Ok. I give lessons to mainly special needs kids. My kids range from mostly “normal” to severely autistic with speech delay and even nonverbal. I LOVE my kids, and have no issues with them. But several of my parents are constantly giving instructions while I am trying to teach their kids, and it is driving me crazy! Often times the parents even give wrong advice which is confusing for my kids. Like, they will tell their kids to “sit up” when they are practicing 2 Point. Or, they will tell me how the old instructor used to teach things. How do I stop this, without being rude?
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Give all the parents your rule sheet that includes no parent coaching during the lesson. Complete with consequences for parent coaching (them being asked to leave).
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This^^^^^:)
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I have had this issue also. I will tell the parents politely, that to many voices is confusing. I have one severe autistic boy that I have told his grandmother that we are going to be in the field and she is welcome to watch from the deck of the barn. That helped so much! She can see him but not interrupt. I spend more time coaching her during grooming than him. It does help that I am in education and she does respect what I have to say.
I did have a parent doing this that cost me a couple of customers so I am now very firm about it.
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Please don’t use the word “normal”. Anyone who works with children on the spectrum should know this.
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I worked at a barn were the rules stated parents were only allowed to watch the last 10 minutes of a lesson. The last ten minutes were usually cooling out and games. 
I would start our friendly with “Only one instructor at a time, please.” Followed by a one on one with the offending parent, saying something like “I know it’s hard to refrain from coaching from the rail, but it’s really distracting for my riders, so I’m going to have to ask you to watch from a distance if you can’t keep yourself from commenting.” For a really obtuse or defensive parent, emphasize the safety issue; how you have to have the kids focused on you and your instruction to keep them safe.
At some point, restrict them from watching lessons.
Re: the comment about neurotypical or non-neurotypical; coaching from the rail is distracting and unproductive for all students, but particularly so for a kid that may have difficulty processing verbal instruction. It’s just a bad idea, period.
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I am not a parent, but I would so uncomfortable with this. No way would I pay you, to leave my kid alone unsupervised with you. I understand the why this might have been enforced, but I can see predators wanting something like this as well.
Are the parents also neurotypical? Parents co-teaching has not been an issue for me, but I always am in the center of the ring away from the parent, focusing on the kid/pony pair. If parents were routinely interrupting my coaching, I would be pulling them aside after the lesson and telling them if they would like to continue having their child be in my program, they need to sit down and be quiet.
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It was a small local program, where the parents and the instructors all knew each other and had for years. Parents could sit in their car and watch the lesson, but they couldn’t be seated beside the ring or in shouting distance of the kids. Worked pretty well. I don’t think anyone gave a thought to predators at that time and in that place.
I happen to believe this (parents coaching from the rail) is the reason a lot of the fancy programs with indoor rings have viewing lounges behind a window.
My solution with my own small program was to have the parents watch from the barn if they wished. I had a small paddock between the barn and ring, it enforced a non-coaching distance. Even then, if I saw they kid looking up at the barn while riding, I asked the parent to back out of view. A lot of the solution lies in geography - I made it uncomfortable or difficult for parents to be close to the ring for long periods of time.
If you have not experienced this type of coaching from the rail from parents, all I have to say is, I’m surprised and you’re lucky.
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In my lesson contract, it states that parents are not permitted to participate in lessons, as it poses a safety risk and also inhibits learning. I have had to speak to a few, but most are pretty receptive. I have done a fair bit of teaching students that are on the spectrum and/or have developmental disabilities, and some of those students did best when the parent was not present. I have been fortunate in that the parents usually recognize this, and after a few lessons for them to get comfortable with me, they are fine with waiting in the car.
I did have one problematic parent who just didn’t get it. The kid had Asperger’s and had some impulse control and anger issues from emotional trauma in the past, and the mother was overbearing and put tons of (not very kind) pressure on the kid to jump higher, go faster, etc. It was really a sad situation- the kid did pretty well when it was just us, but with the mom present, she was non-communicative and sometimes completely shut down. I used to take her way up in the top field to teach her, because her mother wouldn’t walk all the way up there, but could still sit in her car and watch from a distance. Not a practical solution for most people, but sometimes you have to get creative!
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I would focus on the safety aspect. It’s not really safe no matter what the kid’s individual learning challenges might be. There are plenty of other reasons it’s not helpful, but in today’s litigious world (and also the Safe Sport world where it would be questionable to say the parent can’t be present for the lesson), I think the safety aspect is a good enough reason to try to set a firm boundary with the parents.
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Explain in a kind but firm way, before the session, that the child will receive the most benefit if there is only one instructor during the lesson, and that instructor is you. Explain that if the parent is not able to restrain themselves, they will be asked to go sit in their car.
Call out, “Quiet, please!” in a firm voice, with eye contact if possible, whenever a parent pipes in. If the parent doesn’t get it after two “Quiet, pleases,” have an assistant take the lesson for a moment if possible, while you go over and quietly, without stressing the kid, ask the parent to go sit in their car. No other chances. If the parent says, “I will be quiet now,” smile sweetly and state that this is something they can promise for the next session, but you need them to go sit in their car for the duration of this lesson. If/when they get huffy, state that you understand, and it is of course the parent’s right to end the lesson if they prefer.
Don’t worry about being rude. It is not being rude to enforce rules. You are an adult providing a professional service. You need certain things to do a good job, and one of those things is quiet.
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OP, is this a PATH facility for special-needs riders? Seems that parents who bring their kiddos to such a place are given “the rules” and they adhere to those rules. It’s part of the agreement for these special youngsters to ride at the facility. If this is a more “open” facility, these parents may not know how confusing/distracting their ringside coaching is. It can be dangerous, too.
Write up a set of rules and don’t be afraid to enforce them, as others have suggested. The offenders should be sent to their cars, the lounge, wherever for the duration of the lesson. As long as other adults are still present, you shouldn’t be in violation of the SS rules.
This is why I have a Student Lesson Contract: one version for the student, so that their lesson plan is clearly spelled out and one for the parents, so they understand why I do what I do/when I do it and what the rules are.
From The Rules page:
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Parents/guardians will be expected to stay in attendance during the entire lesson time. There will be no “drop-offs.”
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Attending parents/guardians will not interfere with any lesson or “help” the student in their required tasks. (If the parent wishes to participate in part of a lesson [i.e., grooming], a $10 Learner Fee will be charged.)
NOTE: Parents/guardians are more than welcome and are encouraged to watch the lesson. However, viewers are expected to remain silent. Failure to abide by this rule, will result in only one courtesy warning by the Instructor. Repeated violation will result in the viewer being politely directed to a comfy chair in the tack room, with a book/magazine available and a cool or hot drink for their personal comfort.
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Communicate with the parents. Tell them that their interference often is confusing, and frustrating for all parties. I usually tell the “side line coaches” in my program to remember that they are paying me for my education, experience and teaching abilities, and if they continue to interfere, that it will affect both the student and I. Bad direction is dangerous!
If they don’t listen, I would release them from your program. At the end of the day it’s your name, and business on the line. I am a very compassionate person, and I understand why most people do things like this, but I’m not putting my name and reputation on the line so you can yell at your kids from behind the arena wall.
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No way would I pay you, to leave my kid alone unsupervised with you. I understand the why this might have been enforced, but I can see predators wanting something like this as well.]No way would I pay you, to leave my kid alone unsupervised with you. I understand the why this might have been enforced, but I can see predators wanting something like this as well.
The more I think about your concerns, the more I am confused about how anyone runs a lesson or a camp program these days. If you can’t trust that predators aren’t grooming your child in the ~30 - 40 minutes they’re mounted during a lesson, then I think you need to find another lesson program. I do understand the Safe Sport prohibition about not being alone with a child unsupervised, but in most barns, there are other lesson students, employees, other instructors, boarders, etc. I really can’t think of a whole lot of times I was ever one on one with a child for an extended period of time, even back in the 80s and 90s.
Would you really feel the need to keep your eyes on your kid the entire time, before, during and after a lesson? How about a camp? Would you stay at camp, all day, every day, so you could supervise every interaction your child has?
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How very lucky for you…
I do not feel I need to keep an eye on a kid all the time. I do feel that being told a parent can’t watch what someone is doing with their child can be a red flag. I would never prohibit a parent from watching me teach a lesson.
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NEW RULE- No comments from parents while The child is getting a lesson. NONE.
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I had a parent who had to repeat everything I said. It was distracting. I finally told her the child didn’t an interpreter and she had be quiet or sit in the van.
OP, get some rules, have them sign.
As for people who won’t leave a kid in a lesson, hoo boy. Driver’s Ed is gonna be fun. How do you handle school? Sleepovers? Are they allowed to go anywhere?
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I think you and McGurk misunderstood what I typed.
I said I found it to be a red flag that an instructor would have a blanket policy where parents are not allowed to watch lessons/observe the professional with their student.
Interpret that how you may, as you have.
In my barn, parents have bleachers where they can sit and watch. Pre-Covid, it was something of a social event for all the parents to sit on the bleachers with coffee and chat quietly while their kids had a lesson with me. They enjoy that aspect of lessons just as much as watching their kids, it seems.
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A
Oh please… just because a parent doesn’t blindly trust an instructor when our child is doing a potentially very dangerous sport doesnt mean the kid will grow up to be helpless. And this is exactly how I would expect an untrustworthy trainer to react. Belittling a parents concern for their child will never go over well. And besides all the grooming that could do on- Im the one paying for the lessons/lease/horse/etc. I will be the judge if a trainer and barn is worth it. How can you build trust with the parents if they arent allowed to see how you treat their kid?
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