How to nicely stop doing business with client... need words.

[cyberbay]

This family has proven itself irresponsible in their approach to their horse: spends $ non-stop at the tack store, but horse remains sore-footed from lack of quality and on-time shoeing in spite of my repeated reminders; wants the knowledgeable person to be wrong so that they can be the expert; gossips; has angry children from the uneven attention and broken promises of the mother; tiresome to be on receiving end of texts asking “what should I do, b/c the horse is doing so-and-so…” but won’t lesson more than 1x/month; bounces checks; calls vet endlessly for free advice.

I want to now disengage from them permanently (have been teaching and working with the horse for about 18 months, as they move to their 4th barn in same time period). Need “kind” words to end the relationship. Thorny b/c the girl is good friends with another student, so I would rather not have to lie, as it may get back to them. As well, the girl I work with in this family (who has this green, freebie horse) I want to be kind to, as it not her fault. She is only a middle-schooler.

I want them to clean up their act, be consistent in their horse care, etc. But, they won’t. I’ve seen the “no where to be found” behavior too many times.

Any words, or script, anyone can suggest so say goodbye? Txs for anything.

[merrygoround]

In a case like this I would not mince words. I would state facts and your thoughts about them and let it go.

Expect to be back stabbed.

[JP60]

I have no advice other than just be polite, firm, and disengage quickly without any drama. Don’t lie, just don’t have to tell them the truth either.

I really feel bad for the horse. Not only for the soreness, but having to be around allegedly sour people. The negative energy must take a toll on that spirit and most likely contributes to the poor performances.

[SevenDogs]

I would be direct, use clear non-emotional words such as “my program does not appear to be a match for your needs”. If asked why, again be direct "my program is a full horsemanship program where students lesson a minimum of ----- times per month and in exchange receive advice on shoeing, horse care, and stable management, which is expected to be followed. I understand this approach isn’t right for everyone and sometimes it is better to part ways. "

This allows you to clearly delineate what you expect from your students in an authoritative but non-threatening way. Keep saying “I understand my program is not for everyone and it’s ok if it doesn’t work for you”. If they get dramatic or angry, keep saying it and another non-confrontational response is “that’s unfortunate”. Works for a lot or situations.

[islgrl]

[QUOTE=JP60;7659824]
I have no advice other than just be polite, firm, and disengage quickly without any drama. Don’t lie, just don’t have to tell them the truth either.

I really feel bad for the horse. Not only for the soreness, but having to be around allegedly sour people. The negative energy must take a toll on that spirit and most likely contributes to the poor performances.[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Make it short, to the point and don’t lie. Something along the lines of you think they would be better served working with someone else, and you have decided to not continue to provide them service. You wish them the very best as they continue on with their horse. When they try to talk you out of it (if they do) stand firm and repeat what you said before, no change of script. If they try again say thank you very much, stand up and leave. If they bad mouth you and you hear about it smile and nod and if pressed say its unfortunate they feel that way. Then let it go.

[cyberbay]

Seven dogs… very useful wording. I’m printing it out for use. Thank you!!

JP60… that is my sad feeling, too. This is a lovely, tough, OTTB mare, about 7 years old, not the greatest choice for this young girl at her stage of learning, but will be wonderful together if they stick it out under proper supervision. Them’s the operative words, but mom is always not to be found when commitment to this concept is needed.

I mean, the parents possess zero horse knowledge, having come from a crap barn where the drunken 80+ year old screams at everyone, including the oft repeated phrase, “hit him, hit him!!” and it totally fit the agenda of no responsibility and very, very low $$, and those horses suck it all up. Then, they find this horse on the internet, the girl falls off during the trial ride – as if it were even remotely appropriate to be riding this mare – after, with the then-owner, they had fanned out and located this little mare in the depths of some upstate field. And brought her home. Year’s trial, which, unless the girl or the horse was going to meet their maker during this time, the horse was obviously not going to be separated ever again from this 11-yr-old girl. The parents love ‘no cost,’ so the bringing them up to speed on modern horsekeeping has been akin to tectonic plates grinding against each other.

Hence, my need to separate. Altho it sickens me both for the immediate parties, the girl and mostly the horse.

[Cameraine]

(Not a vent on the OP, just on the type of people the clients seem to be) I wish more people would understand, really understand what horse/pet ownership really entails. You are responsible for the kind of life/environment, care or lack there of that you impress upon an animal that has no choice in the matter. They are forced to endure or enjoy the life you give them. Step up and be the person who is an advocate/voice for their horse/pet. Don’t be that person forcing an animal to live a life that we wouldn’t want for ourselves.

[Carolinadreamin]

[QUOTE=merrygoround;7659798]
In a case like this I would not mince words. I would state facts and your thoughts about them and let it go.

Expect to be back stabbed.[/QUOTE]

Sad, but true usually.

[SevenDogs]

Even if they convince themselves that your standards of horse care are ridiculous, you’ve still laid it out there and they heard it. Sometimes, as a trainer, that’s the best you can do by the horse. Hopefully, being dismissed from your program strikes a nerve in the owners, and they start to realize that they might be doing it wrong!

Glad you can use the script. I’ve pulled it out a few times. I like the “we just aren’t a match” approach because it doesn’t blame either party. But you can still delineate the expectations of your program and hopefully something sinks in.

[ACMEeventing]

[QUOTE=SevenDogs;7659869]
I would be direct, use clear non-emotional words such as “my program does not appear to be a match for your needs”. If asked why, again be direct "my program is a full horsemanship program where students lesson a minimum of ----- times per month and in exchange receive advice on shoeing, horse care, and stable management, which is expected to be followed. I understand this approach isn’t right for everyone and sometimes it is better to part ways. "

This allows you to clearly delineate what you expect from your students in an authoritative but non-threatening way. Keep saying “I understand my program is not for everyone and it’s ok if it doesn’t work for you”. If they get dramatic or angry, keep saying it and another non-confrontational response is “that’s unfortunate”. Works for a lot or situations.[/QUOTE]

Really can’t say it any better than this.

[ThirdCharm]

SevenDogs nails it.

I have only ever had to ‘fire’ one client, and I basically just told them my standards were this and that and I didn’t think we were a good fit and since I wanted clients to be happy I had another barn in mind I thought she’d be happier with.

Jennifer

[anon68314200]

@cyberbay;7659903

I mean, the parents possess zero horse knowledge, having come from a crap barn where the drunken 80+ year old screams at everyone, including the oft repeated phrase, “hit him, hit him!!” and it totally fit the agenda of no responsibility and very, very low $$, and those horses suck it all up. Then, they find this horse on the internet, the girl falls off during the trial ride – as if it were even remotely appropriate to be riding this mare – after, with the then-owner, they had fanned out and located this little mare in the depths of some upstate field. And brought her home. Year’s trial, which, unless the girl or the horse was going to meet their maker during this time, the horse was obviously not going to be separated ever again from this 11-yr-old girl. The parents love ‘no cost,’ so the bringing them up to speed on modern horsekeeping has been akin to tectonic plates grinding against each other.

Sorry to laugh, but this is some classic stuff!! :lol:

[OverandOnward]

[QUOTE=SevenDogs;7659869]
I would be direct, use clear non-emotional words such as “my program does not appear to be a match for your needs”. If asked why, again be direct "my program is a full horsemanship program where students lesson a minimum of ----- times per month and in exchange receive advice on shoeing, horse care, and stable management, which is expected to be followed. I understand this approach isn’t right for everyone and sometimes it is better to part ways. "

This allows you to clearly delineate what you expect from your students in an authoritative but non-threatening way. Keep saying “I understand my program is not for everyone and it’s ok if it doesn’t work for you”. If they get dramatic or angry, keep saying it and another non-confrontational response is “that’s unfortunate”. Works for a lot or situations.[/QUOTE]

I agree with the consensus, this sounds great to me.

There is one phrase I would tidy up, though … “my program does not appear to be a match for your needs” Don’t open the door for any discussion whatsoever by using “appears”. They may argue how it “appears” and try to sidetrack the discussion on this point.

I’d suggest starting with SevenDogs’ words "my program is a full horsemanship program where students lesson a minimum of ----- times per month and in exchange receive advice on shoeing, horse care, and stable management, which is expected to be followed. I understand this approach isn’t right for everyone and sometimes it is better to part ways. " Then follow up with “Since I’m not willing to continue our relationship, I’m setting a date of ___ for completing your move to another barn. I wish you well and I hope things will work out well for you wherever you choose to go.”

It’s going to be awkward no matter how adeptly you handle it, so I suggest getting everything over with in one go. Give them a date so there is no fiddling around. You don’t want to be wondering day by day if they are doing anything about moving. If there is any other business to conclude, cover that in the same conversation and as best you can avoid leaving any detail up to them. In the end it will probably be easier for everyone to cover everything in this one conversation … and it emphasizes that this isn’t a discussion, it’s information for them to act on.

Be prepared for them to argue why they should stay and offer to make changes in their behavior. From what you describe I would not expect them to live up to any promises of change. I’d be prepared to say “I appreciate what you are saying, but it’s time for us both to move on.” If you want to add a little shove, “I’ve already made arrangements for another client moving in the day after your final move-out date” even if you don’t actually have such a client signed up yet, or any idea who said client will be. :winkgrin:

With luck they will decide horses are not for them and go start exasperating an instructor in some other line of sport …

[Winding_Down]

Is it possible to continue with them on the condition that THEY change their program? IOW, set out what needs to change and then put the ball in their court. I just hate to see the child and horse punished for poor parenting.

If this is an option, I would be very specific and concrete about what needs to change, how and when. Let them be responsible for ending the relationship.

[Fred]

[QUOTE=Winding Down;7660899]
Is it possible to continue with them on the condition that THEY change their program? IOW, set out what needs to change and then put the ball in their court. I just hate to see the child and horse punished for poor parenting.

If this is an option, I would be very specific and concrete about what needs to change, how and when. Let them be responsible for ending the relationship.[/QUOTE]

I think what 7dogs said was excellent, but I am worried about the horse.
I have seen these parents/this situation before and it is always the horse that suffers, and in the end gets blamed.
OP, is there any possibility that the parents might respond to what WD has suggested?

Along these lines: ‘I would love to continue working with your daughter and her mare, but in order for that to work best for everyone, here is what ‘we’ need to do’…

Might work? (poor mare )

[js]

I agree with what other’s have said about the concern for the horse and the daughter.

If this a boarding situation would it be possible as a part of the boarding contract “require” all horses be shoed/trimmed at 6 week interval etc. and if any lameness issues present during training/lessons they must be seen by a Vet to be able to continue with training/lessons.

[Ambitious_Kate]

[QUOTE=js;7660917]
I agree with what other’s have said about the concern for the horse and the daughter.

If this a boarding situation would it be possible as a part of the boarding contract “require” all horses be shoed/trimmed at 6 week interval etc. and if any lameness issues present during training/lessons they must be seen by a Vet to be able to continue with training/lessons.[/QUOTE]As I read this, the trainer is not interested in investing any more energy into the client, so I would suspect that telling them the minimum requirments to stay in her program is not appropriate, since she doesn’t want them to continue training/lessons.

I would use the suggestions early in this thread. Good luck OP. And I think you have to become thick skinned, expect the back stabbing and gossip, and continue to speak act professionally. I don’t think its going to “get around” why you fired them, because I am sure you are not going to discuss it with anybody. If folks already know how you feel about the situation, then they will see you were kind, honest and firm and handled it professionally. Do it, then let it all go.

Good luck.

[Lady_Eboshi]

I’d say this:

[I][B]"In order to work with me as your trainer, you must be willing to take my advice and keep the horse to a standard that allows him to do the work. Repeatedly I have asked you to keep up with the (shoeing, other issues) and you haven’t done so.

Given that this arrangement seems to be going nowhere, at this point I’m bowing out and devoting my time to more productive relationships. I’ve enjoyed working with your daughter, and I wish her well in all future endeavors."[/B][/I]

This should preferably be delivered IN WRITING, hard copy in the form of a business letter, so that no one can argue with you about it.

Present it as a fait accompli, not open to discussion. Should they call you to whine and complain, be firm and say it’s a done deal case closed.

The bouncing checks and not shoeing the horse alone would have tied it for me. People like this are a vast frustration and drain on one’s mental energy, and unfortunately you’re not going to change them. They are not worth the time they take up in your program. Too many good ones out there! :winkgrin:

[cyberbay]

Cameraine: are those words directed at me?? Or, words you are suggesting I shd consider using toward this client?

Fred: that’s exactly it. It’s the horse who suffers, which is why I’ve hung on so long. This is a very backyard all-about-me crowd. Horses are secondary. It makes me so sad.

its a freelance situation, not boarding, which would allow me to intervene more (but see below).

The mother has repeatedly, repeatedly agreed to shoe on a correct schedule, to take lessons, to medicate. And, she repeatedly, repeatedly fails to follow through. She has to be reminded constantly to do as she agreed to. This is why, after 18 months of diplomatic reminding, watching the horse look not so great b/c of her lying, AND watching her alienate every other
Knowledgable person, I am needing to draw the line.

The mare was moved this spring – in the most recent iteration of alienating those who are your allies – to a barn reeking of strangles. The mare didn’t catch that, but she was quarantine’d, obviously, which conveniently blew the schedule for competing that her daughter was living, dreaming for this season. Slick move.

[cyberbay]

Cameraine: are those words directed at me?? Or, words you are suggesting I shd consider using toward this client?

Fred: that’s exactly it. It’s the horse who suffers, which is why I’ve hung on so long. This is a very backyard all-about-me crowd. Horses are secondary. It makes me so sad.

its a freelance situation, not boarding, which would allow me to intervene more (but see below).

The mother has repeatedly, repeatedly agreed to shoe on a correct schedule, to take lessons, to medicate. And, she repeatedly, repeatedly fails to follow through. She has to be reminded constantly to do as she agreed to. This is why, after 18 months of diplomatic reminding, watching the horse look not so great b/c of her lying, AND watching her alienate every other
Knowledgable person, I am needing to draw the line.

The mare was moved this spring – in the most recent iteration of alienating those who are your allies – to a barn reeking of strangles. The mare didn’t catch that, but she was quarantine’d, obviously, which conveniently blew the schedule for competing that her daughter was living, dreaming for this season. Slick move.