I have a new horse and he’s nice. Very, very nice. On the ground and in the stall I love him. He’s the perfect gentleman. He’s very good under saddle but just a very different horse than what I’m used to riding. My main horse for the past several years has been a short, stout draft cross mare. A big, tanky powerhouse. New horse is a tall, lanky TB with big movement that is very uphill and round. The two horses are night and day. I’ve had the gelding since July and I’m still not completely comfortable riding him. He’s nice but I just don’t seem to be getting over the hump and settling into him and how he moves. I’m finding that this is becoming a huge roadblock to any progress I hope to make as a rider. I’m not motivated to ride him because I feel like he highlights my every flaw as a rider and it’s just not fun. The last few rides I’ve had on him I’ve felt pretty defeated, with the last ride ending in tears. He did nothing wrong really but he’s the type of horse that you really have to ride and after a long hiatus from riding due to an injury, I’m just not there physically or mentally to push the go button. I flat out told my trainer I feel overhorsed. She told me that she feels like there is nothing about him that I can’t ride but that she can’t keep me from feeling how I feel. I know that with time and improved fitness I can ride him and ride him well, but I’m struggling with the idea of do I want to. If I had to choose a horse based on ground manners and personality, he would win. It’s how he feels under saddle that throws me for a loop. These big, lofty, round movements that throw me out of the saddle and require me to ride every single step. Sometimes, I just want to mindlessly bomb around and relax and have riding be much less like work and more relaxing. Add to this that I made the mistake of riding my mare last night. She’s pretty much retired but looked like she was having a good day so I hopped on for a casual hack and riding her made me question everything even more. I literally feel like a giggly teenager riding her. I LOVE her. She’s not as fancy or as nice as the gelding. She’s a quirky ride but riding her is just simply fun. I wish she were serviceably sound for more consistent rides but she’s not. It’s the feeling she gives me that I want in every horse I ride and I’m just not there with the gelding. Do I give it more time to see if that comfort develops or just accept the fact that he may not be the right horse for me and move on?
If you’ve been riding and taking lessons regularly since July, I’d say you’ve had plenty of time to adjust to the new ride. There’s nothing wrong, and a lot right, with deciding a particular horse just isn’t for you.
I’m sorry, OP. I can relate to that feeling. My new (had him just a little over two months) horse is very, very different than my other horses. Different build, different mind, different breed…all over different and just about as polar opposite of what I’m used to and comfortable with as you can get.
Maybe we should trade :lol:
I can say I went through a similar thing with my old TB who passed last year and my WB mare who I raised since birth. While I love my WB mare like part of the family, she will never be my old TB. I’ve never enjoyed her as a riding horse even though I started her myself and she has plenty of talent.
Up until when my old TB died, I could get on him and feel like a giddy teenager again. Even though he was a pain in the butt, I always felt like I was “home” when I was on him. Ironically, I hated riding him for about the first year I owned him and couldn’t wait to sell him-- then I got attached.
I don’t think you can fairly compare your two horses, since he will never be your original mare. But… if you don’t enjoy riding your new horse, there is no shame in looking for a more suitable riding partner. Horses cost too much money to not enjoy them!
I think it’s your fitness level getting in your way of riding a "very very nice " horse. And your confidence is also getting in the way.
Don’t give up yet. Re-double your fitness efforts off the horse. Get in shape for riding! You can do it!
[QUOTE=asb_own_me;7838537]
Maybe we should trade :lol:[/QUOTE]
I did tell my trainer that if she can find a sound version of my mare out there, I would do an even trade for my gelding. Even though I know from a value perspective, I’d be trading down, it would be worth it to me to be happy in the end. There has to be a kid looking for a horse to move up with that has something less athletic. The big thing about this gelding is the fact that he equates riding to work. He expects to work. He wants to work. He wants you to want to work. Just aimlessly wandering around the ring on the buckle frustrates him and you can see it. He’s like “Ok, lady. You can pick up contact and ride anytime now.” You can actually feel him bored. And when he gets bored he will find ways to entertain himself. “Oh, an open gate! You’re not really riding so, I’m going to go through it.” “Hey! Look! My shadow on the ground. I’m going to jump it!” or my favorite “OMG! Those barrels we’ve been going past for the last 45 minutes grew fangs. I’m going to sprint past them so they don’t bite my hocks!” Swap out his rider to a rider that really rides him and lets him do his job that he knows, these problems don’t exist. I want to take things slow, build my strength and confidence up and that’s just not his speed. He’ll take care of you if you let him do his job but I’m not the “hang on and shut up” type of rider.
[QUOTE=Snowflake;7838566]
I did tell my trainer that if she can find a sound version of my mare out there, I would do an even trade for my gelding. Even though I know from a value perspective, I’d be trading down, it would be worth it to me to be happy in the end. There has to be a kid looking for a horse to move up with that has something less athletic. The big thing about this gelding is the fact that he equates riding to work. He expects to work. He wants to work. He wants you to want to work. Just aimlessly wandering around the ring on the buckle frustrates him and you can see it. He’s like “Ok, lady. You can pick up contact and ride anytime now.” You can actually feel him bored. And when he gets bored he will find ways to entertain himself. “Oh, an open gate! You’re not really riding so, I’m going to go through it.” “Hey! Look! My shadow on the ground. I’m going to jump it!” or my favorite “OMG! Those barrels we’ve been going past for the last 45 minutes grew fangs. I’m going to sprint past them so they don’t bite my hocks!” Swap out his rider to a rider that really rides him and lets him do his job that he knows, these problems don’t exist. I want to take things slow, build my strength and confidence up and that’s just not his speed. He’ll take care of you if you let him do his job but I’m not the “hang on and shut up” type of rider.[/QUOTE]
Are you not really riding him? Sounds like he needs a job and wants to get to work, which is my style since riding around on a long rein is boring for me as well.
Sounds like “you are just not that into him?”
You might be better off with a QH type then if you want to do more low key stuff.
When I saw the title, I thought I would say about a year.
But that is so you feel comfortable with all the zigs and zags and can anticipate spooks, refusals, quirks to the extent you are comfortable and mostly can prevent them. It gives you the feeling that you probably will not fall off…
that you feel like a team.
However, from your description, if you are losing confidence and yearning for your old horse, maybe in three months you already know. I’d be inclined to wait a bit, perhaps get a trainer on him so you do not have a horse who needs more work to keep him worked down, take more lessons, ride with a buddy…
Some people are so experienced they can get a tune out of a horse very quickly, with some it takes longer for the horse and you to come together.
If you are progressing in your riding, maybe this will be the horse for you
eventually.
[QUOTE=SendenHorse;7838576]
Are you not really riding him? Sounds like he needs a job and wants to get to work, which is my style since riding around on a long rein is boring for me as well.
Sounds like “you are just not that into him?”
You might be better off with a QH type then if you want to do more low key stuff.[/QUOTE]
I always warm up at the walk on a buckle. Probably about 5-10 minutes at the start and end of every ride is done this way. Right now, my time in the saddle is working on regaining muscle strength so I like to do a long, slow warmup. He’s just not that keen on it. I also need to take breaks during the rides where I drop my stirrups and go on the buckle. He is more the type of warmup, WTC in both directions, do a few gymnastic lines, jump the courses, cool down, done. He does not appreciate my attempts to throw some dressage principles in with the flat work. He lets me know, very loud and clear, that he is a hunter and not a dressage horse. I have no desire to jump anymore so if he expects me to start popping him over jumps, he’s going to be very disappointed. I think it may be a case where we’re just not into each other. I brought him home without a test ride with hopes of making him a low level dressage mount. He’s been a very successful hunter and is well known by the hunter barns in the Northeast. He’s not keen on the idea of a career change and I’m not keen on the idea of a drastically different horse than what I’m used to.
Also: There are horses who are confidence givers, and then there are horses who need to take their confidence from their rider/leader.
[QUOTE=Snowflake;7838505]
I have a new horse and he’s nice. Very, very nice. On the ground and in the stall I love him. He’s the perfect gentleman. He’s very good under saddle but just a very different horse than what I’m used to riding. My main horse for the past several years has been a short, stout draft cross mare. A big, tanky powerhouse. New horse is a tall, lanky TB with big movement that is very uphill and round. The two horses are night and day. I’ve had the gelding since July and I’m still not completely comfortable riding him. He’s nice but I just don’t seem to be getting over the hump and settling into him and how he moves. I’m finding that this is becoming a huge roadblock to any progress I hope to make as a rider. I’m not motivated to ride him because I feel like he highlights my every flaw as a rider and it’s just not fun. The last few rides I’ve had on him I’ve felt pretty defeated, with the last ride ending in tears. He did nothing wrong really but he’s the type of horse that you really have to ride and after a long hiatus from riding due to an injury, I’m just not there physically or mentally to push the go button. I flat out told my trainer I feel overhorsed. She told me that she feels like there is nothing about him that I can’t ride but that she can’t keep me from feeling how I feel. I know that with time and improved fitness I can ride him and ride him well, but I’m struggling with the idea of do I want to. If I had to choose a horse based on ground manners and personality, he would win. It’s how he feels under saddle that throws me for a loop. These big, lofty, round movements that throw me out of the saddle and require me to ride every single step. Sometimes, I just want to mindlessly bomb around and relax and have riding be much less like work and more relaxing. Add to this that I made the mistake of riding my mare last night. She’s pretty much retired but looked like she was having a good day so I hopped on for a casual hack and riding her made me question everything even more. I literally feel like a giggly teenager riding her. I LOVE her. She’s not as fancy or as nice as the gelding. She’s a quirky ride but riding her is just simply fun. I wish she were serviceably sound for more consistent rides but she’s not. It’s the feeling she gives me that I want in every horse I ride and I’m just not there with the gelding. Do I give it more time to see if that comfort develops or just accept the fact that he may not be the right horse for me and move on?[/QUOTE]
I’m not sure you got the right kind of horse for mindlessly bumming around and relaxing. Maybe a nice calm Walker or other gaited horse would be better suited. Unless you have goals to jump or do serious dressage, I think gaited breeds offer a lot of potential for being great partners and easier to ride (physically at least). Assess your goals and then figure out if he is right for what you want. And lesson learned- always do test rides, at least 2 if possible. Or get a horse on a trial basis…you can’t ride sweetness.
The great luxury of being an amateur rider who pays our own bills is that we can choose to ride the horses we want to ride.
You sound perfectly capable of learning to ride this horse. But you don’t sound like you want to - as if you are a square peg/round hole match.
I believe that a straight trade for a horse who is more your type would be an equal trade if you and the other person were both matches for the new to you horse, because there’s an awful lot of enjoyment missing from your post. Horses are supposed to be fun, and while I love my busy-minded, high energy horses… I know that not everyone does, and don’t for a second believe you should force yourself to suffer if it’s not the type of ride you want. Someday in the future you may, but why not make it so you want to be spending all the money horses cost?
Maybe a change of saddle would help. When I was fitting my OTTB, who also has a big forward stride I found a forward balanced saddle (I specifically tried an Amerigo) really allowed me to sit his big trot so much easier.
If I don’t feel any real connection, I decline to buy him to begin with. Any horse you have to work at feeling something for, is looking for somebody else. And I have definitely sold a couple to their forever home, which was not me.
The “keepers,” I keep to the end of their days.
I don’t know, I would give it more time . . . except, you are asking the horse to do a different job than what he’s good at. If you’d bought a horse that does what YOU like to do, then I think you might come to enjoy him. If you’re asking him to do a new job and he’s not into it and you don’t like it? It maybe won’t work.
A friend of mine asked me to ride her mare, who was for sale. I honestly didn’t like her much for the first couple of months because she was so pissy and bossy. Once she and I reached an agreement, she started to be a lot more fun and turned out to be really good at what I like to do – foxhunt. So I bought her.
Not every horse does every job well. You have to decide if the horse will do the job YOU want to do.
Snowflake, I totally understand what you are feeling. I got a horse over the summer that I’ve struggled connecting with under saddle. If he was a human, he would be the Perfect Guy - tall, handsome, kind, talented, smart, honest, hard working. But I did not take to him immediately like I thought I would after a very nice test ride, despite how perfect he seemed. What happened was we got a saddle that actually fit him, and suddenly he went from nice mover to fancy mover with a big swing to his shoulders - and instantly I physically struggled to ride him. He was used to being worked hard, and I needed to take it slow to get used to him, which he did not understand. Also, I kept bouncing all over the place which I have never, ever done before. I felt like a beginner child at the trot for like two months straight. I won’t lie, it’s taken months for both of us to get comfortable just bopping around on a loose rein - for awhile he would spook if we weren’t doing something, and I hate spooking. He still won’t stand still in the middle of the arena sometimes if I just want to hang out and spectate on him.
That being said, my boy does try to do whatever I ask of him under saddle, even if he occasionally acts like a goober about it (which happens less and less the more I ride him). And I am learning how to be the kind of rider I always wanted to be. I’ve told myself I will give it a year and see where we end up, but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel for us, and I enjoy each ride on him a little more every time. If you can’t see yourself getting to this place, I would find a new partner.
I just want to preface this by saying that this does involve an excessive amount of time.
Bottom line is that it took about 4 years for me to love my horse. I bought him as a young greenie off the track. Had a very limited budget, so we had to work with it. I was not very experienced either. Anyway, horse was very difficult on the ground (history of abuse). He didn’t trust anyone, was practically unsafe to be around, very defensive. He was great to ride though. He didn’t know anything, but he was game to do whatever I asked him to do and he was completely bombproof. I didn’t like him at all, but was afraid that if I turned him down, my parents would decide that buying a horse wasn’t a good idea.
Horse was/is very fancy though, and after a year of working with him, I started showing him. Always in the ribbons, almost always champion or reserve. I still didn’t really care for him. It wasn’t until I bought another young one off the track and worked with that one for a year that I started to realize how good I had it. First horse was easy in the scheme of things. New horse was very difficult, spooky, opinionated, and while sweet on the ground, he was, quite frankly, annoying.
After almost losing first horse to a sale (ended up falling through last minute) and then almost losing him to a medical emergency, I realized that I loved him. I promptly sold new horse and that was when I could say that I loved my horse. It took several years for me to get to that point, but I have to say that he will have a home with me forever. His personality has since improved (mostly with me) and I have to say that he is such a sweetie, plus he’s amazing to ride and show.
I wouldn’t give up quite yet, but know that it could take a while yet before you feel as if you really enjoy him.
[QUOTE=twelvebelles;7839077]
Snowflake, I totally understand what you are feeling. I got a horse over the summer that I’ve struggled connecting with under saddle. If he was a human, he would be the Perfect Guy - tall, handsome, kind, talented, smart, honest, hard working. But I did not take to him immediately like I thought I would after a very nice test ride, despite how perfect he seemed. What happened was we got a saddle that actually fit him, and suddenly he went from nice mover to fancy mover with a big swing to his shoulders - and instantly I physically struggled to ride him. He was used to being worked hard, and I needed to take it slow to get used to him, which he did not understand. Also, I kept bouncing all over the place which I have never, ever done before. I felt like a beginner child at the trot for like two months straight. I won’t lie, it’s taken months for both of us to get comfortable just bopping around on a loose rein - for awhile he would spook if we weren’t doing something, and I hate spooking. He still won’t stand still in the middle of the arena sometimes if I just want to hang out and spectate on him.[/QUOTE]
YES! EXACTLY THIS! After my last training ride that ended in tears I told my trainer I feel like a shell of the rider I used to be. I used to be a nice rider and I don’t feel like that on him. It was a punch to the stomach but I needed to say it out loud. And yes to the spooking! His mind wanders if we’re not actively engaged in work and then the littlest thing becomes a spook-worthy event. I’m glad someone else could put into words exactly what I’m struggling with right now. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I just want to enjoy my time in the saddle and right now, I’m not.
I just want to add something here. Riding is not a passive sport. Seriously – you have to ride every horse. If you’re not going to ride the horse, then get off and go put a quarter in the horse at the dime store. There’s your mindless ride.
No horse is a machine you can just mindlessly cruise around, riding on the buckle all the time.
I would not recommend a Thoroughbred for anyone who wants to ride mindlessly. However, I would not recommend a real, live horse for anyone who wants to ride mindlessly, either. It’s not fair.
This may not be the horse for you, but I guess I would say put on your big girl panties and decide you are going to be a rider – regardless what horse you have – or hang up your spurs.
If you prefer dressage/flat-work and a low-key type of ride what prompted you to purchase an athletic hunter/jumper TB? Was he a good deal? Did your trainer recommend him? What was he like when you went to try him?
I know what it is like to feel over-horsed, so I empathize with your frustration. But it seems based on your riding goals, you should try either sell him or trade for something more like your retired mare.
