Awww - your last ride ended in tears and you felt like a shell of your former self as a rider. I think it will take a long time for you to come together
from your description. Keep your eyes open for a half-bred horse and see what is out there…can’t remember how old you said he was. Ten years old is when some horses’ brains slow down.
I dunno. It took me nearly 18 months (maybe longer, but I’ve blocked it out) to really start to gel with my Hanoverian gelding, and he ended up being one of the best horses I’ve ever sat on. I definitely felt like a terrible rider for every minute of those 18 months (and longer), but when we finally became a team we could do anything. As long as it was 4th level and under.
Horse shopping isn’t easy. There’s a balance between challenging yourself and overhorsing yourself, which you alone can define.
It’s OK to move on. No worries. Don’t ever take the often recited notion that only real riders can ride a TB, WBs are for inept riders as anything but the BS it is. Sometimes you just don’t click. You can choose to move on right away or try to work it out.
But in the meantime, can you get your trainer or more experienced rider in the barn to ride him instead of taking a lesson? He probably doesn’t like you any better then you like him and he does need something to do, doesn’t have to be jumping and most Hunters actually do know a lot of Dressage even if it’s not something they school often. They often make the transition successfully to Dressage if they can no longer jump or change to owners who don’t jump. Even TBs
Horses know it when the rider is not pleased with them, get somebody else on him a few days a week and particularly before you lesson. Give him some direction and help you adjust and get more confident.
Have a chat with your trainer ( with no tears) and see what they can work out for you. I know it’s difficult, BTDT with three over the years. Two eventually worked out, took about a year. One I sold after a few months, just did not trust it.
I would recommend you try this for a few months to give you more of a chance to adjust to each other. If you can’t or don’t want to? That’s fine but he needs to do something until you can swap or sell to keep him in shape and something other would want to buy or swap for. Remember this is a slow season for selling, it picks back up around late spring. Dont be hasty regardless and take whatever is offered just to get rid of him. Not fair to either of you.
Wait… you’re dealing with re-rider/post-injury comeback, he’s more athletic than other horses you’ve ridden, and he’s dealing with a discipline switch?
That is A LOT to be trying to sort out in three or four months. I don’t think you’re set up for success, honestly, and I don’t think it’s the horse. It’s the situation.
If you really want to try to make it work, can you put him in training so he stays fit/settles into a flatwork sort of life while you take lessons on other horses? Get your own fitness/riding legs back on horses that don’t leave you feeling overhorsed.
Then start riding him again. I bet it would be a very different picture. I’m not saying drag it out for years and years, but see where the two of you are in six months.
If you still feel like you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle for a long time and no reward in sight, then sell. If you see enough progress/promise to realize that the two of you can get there, even if it takes more work, keep working.
But if you’re not sure you really want to make it work, and you’re not really sure you want to become the type of rider he needs, then maybe selling now is smarter. It’s not a failure–just a realization that the image you have in your head is not what your gut really wants.
FWIW, I was asking myself very similar questions about my horse in spring. I opted to give it time, because I was seeing progress and felt like we have a solid path forward. I do want to become the type of rider he needs. But I would have put him up for sale if I felt like we just couldn’t get there–and if I give us time and it turns out that I’m just not cut out to be the type of rider he needs, he may still get sold one day.
Can you see a point in the distance where you are having fun riding him, and do you see a way forward to get both of you to that point?
Honestly it took me a really long time to click with my mare. I first started riding her in lessons when the other horse I was leasing was lame and I HATED her. If you told me then I’d still be riding her 3+ years later and actually enjoy her, I would have laughed in your face. She was the opposite of what I wanted in a horse, wanted to be ridden the opposite of my other mare (who I clicked with instantly), and her big stride scared the ever loving crap out of me. But there was no other horse for me to lesson on so I rode her nearly weekly for six+ months and maybe no longer hated her, but I still couldn’t ride her very well and still didn’t really like her. When the decision was made to retire the mare I was leasing, I still wanted to lease something so I could show and the only horse available in my price range for an in-barn lease was my current mare.
Our first full year together was pretty rocky. One day things would go great and the next I’d cry the entire drive home because I sucked and couldn’t ride my horse. She’s an extremely nice horse, but it’s her way or the highway. It’s either ribbon city or you’re being excused from the ring before you make it over the first jump. It was nearly a year before I started to click with her, and then we took a really scary fall which reduced any confidence I had to total shreds so it was another 6+ months of me dissolving into tears. But now, we’re about to cross the third anniversary of our first show and we’re a pretty good team and I’m incredibly glad we fell into our partnership together (I’m going to need to be reminded of this when she becomes a psychopath again this winter however).
So if you decide to give it a go, know that there is hope. But like others have said, there’s absolutely no shame in going separate ways either. Not every rider and every horse are made to be. And at the end of the day, riding is supposed to be fun so if you’re not enjoying him and don’t really see that happening in the future, it’s okay to sell him. You have to know your limits and be honest with yourself.
Several different thoughts come to mind…
It’s entirely possible he’s not going to suit your goals of a low-level dressage mount if he was a successful hunter and LIKED that job. There are many horses that aren’t happy just schooling flatwork, so they get a job jumping. If that’s the case, you don’t want to force your horse to do a job that he hates…that’s just not fair. If he loves jumping and you have no desire to ever do that, he’d be happier with someone that wants to do what he likes. There are plenty of horses that DON’T want to jump and would be happy doing low-level dressage…find one of those horses.
Regarding the issue of him not wanting to just walk around relaxed on the buckle at points throughout the ride: just like you are used to a riding routine you’ve been doing for a long time (dropping your stirrups, taking a break here and there), he is used to a routine of warm-up, jump around, cool down, and be done. This won’t apply to every horse, but for the “working” type of horses, why should he instantly adjust to YOUR routine of riding when he’s been used to his, especially if you haven’t been able to adjust to another “ride routine”? I’m going to guess he was in some kind of training program for a while where his rides were pretty consistent, if he was very successfully shown often. He’s probably very accustomed to his routine and maybe was never casually ridden with lots of breaks. Some horses don’t care one way or another, but maybe he needs more time to adjust to this new routine under saddle, just like you need time to adjust to his preferences.
With that said, he could also just really love to work and be more business-like under saddle than what you’ll ever want, and trying to force him to enjoy leisurely rides and trying to force you to more actively ride would make both of you unhappy. In that case, it’d be better to sell him on to someone that suits him better and find yourself a horse that isn’t as motivated to be actively thinking the entire ride.
As for the part about him being a totally different ride than your mare, well, that’s expected when you buy something built totally different. It’s also just a given that no two horses will be exactly alike and it’s normal to prefer your old “comfort” ride to the new unfamiliar ride. After all, you’ve ridden her for years…you know her, you’re comfortable on her, and you’ve adjusted your riding to fit her. BUT, that doesn’t mean you won’t love your new ride too! It’s just an adjustment.
Also, you said you feel like he highlights your flaws as a rider. Can you try to think of this as a BENEFIT vs. feeling defeated? You said this feels like a roadblock in your progress…but I think it could be a good thing! My friend had an older quirky but packer type TB gelding as her first horse. She was able to go from intro walk/trot level horse trials to novice level eventing on him before getting a second, green and more athletic young TB mare. I rode her young mare on the flat after she’d owned her a couple years and while she was very nice (she was going novice at the time, ready to move up to training), she definitely highlighted all of my flaws! It isn’t that obvious to an observer, but her owner/rider and I agreed that you can feel exactly what you’re doing wrong while you’re riding her. My two TB’s aren’t packer types by any means, but I was able to feel exactly where I was weak, loose, and/or giving sloppy aids. I look at this as a GOOD thing! The mare’s owner was a good rider before, but was comfortable on her old mount and not as accurate/strong of a rider…now that she has had this mare (I think she’s owned her a little over 2 years?), she is an EXCELLENT rider (and definitely better than I am!) because riding this mare has shown her where he flaws are and she’s been able to correct them. Horses can be very good at compensating for our flaws as riders (especially ones we’ve owned and ridden for years), which makes us feel like good riders and can make us have more fun, but isn’t always in the best interest for improving ourselves as riders. So my point is, do you want a packer that will allow you to not be as fit/skilled of a rider but able to achieve all of your lower level goals right now? Or do you want to put some work into your riding (because we all know riding isn’t exactly an easy, pick-up-where-we-left-off sport) and improve your skills as a rider? Chances are, if you stick with it and think of this process as a great way to learn, by this time next year you’ll be a much stronger rider and a lot of the issues you’re having right now will then be much easier for you. In the meantime, you may have to step back a little and try not to think of where you were as a rider, but where you are NOW and take it one step at a time until you get stronger/more fit as a rider.
Lastly, my personal experience. For several years my two main rides were my ponies…a small and a large. Both green broke when purchased. The small had a good motor, was very confident, and did everything I ever asked him to do (trail riding, jumpers, games, whatever- I knew him like the back of my hand and every ride was a “joyride”). The large was spooky, an anxious type, hated trail riding, liked to jump (after he got a good look at everything first), and you had to be paying attention every step. It took some adjustment from the small to the large, but over time it definitely made me a better rider and I ended up enjoying both rides very much. Next, I moved onto my first own horse. He made my large feel easy and me feel like I needed to re-learn to ride! Whereas the ponies were compensating some of my sloppy riding, the horse was not! He had a HUGE stride, wasn’t very well schooled, rushed all his fences, overjumped everything, and liked to run off bucking when he landed (at least you have the advantage here that you have a properly schooled horse! Mine came with a long history of bad training). I kept him and rode him anyway because I was thrilled to have a horse, but we did NOT instantly click. I had to change my riding to adjust to his big stride and dislike of his rider sitting the canter, I had to learn to use my seat more and hands less/more tactfully because he got strong when you picked up too much contact on his mouth, and I had to get stronger to stay with his jump. He also loves to work and expected rides to have a purpose. If I ignored him too much, it was like a switch was flipped in his head and he’d take off bucking. It took THREE YEARS before we actually got along well as a pair and I really adjusted to his type of ride (I’ve owned/ridden him for over 7 years now). I actually didn’t realize how in sync we’d become until I bought a young TB off the track almost 3 years ago. The new, young TB is nice and I enjoy riding him now, but HE took some adjusting because I’d gotten so used to my first TB! The young TB is generally less reactive, has always been happy to poke around during a ride, and is very sweet, but my older first TB definitely feels like “home” now. I can get on him and go for that “joy ride” and be totally comfortable because we know each other and I have more of an instinctual reaction to his quirks. He’s still not a packer by any means, still has big gaits, and still doesn’t like you picking up too much contact on his mouth without actively riding, but he HAS adjusted to my riding too. I don’t have to work at riding him every ride if I don’t want to and we enjoy goofing around. I think this is partially because I gave us the time to form a partnership, and partially because he taught me to be a better rider over the years.
I think you COULD very well end up getting along with this horse under saddle, but it’ll take more time than you’re expecting- both for you to get better as a rider/more fit, and for both of you to adjust to each other and figure out a new routine. I’d be inclined to give it more time, especially if there are other things you really like in this horse. But there’s also nothing wrong with keeping your eye out for a horse who might be more suitable for you NOW- perhaps a less athletic, more laid back type like you said…especially if you feel the horse will really be unhappy in the long-run with not being able to jump anymore. There are LOTS of nice horses out there for every type of rider and discipline! You’ll be able to find one if you do want a change…but don’t be afraid to give it time, and I would definitely test ride the horse at least once before purchasing. You may have not even bought this horse in the first place if you had ridden him and realized his gaits were too much for what you want.
Good luck! 
I’d agree with Findeight that it would be a good idea to have your trainer ride him once a week, and maybe also for 15-20 minutes either before or after your lesson. The trainer can jump him (even if it’s over just small fences), and also just help him work out the kinks.
If you have someone on a been-there, done-that kind of a trail horse, it might be good for his mind to go out on the the trails with that horse and rider combination as well.
But, whatever. This is supposed to be fun, as people are fond of saying. If you’re not having fun with this horse, and you think you never will, then there’s no shame in moving on.
Good luck.
I have him half-leased out to a really nice hunter rider and he really likes her and she loves him. She is a tiny little thing with the stereotypical hunter seat and is very soft in the saddle. I’m more of a classical dressage rider who rides a bit more upright, with more contact in my seat and wouldn’t be classified as tiny. I’m 5’7" and a size 10 but built like a linebacker at over 200 pounds. The circumstances that I got this guy were unique. He was assumed injured and thought that his jumping days were over. Instead of an injury, he simply had a bad shoeing job and once that was corrected, he’s been 100% sound. The “injury” is why I didn’t ride him prior to bringing him home. I’ve always been of the belief that every horse can do and would benefit from low-level dressage. But the fact is that he hates it. I could send him out for 90 days with a dressage trainer but my gut tells me he will just be bitter and frustrated about the whole process. He knows his job and just wants to be able to do his job. I’m not confident enough to overcome his objections and feel like they’re not going to become a blow-out. He hasn’t done it yet, but he does strike me as a horse who can be reactionary. I’m not strong enough yet to feel like I can ride out a temper tantrum. And frankly, even in my best shape, I just don’t want to.
Honestly, I’d sell him then.
You already did one good thing for him–took in a lame horse and sorted out his issues. Not everyone would have taken the risk that he wouldn’t be fixable.
The next good thing you can do for him is to find a buyer who will want to do what he wants to do. There’s a home out there that will love him as a hunter/jumper. It’s ok that that home is not you.
And in addition to doing two good things for him, you’ve probably figured out some things about what you want/don’t want in your next horse. That might not be what you expected to get out of this, but it’s still valuable.
[QUOTE=Snowflake;7841421]
The circumstances that I got this guy were unique. He was assumed injured and thought that his jumping days were over. Instead of an injury, he simply had a bad shoeing job and once that was corrected, he’s been 100% sound. The “injury” is why I didn’t ride him prior to bringing him home. I’ve always been of the belief that every horse can do and would benefit from low-level dressage. But the fact is that he hates it. I could send him out for 90 days with a dressage trainer but my gut tells me he will just be bitter and frustrated about the whole process. He knows his job and just wants to be able to do his job. I’m not confident enough to overcome his objections and feel like they’re not going to become a blow-out. He hasn’t done it yet, but he does strike me as a horse who can be reactionary. I’m not strong enough yet to feel like I can ride out a temper tantrum. And frankly, even in my best shape, I just don’t want to.[/QUOTE]
Snowflake, are you the one who got the “once in a lifetime horse” due to the bad shoeing “injury,” and is this him?
If so, I will say that learning to ride a horse with big horsey strides and lots of spring and loft is hard. Really hard. My horse has a 9 or better trot when he comes together and after 3 years I still have trouble sitting it sometimes. Even riding his canter when it is nice and smooth is hella work (and it is still coming together so it is 50/50 whether we get nice and smooth or sharp and jolting. LOL!) And when the horse is green for what you’re asking him to do (aka go like a dressage horse instead of a hunter, there are two of you learning together, which doesn’t always make for the smoothest learning curve. I think I’m at least a decent rider 90 percent of the time, but it can be frustrating to regularly have my deficiencies as a rider thrown in my face. It isn’t easy or relaxing and the steps forward are small, but when we get it right, the rewards are enormous.
My point is that the problem might be less one of he doesn’t like his new job than that he doesn’t really understand what you want and he doesn’t understand how to channel his energy or use his body in the ways you are asking. And if you aren’t used to riding a horse with his movement, you probably aren’t as effective ad you could be. If you really like this horse and want to see where he goes, why not send him out for training and while he is gone get some lessons on a big, lofty moving dressage master so you can get the feel for riding a horse more like him. Then see where you are and decide whether to keep or sell. At the worst, you will have raised his value, which will give you more money to put towards your perfect horse. At the best, you get to enjoy a your once in a lifetime horse.
[QUOTE=King’s Ransom;7839680]
I just want to add something here. Riding is not a passive sport. Seriously – you have to ride every horse. If you’re not going to ride the horse, then get off and go put a quarter in the horse at the dime store. There’s your mindless ride.
No horse is a machine you can just mindlessly cruise around, riding on the buckle all the time.
I would not recommend a Thoroughbred for anyone who wants to ride mindlessly. However, I would not recommend a real, live horse for anyone who wants to ride mindlessly, either. It’s not fair.
This may not be the horse for you, but I guess I would say put on your big girl panties and decide you are going to be a rider – regardless what horse you have – or hang up your spurs.[/QUOTE]
Well, wasn’t that a giant bucket of “kick 'em while they’re down” uselessness!
She didn’t say anything about riding mindlessly. She DID talk about being physically and mentally overwhelmed by the horse. Not everyone wants to work to their physical limit every ride. From what I’ve seen, most don’t want to whether riding TBs or not.
This isn’t a TB riding issue, its a potential mismatch and confidence issue.
Well you could go through the whole process of really buckling down to improve your strength to ride this guy BUT…it doesn’t sound like your heart is in it. And you will not be serious about it unless it is something you really, really want.
I would say its time to move on. Even with more time, horse doesn’t sound like its something you really want. Life is short, this sport is too expensive and there are so many horses out there who would probably be much better matches. Its a hard lesson to learn and I know when I went through a similar situation I felt like a major FAILURE but looking back now I’m just like “why the heck didn’t I end things sooner?”.
[QUOTE=King’s Ransom;7839680]
I just want to add something here. Riding is not a passive sport. Seriously – you have to ride every horse. If you’re not going to ride the horse, then get off and go put a quarter in the horse at the dime store. There’s your mindless ride.
No horse is a machine you can just mindlessly cruise around, riding on the buckle all the time.
I would not recommend a Thoroughbred for anyone who wants to ride mindlessly. However, I would not recommend a real, live horse for anyone who wants to ride mindlessly, either. It’s not fair.
This may not be the horse for you, but I guess I would say put on your big girl panties and decide you are going to be a rider – regardless what horse you have – or hang up your spurs.[/QUOTE]
There comes a time in many a horse-lady’s life when she just doesn’t want to have to try so dadgum hard anymore. Perhaps this is what the OP means? I say this as a horse-lady in whose life just such a time has come.
I’m 55, and like the OP have no desire to jump anymore. While I still enjoy picking up the contact and prancing around an arena while a trainer yells “leg! leg! leg!” at me, I recently realized what I’d enjoy even more is a horse I could chillax with and sort of pal around on. Through dumb luck, I and the new horse I bought for this purpose were instantly on the same page. If I need to, I can flip on her show horse switch, but four or five times a week we just biff around the ranch for an hour or so, entirely on the buckle save for the perfunctory leg yields required to sidle over to the mailbox. It’s not mindless, it’s flippin’ awesome. At this point in my riding life, what strikes me as mindless is going around in those endless circles.
So, OP, it sounds like you just don’t have the right horse. Don’t waste another minute. Find the right horse.
What are “big girl panties,” anyway? I always envision ginormous pink boxer shorts whenever someone trots out that mystifying grandiloquence.
It sounds like you’re already over him. That is the reason I don’t like to ride other people’s horses! No matter how well trained, they aren’t trained the way I LIKE. I want to just relax and not have to pull, kick, spur and whip them into a round way of going. I trained my horse to be very light! Since the day I broke him, a gentle touch of the leg means SO much and I don’t ever have to squeeze or kick.
When I ride other people’s horses and I have to constantly leg them on, it feels a lot like WORK and not at all like fun (which is what riding is to me). I feel you on this one, keep looking until you find a horse who matches you!
OP, if it is really mismatch between you and your horse, I say you have tried enough. However, based on your other post in the dressage forum regarding the saddle, I cannot help but wondering it isn’t the saddle. I’m still in the opinion that your saddle does not fit your gelding, and a poorly fit saddle will make you very uncomfortable. Before I resolved the issue with my saddle and my youngster, I literally was scared to death riding him, and yeah, poking around in endless circle in walk was all I did. He isn’t that big a mover even - my show horse is much bigger, but that saddle made his movements seem completely unmanageable. The thing is, before the saddle issue was resolved, the saddle was so unstable that I felt I was falling off all the time, and I did fall off from some small bulks, bucks that should not have unseated me, and suffered some serious injuries. Once I got the saddle issue resolved through some shimming (and I have a VERY good saddle fitter), all the sudden my confidence is back, and walk-trot-canter is no longer an issue. He turns out to be quite a fun ride. Just throw in a thought.
It sounds like you have a new horse that is totally different than your other beloved horse. I suspect if you go back several month and revisited your goals and requirement for another horse, you might find your new horse is a match.
Could you be talking yourself out of these same goals. The ride will be different, just like a relationship, a job, a new car., they are younger, newer and a change.
Stop doubting your ability, challenge yourself to challenge yourself. Video tape yourself and watch. Try to find the “Joy” this horse is trying to answer for your Original wish and change.
Maybe we could trade? I have the best easiest going tb that thinks he’s a qh. Slow steady loves to hack and plunk about but hates to work. Especially in dressage anything that requires contact or forward or effort. My coach says he’s a golden retriever that would rather sit on the couch than RIDE! And even though he has he most amazing forgiving personality he doesn’t want to to work and I do! We’ve been together sinice 2009 and yet he’s progressed about 6 months
in his education not 6 yrs
I once consulted an equestrian acquaintance about a purchase of a specific horse.
As I was talking about him, listing pros and cons, she stopped me in the middle and said: “No, not a horse for you. You are too iffy about him.”
Snowflake, I cannot help it, but your posts about your newish horse always bring up this memory.
If I were in your shoes, I would get him ready for sale, grab the good money, (you wrote in another thread about having a chance for a very good profit), and run.
He is going to make someone very happy and you will find a horse that will make you happy (and have some money saved.)
It took me about a year to really be enthusiastic about my new guy. I was mourning my previous horse - I was not athletic enough to stay on him when he would scoot out from under me, but otherwise he was great to ride and I’d had him a long time. Finally I had “that” fall that landed me in neural ICU for 4 days with a brain bleed, and knew it was foolish to keep riding that particular horse. BTW, I was the only one to ever fall off of him - others had ridden him and he’s great.
So I traded him (and some cash) for my new guy - new personality, new way of going, new gaits (not nearly as nice as my previous horse) new everything. And I wanted him to be my previous guy. I don’t know what happened but eventually we got on the same page and we are both pretty goofy with smooches and are tuned into each other. And I no longer resent losing my previous horse.
However - my new horse and I are on the same page - I wanted a trail horse and that’s what he is. If I had gotten a fancy jumper or dressage horse, we’d probably both be disappointed.
Others have given similar advice to what I’d give (get your strength back, have someone else ride him while you are getting up to speed), so I won’t go there. I think you are also wishing he was your old mare and he will never be her. Heck, nobody will ever be her. Give yourself the ok to move on from her. Then evaluate him in regards to your goals. If he’s not a good match for you, sell him on and look for a horse you like, not a horse you think you should like.
Can this guy no longer jump anymore? Or was he retired as a hunter because of the non-injury? If it’s the latter, SELL HIM ON. Pony is miserable. You’re miserable. You both deserve to have a partner that loves and appreciates you and wants to do the same thing as you. If you’re worried about him finding a soft landing, lease him out (for a nice fee, since he is a nice hunter). Find yourself a nice horse to putz around on. Who knows, maybe when he’s older his work motivation will have chilled a bit.
My current boy was a mess when he was younger. We would work and work and work. Now that he’s older, he doesn’t mind so much walking around in the middle of our ride. Granted, he’s never really on the buckle, but we can chill and be okay. Not all TBs are nuts forever.
