I would have the conversation with BOTH the kid and parents present. If the kid wants to be in horses…then she needs to hear it. I stopped owning a horse as a kid because I saw how my parents were…and knew I couldn’t afford it on my own. So I kept riding and working…but waited on actual ownership until I was financially able to support my own horse (after college). I was 10 when I came to grips with this and understood the level of responsibility needed in owning a horse. The kid needs to hear this as much as the parent.
[QUOTE=bornfreenowexpensive;7667400]
I would have the conversation with BOTH the kid and parents present. If the kid wants to be in horses…then she needs to hear it. I stopped owning a horse as a kid because I saw how my parents were…and knew I couldn’t afford it on my own. So I kept riding and working…but waited on actual ownership until I was financially able to support my own horse (after college). I was 10 when I came to grips with this and understood the level of responsibility needed in owning a horse. The kid needs to hear this as much as the parent.[/QUOTE]
Ditto. As a minor, I also didn’t push parents for horse ownership once I was in a regular lesson program and saw they were not on board for the full level of responsible horse ownership. I agree with giving the kid full credit for being able to understand and appreciate the message, and letting her be aware of the truth of the current situation with her horse.
Is it possible to suggest to these parents that it would be a relief for them to give up the burdens of horse ownership, and let their child enjoy rides on a variety of horses in a lesson program? They would get all the benefits of riding and none of the downside of ownership.
[QUOTE=bornfreenowexpensive;7667400]
I stopped owning a horse as a kid because I saw how my parents were…and knew I couldn’t afford it on my own. So I kept riding and working…but waited on actual ownership until I was financially able to support my own horse (after college). I was 10 when I came to grips with this and understood the level of responsibility needed in owning a horse. [/QUOTE]
I’m sure this helped create the person that you are today and it speaks volumes of your character, but it makes me incredibly sad that a 10 year old had to go through this thought process. You deserved better and the child(ren) in this family deserve better, as well.
Perhaps, being dismissed from Cyberbay’s program will wake the parents up. …unlikely.
god advice, I like this; I’ve found in such situations it helps to have a phraseTO repeat at any “lull” in the conversation; It could be, in this case"I understand this approach isn’t right for everyone and sometimes it is better to part ways. "
You might consider listing responsibilities you expect of your clients;lesson x times/ xw/ weeks; wear helmet, PC approved helmet and boots; horse up to date won shots and worming; scheduled vet checks/ farrier, sound; grooming kit , list parts. basic first aid …kit’; seasonal needs ; fly mask/ spray, horse should be groomed and mounted and in ring at specified time
I think you should also be prepared for the “well, what has changed - you’ve been working with us for the past 18 months.” You can say that this has always been your standard, but you had made an exception for them - it is obvious that it’s not working out and you are bowing out. Be prepared for the promises of change, for the begging that you keep them and they’ll prove they can change. Just keep saying no, no, no, no.
The inconsistency (maybe 2 lessons/month) doesn’t allow for enforcement of any rules. I would have to txt before a lesson and say “hair in ponytail; front boots in hand but don’t put them on till I arrive,” and after 1.5 years of this, it’s just MORE work for me, given the small return. I do yell about the p’tail, tho.
I don’t see them outside of the lesson (but I get the scoop from nice spies), and I can get txts galore from the girl, but it’s hard to act on a young person’s presentation of a problem.
The mom plays it so the kid can’t quite get enough – lessons, practise, whatever – to be prepared for showing, which is what hte kid wants to do. She also uses cruddy barns, so there is no opportunity to work for rides, etc.
They own the horse now, btw.
I don’t think your needs and my program are a fit. I wish you the best of luck going forward.
UPDATE! More “fun, quick read” saga…
For those who can’t get enough of the July “time to get rid of the client” story, here’s an installment:
Horse has been relocated to its 4th barn in 2 years just a month or so ago. This after the summer quarantine, during which they had a vet visit b/c the mare had come down with Lyme (ran a fever at onset, so they HAD to turn to some veterinary care), and were ecstatic! Yes, joyous! when the vet, with no examination of any sort, just goin’ on description from a 13-yr-old, mentioned that it could just be plain ole’ girthy-ness and nothing to do with ulcers… so they rushed the poor mare off the ulcer meds!! And crowed that the horse is “just girthy, per the vet”!! And 2 weeks later, the mare is looking again punk and has dropped about 75 lbs. So, I eyeballed the girl and said, “put her back on the R’dine.” [This medication being the only level of ulcer care they can afford…]
And then we stuff in 2 paltry lessons on s*** ring “footing” prior to an August horse show, altho we could have had months to prepare for a competitive showing. Mare had put on weight pronto with re-introduction of meds, fortunately, so I could say (pissily) that I won that round, again.
But, wait… it really does improve in ‘this couldn’t be possible’ dep’t. Just read on: So, can’t afford shoeing or ulcer meds, won’t afford lessons and/or the planned season of eventing the kid wanted to do and the mom agreed to! Has anyone of you seen that “Buy your trailer from Texas. Just pay shipping and then pay full price of trailer upon delivery!” trailer ad that’s out there. This mom? She does just that. And was scammed out of nearly $4,000. Tons of trailers in our area, btw. Local purchase totally possible.
And then mare, post-that above mentioned show, is shunted off to her 4th barn. An OK arrangement, actually… except…
… there is not a drop of running water or electrical to the quite far (from barn), quite large field for the horses to have a tub of water. There is a seasonal stream at the very, very far, far back of said quite large field. Can’t even see it from the gate. Explains the decades-long emptiness of this field. But the mom never figured that out – the owner bamboozled them with ‘how great to have you!’ I went over this no-water point many times when I did another lesson with them. “You need to figure out how you can provide water in the winter for turnout. Repeat: day in/day out, you are going to be lugging 50+ lbs. of water FOR 3 HORSES several times a week, through snow, ice, snow banks…”
This conversation after about a week earlier discovering the mare running back and forth at the gate b/c the ding-aling other boarder left her out and she got frightened, and there was NO water (did I say that already), and she was caked in sweat. And the flies were having a field day on her. So, that had to be explained to them.
Anyhow, the mom asks to do a lesson a few weeks ago, then cancels just before: kid sick. Let’s re-schedule. 2 weeks later, I send a text to her b/c I just now want my lent equipment returned. Took a week for her to reply, and she included request for a lesson (would have been yesterday, Columbus Day). Fine. Sunday evening: cancels.
And today? I found out that the kid was NOT away with the dad for the long weekend, as she had gone into length to tell me in the text, but was, in fact, here and was having fun with a bunch of other kids from another barn.
So, it’s finally done. I won’t have anymore to do with them, given the blatant lying. I could tolerate the fibbing here and there, but not that in-your-face kind. The kid really worked at her lessons and took my horsecare input, so she’s salvageable, but given the mother’s need to lie… oh, well. I know you’ve all just been on the edge of your seats about this… :-> … but now I’m really worried that they won’t return my sprenger bit. %**#@.
If there is any silver lining … the kid was exposed to a better standard of horse care, through you. And a more sensible approach to everything she was doing. That can have a way of sticking, for some people. When the kid is all grown up and settled into career income (however that happens), maybe she will return to riding and do it the right way, not her mother’s way. Some people do. 
O and Onward: As you said. That was my goal exactly. I think it will, b/c she was a good student and worked at her lessons… when the poor thing was allowed to have one.
I told the mother via txt that from what I’ve seen the past 18months, the family is not equipped to own a horse: the horse is not a priority and she (mom) is not up to the care of a horse – she has no experience, is not interested in spending the necessary money, sporadically pays attention to the horse’s care – so, the best route is to sell the horse, and enroll the kid in a lesson program at a good barn, and the kid can start to earn lessons and extra rides through barn work. This way, the mom is out of the loop, and the kid can direct her chances a little bit more.
ALso told her to pay for the late-cancel lesson this past week, or I will consider her in arrears. And, btw, ya bounced yet ANOTHER check, at last fall’s horse show. Nice.
I feel bad for the horse
Gottagrey: it was for the horse (and for the girl – I mean, we were all horse-crazy young people, so I know how it feels) that I stuck it out longer than I should have. The lessons were great; the girl really worked at it and got results; and with this horse being so tough --she was intimidated by the mare – it was important to have help on the ground.
