should be making in your own. I think you need an honest conversation with your parents and they need to meet with both trainers and decide.
And this advice goes for any kid and parents - no matter what their age.
Good luck!!!
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