Horse Purchasing: Trainer and I disagree! What do I do?

[FjordBCRF]

@OverandOnward

One of the hardest parts of becoming an adult is realizing that not every person in your world fits your goals. You can still be friends, but you do have to move in your own direction. If not, you’ll make serious compromises in that direction to keep your social world as it is now.

So you may give up or compromise on at least part of your dream to stay at the current barn. But then others will leave that barn to pursue their own life path, and there will be changes there anyway. Definitely within a year. Maybe even within months, even if they aren’t discussing it now.

Another question to ask yourself OP is how social are you and how important is being social to you? I ask this because once you go to college, you are going to have a whole new world of social opportunities and friend groups. If those friends are not equestrians and being social is very important to you, having a horse in college may not be fair to the horse. I went to a school with an equestrian program, so there was a social/community element already there for the riders, and EQ students typically made friends with other EQ students. Something to think about if you are going to a college without an equine program.

Think about the college experience you want to have. Do you want 4 years with a horse focus outside of classes and studying or do you want your free time to experience new things, with new people, in new places? Having both may not be possible.

[akhunterrider]

I have skimmed this entire thread and here are my takeaways:

First, I am 36 (not 35 like you mentioned not being, but in any case a far cry from 16).

Second, you need to outline your priorities a little better. If showing 3’6" is your goal, it sounds like you’re going to have to move to the show barn full time. It does not sound like a 3’6" horse would thrive in the IEA/lower level lesson barn environment. If you don’t want to move full time due to lack of time, leaving your friends, or whatever the reason, you need to lower your expectations. I am not at all saying you can’t show at 3’6", but the half here and half there in two very different programs is not going to lend itself well to showing at 3’6".

If you are dead set on staying at both barns and showing 3’6", ask the show barn to help you find a suitable lease horse. Frankly, I think that’s your best bet regardless. And if you choose to stay at the lesson barn and ask that trainer for suggestions on what horses to buy, expect she is going to suggest cowponies or ranch type horses because that’s what works best for the majority of her program.

There are several horses where I ride that do western or ranch and english lessons up to 2’0". They are the safest, easiest going horses that work best for the majority of the lesson students.

[NoSuchPerson]

I disagree.

Sure, every generation puts their own spin on the language. But that’s not all that’s “wrong” with the OP’s posts. You’re ignoring several key elements that have nothing to do with a generation-specific communications style.

For example, horse people talk like horse people, no matter what the age. A 16-year-old who spends as much time as the OP claims to have spent riding and leasing horses at the kind of barns she describes, will know the lingo. The OP isn’t using it or isn’t always using it correctly.

And what about the inconsistencies and contradictions? In order for the OP to fit in as much stuff as she claims (spread over several different posts) to be doing, she would have to be living in an alternative dimension where the days are 30 hours long.

Nope. There is something going on that is more than just “you old fogies don’t speak my language.”

[mika0116]

Just want to chime in about communication style. @NoSuchPerson NAILED IT

OP is not using slang like rizz and sigma, etc. It is more about the way they structure logical thought to articulate the context of a situation.

My sister is a child pysch working currently for a public middle school (11-13 year olds). I showed her this post / thread and she said that this writing would be indicative of a pre-teen or an individual who is at different (lower than indicated) socioeconomic situation or perhaps from a rural area in US. She caveated that children develop at different paces, but that 16 and AP student with a discussed and disclosed 60k budget for a horse did not seem at face value to gel with the writing.

How would the child know the budget of the parents without a conversation? A conversation like that would generally be more articulate than what was posted here.

Again it isn’t the writing STYLE or the slang or even the sentence structure - it is the underlying logic and (lack of) presentation of context and lack of awareness given the eventually provided context after MUCH questioning that does not indicate an AP class taking 16 year old with a family budget of 60k to spend on a child’s horse.

There was also many inconsistencies that do not line up. As said - the 16 year old’s schedule is not articulated logically, the terms used were not indicated of someone riding since they were 6 with access to the internet and riding apparently 7 days a week if main cowpony barn is main barn and show barn is 3x a week. That means OP is riding 7 days a week, plus AP classes, plus languages, plus instruments. I’m sorry I took 15 AP classes in HS, I was doing HW until 1am most nights after newspaper and riding. I quit all other sports when I realized I wasn’t good enough for college scholarships sophomore year.

It is sad but generally folks with more expendable income have statistically higher levels of “functioning” in their children.

Could be that this OP is 16 and extremely sheltered and over-scheduled by parents (instruments, languages, etc) - but they are likely not riding at the level they claim and are truly unaware of their embellishments being obvious - likely subconscious on their part.

I would not pass this student in AP classes based on the inability to form logical conversation points.

[vxf111]

It’s n=about a dozen, but I have been helping high school students with college essays/applications and I communicate somewhat regularly with 2 others and nothing about the communication style/pattern or the substance of the OP’s communications feel like a high school student in the US steeped in H/J culture.

It mostly to me feels like a younger kid making a story up as it goes along. Which is fine, I guess, but the OP has now gotten tons of (pretty obvious) advice and should be able to figure it out now if there’s ANY kernel of truth to this story.

I am also skeptical of anyone who starts a new account just to post something like this that its a troll or an alter. If you were around the H/J world for a decade you’d probably have stumbled across COTH before now OR you’d be asking this question on whatever other social media you use. You wouldn’t just wake up one day with this generic and slightly unbelievable “problem” and decide COTH is the place to ask it. A high school kid already has social media outlets far more familiar and would be asking there. Or, if it was someone who had been on COTH for a while, their account wouldn’t be brand new.

[Midge]

I don’t think the original post is interesting or controversial enough to be a troll post. There are some things that don’t make sense, but we are not the owners of the back story. There are plenty of things that get added to many posts as the story unfolds. We don’t even need the absolutely true, facts only discourse. The crux of the answer is the OP should ride and shop with the show barn.

@mika0116

Don’t you have friends in the regular Chem classes - you didn’t not take the AP because youll miss your (less intelligent in Chem) friends… you see how your logic is faulty and that is why people don’t think you’re actually 16?

I think this is a terrible analogy. AP classes still happen at the same school. The OP is basically talking about changing schools. A whole lot of 16 year olds would absolutely hate changing schools, even if they know it would be better for them.

[K_VanOlst]

@mika0116

That means OP is riding 7 days a week, plus AP classes, plus languages, plus instruments.

Don’t forget work OP also mentioned having a job.

[mika0116]

100% I used tutor HS math occasionally (think SAT prep for 1400 and higher or calc) and my texts and emails with tutoring students are more clear than this insanity.

A 16 year old would ask their peers on tiktok and insta - theres a whole tiktok account that two 20 somethings run that answer these questions about horse prices and barn prices etc. -

a savvy AP taking 16 year old is 10000% on IG and TT - not an old farts forum

[Cowboy_Girl]

I have no clue what your budget is - but I’d say its small-ish since you won’t have money to spend showing when in college.
There are many 15.3 appendix “cow ponies” that can purchased in a budget friendly manner (compared to a warmblood,) and beautifully jump 3 ft courses in 90 days and well above that afterwards. This sounds like a challenge that is within your wheelhouse. They also tend to be easy keepers and can stay trained with irregular riding (as in during college.) And this is a horse that you are purchasing - not leasing, so that also factors in.
You need to evaluate your real priorities and budget with your parents and your trainer:

• If you want to show and win now before you go to college (in 2 years,) budget that and plan accordingly. That may affect the lease vs buy or even the barn/trainer you remain at

• If you want to buy your first horse, that capable of some showing now, then can be out of show training but still fun during your available horse time in college, that is another budget and plan

Shopping opinions in an on-line forum about your trainer’s loyalty and best interest for you will only get you so far

[Paint_Party]

There have been so many thoughtful replies to the OP, which demonstrates how helpful, kind and knowledgeable COTH posters can be.

But something about this entire situation doesn’t ring true. As mentioned, the lingo and terminology isn’t there. In my experience, most 12 and 13-year olds who’ve ridden as much as OP would be using terms like step, scope, movement, medals, etc.

Then there are inconsistencies. Right off, OP said they didn’t want an OTTB or a green horse for fear they couldn’t handle it. Yet they want a horse that’s “snappy” and a little on the hot side.

Also, other than a one time reference to “cow ponies,” who continues to use such a reference?

OP may indeed ride (some) and might truly dream of owning and riding a warmblood. But the story as a whole seems like an exercise in fantasy.

At least that’s my opinion. I could be wrong.

[mika0116]

Disagree slightly.

School and further advanced education is completely different than SELF propelled riding goals

OP wants to ride at higher level - no one is forcing them - unless their parents are but that was never disclosed in their posts at all.

Changing schools being negative for the child because leaving friends behind generally would be a result of the change administered by outside force - not internally from self actualization.

If child themselves understood that changing schools would advance THEIR goals that THEY have for THEMSELVES- they would be sad sure leaving friends behind - but it is THEM who wants the change to pursue something more and therefore they are aware and make the decision knowing they will have some sadness. They would be aware that THEY are propelling the change.

They’d resent perhaps a parent forcing / pressuring them.

Analogy tracks for me as someone who self-propelled as a teenager and left many communities behind and had BIG feels over it. But because I was the one with the goals I knew that I had feelings.

having goals and self propelling but NOT recognizing the trade-offs is exactly why we think this OP is under 16 – most 16 year olds - especially AP class taking ones - would grasp this.

[Mounted]

Whatever is going on here, there is a young person trying to figure out how to achieve her goals, and a fair amount of piling on, speculating, and diagnosing by adults who don’t know her. Even if (perhaps especially if) the skepticism is justified, perhaps it’s time for adults to recognize that there is little constructive to be gained from continuing to engage — the most important and relevant advice has been shared repeatedly, and there’s no real need to get to the bottom of the story.

[mika0116]

As said above early in this post - this is a circle jerk for adults. mildly entertaining - like any other forum e.g. reddit

I am a child of the internet - 13 in 2003 with AOL chatrooms - one is responsible for THEMSELVES on the Internet. I am good with my contributions after all I am the one who “helped OP realize she was sad about her cowpony barn community”

But I do think situations like this would be a good reason to have stricter social media laws / regulations for minors (https://www.security.org/digital-safety/parents-react-to-social-media-legislation/) - because if OP idk got depressed and then did something drastic because of legitimate or speculative responses on internet - that would be sad.

i learned a lot in my teens engaging online in various forums - xanga, livejournal, tumblr - aol chats, the like. not all of it was rainbows and butterflies and some of it was outright sketchy. I type 180 wpm due to that and communicate cross culturally pretty well because of my exposure to others’ communication style

[celine.eq2023]

I’m not a troll. This is my first post and I don’t really know how this whole thing works. Yes, English is not my first language. It is my third language.
I was just wondering how to choose between the far away show barn and close local barn.

[celine.eq2023]

I am not allowed to have social media, but it’s not really my thing because I don’t have much time for it.

[celine.eq2023]

Exactly!
I’m sorry for the communication and lack of clarity. I used voice to text, which might have been why the sentences didn’t make sense. Also, English is not my first language.

I understand the trade offs well but it’s more complicated than making a decision because there are many factors that are involved. I appreciate the advice and I will most likely try to find a lease at the show barn. I gained a lot of new knowledge I haven’t thought of before.

It hurts my feelings when people say I am untruthful just based on the way I type. You have no idea about my life or about who I am. I feel like some people are blowing this out of proportion. It is not your place to question my maturity, because this is not even related to the question I asked in the first place. It’s not your business to ask if this is my first language, ask details about my personal life, etc. I just wanted my original question of “What should I do?” to be answered.
I don’t owe anyone extra information, like how I was raised and if I was sheltered or not. I don’t need to say phrases that my generation says just because I am a teenager. My writing in this forum does not reflect who I am as a person in real life. I am not going to be writing on here the same way I write my college essays.

• I wanted a horse and wanted to complete my goals of competing in A shows.
• I go to 2 barns, one of which is close to my house and one that is far away.
• I didn’t properly communicate with trainer #1 about my goals before purchasing a horse

That is the situation. I really just ask people responding to be constructive and not ask questions about my personal life. I just want my question answered. I got really good advice! Thank you guys!

[NoSuchPerson]

@celine.eq2023

This is my first post and I don’t really know how this whole thing works.

For one thing, start off by including important information right up front. Don’t make people dig it out post-by-post. For example, start your first post by saying something like, “English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes or wrong words.” If you don’t live in the US or haven’t lived here long, say so.

Those two things right there will go a long way in preventing people from questioning your posts because you aren’t speaking in the way we expect.

[celine.eq2023]

I understand, I have learned that I should be clear and communicate not only with trainers but also with people on this forum in a clear way.

[Rel6]

I just read this whole thing and some of the replies are so helpful, while others are genuinely absurd. Because OP is not using specific colloquialisms we doubt everything from their alleged socioeconomic status, maturity, and equestrian experience. But never whether they were actually posting in their first language? Honestly, the pile on is so off-putting.

“My sister is a child pysch working currently for a public middle school (11-13 year olds). I showed her this post / thread and she said that this writing would be indicative of a pre-teen or an individual who is at different (lower than indicated) socioeconomic situation or perhaps from a rural area in US. She caveated that children develop at different paces, but that 16 and AP student with a discussed and disclosed 60k budget for a horse did not seem at face value to gel with the writing.”

This might be one of the cringiest things I’ve read on this forum in a while. I am also a child of the internet, and one thing it taught me is that how people type and chat online very often has little reflection on how they conduct themselves in person or in a professional environment. I read my posts on this forum from 10+ years ago and cringe, a lot (and I was older than OP). But academically, I didn’t write or communicate like that at all.

OP, I also was in a situation around your age where I was given a budget by a parent who otherwise was very uninvolved with day to day conversations with my trainer regarding a horse search or my own goals. I was left on my own to manage such things. I also had a large disconnect with my trainer about what those goals were and what I was looking for in a future horse. I found it easiest to draft an email, explaining what I was looking for, my budget, and the goals I wanted to accomplish. I made sure to show it to my parent first to ensure they were onboard and I wasn’t exceeding anything they felt they could help accomplish. I was polite, respectful, but clear about the level I had been competing at and the level I wanted to accomplish before college. From what you’ve said, it does sound like your “lesson” barn trainer is not really going to be able to help you achieve your goals. It might be more conducive for you to ask for a sit-down conversation between you, your parents, and your “show” barn trainer to talk through your goals.

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice on this thread, amongst a lot of other white noise.

[mika0116]

Yay! I think this was constructive!

Formulating coherent posts in a 3rd language I would imagine is really difficult. When I lived abroad at 19 - the first words out of my mouth were “this is not my native language, please know that I am doing my best and help me communicate more clearly”

I’d advise doing something similar!