How to deal with burnout - not competition but the struggle of horses in general?

[fivestrideline]

Looking for advice/encouragement/direction here. Basically, when do you know it’s time to just quit? Or have I missed some option of changing gears/mindset to keep me in the horse game - a game that I really do love?

Backstory is I’m a 20-something ammy with one 9YO TB gelding I bought on a whim in college and have had since he was 3. Been through the ringer with this horse with recurring ulcers and related weight issues, boarding barns straight up not feeding or bringing the horse inside (on stall board!), sending horse into full training with a trusted program (and $$$$) for him to not be ridden or worked with despite being told the contrary, saddle fitting struggles, moving across the state for school and barely riding due to the commute, moving across the country and then having an awful shipper experience and dealing with the repercussions of that as well as a horse that just doesn’t do well with the cold and being confined to an indoor all winter. I’m now in a less horsey and more expensive area (due to our winters and the need for pasture management and an indoor), and am struggling with his feet and recurring minor pasture injuries. I feel like I’m constantly in the legging-up/rehabbing phase, never able to actually enjoy riding. I don’t have access to the same level of vet/farrier care I had in GA, the discipline I prefer is scarce here and I don’t have a trailer at the moment (partially due to COVID related price spikes and supply issues) to access different professionals located farther away. I’m exhausted, feel like I’m failing my horse (specifically with his feet - I can SEE what’s wrong to some degree but I can’t FIX it myself and am struggling to find people in the area who can).

I realized that I haven’t ridden more than a few months at a time in 8 years, and haven’t taken more than a handful of lessons in that time as well. As a junior I lessoned 2-3x/week, showed about once a month, and I was paying less than I am now to just keep the horse alive. I’m burnt out, feel like I can’t even ride the horse I have as we have so many issues to fix and no way to fix them, and also feel as if it would be smarter to just sell everything and get out of horses all together. However, I don’t REALLY want to sell the horse, I would hate to lose track of him and not know where he is or how he’s doing. This happened with my first horse and I regret selling that one to this day. This hobby is expensive, ridiculously so, and I can only justify it when I’m enjoying my barn time rather than stressing constantly about it. Moving back south to the area that I was happier and better set-up in isn’t really in the cards (we are here for the fiancé’s job, and he’s the main breadwinner). Moving the horse to a less expensive barn also isn’t really an option, as the standard of care around here is generally very different from what I find acceptable - and also with the weather a cheaper barn with no indoor = 6 months of no consistent workouts for the horse who HAS to stay fit due to stifle issues.

Do I sell the horse? Return him to the program I got him from (an option in the contract I bought him on) with a donation if possible and let them rehome him? Try to find some mythical barn farther away with a program I can afford and also somehow gives great care so I can just show up on weekends to ride? Send the horse hundreds of miles back to GA and “retire” him at a friend’s place - retire a 9YO serviceably sound horse and pay just a few hundred a month less than I am now for him to sit? We could look for property to buy (I’d love to have horses at home and it would solve a few of my minor problems), but again the weather here makes riding in the winter almost impossible without access to an indoor, and that comes with a massive price tag and permanence in an area I hate. A lot of people here board over the winter - which defeats the entire purpose.

I’m stuck, depressed, and finding my horse and the barn to be my biggest stress at the moment. Summer is almost over and I’m staring down the barrel of round 2 of the worst winter of my life - horsey and I both really struggled with the realities of Midwestern life last year. Even this summer I’ve struggled as the bugs are so bad the horse is almost unrideable outside - and inside I get 20 minutes before we are both brain-meltingly bored, no matter the exercises and polework or “games” I set up. Do I give up horses until some unknown date in the future when we maybe move somewhere more conducive to my “style” of horse life?

[Scribbler]

If he came from a rescue and isn’t working out and you can return him knowing he will get a soft landing, do so.

Then quit horses for a year. If you really miss it, fine a lesson or lease situation. Consider a change of discipline if you can’t make h/j work here.

You haven’t been riding regularly ever on this horse. Let him go and see what the future brings.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

If you can return him to the rescue, do so. Give them a nice donation to help them get his feet in order and advertise him, and then step away.

I burned out a long time ago (several things converging at one time) and though I still have three at home, I haven’t ridden since 2010. I don’t miss it. There are moments I do, but like you, I had no access to a riding instructor, a decent arena at home, my farrier ghosted us all and there was no good replacement . . . it was easier to turn them out in the pasture, care for them, and just let them be. I no longer have the time to ride, and if I did, I can’t afford a truck right now to pull the trailer to lessons. And I just can’t putz around a pasture or do trail riding - neither are fun for me.

Let yourself acclimate to the new location and situation, sans horse. You might find that you miss it and want to go back to it, and you might find you don’t. Neither is wrong.

[Horse_Rider]

This sport is dangerous and expensive. If going to the barn causes more stress than joy? It’s time to step back. I lived like that for years - every trip to the barn was less about riding, more about finding the spot of rain rot before it got out of control or treating the hives or finding the missing shoe or cleaning up after whatever mess the boarding stable had created for me. I used to joke that the only thing I was really, really good at was rehab, because that was all I seemed to do for the last 4 years of my horse’s life. Everything was minor and small but it always required months of slow reintroduction to work and every time things got good, things would immediately go wrong. That starts to mess with your head. I’m sure there were good days mixed in there, but I couldn’t find them because I was always carrying too much on my shoulders.

Now my burnout is so complete that I doubt I’ll ever go back to riding and my memories are tainted. Do not get to this stage. It is he**. You can’t really “take a break” when you own a horse. Even if you’re not riding there will be injuries and weight loss and shoes lost and vet bills. My recommendation is to let go of horses for the time being and ease back in when you’re really, really ready.

[LSMarnell]

I agree that it’s time to take a step back, return the horse to the rescue or sell and then see how you feel after a reasonable amount of time.

I really hear you on the lack of competent service providers, and this is only going to get worse as we go on. 30 years ago in this area (pretty horsey) I had at least 10 vets who did barn calls. Now we have TWO. The “best” one ( who is considered a GOD around here) severely set back my laminitic horses treatment… I can’t even go on.
Farriers- we had a few excellent ones, a bunch of acceptable, and then the Amish.
Now I cannot find a farrier for the life of me who can actually take toe off my horse whose life literally depends on it!

I feel for you OP. Please, just focus on you. Do what you have to do to de-stress your life. Come back to horses (maybe in another fashion entirely/new discipline!)

[fivestrideline]

He came from a racehorse retraining program (so not a rescue per se) but they are similar to a rescue and that they will take any horse they’ve ever placed back if needed. I want him to have that soft landing in the sense that whoever has him next can fall back to the rescue as well which is why I would hesitate to just sell him without passing that resource on. My experience second or third hand down the road these programs tend to lose track of the horses especially if they’ve been renamed and have a faded tattoo like mine. Not to mention he’s about as plain Jane chestnut as they come with no chrome and no real distinguishing markings.

I’m seriously considering it at this point. Until y’all pointed it out I didn’t realize I’ve never ridden this horse consistently since the day I brought him home. I think I knew it but wouldn’t really let myself think it.

[fivestrideline]

So.

I went out to the barn today. First time in a week except to hold for the farrier. Just hand grazed and walked horsie around inside since it was raining and realized I really do like this horse. I like hanging out with him. He’s safe and predictable but has quite the personality, and I feel like we understand each other. Maybe that’s just the six years of mostly hand walking and hacking and hanging out. Idly I’d like to get back to h/j, but more in a nostalgic and just for fun kind of way.
It’s the struggle of rehab and having to constantly push for my vet and farriers here to do something, ANYTHING to my satisfaction (I don’t think I’m crazy, I just want things like baseline X-rays of his feet/hocks and to address the long toe low heels instead of shrugging it off as a ‘thoroughbred problem’). It’s the incompatibility of the barn management routine - or lack thereof - and my stressball of a horse and the apparent lack of other good options. These are the things that make me just want to give it all up. The feeling that no matter what I do, I’m just banging my head against a wall and starting over again and again. I’m finally in a place in my life where I can spend a little more money on this hobby and do things to the best of my ability rather than skipping meals to pay for knock off gastrogard, but I’m stuck in an area where even though I can afford it, the things I would like aren’t here.
How do I justify the expense to keep a horse to just hang out with? Do I ignore my gut that the feet are going to cause this horse issues down the road if we don’t fix them, and trust my farriers’ assertion that it’s fine, just so I can ride right now? Do I send him on to someone else and forever wonder if he would’ve been better off just being a pet here with me until someday we move to a better situation? Do I keep looking for a more suitable situation as I have been for months, and pray it all falls into place? I don’t know.

[punchy]

You don’t have to justify to anyone paying to keep a horse you have owned a number of years, that you like and enjoy spending time with. You don’t have to have goals or programs. Sometimes I think it’s all our expectations that make us unhappy. But it’s ok to say that really it’s just nice to have buddy to look out for and hang with

[Willesdon]

You have a horse you very rarely ride because of constant niggles needing rehab. TBs can be high-maintenance, particularly their feet, and yours obviously is such a horse. It will not get any better. You don’t feel you can offer the practical care the horse needs because the skilled people are not available locally. That situation is not going to improve and there is nothing you can do about it. You live in a region where winter riding is very limited - and winter is coming round again. You are worn out, bored, dissatisfied after years of the same… And, key point, you can give the horse a soft landing because the rescue he came from will have him back.

I suggest it is time to send him off on a new journey, back to where there will be people with the time, skills and empathy to care for him, and you take the opportunity to discover some new things outside the horse world. Maybe some fun winter activities.

ETA Don’t regard sending him back as some kind of “failure”. You have to make the best choices possible on his behalf.

[Bluey]

@Willesdon

You have a horse you very rarely ride because of constant niggles needing rehab. TBs can be high-maintenance, particularly their feet, and yours obviously is such a horse. It will not get any better. You don’t feel you can offer the practical care the horse needs because the skilled people are not available locally. That situation is not going to improve and there is nothing you can do about it. You live in a region where winter riding is very limited - and winter is coming round again. You are worn out, bored, dissatisfied after years of the same… And, key point, you can give the horse a soft landing because the rescue he came from will have him back.

I suggest it is time to send him off on a new journey, back to where there will be people with the time, skills and empathy to care for him, and you take the opportunity to discover some new things outside the horse world. Maybe some fun winter activities.

ETA Don’t regard sending him back as some kind of “failure”. You have to make the best choices possible on his behalf.

That!

Whatever you do, keep in mind:

[173north]

I’m not a horse owner but am dealing with a lot of riding/horse world burnout right now, so I really empathize. It’s tough to devote so much money and time to this hobby and feel like you’re just going in circles.

If you’d be happy letting go of your riding goals and having this horse as a pet for the next decade or so, even if his feet are never 100% fixed and you never get back in a regular riding routine, I’d keep him. But you are lucky to have a safe, responsible program to return him to. Would you be happier in the long run sending him back, taking some time off riding, and then starting up again? Could the money you are spending on board, vet, farrier etc get you into a lesson program where you could show a bit, or half-lease, or eventually buy another horse more suited to local horsekeeping and your goals?

I think it ultimately comes down to what you want out of riding and horses. If it’s about enjoying time with the animals and the relationship we have with them, then your horse is perfect for that. If what you really want is regular saddle time, lessons, horse showing… there is nothing at all wrong with sending your horse to a new home, taking a break, and eventually finding a different riding partner.

[sportyspicepony]

I feel this struggle so much right now, especially lack of access to quality care providers. So much of owning horses is heartbreaking and difficult, and the glimmers of enjoyment you get out of having a horse come after an infinite amount of struggle and hardship.

One thing that does NOT make it easier for me is equestrian social media; obviously it’s really nice to have a community of horse people just to discuss things with but esp on Instagram it leads to a lot of feelings of inadequacy and resentment and “wtf am I doing with my life”.

It might help to make a pros and cons list and weigh their importance to you!

[sportyspicepony]

@fivestrideline

Idly I’d like to get back to h/j, but more in a nostalgic and just for fun kind of way.
It’s the struggle of rehab and having to constantly push for my vet and farriers here to do something, ANYTHING to my satisfaction (I don’t think I’m crazy, I just want things like baseline X-rays of his feet/hocks and to address the long toe low heels instead of shrugging it off as a ‘thoroughbred problem’). It’s the incompatibility of the barn management routine - or lack thereof - and my stressball of a horse and the apparent lack of other good options. These are the things that make me just want to give it all up. The feeling that no matter what I do, I’m just banging my head against a wall and starting over again and again.

Also just thinking about your post again, I wonder if you might feel better taking semi regular lessons on someone else’s horse?

That is one thing that has honestly helped me, I’ve had the same soundness struggle and complete lack of progress with my horse, and it’s just nice to ride someone else’s horse that I’m not responsible for and focus on what’s fun about riding once in awhile - the feeling of working towards something, improving over time, jumping in general.

I was actually surprised about how happy it made me to just take a bi-weekly lesson on a horse that is easy enough for it to be fun but advanced enough for it to be challenging. It is admittedly really expensive but after the first couple of rides I decided it was worth it for me to scrounge up pennies and do it because it recharges me, and gives me more “spoons” if you will for going back to my struggle horse and letting go of performance expectations with her because at least I have access to another horse that I can continue to improve my riding with.

Just another thing to consider if you’re not ready to sell! But there’s nothing wrong with sending him back if you think that’s the best solution for you too.

[Scribbler]

OP what is best for the horse? If he goes back to the rescue it sounds like he will get top notch care and be evaluated for his next step. Honestly I’d think seriously about doing that. Then finding lessons when you feel like it. It’s not a fail to rehome a horse. It’s so easy to go year by year never getting anywhere and end up with a senior horse you’ve never ridden much.

[fivestrideline]

You know sporty, that’s a good point. There’s a good barn about an hour away that’s too far for me to board and I’m not sure I like the turnouts but they have a great program as far as lessons and showing. It might be worth taking a few lessons to see if I just need variety, and maybe make some connections with a good vet/farrier to try to get to if I can snag a trailer.
The horse is not foundering or anything, just not getting the shoe set back enough or any heel support, and I struggle to really work him until I’m confident I’m doing right by his feet. Barefoot had him sore due to underrun heels and I’m not qualified to trim him myself (I can just tell they need a change).

Scribbler that is the struggle I’m having. He’s not falling apart (as much as my earlier post may have made it seem that way - I’m clearly frustrated and exhausted with the whole thing) but I’m picky. Obsessive, even, about things like nutrition and feet and general care. I used to know less and also have more easy access to good people, and now I know more but can’t get to the things needed to fix it.

I talked to the fiancé yesterday while he’s on a work trip and he’s on the same page of wanting out of this area, but that would require a new job and major upheaval. Things we want, but the timeline is a couple years long with nothing lined up yet. I may keep trying to find a good farrier, even ones crazy far away on the off chance they come this way, and look into some lessons. Meanwhile I’ll be giving the future a good hard look, realizing I have resources that others aren’t lucky enough to have as a fall back, and consider what makes ME happy.

Thank you, all, for you input and advice. I’m always up for a challenge even if it isn’t a guaranteed win, but I need direction. A path to take. Things to try. I mentally cannot handle directionless failure, so this has given me some ideas as well as “permission” to consider options I hadn’t before.

[TBROCKS]

I’ve never had a horse that was enjoyable to take to shows, and I’ve never been in consistent lessons the whole time I’ve owned my horses. But now I take twice a week lessons at a H/J barn on THEIR steady eddie, I’ve learned to jump little courses, we go to schooling shows where this horse is a good citizen, I have a whole new group of riding buddies, and it’s completely invigorated my entire riding vibe. I’ve been there a year, and this has been the best year of my riding life. The barn is an hour away, but totally worth the drive. BONUS: When my variably dependable farrier bails, the lesson barn lets me load up and take my horses to them for farrier work.

[candyappy]

@sportyspicepony

So much of owning horses is heartbreaking and difficult, and the glimmers of enjoyment you get out of having a horse come after an infinite amount of struggle and hardship.

I have had at least 1 horse( and at most 5) since 1976. My experience has been anything but this. If this was the norm then I doubt there would be as many people owning horses as there is.

@fivestrideline I think your burnout comes from dealing with constant health/ soundness issues. I personally wouldn’t keep and spend for boarding each month on a horse I couldn’t ride. I know this angers some people but I have horses because I want to ride. I would return him and get a horse you can ride.

For the first time ever I have soundness issues with one of mine but she is managed and completely sound and ridable now. I have the land so if her status changes she will stay with me no matter what till her health tells me otherwise.

[Posting_Trot]

You might try posting your general area; there are a lot of excellent horse-people on the forum who might have suggestions for farriers, barns, etc.

It doesn’t sound to me like you want to let go of the horse. I’d say, then, don’t get rid of the horse. Try to make some contacts to make the current situation work better for you and the horse.

Good luck!

[Bristol_Bay]

Ever the contrarian, I say trust your farrier that if your horse is sound right now, you should ride him.

Lots of TBs have crappy feet yet they are still comfortable being ridden. You admitted it’s more in your head that you think something must be done, but maybe you’d both be happier if you were riding.

[fivestrideline]

Posting Trot (I’m still figuring out the quote feature and am currently out backpacking with one bar of reception) I am in the Oshkosh WI area. You’re right, I don’t want to let go of the horse.

I COULD just ride him, damn the long term consequences, but this horse’s feet have been solid, great feet for years until I moved him up here. His hocks have started clicking and the stifle thing can be exacerbated by bad angles, along with a sore SI area. All these things appearing at the same time as/immediately after a move and change in farrier (and management, vet, etc) point to the simplest answer - and one I can literally SEE - his feet. Which is why I’m stuck on them. I know this issue can be resolved because it has been in the past - I’m just struggling to find the right people to do it.