How do you know when it's time to take a step back?

[TatteredDaydreamer]

I’m just feeling extremely burnt out on the whole idea of riding/boarding lately and am not sure what to do. I rehomed the gelding I had for 4 years and it devastated me. He was not at all the right horse for me and I know I made the right decision but I was super attached to him. I still miss him and think about him often.

I have a lovely gelding on free lease who is a much, much easier ride. He’s very quiet and calm under saddle, a bit quirky but very manageable. I feel very lucky to have him with me, but there is no emotional attachment to him. As silly as it sounds, there is no connection. I’m struggling to find the energy/motivation to ride at all. I enjoy it once I’m riding but almost have to force myself to get to the barn. I know that I don’t want to buy this horse, but cannot save for one unless I’m not boarding one. Is it time for me to take a step back and take a break? I’m working two jobs and in the middle of planning our wedding. I would love not to have a board bill, and to have the ability to save money for a new prospect down the line. My original thought was to continue my lease until the end of the summer, then send him back and save over the cold, crappy winter months and start looking for something in the spring. I have several connections that have awesome programs in restarting tbs. I would want a young prospect that I could keep as my forever horse.

How many of you have taken a break? Did you ever get back into riding? Why does the thought of it make me feel so guilty? Am I nuts for even considering it? Thanks for letting me vent. I just wish I knew what the right decision was. I’m only 29, if anyone is wondering. A big part of me also feels like if I send the gelding back I will miss riding terribly and feel very lost.

[541hunter]

What about scaling back to weekly lessons on schoolies, maybe in a new discipline? I’m a bit younger than you (24) and the idea has occurred to me once or twice. I’ve ended up pushing through the blahs and am super committed to riding and showing now, but I can see a world where I would want to step back and save some money. You could try weekly dressage lessons or something – it’ll keep you in horses but you won’t have to be quite so committed.

This sport is way too expensive not to enjoy yourself. My trainer uses the 80-20 rule – if you’re not having a good time 80% of the time you’re on a horse, maybe reconsider what you’re doing. That might mean cutting back on showing, or more trail rides, or maybe it means stopping altogether for a while. Horses will always be there. You don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to take a break.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

Thanks for the advice. I was very seriously considering scaling back to weekly lessons. I’ll want to have been riding at least a little before I consider a new horse. I don’t show at all and at this point am barely getting to the barn 2/3 times a week. The gelding is getting hacked by our WS so he’s in work and being loved on, even if it’s not by me.

[KandC]

I’m 24 years old in the middle of what I consider a “break”. Not riding outside of lessons once a week, and the occasional hack on my rehabbing retiree. Barn-wise, though, I am there every day, 1-3 hours a day, rehabbing Gimpy McGee.

It was kind of forced upon me and not a choice, but I’m taking the time to find new hobbies I enjoy, and try to ride a variety of horses in lessons. Like you, I’m actually in the process of getting back into shape to handle a new horse.

I feel guilty too- I have a lot of $$$ tied up in tack, clothes, and gear! I want to use it! A lot of it is new-ish because I thought I would be showing a lot this summer.

Take this time to figure out what you want out of riding, play around, take it less seriously. You’ll be ready to dive back in when you’ve had a mental break. I was the same way with my lease guy; I retired my horse of a lifetime and just didn’t love riding the lease guy. I liked it, but I wasn’t looking forward to it and didn’t have a bond like I did with my retired guy. I’m just waiting for my next horse to fall into my lap when I least expect it, which I suspect will also happen for you.

[lachelle]

TatteredDaydreamer, it sounds like you are already know your answer, and are just looking for support.

541hunter is right. This sport is far to expensive not to enjoy it.

What have you got to lose? This lease? He is not your heart horse from the sounds of it. There are many other quiet, solid citizens out there. And there are lesson barns for when you really miss riding and want to get on a horse. Do you have friends who would let you ride their horses if you really needed saddle time?

If you owned this horse and had to sell him, or your were 100% in love with this horse, my opinion might be different.

[The_Country_Eventer]

I took a somewhat unintentional break when I went to college. For one year I had my horse there and it was an amazing year, but my health got in the way, so he went back home.

I say unintentional because I didn’t WANT a break, but looking back, I think I needed one.

When I finished school I moved home and now have my job and horses both. Just last week I got caught by the bug again. Now I eat, sleep, and breathe horses like I used to. I didn’t get burnt out, but I was so very very close. By taking that break I was able to fall back in love with it, in a time that is better for my emotional and physical health.

Give yourself the opportunity to take a break and fall in love again. A break isn’t a bad thing in the slightest. It’s rather mature in my opinion. Knowing it isn’t right is the first step to making it right. hugs

[Lord_Helpus]

I have taken several breaks over the years. One for 8 years (college and starting a career) and another for about 7 years (getting married and doing things as a couple). During most of those times, I really did not miss horses.

Since you are getting married soon, this might be a great time for a break. Not to “leave horses”, but to explore other things out there (like a husband, and doing things that you both want to do). – I even learned how to play GOLF and was consistently hitting in the 90’s! Bizarre, yes. But we do things for our husbands that surprise us.

Don’t put a time limit on your break. There are a lot of other things out in the world. You might not do horses for months, or it might be years. But a horse person always comes back eventually. You will know when the time is right.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

I guess I am looking for a bit of support and hand holding.

Like you, KandC, I have a lot of money tied up in gear/tack and I feel guilty not using it. For whatever reason I feel like I’m not trying hard enough to make it work and like I’m giving up.

It’s really nice to hear that others are, or have been in the same boat and have survived. It feels like a bit of a scary leap to take, but I think I’ll be better off in the long run if I do.

[Sunflower]

Having a horse becomes a lifestyle so much more than other hobbies, due to the amount of time and expense, among other things. I have given up riding at various points in my life. Sometimes I wanted the time and money to pursue other things-- and then would find I missed riding and horses and would be back to it. I played the violin ( as an adult!), took up cycling, played tennis, travelled, went back to university and got my doctorate, etc. At the end of these phases, I wanted horses. I never regretted the breaks and I never regretted returning to horses when I was ready. It is OK to take a break. Horses and your gear/tack/etc will all be waiting for you when you are ready again.

If you are not sure if you want a long or short break, see about taking a month long hiatus in the summer. Don’t end your lease, just see if you can fit in a break. Then see how you feel.

When you have expenses looming like a wedding, honeymoon, setting up a new household, what goes out to horses can seem misdirected.

How does your future husband feel about horses? Is there some pressure here that could be causing your ambivalence?

[Equisis]

I took somewhat of a break when I was in college. In high school, I rode 2-3 horses daily and was a part-time working student and active competitor. I decided to take a bit of a step back my freshman year of college- after coming to the difficult decision not to bring my horse along to school- and ended up scaling back a lot more than I had planned. I still rode, in once-weekly group lessons, as well as competing with my school’s IHSA team, but it was really very little compared to how I rode prior. Several times during this period, I didn’t ride for months at a time, due to injuries and prioritizing other activities. I rode more over the summer breaks, but it was mostly hacking with friends, with the occasional hunter pace or casual XC school thrown in. I started riding a bit more again during my senior year, and then spent a year as a working student after graduating. I now manage and train full-time, while competing seriously.

I didn’t really head into college expecting to take a break from riding, but I think I needed it, and I’m glad that I did. I wasn’t motivated to go ride much during that time, so I didn’t. I felt very similarly to what you describe- I never really wanted to go to the barn, and while I was always happy when I was there, I would face the same struggle to go, day after day. It was more like fulfilling an obligation than something I really enjoyed. By the time I came back to it, I was dying for barn time. I felt the same yearning and eagerness I did as a kid when I first started. It is okay to take a break- and you shouldn’t feel guilty. All of your gear will be waiting for you, as will the horses. Taking a break could be the best thing you do for your riding, and clearly you are not alone here! Best of luck to you.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

Thank you all again for the advice and support.

Luckily, future Mr. TDD is extremely supportive of my horsey things. He’s helped feed and take care of them when I had my gelding in self care and loves to take pictures of me riding. He’s just wonderful and was quite surprised that I thought I needed a break, but very supportive of that as well.

I will appreciate having all the horsey money to put towards the wedding, honeymoon and hopefully buying our first house as well.

[HRF_Second_Chance]

I think we all take a break from time to time. I took a very long break between being a teenager and being out on my own. I tried a few times to take lessons at various barns and various states but just sort of fizzled out on the idea. Then one day I saw all my riding stuff and thought “I need to either sell it or ride again.” Well I started riding again. But since I wasn’t 19 anymore none of it fit so I had to buy all new gear anyway!

There’s nothing at all wrong with taking a break. You’ve got a lot going on in your life. Go enjoy it for awhile horse-free. They’ll still be here when you’re ready to come back. They aren’t going to stop minting them anytime soon.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

Thank you! I just found out too that I have several options to lesson on when I’m ready again. That makes me feel even better.

[Mayaty02]

once a horse person always a horse person… taking a break at this time is perfectly normal and getting stared again is not a big deal - other than the first few rides of soreness

[phoenixrises]

I took almost 10 years off. I’m 37 now and got back into riding at 34, kids were older, career was stable etc. and it was the right time. Of course your time off doens’t have to be that long, but if it’s in you you’ll come back and if not that’s okay, we all change as we get older and priorities change. I will say my husband felt like he got a bit of a switcheroo on him because I wasn’t riding when we met, so he didn’t quite grasp how much work goes into having and competing a horse. But I think he’s come to accept in now. Plus he’s gotta love that I tell him to go play golf so I can go to the barn guilt free.

[HRF_Second_Chance]

LOL! Phoenix I think mine felt the same way too. He met me and I was a professional belly dancer. So I went from hard bodied and glamorous makeup to no makeup at all and smelling like a barn. Which I don’t know what’s worse, hookah and hummus or horses and poo.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

You all have been super helpful and kind. I’m sort of expecting to start looking again next spring, but who knows.

[awaywego]

Agree with everyone else - while you’re leasing and don’t have a commitment to a horse you own is a perfect time to take a break. I think it’s more complicated when you own -or rather, they own you! - so I think take advantage of your current relative “freedom.”

[BeeHoney]

I think you should take a break and not feel guilty about it. Consider branching out a little to refresh yourself. Maybe borrow a horse and go for a trail ride? Try fox hunting? Ride Western? Just to have fun for a little bit and take the pressure off. There’s no reason you can’t continue with once a week group lessons for the social aspect and to keep up your skills and stay in the loop.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

Thank you so much everyone. I will sleep much better tonight. I’ve let the geldings’ owner know that he will be coming back sooner than expected. I feel extremely relieved and at ease. I know I will want to jump back in full time when the time is right. Very thankful to my friends whom have offered me saddle time when I get the itch.