My philosophy is “Your dog, your decision.” I understand the emotions of those who find it painful to see an animal struggle, but it’s not as simple as the owner being too selfish to let go. These are emotional decisions, and everyone, even those who think of themselves as strong for not waiting “too long,” are acting on emotion and pain. It is agonizing to watch someone dying. Some people try to solve it by willing their pet to live longer, anda some try to solve it by putting an end to the suffering. And I bet both types have f’d up and done the wrong thing. Ultimately, you do the best you can, but the owner gets the call. Which is tough on other family members. Good luck with your old dog! I hope it all works out as well as it can.
While your husband is at work, have your vet put the dog to sleep. Just shut up and tell him his dog isn’t suffering anymore.
Sneaky? Oh heck yes.
Kind? The poor dog needs your kindness right now.
i’m with Trak on this. the dog sounds like he is suffering and your husband is unable to come to terms with that. it would be great if he could see it and make this decision, but he’s not.
I have been through this as well, with my husband’s cat. We kept him going for a long time with sub-cue fluids for his kidneys (guess who got to do that), but he got to the point where he was really suffering. Finally we took him to the vet to put him down but he was in such bad shape that wasn’t pleasant either. My husband admitted later he waited too long, and he was being selfish.
There’s a fine line between selfishness and not giving up. I have a lot of old animals, and I am not looking forward to the next few years when I have to lose my friends.
I wouldn’t kill the dog while he’s gone. Let him come around to it.
At our house, the conversation began and ended with, “I don’t think she’s enjoying life here any more.” Those seemed to be the right words under the circumstances, and we started planning for her last weekend with us before making a Monday morning appointment.
Kwill, I did the same thing with a kitty that had kidney disease. Diagnosed at age 2, they gave him two more years to live. I kept him going til age 7 with subcutaneous fluids but finally it was time. I waited a day or so too long and the horror of the night I put him down will never leave me. I am in favor of a day too soon rather than a day too late for this very reason.
Now I have another one that is exhibiting classic signs of kidney disease.
- He has a degenerative condition in his spine that makes it very hard for him to walk. His front end is fine, but his hind end is extremely weak and he has very little control over his back legs. He’s really wobbly and falls down often. Fortunately there doesn’t seem to be any pain, and somehow he can still get up and down the stairs
I did not read anything but the first post.
Having had a boxer with degenerative myleopathy (this condition), I get it. My guy lost a lot of weight. We PTS before he got horrible, so he could have some diginity (he was the alpha, so he’d already gotten depressed by not being able to run with his sister).
My guy was DH’s best bud. Since he was 8 wks old.
I sat him down one and said “Honey, we need to make a plan. Things are going to happen and soon. Bentley isn’t going to get better.” He told me that if he “pretended it wasn’t happening, he would not have to deal”.
He cried (so did I). We agreed to make the following weeks with the dog great. Bentley made it less than a month. I was the one who made the appointment. It’s on my blog in June, I believe, about Bentley, his disease, and the decision we made.
Its a tough thing and I miss him horribley, but my husband agreed it’s the right thing we did. Dogs arent meant to live that way.
Good luck…
ETA: here http://mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com/2011/07/degenerative-myelopathy-we-are-so-not.html
It is all in June.
Very wise, betsyk.
[QUOTE=Trakehner;5861519]
While your husband is at work, have your vet put the dog to sleep. Just shut up and tell him his dog isn’t suffering anymore.
Sneaky? Oh heck yes.
Kind? The poor dog needs your kindness right now.[/QUOTE]
YES!!! :(:(
My husband NEVER comes with me to the vet when we need to put a dog down, he says “Good Bye” when we leave and he is at the house with the hole dug. Some people just cannot deal with this, but I feel it is the last nice thing I can do for my dog…
I’ve had dogs all my life so have had to make that decision many times. Only one dog died in his sleep. One time i waited too long. I had an 18 yr old mixed breed medium sized dog who came with the farm i bought many years earlier. He was just a barn dog. That changed the first winter and he became a house dog who went out with me for chores. I had a rule. If an animal becomes incontinent it is time to meet their maker. This old dog started peeing a little stream on his way to the door to be let out. I cleaned up the carpet and figured i would just recarpet after he was gone. So much for that rule. He would not know when he pooped due to spondalosis (sp?) He had no feeling back there. Poop was always formed so that was not an issue. He lost weight. I had to help him get up. I decided that the first time he yelped or whimpered in pain i would have him put down. DUH It finally dawned on me that he was so stoic that he would not cry.
I had a vet come to the house. Earlier that day i let him eat his fill of things that he loved but not good for him. Ice Cream, unlimited treats, part of a steak,etc. After he was gone i begged his forgiveness for waiting so long.
I will give an ill animal a chance to get better. But never again will i let an old animal deteriorate like that.
Make it the dog’s day. Do what he likes - trip to the park, the lake, whatever. Feed him wonderful foods. Then have the vet come and give this poor dog release.
[QUOTE=Trakehner;5861519]
While your husband is at work, have your vet put the dog to sleep. Just shut up and tell him his dog isn’t suffering anymore.
Sneaky? Oh heck yes.
Kind? The poor dog needs your kindness right now.[/QUOTE]
Not that I would ever marry you in the first place, Trak…but I would certainly divorce you for doing this.
It sounds like OP’s husband is near to being ready. If he’s already made the plans and talked to the vet, he’s not far off.
A hard decision to be sure. I lost my corgi this past spring. Fortunately, it was quite sudden and he was not in pain, a traumatic spine injury while playing ball. never yipped or cried, just confused that his hind legs didn’t work right. I knew what the end was going to be but it was SSSOOOO HARD. He was not a surgical candidate, had always been very active and had a long life (not long enough). my twin sis came over and let me cry my eyes out and then called her vet - who doesn’t do small animals but they have known each other for decades. Took Baxter out to sis’s farm and the vet came out at 9pm on a sunday evening (the woman is a saint). Good that your hubby has made plans - makes it better, no easier, but more eventual. Twin sis left me alone with Bax that afternoon and prepared a place for him up on the hill with her old hunter… she took care of that too, it was two weeks before I could even go up there. it’s been the better part of a year, sometimes I still wake up and expect to see him at my bedside. Your husband is grieving now, lovey may be right, perhaps he needs some time alone to truly come to the right decision. Good luck, I will say a prayer
I have this conversation with clients at the clinic, a lot. I’m the receptionist and folks give us a ring making exploratory calls about “when” for their cat, dog, horse, etc.
If you husband is in denial try the $$$ route. An after hours euthanasia will cost twice as much as one planned during business hours. If your husband is sensitive (and can feel guilty) point out how damn awful he will feel coming from work at the end of the day only to see that his beloved dog has been in distress/pain/near death for the entire afternoon. That is a memory no one wants as their last memory of a pet. Remind him that if the dog gets loose, out of your fenced yard or off the leash, he will face an uncertain death in traffic or getting lost, etc. The world beyond a leash/fenced yard is not kind to an aged/infirm animal. :no: It’s okay to let an animal go a little sooner than the time table nature has in store for it, especially given all the painful conditions your dog has.
As owners we all want permission from our animals to make that “call”. We want to see them reject food, see the gleam in their eye gone or whatever the unique sign is the animal has, go away. Some animals are stoic and an owner will never, ever get that sign. Those are the toughest ones on earth to deal with. 
Our own Whippet lived with cancer for 3 years. The longivity was because the tumors bled externally. We had done hail Mary treatments and experiments to buy time. One morning the biggest one ruptured and our den looked like a blood bath. That was the morning I took him in to to work to let him go. He was 14, he still ate, he still wagged his tail. He was only sad when he bled, I swear he was embarrassed about the messes the blood made. We gave him the sedation, I hugged and kissed him as his eyes fell heavy. Once satisfied that he was sound asleep I gave him one last kiss and left him in the room alone with my boss for the final step.
Good luck with your husband. Do make him man up to his responsibility. His dog needs that from him.
[QUOTE=Heinz 57;5876148]
Not that I would ever marry you in the first place, Trak…but I would certainly divorce you for doing this.[/QUOTE]
And as Winston Churchill recounted, he was once sitting next to a horrid woman of a different political bent. She said, “If you were my husband I’d poison you”…he replied, “If you were my wife, I’d take it.” 
Oh dear.
There is no way to make this easy. Your DH is obviously trying to come to terms …
I waited too long once. Never again.
Look at pictures of “before” “recently” and “now”… sometimes having the decline right in front of your eyes helps. Seeing day to day blinds us to small details but looking at frozen still images of the past and the downward spiral can make it clear what has to be done.
Best of luck and prayers that things work out peacefully for all involved.
BTDT and wish I would have made the decision sooner. I was not ready, dog was ready, entire family was ready. He was getting senile, had to be helped to walk and had become incontinent which was the last straw for him. This was a dog that required you to not look when he was using the restroom and would go fully into the bush to do his business. He was miserable.
[QUOTE=Bicoastal;5859812]
I have heard this before.Horrifies me at the selfishness of it. This is one of the most frustrating things I witnessed again and again: pets suffering because owners refuse to let go. Selfish and immature :mad:.
That said, I don’t think there is anything you can do to push hubby further. Except: don’t do.
Do not clean up after the dog. Do not sit on the floor holding finest selection of deli meat in front of the old man’s muzzle. Do not cradle his hind end with a towel to help him walk outside. I know, I know. But if this is 100% hubby’s dog and 100% hubby’s decision, hubby needs to take 100% responsibility. Don’t enable hubby to eek out more time if you think it contributes to the dog’s suffering.
That’s what I would try very hard to do -at least when hubby was looking. Give the old man lots of scritches for me. Then wash your hands but not the dog bed! Leave that for hubby.[/QUOTE]
Ditto THIS
I went thru the exact same scenario this time last year. Our 12yo lab needed to be pts last summer, but hubby kept putting it off. I hated coming home, because ineveitably I would walk into a house smelling of dog poo. Our dog could no longer even stand, and hubby would carry him out of the house and hold him up while he did his business. The dog weighed well over 100lbs, so there was no way I could assist the dog. Finally, after 4 months of gritting my teeth, and making hubby scrub the dog and floor countless times, he agreed to let me make the call. The day after the dog passed, I used hubby’s checkbook to pay for the whole house carpet cleaning service.
I too, feel that it’s better to pts a day too early than a day too late. Best wishes for you, it’s a very difficult spot to be in!
[QUOTE=JCS;5859664]
He keeps hoping the dog will pass away in his sleep so he won’t have to do it.[/QUOTE]
I was in a similar position about six years ago with our first cat.
My cat.
He started deteriorating fast and I prayed that I would find him dead when I woke up.
But on the second week of his slide I found him in a corner on his side weakly trying to get up. Well, I would not let him spend another day in pain and did what had to be done. He died in my arms that same day as the vet injected him.
Your husband needs to man the hell up and do the right thing. Or you do it for him.
The dog deserves mercy, not pity or false hope.
:no::no: No. There is no place for this sort of righteous selfishness in a marriage. If my husband did something like this and I EVER found out, vet bill, drunken concious-cleaning, whatever…it’s just an unforgivable breach of trust.
As strongly as the OP feels that the dog needs to go , the husband may feel that strongly in the other direction. Rarely is there a truly right and a truly wrong in these situations. OP has said the dog isn’t in pain and none of us has seen or know the dog. The husband is not wrong or bad here, just differing in opinion from his wife, as is his right.
I am so glad I found this thread! My boyfriend and I had A Conversation about his dog yesterday. He knows it’s getting close but I think the dog is ready now. He has never had to euth an animal before. The dog has degenerative myleopathy and has very limited mobility and is incontinent, but he is a cheerful old guy and bops around as best he can, wags his tail and does not appear to be suffering. My boyfriend lives in a different town so he is doing all the care, but he still feels like he’s making the decision for his own convenience–he doesn’t want to kill his best buddy just because it’s hard for him to deal with the extensive care needed. I feel better a day too soon than a day too late, but he is suffering with the guilt of “giving up” on the dog. I am sad for them both; it’s a terribly difficult situation. And honestly, I’m on the verge of making this very decision with my old horse, so it’s pretty close to home for me too.
