Husband with Depression

[manentail]

I was not sure where to post this so if I’m in the wrong section I apologize, but I do need some advice/jingles.

I think my husband of 4 years is suffering from depression. He’s always pouting and never has anything positive to say. It’s gotten worse since he had to take a lower paying job and it is only temporary. I can understand him being under stress, I mean we all are, but I try to look up, and find things to ease my mind, he is wearing on me and our relationship. I love him dearly but it has gotten to the point where I dread being around him. :no:

I have tried getting him to see a doctor but the first battle is he HATES doctors, and the biggest is we don’t have health insurance, and the last is he is deathly afraid of the depression medication, thinks it will make him suicidal. (At least he still has a will to live right?):sadsmile:

[2DogsFarm]

First off: [I][B]JINGLES!!!

[/B][/I]Maybe look into a Men’s Group - a friend does something he refers to as Warriors.
They are free and he can vent to guys - mano a mano - w/o the pressure of keeping up appearances, i.e. being the Big Strong Male for you or anyone else.

IMHO it is harder for guys to face situations that can be perceived as “failures” - like the loss of a job.

The holiday season does not help with the constant media blitz of BuyBuyBuy and manufactured Happiness :no:

[Bluey]

Feeling scared of doctors and medication is not only part of mental health problems, it is a very general fear.
I know, four surgeries in three years does that to you too and I am not depressed.

He really needs to cowboy up and get evaluated.
He may not need medication, or just for a bit, it depends on if he is depressed, what kind of depression he has, if there are other co-morbid conditions and how he works thru all of it to become stable.

He can’t really say he is afraid of this or that, if he doesn’t know yet what he may need.

Jingles to you and your husband.
Mental health problems are hard for all.
Try to at least get him evaluated, then go from that.
One little battle at the time.:yes:

[oliverreed]

Jingles!!! If he has a primary care physician that is a good place to start. You can even call the physician’s office and tell them what’s going on.

If he’s not getting regular exercise it will really help if he starts - get him out for a walk every day if you can.

[grayarabpony]

Check out the book The Depression Cure. It was written by a psychiatrist at Duke and the book is not about anti-depressants but other strategies – light therapy, taking fish oil for anti-inflammatory effects (along with Vitamin C and Evening Primrose oil), exercise, and social support.

[manentail]

Also need to figure out how to keep my sanity, it’s hard staying strong with someone always being down. Makes me just want to run away.

[Bluey]

[QUOTE=manentail;6034842]
Also need to figure out how to keep my sanity, it’s hard staying strong with someone always being down. Makes me just want to run away.[/QUOTE]

You may not be able to get him to go get help, but you sure can get yourself to a counselor and see how you can manage this situation better.:yes:

Counselors have seen it all, heard it all and are trained to teach people to function better, no matter what.

Go get help on your end, so you can help him better, along with helping yourself.

If he doesn’t has a diagnosis, if he has not been evaluated, you both don’t even know what is going on there.
That would be a first step in getting help, I think.

[Belg]

Just a thought, but when I’m down, it’s typically nutritional (though I’ve been having a lot of honestly just miserable freakin days lately)

I’m not going to tell you to change the diet, but there’s a mutlivitamin that works flipping wonders for the course of my day:
http://www.naturesway.com/Products/Vitamins/15092-Alive-Multi-Vitamin-No-Iron-Added.aspx

Except for the no iron part, I take the recommended 3 of these a day. I don’t like the “max potency” labelled ones, there’s not enough clorophyll in them.

It’s by far the best, most effective multi I have ever taken, you cna -feel- the difference with & without it.

I cannot cannot cannot tell you enough to give it a try before docs and drugs.

[TheHotSensitiveType]

Not trying to be a jerk, but have you tried talking to him about this? Does he know that you do not want to be around him? Does he realize that this is negatively affecting your marriage? Does he care?

Going to a counselor for yourself is a good idea. They may have some great suggestions for how to deal with this, but if he does not want to get help, there may not be much you can do. If it is medical depression (not feeling blue because it is cold outside, being down because of the job change, etc.), he needs help from a doctor. Maybe a counselor can help you articulate these things to your husband.

Hoping the best for you.

[Bogie]

My husband has struggled with depression for years and I know how hard it can be as the non-depressed spouse, so first, {{hugs}} and make sure you take care of yourself so you don’t get dragged down.

In my husband’s case, what he eats definitely influences how he feels. If he avoids starches and sugars he feels much better. If, when he starts feeling low, he takes a big dose of flax seed oil, it helps tremendously. He takes 2-3 table spoons mixed into yogurt. L-theanine supplements, which are OTC, also help.

Exercise is a great mood lifter, even if it’s just going out for a walk. Sunshine (vitamin D) also helps.

My husband took anti-depressants for several years but didn’t like how he felt on them (we all thought he was easier to live with when he took them, but that’s another story). He also has a doctor phobia, and refuses to seek treatment.

Good luck and try to stay positive.

[MunchingonHay]

I take ALIVE! and I LOVE it! it helps me feel like me. I eat a pretty balanced diet, but this helps fill in the holes. I take half the suggested serving, but I also take a RAW Whole vit for women.

I get it at this site.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/nw/al.html

[grayarabpony]

[QUOTE=manentail;6034842]
Also need to figure out how to keep my sanity, it’s hard staying strong with someone always being down. Makes me just want to run away.[/QUOTE]

I don’t know if this will help, but… talk to him and make it clear that this is the problem for the BOTH of you, and that he needs to try to work on it. He may need your help though, and that will not be easy.

In the meantime, try to treat yourself so that you don’t get to feeling too low too.

[oliverreed]

What GAP said. This is an issue that affects both of you so he doesn’t get to push it under the rug. He owes it to the marriage to get help for it, as a failure to do so affects you as well as him. He needs to talk to a professional, you could go with him, that might really help.

[Bacardi1]

[QUOTE=manentail;6034532]
I was not sure where to post this so if I’m in the wrong section I apologize, but I do need some advice/jingles.

I think my husband of 4 years is suffering from depression. He’s always pouting and never has anything positive to say. It’s gotten worse since he had to take a lower paying job and it is only temporary. I can understand him being under stress, I mean we all are, but I try to look up, and find things to ease my mind, he is wearing on me and our relationship. I love him dearly but it has gotten to the point where I dread being around him. :no:

I have tried getting him to see a doctor but the first battle is he HATES doctors, and the biggest is we don’t have health insurance, and the last is he is deathly afraid of the depression medication, thinks it will make him suicidal. (At least he still has a will to live right?):sadsmile:[/QUOTE]

I suffered through something similar to your situation for 2 years. Worst 2 years of my life. Husband eventually worked through it on his own, but it wasn’t pleasant, & I frequently wanted to either put a bullet through my skull or OD on sleeping pills during this time. So you can imagine how bad it was.

My husband wouldn’t go to counseling, but I did - & it did help me deal with it. Go to therapy - either whatever therapy your health insurance covers, or just one or two sessions with a pricey non-covered therapist.

[Hunter_Mom]

I know you said he’s got a fear of docs, but has he had a thyroid workup? It’s a pretty simple blood test, and his GP can at least start the treatment if that’s what it is. Sometimes if guys have something else to “blame” it helps.

I’ve walked in your shoes, too, so know how frustrating it is. It was a long, hard road, but for us there was light at the end.

[moonriverfarm]

I lived with the same issue until I just could not take another day of it. The depression combined with the temper tantrums and anger pushed me over the edge. My husband, now my ex, refused to see a doctor, take meds, or admit he was depressed. That stubbornness cost him his family, farm and business.
Good luck. I hope you can talk your man into getting help.

[leilatigress]

I’ve always maintained the best investment anyone can make is in themselves via body AND mind. If he won’t go to counseling, you can at least and they can give you the tools you need to try and help him. Depression is never easy and I will second the recommendations of book and a male group.

[Donkerbruin]

SSRIs are miracle workers if you can get him in to see a psychiatrist. I’m on them, and I know a ton of other people who are. They don’t make you suicidal. Yes, the ads on TV say that they may cause suicidal tendencies, but most generally said tendencies are what the insurance companies would call a “pre-existing condition.”

[suz]

[QUOTE=moonriverfarm;6064063]
I lived with the same issue until I just could not take another day of it. The depression combined with the temper tantrums and anger pushed me over the edge. My husband, now my ex, refused to see a doctor, take meds, or admit he was depressed. That stubbornness cost him his family, farm and business.
Good luck. I hope you can talk your man into getting help.[/QUOTE]

mine is too old and sick to divorce, besides i love the old coot or rather who he used to be. for better or worse is what i vowed and i intend to keep it.
but yeah, the anger and temper tantrums are slowly killing me.

[moonriverfarm]

When mine lashed out at my daughter and her three month old baby, that was it. I knew it was just a matter of time before I became the target. He is still depressed, still drinking, still hiding from bill collectors and has no plan to change any of it. I am very confortable with my decision.