Or maybe she just needs a trainer more suited to her needs and the needs of her horse, perhaps in a different discipline.
It doesn’t sound like the OP really wants to be in a high-pressure show barn at all - which, at the end of the day, is just one option among many in the great big world of horses.
OP. I say this knowing just how expensive a truck and trailer is, on top of how expensive horses are to begin with (we might as well feed them dollar bills haha). But, if you can manage it, try to get a trailer. I mean it. I am like you, educated, but I want to get better, no matter what. I have had my horse since he was a baby, and I have raised him to be my show horse. Getting a new horse is not an option. A few years ago i was in a situation where my trainer at the time didn’t like my mare. This was not a good situation for maresy, so i moved her immediately. While in conversation with my mother (also a horse person who keeps hers at home), it came up that I really need to be able to be more independent and have wheels of my own. I looked for a very long time and finally the right rig basically fell into my lap (yes, very lucky), and while I am currently at a WONDERFUL barn where they understand me and my horses, I have the freedom to go other places and ride with other people. Last year at this time, my gelding had ONE lead. So while my trainers did their best to help me, they also did not object to me taking him off the farm to other trainers to get feedback on how to help him understand that he actually had 2 leads haha. When I come back, they ask me how it went and what we worked on, and I usually feel like they try to follow up with the feedback.
I’ve also had trainers who were very wrong about some things and you couldn’t sway them. I never want to be put in a corner like that again. So, if it is at all possible, consider how you might get a trailer. You won’t regret it.
It’s entirely possible to like the sport and hate the way trainers do business. I don’t think anyone should be shown the door to riding because they don’t like the business acumen of a pro. Or, to put it another way, I’m not ready to hand over the entire sport to have a particular, perhaps not client-friendly way of doing business. And the “unfair to horses” quality that the OP mentions is a deal-breaker to me. But it ought to be, then, the pro who is being told that maybe horses aren’t for them if they can’t find a way to be fair to horses, leaving their treatment of clients aside.
“QFT,” as they used to say.
I agree with you completely. There’s some great advice in this thread, but there’s also evidence of this oddly popular idea that you’re either an unquestioning devotee of whatever BNT happens to be winning at the moment, or you’re a knuckle-dragging yahoo who doesn’t deserve a pony.
I hope the OP finds a happy medium - one that respects both her horse and herself.
I know multi well respected horseman with cabinets full of liquid and syringes. If the horses win a lot, or, should I say the trainer wins a lot, they get the respect-no matter the cost to the horse. It’s sad.
I know other BNTs who don’t win as much, but are exceptional riders, they don’t over school the horses and the medicine chest isn’t filled.
This is a can of worms on COTH, I know. But I guess I just opened it…again.
@Pokerface Thanks. Your message is well understood.
And for anyone following along from the beginning-I had the farrier add front pads, and I did some basic massage work and… Voila, my sensitive horse is back to work. But some lazy ethic still to conquer. And winter silliness. But much better now. Huh, not a loser horse after all. 
Of course.
There are wonderful people and shit heads in every single profession, bar none.
I recently switched barns and I’m incredibly happy where I am now (I don’t own a horse currently), but I sympathize with the OP, based on what I’ve seen in my area, especially at hunter-jumper barns. There’s an increasingly wide gap between barns on the higher end of the spectrum, where the business model is built around showing, and lower-end barns where instruction and facilities are pretty dicey. It’s not that the instructors are evil (not that there aren’t some horrific ones), but to stay in business by emphasizing showing over laying down a solid foundation, almost by definition you’re going to be favoring certain kinds of horses, riding, and ways of riding that aren’t always in the best interest of the horse or rider. (It’s not always the instructor’s fault, of course, sometimes clients demand to move up way before they’re ready, too, of course, and instructors may feel financially pressured to keep a client.)
But the alternative can be a barn with just flat-out no instruction and substandard care and facilities. Add in the factor many barns only allow jumping in lessons for liability reasons, and that makes people even more dependent upon trainers than in previous generations.
I don’t have a horse right now, and I’ve switched to dressage, so I have way less skin in the game than the OP, but the past couple of years, I’ve kind of given myself permission to say “no” even if I know the trainer has more knowledge than me and I am (frankly) not a great rider. Even if you don’t know how to do a perfect polo wrap, it’s okay to speak up if you don’t feel the horse you’re lessoning on is sound and end the lesson. Or to leave a barn you feel is being run poorly, even if you haven’t run a barn yourself.
Absolutely agree! Coming from Europe, I’m pretty disappointed in what one of the most developed & richest areas in the US can offer us in terms of facilities and training…
We’ve changed several barns already and worked with 4 different trainers but frankly the most famous (& expensive one, with fancy imports & huge program), was the worst. Their courses were horrendous, flat out dangerous and incompatible with the level of training for both- horses & students. Friends back home berated me to pull my Yh out of there when they saw videos of those courses.
I’ve now switched to a wonderful horseperson, who only raises the poles for us. They run a busy program (& work remotely with yet another big HJ name) but I’ve only seen them ride western and they clearly don’t teach even the basics of English riding (judging by the abilities of their students). On top of that almost all their (once very fancy) schoolmasters are visibly lame. This barn is the best so far though, even though it’s expensive (like double the local rates) & no covered arena.
On the bright side, I’ve heard that there are some really good & accomplished dressage trainers in this area, but I just don’t wanna switch to the dressage land…not yet.
I like to tell prospective barns what I need. First, I review the barn rules. If I see a problem I address it.For example, I have always trained my young horses all the way to indoors so I ask if I can school jumps on my own between lessons and also whether they object to my leaving to show on my own if they are not going to the show, I also add that I ride in the mornings when no one is in the ring so that I am not tempting others to follow my path. If the barn knows me and my experience they will sometimes allow it. Otherwise I keep looking. I have my own place now so it isn’t an issue.
Don’t worry, you didn’t sound snotty. Anyone who disagrees with Red_Barn is, according to Red_Barn, snotty and also lacking a sense of humor.
Well. You guys never disappoint.
OMG. I am sorry if you read more into my post than I intended. I want o apologize to anyone else who came to that conclusion.
PS: What do you mean by “guilt complex?”. I have never been a pro, much less condoned such behavior.
Yes yes yes! Since when did the tables turn? Whom is paying whom here?
The tables turned when indentured servitude no longer became a thing. The trainer isn’t owned by the client. The client chooses to ride with the trainer, and has the option to leave the trainer if things are not to the clients liking. The trainer works for herself, the same as any other person who is running a business. Foxgloves post is unbelievably offensive to anybody who works in a service industry
@kirbydog it is possible that our different opinion may be more generational than philosophical. At 70, I have little interest in making friends with my 40 something trainer. I like how he works with my horse(s), I like his honest opinion of what I can do and what my horse can do, and his clarity about our limitations. We are not friends. I pay him and he does a good job. Should he find his book too full for me, I would be sorry not to work with him, but would not feel I had lost a friend. You said my post was offensive to service people. I have no desire to offend anyone, but do prefer to keep the line between friends and employees clear. Things can and do become awkward when either the employee or the employer decides to terminate the job for whatever reason. Should I tell my trainer I was switching to another, I would hope this would be accepted professionally and not punctuated by , “But I thought we were friends!” Again, if forming friendships with stable owners, trainers, grooms, farriers, veterinarians etc is what u do, that is great if it works for u. I am more comfortable with a more defined relationship. If someone working for me doesn’t feel comfortable with that, he or she is free not to take my money.
Who is suggesting that that the trainer and the client be friends? Not I. The last thing I, and many of my peers, want to do is socialize with the clients on our personal time. It’s one thing if the client wants to take you to dinner when we’re on the road, but another thing altogether when we are home, with our families, living our lives. We have our own friends
eta, no it isn’t generational, I passed 40 a couple decades ago.
I hate most horse trainers. I am currently in a situation where my horse is in full training close by so I can be involved, take lessons, etc and I am never involved. I haven’t had one lesson or have seen him go in 45 days. I call text and email constantly. This past week I have either called, texted, or emailed everyday asking for a lesson or to see him go. No response.
Another trainer became violent. Verbally abusive to her clients. Physically abusive to the horses.
I have had a trainer not treat me like the other clients, kind of like the poor ugly duckling client. I was super young and trying to pay all my bills on my own. Worked two jobs to make it all work.
I have had a trainer put me in unsafe jumping positions. And some that have just been awkward. Some that disappear without a trace. Some that stand me up for lessons.
So many! I thought I was just catching them at bad times in their lives. They always seem to have drama going on with moving, relationships, money but then I realized this is there life. Many of them have chaos in their lives or brains and horses are their constant, therapy. Some fell into the career because they are not sane enough to be in an office. If you think a trainer is going to annoying you at work, then likely they are going to annoy you as a trainer.
But there are good ones too. They are hard to find and you have to hang on.
That is a huge red flag. (bolding mine) What you allow, will continue.
As @bingbingbing said, if you let a bad trainer act badly, after the first red flag it’s kind of on you. I’d have pulled that horse out of training fast.
I will say that you need to do homework, get references, watch for red flags, and not get taken for a ride by frauds. Anyone can set up as a trainer with no qualifications. And many horse people also become damaged over time. If you are consistently having bad experiences with trainers you need to reassess your selection process.
Why have your horse in training? If he jumps better with you riding him, then ride him. Take lessons that are for you not the horse. You have a horse, he jumps well for you, why not enjoy just that? From the little you write doesn’t sound like your horse need a trainer, you need an instructor for lessons for yourself. Pull horse out of training, get him vetted to make sure there are no physical issues, then get out and ride and enjoy what you do have.
FYI remember, the trainer is working for you in this instance, you are paying him, not the other way around. You’re an adult, make yourself heard.
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