How would you handle this? Unqualified peeps blanketing horses at barn

[J-Lu]

The convolution of the story by posters “remembering” other threads and believe those things apply to the new thread and actively try to ASSume what is going on are generally reasons why threads devolve. And this post sure devolved thanks to some. The same argumentative people on other threads are still the same argumentative people here.

Thanks to those who offered constructive information. We discussed how everyone involved got facts wrong/forgot important information/were told not quite the accurate information and reacted to it. They read my email wrong and thought I was talking about the BO, not my horse. We formed a plan on how to move forward with my horse, me, them and the daughter to create more transparency and keep our friendship going. I’ll stop there lest some twist this.

[J-Lu]

You do understand that some horses respond to the whip? Or voice? I walk in a small circle free-longing my horse and he could go anywhere in the arena. But he doesn’t. Why are you ALWAYS so rude?

[ThreeWishes]

Quick aside. I hate so much the use of ASSume. Its so freaking passive aggressive. And petty. And childish. Make your point. That’s understood. But that sets my teeth on edge

[J-Lu]

I’m sorry that it sets your teeth on edge. I only use it when the posts devolve because of a$$hat assumptions. I can’t stand that. I can’t think of any better word. I’m sorry it sets your teeth on edge. It makes a point for me.

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

@sascha

I used to take great pleasure in leg yielding heifers from pasture to the barn for breeding/medicating/whatnot. Most of them behaved like normal cattle but there were a few who delighted in learning new tricks. And then there were a couple who insisted on behaving like well-trained horses, “You must halter us and lead us in like ladies.” None of them had ever been show cows so it was a mystery as to how and why they made that decision.

This is hilarious.

[Warmblood1]

@J-Lu

The convolution of the story by posters “remembering” other threads and believe those things apply to the new thread and actively try to ASSume what is going on are generally reasons why threads devolve. And this post sure devolved thanks to some. The same argumentative people on other threads are still the same argumentative people here.

Thanks to those who offered constructive information. We discussed how everyone involved got facts wrong/forgot important information/were told not quite the accurate information and reacted to it. They read my email wrong and thought I was talking about the BO, not my horse. We formed a plan on how to move forward with my horse, me, them and the daughter to create more transparency and keep our friendship going. I’ll stop there lest some twist this.

Are you included in the list of people who made this thread devolve? I hope so.

[J-Lu]

I’ve tried to answer people with the situational facts as best as I could. Misinformation/disinformation from others (especially the “regulars”) is something I’ll combat. And yes, there are “regulars” who post snark/twist information rather than post something constructive or ask a question to better understand the situation/discuss. One gets really tired of that over years.

[Simkie]

@J-Lu

And yes, there are “regulars” who post snark/twist information rather than post something constructive or ask a question to better understand the situation/discuss.

Um, like how you posted multiple incredibly snarky responses on a thread that wasn’t yours, wasn’t about you, wasn’t about your horse, but you assumed it was…? Oh, I’m sorry. ASSumed.

[J-Lu]

Posts like this are why I disengage. You of course ignore how I did that only once (the mods saw that) and I apologized profusely. And the poster acknowledged my apology. Thanks to adding to the decline.

[trubandloki]

@J-Lu

We discussed how everyone involved got facts wrong/forgot important information/were told not quite the accurate information and reacted to it. They read my email wrong and thought I was talking about the BO, not my horse. We formed a plan on how to move forward with my horse, me, them and the daughter to create more transparency and keep our friendship going. I’ll stop there lest some twist this.

I am glad everyone was able to work thru this!

[sascha]

@Virginia_Horse_Mom

This is hilarious.

So glad to amuse I’ll add another layer. The one who was most adamant about being ‘led like a lady’ was easily over two thousand pounds. She was the most enormous working Holstein I’d ever seen. I called her Laila (her real name) The Whale-a.

[RhythmNCruise]

@J-Lu

We discussed how everyone involved got facts wrong/forgot important information/were told not quite the accurate information and reacted to it. They read my email wrong and thought I was talking about the BO, not my horse. We formed a plan on how to move forward with my horse, me, them and the daughter to create more transparency and keep our friendship going.

That’s good to hear. Everyone is different, but I’m of the opinion that it’s best to go and talk with people face-to-face when there is a concern, especially people you consider and call friends. If I were a barn owner and I had a boarder whom I considered a friend, I would be pretty surprised and a little offended that instead of coming directly to me to discuss something, they decided to email me about it. I’d at least call so that they could hear the tone of my voice and I could make it plain that I’m not blaming them or the daughter. I mean, the horse bumped his nose on the electric fence while being blanketed. I don’t see how that warrants an email of concern to someone you consider a friend. Seems more like something that could get mentioned briefly during a normal friendly exchange: “Hey, (daughter) told me that blanketing (horse) got a bit exciting the other day!” Then let the conversation unfold naturally. Likely, they won’t think it’s a big deal. Horses do this stuff. It’s just how it is. Live and learn.

Just like with this thread, communicating via email, text, social media post, etc. always has the possibility of being misinterpreted. In the case of someone you’ve known for years and consider a friend, I think it’s always best to go with talking over typing when it’s something that might be a bit touchy.

[Simkie]

@J-Lu

You of course ignore how I did that only once (the mods saw that)

Twice.

@J-Lu

I apologized profusely

To one person. Not to anyone else who was seriously confused by the whole thing, and not to the OP, who was freaked out enough by it that she was worried she was hacked, and was contemplating abandoning her account entirely.

@J-Lu

Posts like this are why I disengage

Yes, being called out on your hypocrisy is hard. Have you considered that maybe some people respond to you the way they do because of the snark you’ve come at them with in the past? That you’re getting back what you’re putting out there?

[Ghazzu]

@J-Lu

Thanks to adding to the decline.

[Angela_Freda]

While I agree with you about face to face offering advantages wrt clearer communication, I believe sometimes written (text, email, etc) discussion means no one can change the story or what’s been agreed to.

Eta- in a situation where I may be dealing with family employing family for a job they’re not truly qualified to do, you bet I’m putting things in writing, in part as a backup in case this person does something not smart and horse hurts her as a result. I want a record of what’s going on, and my expressed concerns about it.

Both in person verbal and written communication has a place.

[RhythmNCruise]

Right, I get that too. Trust me, I’m a teacher and we like to have a paper trail when dealing with students and parents.

I guess it’s just that the OP keeps referring to both the daughter and her parents as “friends” and she seemed so concerned about maintaining that friendship with them. At least initially I think I would talk to my friends in person. If the problem continues or I don’t feel like my concern is being taken seriously, I guess I might feel the need to “get it in writing” that I’d brought up the issue, but…I don’t know. I see my BO/BM daily. I talk to him daily. If I need him when he’s not physically present at the barn while I’m there, I call him. If it’s not that important I might text. If it’s important, I call. He’s the same. He’ll text me pictures of the horses napping in the sun. But if something is important, he’ll call.

Saying that though, I’ve had BOs I would rather text than talk to. Mostly because talking to them is like beating my head against a brick wall, but also because they were shady, flakey, or outright liars (like…I’m thinking there was a diagnosis involved for the liar). I wouldn’t really count those people as friends though. Friends don’t take advantage of each other and lie to each other. They were my BOs, and I had no problem leaving their barns when a better situation came along.

[Angela_Freda]

It’s really best that one not mix business and friendship or family (see: don’t hire inexperienced daughter to care for peoples animals).
So while I might be friendly with my coworkers, bosses, and boarders I work with, the primary approach if I’m working in a barn should always be professional.
That goes equally as a boarder, wrt dealing with staff, management and owners of where I board.

Eta it’s just too easy to get casual with things and allow room for a problem

[J-Lu]

BOs were out of town for Christmas with a parent, the first Christmas one BOs parent was having since the death of spouse. Not a normal situation. I didn’t want to call out of respect for that experience. I knew the spouse was having a hard time since the death of her spouse.

Horse reacted when bumping nose on the electric fence but he knows it is there. Daughter isn’t experienced and she relayed this to me. My horse is very athletic and reacted. To me, this was a concern for both parties involved.

[J-Lu]

Oh Please. The OP was considering abandoning her account because she thought she was hacked? You usually post posts like this. And that’s why I disengage. You can’t complain about snark, it is often what you put out there.

[J-Lu]

Oh please!