I’d honestly like to know why you’re thinking about leaving. Sure, you can leave whenever and wherever you want, but perhaps we could help you weigh the pros and cons? I’ve left wonderful barns because I needed to due to location and left awful barns because they were well… awful. One I left late at night, telling the BO that I wouldn’t deal with the mistreatment of my horse any longer and she could keep my money. I don’t advise it but I’ve been through it. But the barn I’m at now I absolutely adore. I couldn’t imagine leaving, or even touring, another barn unless life got in the way. I know we are all different though! Hopefully we can help you sort through your thoughts.
Yes… BUT.
I once had a client say this to me during a discussion about barn rules and how her daughter’s time at the barn would have to be constrained until her behavior changed to stay within those rules. Incensed mother says to me “Don’t forget, you work for ME!”
As a young professional, it was a blinding lightbulb moment.
I answered ”In that case, I quit.” Over the mother’s protestations, I told her that her daughter must leave the barn immediately.
The relationship between rider and trainer is not that of an employer and an employee, it is more like a coach with a player. The coach doesn’t have to tolerate behavior from the player that is unacceptable or disrespectful and can kick the player off the team.
Of course the player can always choose to go play with another team if they feel it would be a better fit.
I am not at all suggesting that the OP has behaved in any way that would get her removed from her barn.
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The truth of the matter is that in some areas, the trainers are way more connected and collaborative than the Internet (and this thread) gives them credit for. The reasons that are usually cited are generally along the lines of, “Oh, we keep each other safe from the people who don’t pay!” for example. Sometimes it is that straightforward, other times not so much.
I rode for a number of years with a wonderful trainer whom I absolutely adored. But if someone from another barn came to check out her program, the first thing she did was to call that person’s current trainer and let them know. Her explanation was that she did not want the other trainer to think she was soliciting their client’s business. There were at least a couple of occasions where other trainers returned the favor, and the clients in question were always asked to leave. The thought was, “you would not be looking if you were happy and we don’t want you spreading your discontent to the other customers.”
So I know for a fact that there are absolutely barns where you can be kicked out for “shopping” at other barns. In these situations, it is wise to be cautious, particularly if one is not sure that the new barn will be a better fit or not. In those cases, it can be helpful to have a friend who can do the shopping, while the interested person just acts like they are tagging along for company, so to speak.
It’s very easy for people on the internet / BBS to spout off about how the trainers work for the clients and anyone who would do that sort of thing doesn’t deserve the business and so on. But in reality all boarding situations are compromises and it’s sometimes the case that even imperfect situations can be better than the alternatives. So it is wise to be cautious, particularly if your options are limited.
This is one of the 1 billion reasons I am grateful to have my own farm now. It comes with its own issues and challenges but it sure is nice not to have to deal with boarding drama anymore.
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Supporting trainers for a moment. Paying a trainer to coach/train a client and your horse isn’t like paying a car repairman, or a waitress. Good trainers work hard, very hard, for their clients on a very recurring basis - to keep clients and their horses happy, and progressing in their program. They can feel offended, unappreciated, and hurt if a client they have worked diligently for is unhappy, Especially if they hear/know they are looking elsewhere. Additionally, most trainers depend solely on income from their riding clients. Every customer counts. Thoughts about making a change should include how it might feel to be in the current trainer’s shoes. On the flip side, trainers can be relieved when unhappy or hard to please clients make a different choice.
So, being appreciative to current trainer at the best time about what they have done for you and your horse, even if you don’t like some of it, is the right thing. It may not go well if you decide to leave, but at least you handled it the best you could in thinking about your current trainer’s spot.
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I think it’s really important to show appreciation to trainers but I will not stay at a barn if I feel there is a better situation for me and my horse. Barns are not one size fits all. It would do trainers well to realize that they will not work indefinitely for everyone and just because people leave doesn’t mean they think the barn is bad. It just means that particular barn and trainer is not meeting the needs of the client at that moment.
It’s a business and the level of emotional attachment you describe is enough to keep me from boarding with trainers who display the same behavior. You want people to think about your feelings? You shouldn’t have feelings beyond “good luck!” It’s not a marriage.
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I really appreciate Classic’s post. I have former clients that I am very close to. They moved on for a variety of reasons- all of them legitimate. But they did it right. A discreet conversation with one of my local competitors isn’t a deal breaker.
Maybe for some trainers, its an “emotional attachment,” but for me it’s that I care about my students and their horses. I’ve poured my heart and soul into them and helping them meet their goals. I’ve taken time away from my family to help them meet their goals. And let me tell you, it’s really disappointing to find out that they’ve been going around town complaining and gossiping about you. And we do know when that is happening.
I realize that my program isn’t perfect for everyone. Whether it’s my location, my price point, my teaching/show schedule, my amenities or my focus- there are other options. But if I have a client that paid their bills promptly and was a pleasure to do business with in terms of communication and mutual respect, then they can come to me and give proper notice (yes, 30 days shows respect and gives that trainer an opportunity to fill your stall) and they can move on with my blessing. It does happen. And when they do it right, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a client come back after experiencing the grass on the other side of the fence.
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And I appreciate yours, JSalem. Couldn’t have said it better. Good words for all of us to learn from. And Onetoomany, good post.
Unless you offer that you currently board at X barn, how likely are you really to be caught? Will you recognize people from past barns, or shows?
Best option is to drag someone with you. They don’t have to be horsey, just a warm body. You’ll get the same tour.
The above posters have brought up a great point about being just as concerned with being a a good boarder that gives notice and follows proper protocol and etiquette for leaving as you are with inconspicuously touring other options.
I once thought I found an amazing new spot to board my horse, better ring, better trails, nicer facility - and it was cheaper to boot. I RAN there and was extremely pleased at my coup. 24 hours later I was on the phone BEGGING my old barn owner to let me come back, as there was an uncut colt on the property that was not there when I toured, and he had broken down just about everything we could put in between him and my mare. It was a scary, dangerous situation that brought to light that the owners of my new barn, while having a lovely property and deep pockets for upgrades, knew absolutely nothing about horse care. I was incredibly lucky that my previous barn owner cared for my horse and personally got in her truck to come get my mare.
After that, I always think twice before I consider moving my horse from a barn where I have no issues with horse care and health. There are things that you just cannot know before you move, and sometimes those things seriously suck.
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Another idea would be to go with a friend and say that the friend is looking to move their horse, not you. Kind of a sneaky way to do it, and it might not be the best way, but it should work…
If you are touring a facility, it is common for the BM or whoever is giving the tour to ask basic questions like, “How long have you been riding and at what level? Do you own a horse? Where do you board/train now?” The BM or tour-giver will be asking those questions to help determine if the two parties might be compatible. OP should be prepared for those types of questions and others like them.
When asked, “Where do you board/train now?” OP could say something like, I board at Beautiful Meadows. I love their (insert amenities here), but someday I might want to consider a facility that is (insert your desired amenities that the barn you are touring offers). I won’t be making any changes right away. I’m in the information gathering mode."
Honestly, there are a lot of different ways to approach the situation. Informing your trainer you are touring other barns may not be the worst idea. If you are professional and mature, you are inviting the other party to be professional and mature. If you honestly believe the trainer will be irrational and lose her mind, then you might ask the barn you are touring to be discrete.
You might also try to do as much research as you can before you tour the barn. Ask your horsey friends what they know about the barn. If the barn hosts clinics audit one. If the barn shows, attend a show they are attending, etc.
The “friend” is likely to be asked the same questions as above.
I tend to be a stickler for honesty. Starting off a possible relationship with a “fib” such as my “friend is looking” would make me a little wary. I’d always be wondering in the back of my mind what other “fibs” the individual believes are acceptable. But that is just one person’s view.
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Bring a friend with you. Tell home barn “I’m going with ‘Friend’ because she wants to look at Barn X.” Be as forthright or not with the new barn as you feel comfortable. I find it helpful to bring a friend to look at new barns anyway. They might notice/ask something that you didn’t think about.
You don’t have to lie if the new barn asks why you want a tour. An answer like “we’ve been in the area for years and were curious about your amenities” is neither a lie nor an obvious sign you want to leave your current barn.
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Onetoomany adds a good point. Changing barns, or the idea, is a two way street. Both parties should interview each other.
