How do you cope with the mental exhaustion of owning horses?

[spurofthemoment]

Some might not be able to relate to this, but if the following sounds like you - what do you do to ease your mind?

I was a backyard rider as a kid. I still own one of the horses I grew up with. He’s retired and boarded at the same facility as my new partner in crime. Before I bought new my new horse, I was pretty chill/did not think all that much about my retiree’s day-to-day. I know he’s in great care. Heck, he’s even gotten himself hurt once and the barn owner managed it well (before and after vet treatment). I’m not sure if it’s because I paid (what feels to me) like a lot of money, but I am CONSTANTLY worried about my new horse. He’s proven to be an easy keeper - no major health incidents so far, very level headed, very sweet.

Recently my vet said he’s showing some soreness in the hocks (and it translates in riding - he falls in/breaks in canter circles and speeds up/sometimes even bucks over fences or through lead changes), so I went down a huuuuge rabbit hole and I’m always worried if he’s hurting when I’m riding him. I’m switching his feed (to something more cost effective), and I’m worried about him choking or acting hot on the new formula or colicking or losing weight. The new feed is pretty darn close to the previous feed. Essentially, he my perfect angel baby and I don’t want anything to happen to him.

These are just two anecdotes, but it all boils down to: I’m so afraid that something is going to happen to my new baby BUT I’ve spent most of my life owning a horse than I’ve spent not owning a horse at this point.

I’m not sure what’s going on with me. I’m a huge proponent of “don’t buy into the luxury pet care marketing,” and “only use scientifically proven methods/treatments,” but now I’m falling down the rabbit hole of PEMF for my young horse’s pain management and finding other ways to complicate my life (and ultimately my horse’s) while also increasing my expenses. Yet my retired horse has proven that living a simple life is just as good.

I’m mentally exhausted from thinking about all these things. Will this get better? What do you do to help yourself?

[dmveventer]

How long ago did you get the new horse? Is it possible everything is just heightened with getting to know the new guy and the new horse excitement? It might wear off as you get into a routine with him and the relationship starts to feel normal instead of new and exciting. Lameness can also be stressful, especially if you haven’t resolved the issue. It’s not clear from your post how big of an issue the hock soreness is or if it’s been diagnosed/resolved yet.

Some anxiety and overthinking is normal, IMO. Horses are expensive and time-consuming and we tend to pin all our hopes and dreams on them, worrying about their well-being is part of that. When things go wrong it can easily take over your life temporarily. But the emphasis should be on “temporarily.” You’ve had a horse before, and from your post it sounds like you already feel this is beyond normal and impacting your life more than you want it to. If so, therapy should be your next step just to have a neutral party help you walk through what’s going on and see if there are any tools to make it better.

[fivestrideline]

Horse shopping/ownership anxiety

Warning! Debbie downer ramble ahead Half looking for commiseration and half looking for advice here. I’m finally in a place where, should everything go to plan, I may be looking to lease or buy another “more suitable” horse. I currently own one gelding (the one on suspensory rehab) and he’s not going anywhere, but my long term goals fall outside his capabilities. I want to jump and show again. This horse has taught me so much about hoof care, nutrition, training, general husbandr…

I started a similar thread last year. Yours is timely, because I actually went back and reread it this morning in a similar spiral of anxiety! It’s a little different as I haven’t yet bought the second horse - but the feeling is similar.

What I’ve decided is that Insta, FB, and sometimes even COTH can send you into a crazy spiral of overthinking and anxiety at the littlest thing. If you trust your vet, it can help to take a break from the doom scroll for a bit.

[anon40672407]

@spurofthemoment

I’m always worried if he’s hurting when I’m riding him.

Motion is lotion. If you didn’t ride him, likely that would be worse.

[RedHorses]

I can’t tell from your post, but if your retiree was a no frills, low maintenance kind of guy, could your worry be partially lack of knowledge about things like medical maintenance, PEMF, etc? Not. just their existence, but how they actually affect the horse’s performance and long term health?

[bingbingbing]

I found that the more I learned, the less stress owning horses became.

Do you have time to work a day at an equine clinic? Or find a vet you can ride on calls with a day a week? Even if it is volunteer status, you would see and learn a ton. There are classes on horse care at my local community college. They go on trips to different farms and vets would teach some of the classes.

[Inimitable]

@bingbingbing

I found that the more I learned, the less stress owning horses became.

This, for sure. I got back into horses about 6 years ago and I agonized over every bump and bruise and scrape and twinge. It definitely didn’t help that the horse I bought crashed and burned almost immediately and is your classic KS/EPM/NPA/NQR OTTB gelding. Lol. But he gave me an absolutely thorough crash course in pretty much every aspect of horse care, maintenance, treatment, rehab, etc.

As a result, I’m now much more relaxed about my other horses. I do acknowledge that it’s a total luxury to have multiple horses to ride and train, so when one is down I am not twiddling my thumbs and crawling the walls with nothing to think about other than my lame horse.

But for example, one of my main rides is on a forced vacation right now with what I presume is some kind of soft tissue strain. She’s not lame on it, but there is some heat and filling and I know she did SOMETHING to it. I have not had the vet out yet; I’m choosing to give her time off, Equioxx, poultice, wrap when stalled, etc. I’m still chucking her out most of the time as weather allows. It seems to be improving with this protocol, but if it stalls out and/or I don’t love the way it looks and feels in another few weeks I’ll have the vet out to ultrasound. 5 years ago I would have already booked her for surgery.

As someone else mentioned, I think as you get to know each other the mental load will start to feel more manageable. Don’t get me wrong, I still stress and fret over them constantly, but the pit-of-the-stomach panic when something isn’t right with one of them is gone, for the most part.

[spurofthemoment]

@RedHorses

I can’t tell from your post, but if your retiree was a no frills, low maintenance kind of guy, could your worry be partially lack of knowledge about things like medical maintenance, PEMF, etc? Not. just their existence, but how they actually affect the horse’s performance and long term health?

The things you mention weren’t that prevalent when I was actively competing with my retiree. I feel like there are SO MANY new things for performance horse maintenance. I do think that it has contributed, though.

[AmmyHour926]

@spurofthemoment

I’m mentally exhausted from thinking about all these things. Will this get better? What do you do to help yourself?

I could have written this post. In comparing my old horse to my current horse and how much my mindset shifted. Some for the better, I am much more aware of signs of subtle stress/pain. New horse was going best they ever had but I couldn’t not over analyze and worry. Oh man it zapped all the fun I had out of horses and ended up elected to sell and take a break from horses for my own peace of mind.

[RedHorses]

Having been dropped into a crash course on the world of neurological issues this past year, I am afraid that I’m going to be paranoid about every tiny, little imperfect movement my future next horse makes. If I can even manage to bring myself to buy another horse.

All I can suggest is to give each thing time. Time to research, time to decide if you want to try it, time to get to really know your new horse, time for any given thing to work or not before trying another thing. You have time together. Time to figure things out, time to connect, time to grow, time to heal. It doesn’t all have to happen tomorrow. Take your time, and enjoy the moment.

I hope that helps.

[Texarkana]

As a lifelong horse person, I feel like my mental exhaustion from horses started exponentially growing in my late teens/early 20s.

I guess for some reason I started thinking I could control all outcomes with my horses? But I partly think some horses just have a special way of bringing out the crazy in people because they seem to lack self preservation or luck or whatever.

In my late 20s or early 30s I started chilling out. Mainly because I realized I can’t micromanage the lives of 1000lb beasts; at some point they need to just cope.

I’ve had a lot of sh*t thrown my way via my horses. I think I’ve done an okay job staying balanced and sane despite it, though I’ve developed a wry perpsective towards horses in general. Laugh it off and remind myself the situation will either get better or it won’t… so I’ll just hope it gets better.

Money is always a stressor for me. I definitely don’t think I’m a poster child for how to manage your finances with equines. But I have developed strong opinions (from experience) on what’s worth throwing money at and what’s not. Like, I hate “blind” diagnostics for nondescript problems where you are ticking boxes trying to find a needle in a haystack. So I will scrimp in situations like those, but on the other hand I will splurge on preventive and necessary treatment.

[fivestrideline]

@Texarkana

I hate “blind” diagnostics for nondescript problems where you are ticking boxes trying to find a needle in a haystack. So I will scrimp in situations like those, but on the other hand I will splurge on preventive and necessary treatment.

I’m trying to teach myself this - maybe just for this one horse, but extensive diagnostic work that won’t really change anything I’m doing to manage him needs to stop. I like answers, but at a certain point do answers matter if it doesn’t change anything?

[Texarkana]

@fivestrideline

@Texarkana

I hate “blind” diagnostics for nondescript problems where you are ticking boxes trying to find a needle in a haystack. So I will scrimp in situations like those, but on the other hand I will splurge on preventive and necessary treatment.

I’m trying to teach myself this - maybe just for this one horse, but extensive diagnostic work that won’t really change anything I’m doing to manage him needs to stop. I like answers, but at a certain point do answers matter if it doesn’t change anything?

Right. The reason doesn’t matter as much as the outcome in the end. So instead of playing the world’s most expensive game of Marco Polo, I’d rather put my money where it counts.

I’ve had to retrain my brain from, “why is this happening,” to focusing on, “what can I do to fix it?” If I don’t have any reasonable way to fix it, then I kick it to Dr. Green for it to get better or worse. Because even if it gets worse, at least I gained some direction to proceed. And if it gets better, just celebrate the win and move on!

Meanwhile, I have no problem rushing ancient pasture pet horses to the university hospital in the middle of the night for Hail Mary attempts at saving their life if I think there’s a chance it will be successful. A lot of people see that as a “waste;” I don’t. What’s wasteful is to try to treat catostrophic events conservatively on the farm— it always ends up costing more than going directly to the best.

I do say silent prayers to horse gods to cooperate whenever I have “can’t miss” life events. Really, that’s probably when my mental anguish takes over because horses have a special way of sensing the worst possible timing to try to die.

[RhythmNCruise]

@fivestrideline

What I’ve decided is that Insta, FB, and sometimes even COTH can send you into a crazy spiral of overthinking and anxiety at the littlest thing. If you trust your vet, it can help to take a break from the doom scroll for a bit.

This was my first thought when reading the OP. While I love COTH and have learned a lot just from being here, there does come a time when it’s too much. Everyone has opinions, experiences, and advice when it comes to horses, and having all of that coming at you here can be overwhelming. It can make you feel like you’re never doing enough and that it’s just a matter of time before your horse develops some horrid condition that is probably due to your own negligence and will only be fixed with regular trips to a world-class veterinary clinic or university where they will perform tests and scans of literally every possible aspect of the horse.

And if you can’t afford the above…you should either flog yourself nightly for ever thinking you had the right to own a horse in the first place OR…do the kind thing and euthanize the horse (!!!).

So, yeah. Ease up on your consumption of horse-related social media and forums for a bit. I get it. I’m sort of addicted to COTH, especially the stuff about health and nutrition. But there comes a time when I have to realize that no one online knows my horse or me or what goes on day-to-day, so anything I read online must be taken with a grain (bag) of salt.

[moonlitoaksranch]

I think if you control their hay/feed and can ensure they always have fresh water, that’s a huge percentage of issues under control. Exercise responsibly, using warm-ups and cool downs. Don’t jump them on poor surfaces. Don’t gallop them on hard ground. That’s really the basics. Beyond that, it’s the same as with your cats and dogs. Sometimes things come up despite our best care.

[Texarkana]

@moonlitoaksranch

I think if you control their hay/feed and can ensure they always have fresh water, that’s a huge percentage of issues under control. Exercise responsibly, using warm-ups and cool downs. Don’t jump them on poor surfaces. Don’t gallop them on hard ground. That’s really the basics. Beyond that, it’s the same as with your cats and dogs. Sometimes things come up despite our best care.

Which is why boarding can be so stressful. Even at “good” barns, sometimes the basics go unfulfilled.

I would consider the basics to be movement, access to adequate forage, access to potable water, and a safe environment for a 1000 lb prey animal. On top of that, you need to address the health issues created by domestication: hoof care, parasites, dental care, prevention of communicable diseases, the need for supplemental nutrition and calories (or the restriction of them).

There are multiple ways to accomplish all of the above.

But I will add, I think l do a good job meeting my horses’ needs. Yet issues still arise with more frequency than they feel like they should. So I don’t doubt humans and our good intentions are inadvertently creating problems.

[quietann]

@Texarkana

Which is why boarding can be so stressful. Even at “good” barns, sometimes the basics go unfulfilled.

Yes to this. No matter how wonderful the boarding facility, there is always something “wrong.” Feronia’s BO is incredible – in fact, I am working from her home today, thanks to her generously offering her 3 season porch as a workplace . But there are things I wish were different. Lola is at the barn where I boarded Feronia in 2014-2017. It’s under new ownership and I love the BO and the care, but the physical facility is a bit run-down, and fixing everything up may take years.

I am having the same sort of anxiety about horses as OP, especially now that I have 2. Lola is so sweet, but she’s having some physical issues mostly related to hooves and teeth, and has become difficult to bridle. And it looks like I’ve bought another long-bodied, short-legged horse, after swearing I wouldn’t. And so forth. The expenses of having 2 are stressful – which I knew would be the case, but now that I know I’ll be paying XXXX dollars on the first of every month, it’s hitting home. And all the things I didn’t think about, like blankets, bits, hoof boots, etc. I’ve only owned Lola for 2 weeks, and I’m obsessing about how long it will take for her to just be too broken to ride. This makes NO sense.

[anon40672407]

@fivestrideline

extensive diagnostic work that won’t really change anything I’m doing to manage him needs to stop. I like answers, but at a certain point do answers matter if it doesn’t change anything?

Precisely. I remember my vet talking about this: “We can X, we can Y, we can Z, but if it’s not going to change what you do with the horse, these are not useful tests.”

Kind of the other way around, put the same idea.