I need serious advice - divorce pending, reducing herd

[sketcher]

@Finding Serenity;7227672

Wendy: While I think your post is blunt and a little bitter, you do have some solid thoughts. Even my own mom has recommended that I have a joint and a separate bank account for myself when I get married.

Sure you should always have access to your won money but that is not the same as being married for years and thinking that you and your husband are not going to develop a lifestyle you may not have had on your own. Even if you both make the same income, you still will be in a position to own a nicer house, a more expensive horse and even save more for retirement. It is kind of one of the benefits to pairing up to begin with aside from having children.

@Lynnwood;7227803

Is there a certain seasoning I’m not using? My kid stew is too gamey and incredibly expensive.

Do yours scream like lobsters when you drop them in the boiling water or do you put them in the freezer first?

@Trakehner;7232157

it doesn’t mean that people’s behaviour in the marriage isn’t considered. The OP’s husband can use the 7 horses as a way to show he was paying for an expensive hobby/hoarding situation.

That could be a tough argument for him to make if they truly have a “Hundredacres” since it would sort of indicate he was fully on board with the farm thing.

[Shine]

Personally, If I was him, I would be afraid (be very afraid) of the Coth “sisters”.

[Buttonwillow]

survivinginfidelity.com

I’m working on the diarrhea…

[hundredacres]

edited

[Kryswyn]

How old is your daughter? Are any of the horses hers? How does she feel about this? From your post it sounds like you have facilities for several horses. Can you euthanize the one with cancer and get a paying boarder in his/her place to partially offset the cost of keeping the others? Or can you find a lower cost boarding arrangement for a couple of them, offset by your income from a paying boarder at your place?

It’s 2013. Do you know where your old horse is?

Does it strike anyone else that this poster’s tagline doesn’t jive with her suggestions above?

Definitely euth those you mentioned. You might find a home for any of them, but you will lose the right to put them down, and the next thing you know, the new owners aren’t answering your calls, don’t have time for you to drop by… you know how it goes.

When asked how she handled the volume of dogs and cats she oversaw being euthanized daily, the former head of the ASPCA of NY said, “I never worry about the ones that have been PTS, it’s the ones who are still out there, cold, scared, hurt and hungry that keep me awake at night.” I agree completely with that.

Horses understand death (I believe) but I don’t think they know they have a certain life span. I would put down my otherwise healthy dogs than leave this world with any doubt that they would be mistreated, dumped at a shelter, or harmed after I died and someone else had control over them.

[trubandloki]

[QUOTE=Coanteen;7237638]

Certainly I agree with cataloguing assets in case something else disappears, but I wouldn’t consider the soon-to-be-ex removing some furniture that are family heirlooms from his side of the family as the height of evil. I’d be more worried about any common accounts (or him running up debts which may become common debts).[/QUOTE]

You do not find it evil to go into the house when you know your daughter is not home and remove her belongings from her dresser and take it with you, leaving her with no dresser?

I would feel differently if he had minimally brought a substitute dresser for his daughter.
He really should have been at her band competition routing for her and saved the dresser snagging for some other time.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=trubandloki;7238097]
You do not find it evil to go into the house when you know your daughter is not home and remove her belongings from her dresser and take it with you, leaving her with no dresser?[/QUOTE]

Of course he should’ve been at the competition. But no, I don’t. I also don’t think that being left without that dresser is, ummm…some kind of horrible thing? (I mean, to the point where I actually smiled to myself at the “leaving her with no dresser” part, but that’s because I read it in an outraged tone which you may not have intended).

Heck, I find not being there for the kid’s competition worse than taking the dresser. But if his family-heirloom-sniping ends up being the worst of it, that’s a pretty good situation.

[trubandloki]

It is not really the point of being without a dresser it is that your father came in and took your dresser and left you without one when he knew you were not home. Living with no dresser is easy. Knowing your father took your dresser when you were at your band competition is something else. That something else is really low.

[LauraKY]

[QUOTE=Coanteen;7238109]
Of course he should’ve been at the competition. But no, I don’t. I also don’t think that being left without that dresser is, ummm…some kind of horrible thing? (I mean, to the point where I actually smiled to myself at the “leaving her with no dresser” part, but that’s because I read it in an outraged tone which you may not have intended).

Heck, I find not being there for the kid’s competition worse than taking the dresser. But if his family-heirloom-sniping ends up being the worst of it, that’s a pretty good situation.[/QUOTE]

So he takes her clothes out of her dresser and leaves them…on the bed, on the floor. I find that pretty much in the despicable area. That…more than missing the band competition, was a strong message. I want what I think is mine, screw you and I don’t even have the guts to be upfront about it.

[willowmeadow]

Just read most of the thread, and going back to the original concerns, I think euthanizing some of the horses if you need to would be teaching your daughter a valuable lesson in kindness. It would be a hard lesson, but still valuable.

I’ve seen too many horse owners not courageous enough to make that decision and send their horses to the sale barn or someone on Craigslist. Sorry, but that is cowardly.

Life isn’t fair and my heart breaks for what you’re going through but I think euthanizing some of the horses if you have to is the final kindness and a good example for your daughter. It takes a lot of courage to do the right thing sometimes.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=LauraKY;7238139]
So he takes her clothes out of her dresser and leaves them…on the bed, on the floor. I find that pretty much in the despicable area. That…more than missing the band competition, was a strong message. I want what I think is mine, screw you and I don’t even have the guts to be upfront about it.[/QUOTE]

It ain’t evil, but totally a finger in the eye.
DD should call his mom: “Grammy, Daddy took my dresser and I loooove it so much!” :lol:

Seriously. Who does that! Did he expect that his daughter would sell it while he wasn’t looking?

To bring it back to the topic of horses…
I think the OP made headway, having one paid for by the rescue, one going back to the previous owner and the sick pony likely put down, that’s progress.
That still leaves one or two to be dealt with. Once the lawyer gives the ok.

In the meantime: document, document, document.

[Pennywell_Bay]

Height of evil? No. Total disregard for your child’s feelings to give a huge F you to her mother, leaving your child’s feeling a casuality of big person drama is pretty crummy. Let’s put the kid through the ringer even more than her parents getting divorced.

HA seems to be getting a handle on the animal situation, as tough as it is going to be. Let’s not throw too many life lessons at them at once. The daughter has her whole life to pick up on how crappy people can be. She doesn’t need a bolus dose of Ahole from her dad.

[hundredacres]

You’re right. I could care less about the antiques - he can have them. The dresser, is my daughters, it was given to her by her grandmother. It was low, and he chose to do it to spite me, and I’m the one it affected the least. He could have told me he was taking some things so I could have prepared her for it. He chose to use gut impact, rather then peaceful negotiation.

My daughter didn’t know her dad was (edited) until the moment she walked in the house that night. He did that - by choice. Not evil, but cruel.

My attorney asked for a continuance so I can gather myself and be here for my family as we grieve my brother. I can only focus on one loss at a time.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7238232]
You’re right. I could care less about the antiques - he can have them. The dresser, is my daughters, it was given to her by her grandmother. It was low, and he chose to do it to spite me, and I’m the one it affected the least. He could have told me he was taking some things so I could have prepared her for it. He chose to use gut impact, rather then peaceful negotiation. It won’t look good to the court and I hope his attorney reads him the riot act.

My attorney asked for a continuance so I can gather myself and be here for my family as we grieve my brother. I can only focus on one loss at a time.[/QUOTE]

well, if it was given to her by grandmother it was hers not his to take…

Alas, first things first.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[macmtn]

[QUOTE=Trakehner;7237203]
I’m so sorry about your brother…at least you got to say goodbye.

Took the antique furniture? That is really not a guy thing to do (yeah, I know, stereotyping…but it’s true.) I’m a guy and I can tell the difference between Jacobian and Georgian but I sure wouldn’t be going into my abandoned wife’s house to steal antique furniture…there is a girl (boy?) in his life.

Phew! To paraphrase Sun Tzu, “When your enemy is destroying himself, get out of the way” Got to admit, he is giving you so much ammunition to make him look like a self-centred ass.

Funny how he didn’t take one of the dogs…hmmmm, girlfriend.

I ran into my sister one day, she had a black eye. Being an older brother I asked her how that happened. She finally admitted her husband did it (but if she didn’t make him mad etc. etc. etc.). I got my biggest and meanest looking black friend, and off we went to visit Don while my sister was elsewhere. Amazing how the threat of what would happen if my sister ever had an injury (and a minor application of pain…OK, a major application). Don left the next day, he just couldn’t stand the idea of not being able to hit her under the threat of S.S.S. She did ask me if I said anything to him…“Nope, not a word” I said. I can’t stand bullies and nobody hits my sister.

OP…you have a big brother? :mad:[/QUOTE]

You…are my freaking hero

[mswillie]

@hundredacres;7238232

My daughter didn’t know her dad was a complete ass until the moment she walked in the house that night. He did that - by choice. Not evil, but cruel. Like a sociopath.

And she will never forget how it made her feel.

I’m so sorry about the death of your brother. I hope you get the continuance, the request is certainly within reason.

[Oberon13]

I haven’t posted on this thread yet, but I’ve been following it. I just wanted to pop in, see how things are, and let you know that I’m thinking about you. Hang in there, hundredacres. Hugs…

[wireweiners]

If your daughter’s dresser was given to her by her grandmother, he had no right to take it. It was a chickenpoop thing to do and shows that he has little consideration for his child’s feelings. The other stuff, if they were heirlooms from his family, then they probably belong to him but it was still a low life thing to do not to call and say can I have Great Grandma’s chiffarobe back since its been in the family 100 years. It doesn’t say much for your MIL if she was the one who told him to go get it.

I do agree that you should never be 100% dependent on someone else but it doesn’t sound like the OP was. It’s like having a partnership and then one partner running off with half the assets. It has an effect on your lifestyle. I will join in wishing a curse on your stbeh. I find that its best when you curse someone its best not to be too specific. Let karma decide the appropriate punishment.

[2horseygirls]

I think a loan of “Big ass SWAT team” big brothers would be awesome.

Was not aware of the COTH ED curse - #1 or #2. Not appropriate to share on this thread at this time, but definitely appropriate for STBEH - can someone PM it to me?

I am in northern Illinois; if anyone’s making a trip down to hundredacres, I may be able to donate household items, possibly furniture too.

[hundredacres]

Ah, 2horseygirls, I don’t need anything, just moral support. And if I have a party when this is all over, you are all invited :).