I had never been around babies or children until I had mine (almost 10 months ago!!) it all fell into place. I was blessed with the most amazing in-laws. Also a supporting SO, supports all the horsie nonsense (he also rides)
I don’t get to ride as much as I want to, but I still do. I rode until 36ish weeks, then took a break afterwards.
I currently have baby 2 on the way. I’m sure it will be different when they are older.
And on the other hand… 
Barn was 45 minutes away, husband never enjoyed horse stuff and was not supportive (or, at least, not for the 3+ hours it would take to drive to barn, have horsie time, and drive home). I didn’t want my babies with me at the barn; I was tired and lonely (even though I had moms’ groups and friends with babies, etc.) and missed my independence and missed having time to myself, even though both my kids were adorable, happy, healthy, ridiculously entertaining little mites, and are not bad as teenagers, either. There are new competing demands on your time with babies, too; if you are breast-feeding/pumping, there are certain schedules, and also you may want to be spending time with other moms, or going to the children’s section of the library where you’ll see other moms with babies, or you’ll want to be out with the baby in the park or at the beach or the playground, etc. Then the kids get alittle older and there are activities, school and sports, etc. All those things affect what used to be time at the barn. To this day, one of my regrets is not doing as much with my horse, because I didn’t have time to be the fun active human parent I wanted to be and also have horse be a priority. Horse was well-cared-for and loved and I still saw her multiple times a week and we puttered around, but it wasn’t all either of us would have wanted and I was always in a hurry. Still, every person owes it to themself to write their own story. Obviously, as you’ve read in other posts, babies and horses are do-able; it just may be hard. And a supportive spouse/other caregivers will be essential. Just be clear and communicate your goals with your significant other, and then gently and lovingly and respectfully stick to whatever it is that you and SO have mutually agreed to.
My kids are now older and the eldest is driving so I’m not needed as chauffeur, and I’m able to spend more time with my horse again (now a different horse). So, no matter what route you choose for your horse/babies life, all shall be well in the end.
We don’t have kids, but we are at that age. We’re on the fence. There’s pressure from family, and both of us thought kids were in the cards eventually, but the older we get the more it seems we’ll have to sacrifice.
I think a big part of it is how busy are your pre-children? Do you have hobbies other than horses? How much free time do you have on any given day? Everyone has different ideas of what “busy” entails.
A regular day for me (pre-pandemic) was get up at 5am to run, take the dog out, feed the chickens. Leave for work at 7:15. Home from work at 5pm. Make dinner, do some stuff around the house. Barn time from 6:30pm-9pm. Fall into bed at 9:15pm. I typically go to the barn 5-6 days/wk.
SO runs his own electrical company. Some days he’s got tons of free time. Some days he works 12+ hours. Then has paperwork. He has time consuming seasonal hobbies as well. Hunting and fishing.
I consider us to be very busy people.
SIL and BIL “think” they were busy people pre-baby. But they didn’t have any hobbies. Other than work and visiting friends for a few hours every week they’re always home. I do not consider them busy. Now they have a baby and think that they are the busiest people on the planet and every one else is just home watching tv. In reality their lives and schedules have not changed very much. They gave up tv time for baby time.
Anyway, I think that you can make children and horses a priority. But since both are time consuming you may have to make sacrifices with secondary hobbies. And again, that will only work if your partner is supportive and you can trade off babysitting. You may be able to bring kiddo to the barn with you, but that’s very individual.
And how much horse time is worth the expense. Are you happy to pay if you only make it out to the barn 1-2 times per week sometimes? Will your horse deal with that ok? If your horse needs to be ridden 5 days/wk you may have to consider a part-boarder or training rides.
And of course, juggling things time wise only works if you have the finances for kids and horses. Kids are expensive. Food, diapers, day care, extracurriculars, dentist, clothes, toys, etc, etc. And we all know that horses are expensive.
Sometimes… God has a sense of humor and sends TWINS to busy Yuppies, even though there wasn’t a twin on either side, ever. HA HA HA HA! Raising them was a wonderful experience, they are successful grown men now. Sold the horse I owned when they were born and was horseless until I was an empty nester again. I have had a blast having horses since they moved out and am forever thankful that I was able to ride and show again.
PSA: Women who are 35-39 are much more likely to have twins than women who are 25. Clearly I didn’t know that factoid when I got pregnant the week before my 35th birthday.
HA HA HA!
Having a kid hasnt changed a thing riding wise for me. But I am lucky. My mom also has a horse, so she watches the little one while I ride if hubby is at work. Hubby isnt a horse person, but he comes to the barn a fair bit because he knows it makes me happy, so he watches the kid while I ride!
Around 28 I felt like I really wanted kids. At 30 after 3 more neices and nephews (for a total of 11), I am totally content being an aunt. Me and DH were always on the fence, he has a time consuming hobby also. I have 2 older sisters and have seen the toll kids take on their time, bodies, and relationships. I say if you are at all on the fence and have the time, I think it is better to wait. If you really want kids the desire will persist, if its a bit of a phase it will pass.
This has been more than reassuring! Thank you all for your responses, I’m really enjoying reading and congratulations to those who are expecting.
Horses will always be a priority in my life whether I have children in the picture or not, and both my partner and I have agreed that my baby horse isn’t going anywhere anytime soon! I’m relatively lucky that the barn is close to home and is very kid friendly (BO/trainer have young children of their own) and I truly believe that I would have enough support/resources to get my time in. I’ve heard many horror stories of moms totally giving up their passion of horses and I think that would generate enough resentment to make my head explode. Of course your child becomes a newfound priority but I also don’t want to neglect that horse bug!
I just wanted to add a little to my post above. The point I was trying to make is that deciding to have kids is in many ways a major walk into the unknown. Before they are born you can sort of visualize what you think your life will be like, but until the little rascal(s) are born you really have no idea. And, as with my experience, there are so many twists and turns in that walk that plans are merely an aspiration. Learning to be flexible in the face of a major change to your life is very very helpful.
I once read that couples either change their lives in a major way to accommodate children or adapt the children to their way of life. Both approaches are valid. Reading that was a help to me when it seemed my life was turned upside down when I learned I was having twins.
In any case, even though I am the textbook definition of a horse crazy person, raising my sons was an experience like no other. I really had no choice, but I did not mind putting the horses aside for 18 years. And I feel blessed that my health and fitness are such that I could pick up riding again in my 50s. YMMV! but enjoy the journey!
This x1000. Everyone says it, it seems so obvious, but I don’t think you can fully appreciate it until you’re living in the moment.
I feel guilty for every judgmental thought I ever held about a parent in the past. It changes you and your life in ways I could not even fathom prior to the experience and still don’t know how to articulate. Having a front row seat for someone else experiencing it (a sibling, a best friend, etc.) still does not even remotely prepare you for how your life will be different.
I once read that couples either change their lives in a major way to accommodate children or adapt the children to their way of life. Both approaches are valid.
This is wonderful advice, thank you for passing it along!
regarding twins, old daughter has a set who started out as horse trainers
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which has at times required two of everything
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This is semi-embarrassing to admit to, but y’all will probably understand better than anyone else (and I’ll blame the hormone!)… In The Crown season 3 episode 5, there is an amazing and moving speech that Elizabeth gives to her friend/racing manager Porchie about how horses are her everything; I watched it not long after finding out I was pregnant, sobbed through the whole scene and then spent 10 minutes doing that gut-wrenching crying trying to explain to my husband that if I had to go back to work the day after giving birth to keep horses in my life, I will do it lol.
“This is how I’d like to spend all my time. Owning horses, breeding horses, racing horses. It’s what makes me truly happy. And I actually think it’s what I was born to do, until the other thing came along, that someone else was born to do, that they elected not to do, which meant that first my father, then I had to do a job we were never meant to do.”
I’ve always wanted to have kids someday, but the idea of giving up horses for it absolutely appalled me. Hubs used to assume we would put it “aside” once kids came, but after 10 years he has come to recognize that it doesn’t work that way! But as everyone says; you just don’t know until they arrive. I also have started feeling my little one move these last few weeks, and hubs got to feel it for the first time last night… That’s so special and I can’t wait to meet him/her!
Very cute pictures!
It’s a big decision. But if it’s something that you’ve always wanted, and you have the support both time wise and financially, than go for it. You’ll make it work.
The friends that I have who gave up horses or other hobbies when they had kids fell into a couple categories. Most of them couldn’t afford both. A couple didn’t have much help and couldn’t make it to the barn. And a couple were so obsessed with their kids that they totally forgot their horses even existed.
A few have made it work. Usually with the help of grandparents, a supportive SO, and steady finances.
A few have gone through phases where they’re at the barn 5 days/wk, then they disappear for a few months because kid had xyz and there was no time, then they reappear and are out 5 days/wk again.
Everyone is different.
I’m not confident that SO and I could afford both. And if someone told me I couldn’t have horses for the next 18 years I would be a puddle on the floor. My mental health would take a huge hit. If I was told tomorrow that I couldn’t have kids? I would be perfectly fine.
I think you guys are getting it all wrong.
Baby means pony. You will need a pony. A cute, fluffy, ball of attitude to teach them empathy for others. That means, yes, you should keep your horse. Maybe the horse gets a lighter schedule. Maybe more time in the pasture (which is good for allowing little micro injuries to heal) but horses should stay in your life. And that horse, just like baby, needs a 400 pound ball of attitude and fluff to teach him patience and that he isn’t the king of the mountain anymore, lol!
So, enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your baby. They are absolutely amazing and you will fall in love all over again with the little family you have created with your SO. So, stop feeling guilty because your horse will be fine (maybe find him some good turnout for a few months for that end of pregnancy/beginning of new baby adjustment).
And prepare yourself for finding a suitable pony.
We went one step further. We found a horse (accidently). He was an old neglected rental horse that needed some TLC. It worked out wonderfully. Our son still remembers Andy. Saying good-bye to him was hard, but he knows why we adopted him and that we gave a deserving old boy a nice retirement.
I wrote this about Andy and that’s our son in the picture:
the question does not have answer where one answer fits every one’s needs or desires.
My wife and I actually met while working for different barns at horse shows, we kept passing each other as we took horses from warm up rings to the show ring or returning a horse back to the stables after a class. We both liked horses but understood that horses are or can be dangerous.
It was not until our youngest was going on three that we got back into horses. Our kids grew up with the horses so it was just apart of life… if it was too cold out side they would teach one another about something…here is photo of older son teaching youngest daughter about how to drive a horse
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but she even very young became accomplished as she admired her oldest brother and would try to out do him (her mount was the same age so they grew up together)
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By Jove, you’re right! Have been looking at this entirely from the wrong direction! :lol:
I feel VERY similar to you in that sense. Congratulations by the way! If having horses/showing/children in my life meant going back to work sooner than planned, you bet I’d be back on that payroll. For those of you who have “given up” horses or have put them on the back burner as you raise your bubs, cheers to you. I still don’t think that sounds feasible in my mind. :lol:
@GoodTimes I can relate. I’d be lying if I said they were something I’ve always dreamed of, of course at some point I figured I’d be a mom (have been with SO for 5 years who absolutely adores children), but it hasn’t been until now we’ve been trying to make a plan for the future. There is quite an age gap between us so we are trying to line up our timelines into something fair.
We are both engineers with well-paying jobs so I would hope that we could maintain our current lifestyle with a little bubs (maybe not timewise, but financial wise). I suppose what really scares me is not knowing what life will be like. Some of the responses have really reassured me, some have not. I suppose it all comes down to priorities and the support you have available to you.
Once you have been pregnant and emotional, or even if you haven’t … you will be freaking laying on your desk bawling over Moonlit Oak’s story. Thanks alot, MO! I have a virtual client meeting in 20 minutes, and now must go re-do myself and attempt to fix reddened eyes. In any case, the idea that adding another human to the family should result in adding another equine is very interesting! COTH in action!!
Well, if you go back to work, you now are at work for however many hours a week, plus commuting, plus have the pressure of wanting to do your job well… = harder to do horse stuff.
I might say (while weeping on the shoulder of any passing stranger) that it’s not that we gave up horses or put them on the back burner… it’s more that they were pulled inexorably out of our ineffectually clinging hands by the sucking black hole of circumstances.
And if not knowing what it would be like scares you – Hah-ha! Parents, our work is done. We have prepared her. She is scared. Good job!
:lol:
This made me lol, I can relate too well 
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