I foster, but don't know if I want my roommate to...am I being unreasonable?

[Peaches]

As the title says, my roommate wants to foster a dog and I’m unsure if I’d like her to and even if it’s a good idea. I hope you all can either tell me I’m being silly or help with phrasing, “No, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

I’m sorry this is so long.

I have been fostering cats and dogs (mostly dogs) for the local SPCA for the past two years. This SPCA will take animals from the county shelter, but is a foster-home based program that runs separately.

I have been living with “Jane” and her dog for the past year, so she’s seen me fostering but hasn’t been involved with them outside of the one or two times she babysat. Earlier this month, Jane and I moved to a different apartment complex. We now live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and Jane’s boyfriend “John” shares the master with Jane.

Jane and John have a two year old Terrier female they adopted from a shelter when she was 12 weeks old, “Fluffy.” Fluffy is a very sensitive dog who is scared of most people and sounds, refuses to eat anything but boiled chicken, and pulls like a freight train while on leash. Amongst other things. Fluffy likes going to dog parks, but she can be very selective about her friends.

Jane has been wanting to adopt a second dog for a few months now. Then over the past couple of weeks, it’s become, “I want to foster dogs to figure out which breed of dog Fluffy likes and then adopt.” I told her that I only wanted foster dogs from the same organization in the apartment at the same time. My main concerns are liability (if foster A gets foster B sick or attacks foster B, which organization is responsible?) and “What organization would even allow that?!”

At the time, Jane and John huffed a bit about the rule because they didn’t understand/believe my concerns. However yesterday, Jane start asking me about the SPCA I foster for. She said she has a better understanding of my concerns regarding different organizations, but she “really wants to foster.” She wants a second dog but doesn’t want the responsibility yet, and also wants to make sure the dog and Fluffy get along.

She asked if the SPCA is good about not giving me ‘dog aggressive dogs.’ I don’t know how to answer that, and I don’t think she’d like the answer I want to give. Yes, they’ve been good about giving me dog-friendly dogs when I ask, but Fluffy is not always the easiest dog to get along with. She can be pushy, over-bearing, and relentless to other dogs. I believe she’s food aggressive, and I’ve seen her guard toys and her humans. Sometimes, she just plain doesn’t like a dog. With her, it’s not simply a matter of the SPCA giving them a “dog-friendly dog”.

Additionally some of these dogs come straight from shelter to a foster home, and sometimes their personalities shift a ton in the following weeks. I do know the SPCA would trade fosters if something wasn’t working out.

The way it’s been in the past, Fluffy and the fosters have been more like housemates or playmates rather than roommates. I’m not sure how Fluffy will react if they try to feed them in the same room or even if Fluffy would let the foster in their room. They take Fluffy to the dog park for 2+ hours daily and I believe they’d plan to take the foster there too, but it’s not the norm for fosters to be 100% okay to go to the dog park.

I’m worried Jane and John are only remembering the good of my fostering experiences (perhaps because they weren’t housetraining?) Of the seven fosters I had in the past year, 1 foster really hit it off with Fluffy, 1 ignored her for a month and then they got along, 1 got along with her but I carefully watched them, 1 Fluffy didn’t like, and 3 didn’t like her.

I’m worried they’re expecting to get the perfect foster that will integrate seamlessly with Fluffy and their lifestyle. Additionally, I’m worried they won’t be able to train the foster. Fluffy can do “tricks”, but is super reactive to people and dogs on leash and pulls like a freight train.

Our landlord will allow us to have three dogs, but I’m not sure we “should” especially if two are fosters. I could see the apartment housing three dogs if two are MY fosters and then Fluffy, but can’t picture me having a foster, and them having a foster, plus Fluffy.

Am I being unreasonable or selfish? I have a good rapport with the SPCA foster coordinator (and I would ONLY be okay with my housemates fostering through ‘my’ organization), so is there a good way to vocalize these concerns to her and see what she says?

[Bicoastal]

Immitation is the best form of flattery

Why is this your decision? Are you a primary shareholder, somehow? It would be difficult to say, “I can foster and you can’t” if you are both on the lease, paying equal amounts, and the landlord permits both to foster.

Three strange/revolving dogs and three humans sounds like a lot in an apartment. It sounds like that is already happening occasionally when you have two fosters.

You’ve inspired someone! That is a positive thing and you should feel good about that. I can’t help but read some negative judgement about your roommate/her dog.

[Peaches]

To be clear, we’ve never had three dogs in the apartment at once. I had two fosters for a week over the holidays while they were out of town, but otherwise it’s been their dog and my one foster. The complex will allow up to three dogs.

I know it’s not my decision, because as you said, we all pay equal rent, and the landlord will allow it. The only thing I have put my foot down about is only dogs from one SPCA.

[QUOTE=Bicoastal;7810328]
You’ve inspired someone! That is a positive thing and you should feel good about that. I can’t help but read some negative judgement about your roommate/her dog.[/QUOTE]

See, that’s what I was looking to hear! Well, not looking, but it’s what I was afraid of. I know she’s well intentioned, but I think Jane can be a bit misguided (feeding only boiled chicken?), and her dog’s training gaps would make her difficult to adopt out.

I can’t tell if I’m being judgmental, or if these are legitimate concerns to have if they are fostering “fresh from the shelter” dogs. I know this sounds selfish, but I’m also worried that if they slip up and their dog tears into their foster, it will reflect poorly on me and/or I won’t be able to foster. Yes, I do worry about the foster in that situation as well.

At the same time, if it worked out, that would be twice as many dogs out of the shelter and into a foster home! And that would be fantastic.

My current foster is very laid-back and the two dogs just ignore each other. I was considering talking to Jane and expressing some of my concerns (namely their dog being protective of the room) and offering that she treats the current foster as her own for a bit to see how their dog reacts. At the same time, I don’t want to be the controlling gatekeepers of all fosters. That’s not healthy.

But yes, please tell if I’m just being judging and unreasonable. I need to hear it!

[Simkie]

I think you might have some valid concerns–can Jane take a foster dog who may or may not get along with her current dog and turn that dog into something that other people will want to adopt? Or at least not screw it up too badly?

It’s questionable, from what you’ve written.

Unfortunately, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on with regard to preventing her from fostering. If you owned the place and she was your tenant, sure. But as an equal partner? Not so much.

I think it would be an excellent idea to go out for a beer or other low key away from the horse sort of deal and just CHAT about what actually goes into the whole fostering thing. The good and the bad. I wouldn’t try to make it formal, or a lecture or anything serious…just talk about your various experiences and the dogs you’ve had. Talk abut working with the organization and about the people who have adopted your dogs and why they have chosen your dogs. Just give her the bigger picture and let her decide if it’s something she wants to do. She may not hear what you’re saying at all (I bet it doesn’t fit into her rosey, everything is awesome view of fostering) but you really can’t do much more than be honest about what it’s been like. If she’s smart, she’ll realize she’s got an excellent resource in you and will listen.

And a chat with the program coordinator wouldn’t be a bad idea. At least use your relationship to stack the deck in your favor.

[xQHDQ]

Will the SPCA contact you to be a reference for her? If so, then voice your concerns to them. Then they can make the decision regarding whether your roommate is a suitable foster. If they think she is, then you’ll just have to continuing doing your thing and allow your roommate to do her thing.

[alto]

Is it possible for your roommate to
“take a dog home for the weekend”
rather than foster - if your SPCA offers this program, it’s a great way for people to start.

[S1969]

I’d actually be surprised if the SPCA would allow two foster dogs in one dwelling. Especially if both adults are not experienced at fostering dogs.

If I were them, I would say no - the potential for one of the fosters to have a bad experience because of the other one is pretty great. It’s different than letting one foster go into a home where there is another dog (that has a known temperament and a “normal” life).

[french_fry]

I don’t think you can say no, per se, but I think you should discuss the total number of dogs (or animals) in the apartment at one time and agree on that limit as equal partners.

Also, your roommates and the dog situation sound kind of hard to live with - maybe this is a time to get your own place if it’s financially feasible?

[bits619]

I’d suggest letting her take care of your foster for the week or so and see how her dog handles it.
I think her wanting to start fostering is a better situation than if you were to say your roommate with the tyrant dog was looking to straight up adopt a new dog without trying it out to begin with. Fostering is at least temporary, and if your rescue group is flexible with dogs not working out in certain homes (ours is a little less flexible because we don’t typically have backup homes with space to take in unsuitable matches) that sounds helpful.

Does your group allow foster homes to adopt their own fosters? I’ve read of a few groups who either don’t allow it, don’t allow fosters to keep their first foster, or must have the foster dog temporarily placed in another foster home for a cooling off period or whatever. Not that I agree with these policies (my guess is they had a lot of attrition with foster homes just keeping their dogs instead of becoming long term/repeat volunteers) but I remember reading of several differences between groups regarding fosters keeping their own.

I think partially you don’t think they need another dog to own to potentially become picky, bossy, and nasty with other dogs. I can see merit in that. But it is possible to have one bitchy dog in a family and not have ALL dogs become bitchy (I’ve got one of those! And five other mostly not- bitchy dogs, too)… Maybe they need to focus on the non-terrier types. Not that only terriers become terrors, but…

[Peaches]

So this update is actually from yesterday and there may be another this evening.

Sometime yesterday afternoon, I get a text from Jane. “Hey, I emailed the foster coordinator and she says she already has a foster that needs a place for just the weekend!”

My first thought was, “Oh my god, I wanted to talk to foster coordinator first.” Then I thought, “Oh just for the weekend, that’s a good trial.” Third thought, “Wait, foster coordinator knows we’re roommates right?!”

I spoke to the roommates and addressed my immediate concerns: that the dog needs to be crated at night, that she needs to feed the dogs separately, and that Fluffy might not let the foster in their room. If things go south, I’ll be fine with watching both fosters for the weekend. Then we can have the following week to discuss how things went and fostering going forward.

Foster coordinator does know we’re roommates and is apparently okay with that.

I’m pretty sure the SPCA will allow foster homes to adopt the dog. To be honest, I’ve never looked into it. I think Jane may be looking to foster to adopt, so that they can make sure the dog fits in, but I’m not sure if she wants to adopt right now.

Her weekend foster should be arriving this evening. Wish me luck!

[Calamber]

Since the roommate does not know how to feed a dog properly, nevermind how to train, I don’t see this ending well.

[wendy]

I don’t see how it is at all fair to Fluffy, who obviously has some serious issues, to have two foster dogs rotating through frequently. Even one foster dog rotating through a household can be very disruptive and stressful to the resident dogs. Two foster dogs in the same residence seems like a bad idea even if the resident dog were a laid-back saint instead of a nervous wreck.

She’s been feeding that poor dog nothing but boiled chicken since 12 weeks old? it’s probably seriously malnourished by this point in time, which might be a major factor in its behavioral problems.

[GypsyQ]

Honestly, what worked the best for curing me of fostering was to actually foster. I get the feeling that Fluffy will make her case and make your case for you better than you can.

[Peaches]

[QUOTE=wendy;7811709]
She’s been feeding that poor dog nothing but boiled chicken since 12 weeks old? it’s probably seriously malnourished by this point in time, which might be a major factor in its behavioral problems.[/QUOTE]

I think the dog eats kibble (plus chicken) when she’s at Jane’s parents’ house, which is a couple weeks out of the school year plus summers. Something about there being other dogs around? Jane and Fluffy were living at the parent’s house until a year ago, then they moved out and into an apartment with me and another girl when Fluffy was ~9 months old. That’s when she stopped eating kibble, and after trying every brand of kibble under the sun, Jane fed her anything she would eat. This amounted to a) anything Jane was eating and/or b) hot dogs and cheese. Somehow this morphed into boiled chicken.

Jane asked me the other day if I knew any good doggie biscuit recipes that used vegetables, because she’s worried Fluffy’s not getting enough vegetables. I think that’s the least of her dietary concerns, but I haven’t found a productive way to discuss what she feeds the dog and how it’s not appropriate. I think, “You should really get her on a balanced kibble” will fall on deaf ears, I think the prepackaged raw is too expensive for them, and I know going full raw takes a lot of research, plus I’m not sure she’d go for the uncooked part. If anyone has suggestions for how to talk about Fluffy’s food, I’m all ears!

[Simkie]

[QUOTE=Peaches;7812028]
Jane asked me the other day if I knew any good doggie biscuit recipes that used vegetables, because she’s worried Fluffy’s not getting enough vegetables. I think that’s the least of her dietary concerns, but I haven’t found a productive way to discuss what she feeds the dog and how it’s not appropriate. I think, “You should really get her on a balanced kibble” will fall on deaf ears, I think the prepackaged raw is too expensive for them, and I know going full raw takes a lot of research, plus I’m not sure she’d go for the uncooked part. If anyone has suggestions for how to talk about Fluffy’s food, I’m all ears![/QUOTE]

Freshpet would maybe work?

[wendy]

Jane asked me the other day if I knew any good doggie biscuit recipes that used vegetables, because she’s worried Fluffy’s not getting enough vegetables. I think that’s the least of her dietary concerns, but I haven’t found a productive way to discuss what she feeds the dog and how it’s not appropriate. I think, “You should really get her on a balanced kibble” will fall on deaf ears, I think the prepackaged raw is too expensive for them, and I know going full raw takes a lot of research, plus I’m not sure she’d go for the uncooked part. If anyone has suggestions for how to talk about Fluffy’s food, I’m all ears!

ok, um, dogs don’t need vegetables. At all. They are carnivores. In this particular situation I would very concerned about minerals like calcium- the dog is getting none. And vitamins- the dog is getting none. And fat- the dog is getting very little. Boiled chicken is great source of protein and that’s about it.

Perhaps give her a book with balanced home-cooked recipes for dogs? At the very least suggest the owner give the dog a multivitamin/mineral pill now and again.

Maybe the owner would be happier feeding canned food? There are many excellent canned diets on the market that look a lot like “human” food. Merrick has some grain-free canned foods that are quite nice.

what does she plan to feed her “foster” dog?

[wendy]

Jane asked me the other day if I knew any good doggie biscuit recipes that used vegetables, because she’s worried Fluffy’s not getting enough vegetables. I think that’s the least of her dietary concerns, but I haven’t found a productive way to discuss what she feeds the dog and how it’s not appropriate. I think, “You should really get her on a balanced kibble” will fall on deaf ears, I think the prepackaged raw is too expensive for them, and I know going full raw takes a lot of research, plus I’m not sure she’d go for the uncooked part. If anyone has suggestions for how to talk about Fluffy’s food, I’m all ears!

ok, um, dogs don’t need vegetables. At all. They are carnivores. In this particular situation I would very concerned about minerals like calcium- the dog is getting none. And vitamins- the dog is getting none. And fat- the dog is getting very little. Boiled chicken is great source of protein and that’s about it.

Perhaps give her a book with balanced home-cooked recipes for dogs? At the very least suggest the owner give the dog a multivitamin/mineral pill now and again.

Maybe the owner would be happier feeding canned food? There are many excellent canned diets on the market that look a lot like “human” food. Merrick has some grain-free canned foods that are quite nice.

what does she plan to feed her “foster” dog?

[Nicker]

For the feeding, why do you think the nutritionally balanced spiel will fall on deaf ears? Would she be willing to slowly add kibble to the boiled chicken? Maybe get some sample packs from the local pet store and see if the dog shows an interest in any? I had to add chicken and broth to one of my dogs food to get him to eat, then slowly weaned out the chicken till he was on an all kibble diet. Or even add a vitamin supplement? I know someone who feeds their dogs only “people” food. But it’s a variety and she supplements with a daily vitamin. She’s had 2 dogs live very long lives(near 20) and she rarely deals with health issues.

As for the fostering, I don’t see how you can tell her “I’m good enough, but you aren’t”. Both my dogs have issues, one was feral when we got him and the other has a variety of quirks. Both are young and improving, but I foster regularly with no issues. I take in everything from a litter of 6 puppies, kittens, dogs with no human interaction, etc. They all have gone on to be adopted and I know of 2 that are now therapy dogs, despite being around my crazy 2. And my female can be dog aggressive with large breed dogs, but I don’t hesitate to turn down a foster that may not be a good match. Not to mention if you are already fostering in the same home as her and her dog, you can only seperate 2 animals so much in an apartment! How can it be much different?

[RedMare01]

It sounds like you change fosters fairly frequently and at least some of your dogs have liked Fluffy and she’s liked them as well? Why won’t she just adopt the next one of your dogs that works for Fluffy?

[Calamber]

[QUOTE=wendy;7813148]
ok, um, dogs don’t need vegetables. At all. They are carnivores. In this particular situation I would very concerned about minerals like calcium- the dog is getting none. And vitamins- the dog is getting none. And fat- the dog is getting very little. Boiled chicken is great source of protein and that’s about it.

Perhaps give her a book with balanced home-cooked recipes for dogs? At the very least suggest the owner give the dog a multivitamin/mineral pill now and again.

Maybe the owner would be happier feeding canned food? There are many excellent canned diets on the market that look a lot like “human” food. Merrick has some grain-free canned foods that are quite nice.

what does she plan to feed her “foster” dog?[/QUOTE]

Sorry Wendy but some dogs definitely are omnivores with a carnivore bias. My Jack Russell love fruits and vegetables and nuts, like a fox. Carnivores do not have amylase enzymes in their saliva, dogs produce the enzyme, not in the saliva but further down the digestive tract. They are not strictly carnivores and I think this website best describes how this is proven genetically. They are unique, that is for sure, scavenger would be closer to describing their diet, but for sure, boiled chicken is not helping this neurotic dog.

http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/canine-nutrition/dogs-carnivores-omnivores/