Who helped him move the furniture? Tresspassing and theft? Just because the guy told his help it was legal doesn’t preclude them also being charged with theft and tresspass. Might be interesting to report it as a robbery to the police.
I popped back in to check on OP and was hoping for some sort of “things are looking up” post… SO sorry to hear about your brother… Horrible things happen in spades and sometimes I think the higher ups like to kick us while we are down… cant believe your ex stole your poor daughter’s dresser - F the dresser but her feelings, that’s low. Hugs for her and you through this terrible time.
Agree with Trakehner, “when your enemy is destroying himself, get out of the way”. Hope everything gets better soon.
[QUOTE=hundredacres;7237850]
More than a hundred acres, and farmed. We cash lease the land out for income.[/QUOTE]
If that payment comes due this time of year, be sure your Ex doesn’t ‘go pick it up’.
Make all parties aware the funds should go into an escrow type account pending the settlement, and document the amount, etc.
Sorry for your loss of your dear brother.
[QUOTE=Trakehner;7238637]
Who helped him move the furniture? Tresspassing and theft? Just because the guy told his help it was legal doesn’t preclude them also being charged with theft and tresspass. Might be interesting to report it as a robbery to the police.[/QUOTE]
Ok really, OP has a lawyer. Let’s not be swamping her with typical overblown COTHery legal advice - such as that there was anything criminal in what was done (as opposed to jerk-like, which is def was). The OP did not at that time have any kind of order against the husband prohibiting him from going into the marital home, so that is equally his home and he had the right to go there, as did anyone he invited in, including when wife and daughter were out. That’s the way it usually is until one party gets a legal order against the other.
And the police, again unless there’s a court order not to remove anything from the marital home, will not get involved in a husband and wife fighting over their common property and who owns what. It’s a civil divorce action, not a criminal one. Husband is hopefully already on his way to looking like a jerk in front of the court; let’s not be advising OP to look unhinged by trying to get the cops involved over hubby entering his own house. The quote is “When your enemy is destroying himself, get out of the way”, not “When your enemy is destroying himself, try to outdo him”.
(Edit)
[QUOTE=Coanteen;7238672]
The quote is “When your enemy is destroying himself, get out of the way”, not “When your enemy is destroying himself, try to outdo him”.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I know…just one of those fun thoughts.
I got a call one night…“so & so is tired of getting hit by her lovely husband…can you rescue her two horses while he’s out of town?” Now, I always truly disliked So&So but horses are horses and one of them belonged to the friend who was asking. Nothing like sneaking about with a trailer in the dark of night etc. I kept waiting for very bad things to happen. Everything fine, got away clean…and a month later she moved back! (this time without my friend’s old horse).
Stay strong OP, show your daughter how it’s done. Give the dogs a pat too!
:)…I haven’t cried or showed anger in front of her yet. We’ve just got busy, taking care of some things STEH had given up on (like the tree that fell in early July).
The only thing I worry about is her thinking I have no emotion. We cried together about my brother, and she REALLY cried for the first time. I know it was a wash of emotions for her, well, for both of us. I worry that there is a fine line between showing her how to be strong, and making her think I’m a cold-hearted woman. Does that make sense? FWIW, I have had to turn some emotion off. I work at a high school and I’m amazed at my ability to turn this off while I’m there. So I’m even scaring myself!
[QUOTE=hundredacres;7238798]
:)…I haven’t cried or showed anger in front of her yet. We’ve just got busy, taking care of some things STEH had given up on (like the tree that fell in early July).
The only thing I worry about is her thinking I have no emotion. We cried together about my brother, and she REALLY cried for the first time. I know it was a wash of emotions for her, well, for both of us. I worry that there is a fine line between showing her how to be strong, and making her think I’m a cold-hearted woman. Does that make sense? FWIW, I have had to turn some emotion off. I work at a high school and I’m amazed at my ability to turn this off while I’m there. So I’m even scaring myself![/QUOTE]
I think we get good at compartmentalize things.
Some better than others.
I am pretty sure, once things quiet down, you’ll have your cry.
All in due time.
And I have been told Highschool kids can smell blood better than sharks…better not have a visible chink in your armor! 
I think your daughter knows you pretty well by now, although my sister called my mom something to the extend of being a tough customer for being non-emotional, which is compl;etely untrue, my mom is very emotional, she just had to learn in her job (nurse, then head nurse of a whole clinic, rubbing elbows with politicians, etc) that it won’t work when you need things done.
I suppose it’s a kind of ‘out of body experience’ for you. That is weird, maybe scary.
But you will be Ok. :yes:
OMG, out of body. That’s it.
No advice…just lots of hugs and prayers for strength for you and your daughter. I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother. You certainly are going thru some tough times right now. Stay strong.
As Jesse Ventura said in “Predator”…“I ain’t got time to bleed”. Same with you…you’re busy right now saving the farm, your life, your family and all the animals…“I’ll cry later, I’ve got better things to do”…Crying is selfish, we’ll do it later when all the important things are taken care of. Besides, things might be better knowing where you actually stand vs. a fantasy that came crashing down.
Looking back, is this really a surprise? Was your soon-to-be-ex that good an actor?
Get a good lawyer, heck, get a great lawyer…the object is to make him cry…he’s the one losing you, dogs, horses and especially, his daughter…a lot to give up for a new set of boobs to play with.
[QUOTE=hundredacres;7238798]
:)…I haven’t cried or showed anger in front of her yet. We’ve just got busy, taking care of some things STEH had given up on (like the tree that fell in early July).
The only thing I worry about is her thinking I have no emotion. We cried together about my brother, and she REALLY cried for the first time. I know it was a wash of emotions for her, well, for both of us. I worry that there is a fine line between showing her how to be strong, and making her think I’m a cold-hearted woman. Does that make sense? FWIW, I have had to turn some emotion off. I work at a high school and I’m amazed at my ability to turn this off while I’m there. So I’m even scaring myself![/QUOTE]
You are doing what you need to do to survive. It will hit you eventually. Good for you for keeping your emotions in check in front of your daughter.
I have an excellent lawyer. (edited) My attorney has been practicing law, twice as long as his attorney has even been alive.
One day his new girlfriend is going to sell his precious antique furniture, drain his bank account and leave his sorry behind. By then you will have moved on and he will be sad and lonely.
Something for you to look forward to.
HA, you’re demonstrating to your daughter that, even in times of stress, you can take care of yourself as well as those two and four legged creatures dependent on you. That is an important lesson.
I am so sorry about the loss of your brother.
Sounds as if the disappearance of your STBEH may ultimately turn out to be a blessing. While you have been modeling the behavior of a responsible adult, he’s just revealing what a jerk he is.
The best to your lawyer.
[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]
You special person you.
I have been hospitalized 32 times in 22 months. I have teenage children, 2 parrots (50 plus year lifespans) a cat and a dog. I am absolutely financially dependant on “some man” and would potentially have to rehome at least the birds if my SO left me tomorrow. I guess I am just stupid for letting myself get sick eh? And women who choose to actually stay at home and parent their children full time instead of being working mothers are just stupid too. I mean, how dare they actually choose their children over money??
Their are myriad reasons why one might not be financially independant, and that doesn’t equal stupidity. You can reach that arm all the way around yourself and give your own special self a big pat for being morally superior to the rest of us stupid financially dependant people.
[QUOTE=alittlegray;7240787]
You special person you.
Their are myriad reasons why one might not be financially independant, and that doesn’t equal stupidity. You can reach that arm all the way around yourself and give your own special self a big pat for being morally superior to the rest of us stupid financially dependant people.[/QUOTE]
Interesting observation. I have been financially independent since I was in college and swore that I would NEVER allow myself to become financially dependent on a man after my father left my mother nearly destitute. At the age of 54 I lost my six figure job and guess what? I became financially dependent on my husband. It took me two years to find a decent job and I’m currently making just over half of what I was earning previously. I have been eating my words for the past two years and am very grateful that my husband makes a decent living. Without his salary, both I and my horses would have been homeless. A sudden change in finances can happen to anyone through no fault of their own.
I need serious advice
hundredacres: I am so very sorry to see what is happening in your life. Very sorry to see that while all this is going on your brother died. Just heart wrenching.
There is only one other person on these forums as rude and heartless as wendy and honestly, I am very surprised she hasn’t jumped in to make you feel worse than you already do. Some people have zero compassion and relish in misfortune.
I will never forget the kindness you showed me when I needed it. You are an incredibly kind and warmhearted person that does not deserve to be kicked around like this.
All I can tell you is that while it is hard to see it now, everything has a way of panning out and life becomes a joy again. Your daughter is very fortunate to have you for a Mom and she will learn a lot from all this. Always a positive from a negative. My prayers are with you and your daughter.
Apparently I have been hiding under a rock, as I had not read this thread.
First: OP, my deepest condolences on the loss of your brother. There are no words.
Second: hang tight, this will eventually pass (said by one who found herself in divorce court too). It will be ugly for awhile, but remember he was the one who chose to walk out on the life you built together. I am much comforted by the fact you have an excellent attorney who is fighting for you.
Third: a pox on your soon-to-be-ex. I hope he enjoys that dresser when your daughter does not invite him to the major events of her life, because he did not take the time to build a relationship with her.
Last: Wendy…head shake…those posts were total Asshole Mode. I know how much you dislike kids, but I hope you know that what you said was unkind and unnecessary.
You all, are so wonderful. Your support does pick me up - your words stick with me. A couple lines from this thread I’m using as my mantra to get me through each moment. Never underestimate what a comment to a stranger means…
And no worries, Wendy cannot make me feel worse - I feel sorry for her.
Kaluha2, I was just thinking of you recently. I hope you are well…PM me and tell me how you’re doing. (((hugs)))
