How would you make a break?

[Scribbler]

@Rosewatt

I can’t see my BO saying anything about the DSLD. They know how hard it’s been and how proactive I was, as I paid to have a specialist travel down 4 hours to diagnose it. I just worry what they will think when I suspend working with their friend; however, I did have a chat with them a month or so ago and even they mentioned they thought something was off, so I doubt anything will happen there.

That was completely out of line for the horse’s owner to bring up. I had mentioned my horse only because I had encountered almost the exact situation of not turning/bending and it being missed by several professionals due to a hoof issue years and years ago. I mentioned the dsld early on to explain why I was now looking for a riding horse. I never expected the owner to throw that in my face and attribute my concerns as “guilt” and “anxiety”. I truly didn’t know what to say and looking back, I should have stood up to that comment.

And yes, that is true. I do think the owner of this horse is a nice person, but doesn’t seem to think things through and instead makes rash decisions. The owner already burnt a bridge with her former riding instructor over some petty reasons. All their decisions seem to be rash; however, my main qualm is the absolute denial that there is a problem and now, I feel like they aren’t being entirely truthful with me.

So they may or may not be “a nice person,” but they are the sort of ignorant rash uncoachable client that is fired by their trainers. And they are manipulative and they lie. These kind of clients will destroy your reputation. Walk away now and be more careful in future.

Once you fire them as clients all your mutual acquaintances will feel free to tell you how they really feel about them.

The longer you stay with them the more you look like you are a trainer who is also rash dishonest and manipulative. It doesn’t matter how you cut if off so much as that you do and you aren’t suckered into helping sell a lame horse to an innocent their party.

[Rosewatt]

The problem is that they haven’t made the flexibility to meet me in-person the last 2 months, despite my efforts in trying. It has gotten so bad that the BO started coming up to me regarding things with the horse. I asked why not just go to the owner since I am only there over weekends and they said they never see the owner and I live 1.4 hours away! Owner just want a sales video now and seems to be checked out, so I think they have been thinking of selling for months now.

[Scribbler]

@Rosewatt

The problem is that they haven’t made the flexibility to meet me in-person the last 2 months, despite my efforts in trying. It has gotten so bad that the BO started coming up to me regarding things with the horse. I asked why not just go to the owner since I am only there over weekends and they said they never see the owner and I live 1.4 hours away! Owner just want a sales video now and seems to be checked out.

The barn owner is totally done with these folks too. These are not nice people. The more you say the deeper a hole you dig for them. You owe them nothing. You have ignorant lying absentee owners who have an unsound horse they want to rehome.

[Rosewatt]

You are probably right about that. Anytime the owner asks something from the BO, It is like a completely different response to what I have received. Owner does come out, but has seemingly spent less time with the horse as time goes on. They seem to be having a more frustrating time with the horse, which I was surprised to hear about because the horse works very well with me. It’s another frustration on my part because months ago they wanted to take lessons with me to learn what I’ve been doing with the horse and despite my efforts (and driving from so far), they have not been flexible at all. So after all that + heath issues, it has been the final straw.

[LilRanger]

@Rosewatt

The problem is that they haven’t made the flexibility to meet me in-person the last 2 months, despite my efforts in trying.

You could call them and follow up with a text reiterating, or just text, but do it ASAP because they are going to blame you for the lost time.

I would even cc the barn owner and other rider so everyone knows and owner can’t say something different.

[Rosewatt]

There is no lost time. I ride on my own time usually, if that is what you meant?

[Scribbler]

@Rosewatt

Yup, I know how it sounds, but the argument was really petty (from what they told me) and they picked a fight with that trainer over fb over it. I’m just trying to focus on myself though because things happen and I don’t know the full story. Bottom line is I am not happy with the most recent state of events.

So on top of it all they are bsc Keyboard Warriors.

You are likely lucky you haven’t dealt with them.on person much. These are nightmare clients that will pull you down with them. Run.

[LilRanger]

@Rosewatt

There is no lost time.

Oh, but there’s all the money they’ve spent on board after telling you to sell the horse for them.
The additional money they are paying you to train a horse they asked you to sell.
The money they lost on the sale because of your dithering was a delay in getting the best price window.

Believe me, if they want it, problems to blame on you will arise like turds in a downpour.
Stop training this horse, you’ll be blamed for everything.

[findeight]

@Rosewatt

The owner hasn’t made attempts to meet with me for 2 months.

That tells me they are no longer interested in working with you. Why waste time worrying about breaking up with them when they are…just not into you anymore?

These things are so much like breaking up with a bad boyfriend its creepy.

[Rosewatt]

Yes, well I’d say that is my interpretation of it too and looking back, it seemed to start as soon as I brought up concerns of health. Before that they were all on board. But all too happy to have me do the training I guess…

Anyways, it’s all done on my end now. I do feel badly for the horse, but I have to get out of it for myself. Hopefully the horse will find a good home with someone who can work with them well.

[anon40672407]

I am struck by the fact that they want you to ride for them, but they do not heed anything you say. For that reason alone, I’d cry off. “I’m sorry, but I think we have very different views of training and horse use, so I will be taking other clients. Thank you for the opportunity, and good luck going forward.”

[Rosewatt]

It could be a money issue, as they had some unexpected bills this season. There was some miscommunication and I did a few extra rides when I had a week off (thought they wanted more rides). That one was 100% my fault for not checking in. They said they would pay me for those rides, but said they couldn’t afford too every week and then went on to say they could take a ride off the other rider. I told them, no, it was an exception, as I can usually only do 2 a weekend and apologized for the confusion. The next morning, they said they would only pay for 1 ride and the rest once I come for the sales video. I’m not really concerned with the money. I’m actually not really making anything at the price of gas (Mind you, I did 3 months for free and ran deficits during that time driving almost 2H in town every weekend), but I didn’t like the change in tune. I would have rather they just told me " I’m sorry, I really can’t afford to pay for the other ride that weekend" the first time.

But, in terms of the vet. I have been more than willing to take a step back from riding so they can pay a vet. They just simply do not want to stop the training for a vet, probably seeing it as lost time. For someone who is “not sure if [they] want to sell”, they seem to be pushing the sales pretty quickly.

[Scribbler]

@Rosewatt

It could be a money issue, as they had some unexpected bills this season. There was some miscommunication and I did a few extra rides when I had a week off (thought they wanted more rides). That one was 100% my fault for not checking in. They said they would pay me for those rides, but said they couldn’t afford too every week and then went on to say they could take a ride off the other rider. I told them, no, it was an exception, as I can usually only do 2 a weekend and apologized for the confusion. The next morning, they said they would only pay for 1 ride and the rest once I come for the sales video. I’m not really concerned with the money. I’m actually not really making anything at the price of gas, but I didn’t like the change in tune. I would have rather they just told me " I’m sorry, I really can’t afford to pay for the other ride that weekend" the first time.

But, in terms of the vet. I have been more than willing to take a step back from riding so they can pay a vet. They just simply do not want to stop the training for a vet, probably seeing it as lost time. For someone who is “not sure if [they] want to sell”, they seem to be pushing the sales pretty quickly.

So just to be clear. You are not dealing with "nice people " You are dealing with manipulative idiots who are trying to get something for nothing, ams then bribe you with cash to go against your principled stand.

Just cut your ties and be done with them.

The big thing you hire a trainer for is advice. They don’t want your advice. They just want to bribe you to do a sales video to lie and pawn off the unsiund horse on someone.

Run away. Like yesterday. You do not need these people in your life

[Rosewatt]

Yes, I wasn’t happy about the change in tune. I am not a greedy person. I have actually been spending a good amount to come down and work with this horse simply because I loved working with the horse and wanted to help the owner out. The payment helped with gas money a little, mind you, so I was happy with that. I don’t even have a job right now because between driving home every weekend and my masters program, I just couldn’t have the time for one. I am very understanding of finance problems and willing to step back or do whatever so the horse’s health can be first (even brought out my own supplies $$$ to treat a wound because the owner had none). But the continuous dismissal of my concerns really rubbed me the wrong way. Mind you, to apparently many eyes, the horse looked sound and just awkward, some days more than others. I just knew from past experience it had to be more, as I’ve dealt with a good amount of subtle lameness. Owner clearly didn’t believe me but said to continue working the horse and if lameness shows up, then a vet would come down. The issue kept persisting and had made it an extra chore to bend the horse, so I knew it was pain. The horse being for sale changes things.

[Rackonteur]

@Rosewatt

I really don’t want to get a bad name

Good.
So walk away before they give you one.

[Rackonteur]

@Rosewatt

I simply don’t have the time for games.

So walk away.
Good luck!

[Rackonteur]

@Scribbler

So just to be clear. You are not dealing with "nice people " You are dealing with manipulative idiots who are trying to get something for nothing, ams then bribe you with cash to go against your principled stand.

Bolding mine.
So, you are a professional and they are trying to bribe you.
That’s actionable IMO.
You’ve said you don’t want to get a bad name.
So protect yourself and your now-good name. Walk away from these jerks. You don’t want your name associated with theirs anymore.
Protect yourself.

[Rosewatt]

Thanks everyone for the help! I ended the relationship. Owner still denied any issue with the horse despite spur and stated whoever buys will do a vet check, but otherwise, things ended on a decent note. Sales ad is already up and owner took a short clip with the other rider. Have to say I am relieved and while I really cared for this horse, I am enjoying having more time to myself now instead of travelling back and forth. Regardless, I hope the horse ends up in a lovely home once all is settled. She’s such a sweetheart and will make the right person very happy.

Now I am back to the drawing board. I have one opportunity on my lap that is SO MUCH closer to the city I live in. I also plan to reach out to a few old dressage coaches and see if they may have some contacts.

[TheJenners]

@Rosewatt

They attributed my concerns to my “guilt” of not diagnosing my dsld horse sooner…

Ew no, glad you ended the relationship. Don’t ride the next horse they get either.

[findeight]

@findeight

These things are so much like breaking up with a bad boyfriend its creepy

When you start making excuses to defend the actions of others? Not what they say, what they do? Its time to break up.

Don’t you feel better now that made the break? See how much time and energy you were pouring into this relationship that was holding you back from advancing as a trainer? How many other fish there are in the sea of horse owners?