Contact Avalon Cat Sanctuary. These folks are a wealth of knowledge.
Sometimes a living being is just not comfortable in it’s skin. Nothing more painful than that.
You and your family have tried so many things. There is no shame in letting an animal like that go. It does not make it any easier though.
Many hugs to you adn your family.
@StB.YM, so sorry you have to go through this. It really sounds like there is something neurologically wrong with your poor cat. It could be a brain tumor, as your vet and others here have suggested. It could also be related to the FeLV diagnosis, because that virus can cause neurological symptoms. But whatever the cause, you can’t fix it. You’ve done everything and even more for this cat, so please don’t feel guilty if you decide on euthanasia. Your cat is suffering, and you can release her from that.
Just know that there are many cat lovers on this board, and we all feel for you and your cat.
Thank you so much everyone for your support and kind words. I picked up some gabapentin from the barn, slipped some in her food and am waiting to see if it takes affect. If I can get her in her case later today, I’ll text her vet and see if I can bring her in this evening or tomorrow morning. My heart is breaking for her, but its not fair for her or the rest of my family to let her go through this again and again.
Her vet’s gone for the rest of today and tomorrow (their clinic is closed on the weekends), so I’ll have to take her in Monday morning. At least it looks like the gabapentin calmed her down.
No advice just big hugs and jingles for you. It’s never easy but I cannot imagine having to live that way - the people in her life being afraid of her and her having those inexplicable melt downs. No-one is happy.
I’m so sorry you are having to go thru this but we are here for you.
I’m so sorry. I had to make the same decision this past summer. Attacked for no good reason by a feral, ER AND rabies shot for me, hours and hours of socialization and another attack and trip to the ER, he finally seemed to understand if I was careful how I moved my hands around him, got neutered, had shots and became quite cuddly, but then we had some life changes and had to make the very painful decision to rehome him and reduce the number of barn cats.
So then we had to contemplate whether it would be fair to a potential adopter because he had that default of “bite” hard wired in his brain. Hundreds of kittens without that issue all needing homes. . . The most fair thing to do was have him peacefully euth’d. It’s horrible and I have to tell myself I tried every avenue. I think you did too.
I just feel like I’ve failed her, that maybe there was something else I could have tried or done differently. The gabapentin has her calm right now, but she doesn’t seem relaxed, and while she’ll eat out of my hand, she’s not interested in any other interaction.
What’s the reality though? Caging the cat alone at home bc she’s erratic and unsafe? Dosing her daily but she’s turned inward, maybe in pain? Harming your family? Most of my scars have become less visible in my wrinkles but My left hand that they glued up rather than stitch was stiff for months and there was some concern about that.
She doesn’t have the same consciousness we do. She’s clearly terrified for her life at random times, It seems the episodes are becoming more frequent and violent, you’ve not neglected her veterinary care in any way, she’s harming your family, give her the gift of no pain, no fear, peace.
And know we’ve all had to make the same choices for our beloved animals, better the few days “too soon” than too late. {{hugs}}
I know, I’m just lying to myself really. Thank you.
You have done so much to provide for your kitty. She is obviously suffering, living in some kind of mental terror. Such a hard situation for you. my sympathies.
Absolutely not
You’ve done far more than most would.
All of us love animals, and we don’t suggest euth easily, and certainly a COTH consensus isn’t common… But here we are.
The care of an animal is sometimes a burden, and sometimes that burden means taking their pain and making it your own. Your kitty has something wrong with her that you have done your best to resolve. She and your family deserve peace. You have done so much to help her and I hope that gives you comfort in the end. You have not failed her. You are ending her struggles/pain which is the ultimate gift we can give our pets. Thank you for not dumping her on a rescue
I hope your mom is ok.
Not to derail further but you should consider a perineal urethstrotomy (PU) surgery now.
My mom is doing ok. She didn’t get her eyelid stitched, the ER doctor just wants it to re-heal by itself because the risk of infection from any bacteria that might be stuck under it is too high. We’re keeping an eye on the other bites and scratches. I remembered yesterday night that we had just cut Smokey’s nails a couple days prior - I can’t imagine the damage if we’d decided to wait until the weekend.
I tried spending some time with her today, but outside of food, she’s not interested in any interaction and didn’t want me petting her - she wasn’t aggressive, more like “why are you touching me”. Most likely its the gabapentin, but I wish I could cuddle with her.
We haven’t had a chance to discuss euthanasia with the vet yet, and I don’t like bugging people on the weekend (particularly when they’re not at work), but I want to ask if I can take her in before they officially open.
Call them and make the arrangements. I am pretty sure they will not mind.
We texted the vet. We’re going to take her in an hour before they open.
Yes, I think it’s best to get this done and over with for all concerned, cat and humans.
We all know how difficult this is for you. Most, if not all of us, have an opinion about your situation because we’ve had to make the difficult choice of putting a beloved animal down.
Next time, you or your family member could lose an eye or be hospitalized with a life threatening septic infection. I’m sorry, it is difficult, but this is an untenable situation and you must make the right decision for all concerned.
Hang in there. Sending best healing thoughts to you and yours. 
I’m sorry. (((hug)))
Vet mentioned that procedure.
IF (& financially it’s a very big If) I could figure out how to pay for that, I may go that route if/when he has another episode.
Right now his substantial bill is on Care Credit - giving me 6 interest-free months to pay.
Still a chunk out of money I need to feed the cats, 3 horses, chickens & Me + farm maintenance & other bills😣
And I’m going to need either a new(er) vehicle to haul - no Daily Driver - or spendy repairs on the 2007 I’m driving now.
OP, hugs and jingles to you and Smoky. You know you’re doing the best thing, even though it’s also the hardest thing.
@shiloh - do talk to your vet about that surgery. My beloved Sammy (2016) had to be put to sleep because of chronic bladder stones and sludge that required catheterization every other day. I wish I had known this was an option before it was too late.
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