Thank you everyone for helping me come to a decision on this!
I would do 1ā¦ā¦
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You say that at some point your volunteer agreement became paid, but āthat is another thing in itself.ā
Itās not. The answer depends on what the paid situation is.
Iād say your in too deep, paid or not, to pretend to be busy and hope they go away. They wonāt. So that leaves a convo with the owner about the vet. Or a convo with the owner that you want to walk away completely. Then follow through. The lesson here is: you canāt be half-in and half-out, and it sounds like thatās what youāve been trying to do or doing.
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I recall the original post.
Whatās at stake in this relationship? Do you need to keep working or socializing with them, are you at the same barn?
I would not say āno timeā because they are clearly folks who donāt take a hint
Iād say āI donāt feel comfortable riding this horse or doing a sales video with things were they are so itās best I just stop working with this horse. Iām sure Other Rider will do a fantastic job with the sales video.ā
Stop negotiating stop making conditions stop trying to get them to the vet. Just cut your ties before they drag you down with them.
If you do the video the internet is forever and you will be seen as part of an effort to sell an unsound horse. What will you do when asked directly about the horse? Just get out now.
I am not comfortable riding this horse or participating in marketing him, including doing a sales video. Other Rider is fantastic and will do a great job for you.
Then walk away and donāt look back.
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Donāt be dishonest and pretend to be too busy, because they might try to work around your schedule, and youāll have to lie more.
āIām very choosy about the types of sales videos I appear in. Given your horseās history and level of soundness, I donāt feel comfortable representing your horse. I hope you find a buyer thatās a good match.ā
Period. I personally would text rather than do this over the phone, because itās so easy to be pressured when someone is talking to you, or to hedge, and get equivocal, and āoh, well, maybe if you got a different vet.ā Send a message in āprint.ā
Iād also say ācomfortableā and emphasize you donāt want to do it. Donāt get into an argument over the horse.
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Honesty is generally a lot less work. You are not happy with this horse. You have told them so multiple times, even as they donāt wish to hear. So just tell them that you do not wish to be involved in the sale of a horse that you believe to be NQR, sorry, thanks, goodbye.
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Thank you! I agree this type of thing is better done over text.
I guess the thing holding me back is that they made my concerns out to be real personal last time I brought the NQR up. They attributed my concerns to my āguiltā of not diagnosing my horse soonerā¦ It wasnāt that at all and I had lots of other experiences I was drawing from, but my own horse certainly taught me that your horse doesnāt have to be 3-legged lame to be unsound and I had almost an exact situation to what I was experiencing with the ownerās horse (not dsld, but hoof imbalances!). My point was that some kind of pain could be causing the resistance to turning. I guess I learned not to talk about my own horse with people in the future because I certainly never expected that to be thrown in my face.
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Ok these are manipulative creeps. Just walk away.
No client worth having will blame you for firing these clients. Once you drop them itās possible everyone will tell you horror stories about them. At any rate you donāt want a string of lame horses to work with.
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Just say no thanks and remove yourself from the situation. It doesnāt matter if they are friends with BO, its between you and these owners of a horse you are not comfortable representing in a sale videoā¦a video that will live on the internet forever.
Its about you and your reputation, not about them or BO. Just say no. Otherwise it will look like your are so desperate for rides, you will ride anything, even a questionably sound one in a sales video. Forever on your resume.
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There is a lot of outstanding advice here. One thing I might suggestā¦keep it very simple. āThank you for the opportunity to ride him; Iām just not able to do it anymoreā over and over w no explanation.
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Thanks! Do you recommend I state the why (which should be fairly apparent at this point). Because I imagine the owner will have questions If I keep it that simple.
Honestly, the less the better. These people want drama, and the more you āgiveā them, the more they will argue.
Thatās why I stressed to text, not call, because they will argue, wheedle, push back. They canāt do that via text. Read their replies, but donāt respond past a certain point.
Knowing when to walk away is actually one of the hardest skills to learn-I wish I had sooner!
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and I suspect others know about these owners also
When I was in college I worked in the Kentucky Saddlehorse industry, at least then and would think even now, most every one knew the good players and those who were questionable (both trainers and clients)
Often the various barns in Simpsonville area all met at the Colonelās Lady for an extend lunch where every one got caught up on the current gossip
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Someone MUCH wiser than I taught me that phrase years ago. If you can, I would keep it that simpleā¦. ā Iām just not able to take advantage of the opportunity to ride him right nowā. They will want to know why and I personally think they will know why. When they challenge you and ask if the lameness is the reason, Iād still repeat the generic āI canātā. They sound awful and I know people like them.
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Great advice about keeping it simple. Because any explanation on your part will lead to wheedling, rationalizing, defensiveness or all three.
āSorry, Iām not able to ride him or help with the sales video. Thanks for the opportunity.ā Repeat three times, and then stop answering.
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Had another thoughtā¦whether they are actually friends or just friendly with BO? If you are worried BO will be on their side against your choice and maybe dredge up your not paying for the diagnosis early enough on your own horse? Are you kidding? You learned, the hard way, but you learned better. These people are ignoring their horses best interest, why would they question you now?
Donāt let these people force you make a bad choice, its your reputation and its not your horse, you donāt even have care, custody and control and sounds like you are not getting paid much or anything. Also sounds like this BO might not be the best choice if you are afraid BO will not support your decision, which is none of their business anyway, maybe you need to move on to where ethics are more important?
Think about it. All these people know you feel the horse is NQR, you have told all of them more then once for some time. No mystery. Just say you are not able to do it. Walk away, donāt get defensive or manipulated. Remove yourself from bad influences, you have that power, use it.
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Channel Melvilleās Bartleby via text message: Thanks for thinking of me, but I would prefer not to.
Rinse and repeat as often as needed.
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I love this one!
I canāt see my BO saying anything about the DSLD. They know how hard itās been and how proactive I was, as I paid to have a specialist travel down 4 hours to diagnose it. I just worry what they will think when I suspend working with their friend; however, I did have a chat with them a month or so ago and even they mentioned they thought something was off, so I doubt anything will happen there.
That was completely out of line for the horseās owner to bring up. I had mentioned my horse only because I had encountered almost the exact situation of not turning/bending and it being missed by several professionals due to a hoof issue years and years ago. I mentioned the dsld early on to explain why I was now looking for a riding horse. I never expected the owner to throw that in my face and attribute my concerns as āguiltā and āanxietyā. I truly didnāt know what to say and looking back, I should have stood up to that comment.
And yes, that is true. I do think the owner of this horse is a nice person, but doesnāt seem to think things through and instead makes rash decisions. The owner already burnt a bridge with her former riding instructor over some petty reasons. All their decisions seem to be rash; however, my main qualm is the absolute denial that there is a problem and now, I feel like they arenāt being entirely truthful with me.
Maybe itās an age thing, but especially if you have been in a paid āweāre working togetherā thing with these people, I think professionalism at least deserves a phone call, if not in person. I think if you practice out loud and do a couple ārehearsalsā with a friend or family member so you can hear your own voice, you (being an adult responsible enough to have entered into this relationship) should be able to get out while maintaining professionalism. Be civil, be clear, be honest but not personal, be succinct, and then say thank you and good bye/good luck, and then walk away.
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